The Road to Santa Clara (Ch. 11): The Seifers
Ξ October 3rd, 2007 | → | ∇ Stories |
During all of this, there was one constant—the Seifers. For every disappointing and discouraging encounter, there were a dozen sweet ones with Aaron and Candi. By this time, Aaron had left his job at Cal Berkeley to work as a ticket sales rep for the Sabercats, San Jose’s arena football team. This meant that his commute was ten minutes instead of an hour and a half, and that Candi spent innumerable evenings sipping Coke and sitting in the stands cheering on the Sabercats while Aaron worked. This was one thing about Candi that truly amazed me. She whole-heartedly supported Aaron in all of his endeavors, and she let him be a man. For example, in their tiny one-bedroom apartment they had sectioned off one corner of their living room as a sort of office. This housed their computer, file cabinet, etc. It also served as a display area for Aaron’s beloved sports memorabilia. Jerseys, pennants, stuffed mascots, bobble heads, and signed photographs filled the walls and desktop. To be fair, the bobble heads are significant in their relationship. When Aaron was contemplating whether to ask Candi to be his wife, he looked to his Barry Bonds bobble head and got a resounding positive nod. He knew she was the girl. Now most wives I know would have refused to let these items see the light of day, especially considering that they were in the living room, not some hidden office or guest room. She did admit that she dreamed of the day when they’d have a house big enough to include a “Man Room” where Aaron could display his goods, but for now she loved being able to bless him by letting him surround himself with his favorite things.I also loved that Candi talked to God about her dreams. She was always having dreams, or desires for things, and she would talk to God about them. For example, she loved old Southern houses with big wrap around porches and white picket fences. She loved the idea of having a whole household full of kids and wanted to be a stay-at-home mom and run around after squealing children and scrub fingerprints off the walls. So, she’d talk to God about it. Whenever we’d sit and talk about our dreams, how we wanted to someday settle down and raise our kids together, living nearby each other and talking daily, we’d decide to “talk to God about it.” She always shrug her shoulders and smile, saying, “God can always say no, but it can’t hurt to tell Him my dreams!” I loved that. Because of her I felt like it was safe to dream. When we’d get together, we’d often ask each other, “What are your dreams lately?”
One day each week, Aaron and Jeff would meet for lunch, to talk and be real, hold each other accountable—and relive the week’s sports highlights among their favorite teams. Aaron was a sports guy to the core, just like Jeff. Jeff loved that Aaron was a friend with whom he could share his struggles, victories, and fears, he could talk about God and theology and what he was studying in the Bible, and he could also put his feet up and relax, laughing about sports upsets and surprising stats. With Aaron, Jeff could be himself, and his best self. Aaron let Jeff be real but also encouraged him to be better. Sometimes Jeff would marvel that Jeff used to actually disciple Aaron. Now, Aaron was Jeff’s peer, speaking into his life just as much as Jeff did into his.
Aaron’s work schedule usually filled his evenings and Candi’s usually included weekends, so we were a little limited in how much time we got to spend together as couples. But we’d still always go to the midweek church service together, and even occasionally skip the midweek church service together, opting instead for an evening of listening to a sermon together or just meeting to pray or play a game or go get ice cream. We’d compare stories of strange encounters with the locals—what we called them since we certainly felt like foreigners, and Candi always had hilarious tales of the dramas of working in fashion retail. Handbags and pantyhose can be pretty intense, we learned.
For Candi’s birthday we went out to dinner and to a movie. For Aaron’s, when Candi had to work, we three went to the Shrine game in San Francisco. Bundled against the cold bay wind, we sat and snacked on our sack lunch, enjoying a leisurely day and eyeing the elderly men in their strange Freemason hats. As we sat, I overheard a couple behind us, the woman talking incessantly to her silent husband. As I chewed on a carrot, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around toward her.
“Ok, I’m sure you get this all the time, but you look exactly like Anna Nicole Smith!” My eyes widened in horror. Anna Nicole Smith? Oh my goodness, no, please, no. I hardly knew who this was, but knew enough to know I didn’t want to be her. The woman continued, “Have you seen her lately? She’s gorgeous. I’m such a fan. I’m sure you get that all the time though, huh?” All of a sudden I realized she was complimenting me, and I tried a weak smile.
“No, actually, I’ve never heard that. But, thanks, I guess.” She beamed at me. I turned back around and could see Jeff and Aaron holding their stomachs with both hands, trying to keep silent as laughter overtook them. I shot them a sharp look. “Shut up,” I hissed, then shook my head, having to laugh. Deciding I needed a soda, I got up and left to find the concession stand. While I was gone, the woman behind me apparently decided to call her friend on her cell phone. I didn’t find out about the conversation until later, when we walked back to our car. Jeff couldn’t catch every word but he overheard her exclaim in a hushed dramatic voice, “Yeah, and all the celebrity look-alikes are out today!” Aaron and Jeff couldn’t wait to recount the story to Candi as soon as we got home. “Anna Nicole Smith?!” Candi loved it.
On Sundays Candi usually had to work after church, so we’d would go over to their apartment, have lunch, then Jeff and Aaron would play videogames and hang out while I visited Candi at the Rack or read through her stacks of magazines. It was such a blessing to have a haven to run to when we needed an escape from the windowless apartment. Though we didn’t have family in Santa Clara, we had the Seifers, and they felt like family to us.
While sitting with Aaron and Candi at one weeknight service, an announcement was made that Jim Raul, one of the pastors, would be leaving to start a new church in Arizona. We prayed for him and listened to him briefly share about what they planned to do. I thought little of it. The following Sunday, Jack Bush, of all people approached us, smiling. He seemed to have forgotten his apparent disdain for us, as he walked up to Jeff and put his hand on his shoulder.
“So, Jeff, you may not know, but I am the overseer of all the home fellowships.” Jeff raised his eyebrows in surprise and waited. “I actually kind of disciple and oversee all the leaders of all the home fellowships, making sure they’re all doing well, you know, that sort of thing.” Jeff nodded. “Well, you may have heard that Pastor Raul is moving. Right now he leads a home fellowship over in East San Jose, a pretty good sized group, and they’re not sure what they’re going to do now that he’s leaving. So, I was hoping you’d be willing to take over the home fellowship.” Jeff raised his eyebrows again in surprise.
“Well, we’ll pray about it Jack, how does that sound? And if I do it, I’d really like Kari to help me. We do better when we’re leading together.” He put his arm around me to include me in the conversation. Jack looked at me briefly and flared his nostrils slightly, furrowing his eyebrows in thought.
“Well, you know women can’t teach, right? So, I mean, she can’t teach anything, if that’s what you’re saying. But I guess she can sit with you if you want.” He acted like he’d thought of something brilliant. I swallowed hard and tried to smile.
“I mean, I’d love to have her share her insights into scripture while I’m leading. I really don’t want the group meeting to be just me teaching—they already get that at church. I’d hope it’d be a time for interaction and questions and sharing insights. Don’t you think that’s what a home fellowship’s for?” Again Jack furrowed his brow. He reminded me of a big cat having his fur rubbed the wrong direction. He cleared his throat a little in irritation before responding.
“Well, we can talk about the leadership structure later. I’ll get you one of my home fellowship manuals so you can see how it’s all run. But how about you be there Monday night so everyone can meet you.”
Jeff shook his hand. “We’ll be there.”
Aaron and Candi had been waiting for us at the door so we quickly caught up with the and shared briefly what had happened. Candi giggled when she heard Jeff mention me helping teach. Aaron smirked.
“Will you guys go with us?”
“Of course!” They were in.
Monday night we piled into our car and drove to East San Jose. The home fellowship meet in the Mendez house, a beautiful home in a nice neighborhood. Though we didn’t know anyone, except Kathy and Jack who sat right in front of us, the house felt warm and inviting. Probably 20-30 people were there, crowded into the living room. Folding chairs were lined up in rows, along with the couches and living room chairs. Pastor Raul sat at the front. After a few songs of worship, Pastor Raul shared from the Scripture. After he finished, he was about to close in prayer, when Jack stood up.
“Well, it’s great to be here and see you all. As you know, Kathy and I have been visiting all the home fellowships, just checking in to see how everything is going. We’re glad to see that this one is going so well. And we also wanted to introduce Jeff Patterson – go ahead and stand up, Jeff – who will be leading the home fellowship starting next week. He’ll continue to teach through Romans, so nothing will change there. So let’s go ahead and pray for Pastor Raul as he transitions out and for Jeff as he transitions in.” Jeff was still for a moment, unsure whether to actually correct Jack by saying that he hadn’t actually agreed to take over the group, but decided against it. Everyone smiled warmly at us so he stood up, taking my hand and pulling me up with him.
“And this is my wife, Kari, and these are our dear friends, Aaron and Candi, they’re from Oregon as well.” Aaron and Candi waved and everyone smiled.
We walked out to the car and once we’d all crawled inside, Candi broke the silence. “Well, I guess that made the decision for you!”
And so it did. Jeff was honored to have the opportunity to lead and teach, and I was looking forward to connecting with some people and seeing Jeff do what he loved. We looked over the book that Jack gave us and had to laugh. Structure on steroids. Everyone was put into a formula—the leadership structure, discipline, discipleship, growth, teaching, everything was engineered into a formula. Jeff thanked Jack for the book, but we both began to pray for the Holy Spirit to breathe on the group, to give us wisdom and humility in leading it, to truly connect with the people in the group. All of a sudden it was as if God was giving us just one talent, just one thing to invest in, give ourselves to, and earn a return on. We prayed that God would find us faithful.
Because Jeff took on this responsibility, he felt like he should have a meeting with Pastor Steve, just to make sure that it was ok with him that Jeff was leading a group, and to make sure that they were on the same page with where we were at. He also felt like he had some important things to share with Pastor Steve, and felt it was finally the time to do it. We’d had some time to gain perspective, and hoped we’d be able to articulate our thoughts in a mature way.
We made an appointment, and Jeff spent some time praying and writing out everything he wanted to say. He asked me to go with him, just as a support, and I was glad to be there. I hadn’t been included in any of their previous conversations. We also emailed some people to ask for their prayer and wisdom on what to say. We received back one response in particular that has echoed in our hearts ever since.
Pastor Paul Hunter wrote us. I’d known Paul since I was five years old and he’d been my pastor for 20 years. His son, Dawson, was one of my best friends, and he was the one who married Jeff and me. Though we don’t talk often, God uses him every once in a while to speak something profound into my life. He wrote us back and said two things:
#1: Forgive. Forgive Forgive Forgive. Make absolutely certain that you have forgive Pastor Steve in your heart. If you have not forgiven him then what you say won’t matter. You must forgive him from your heart. This is what Jesus said was of the utmost importance.
#2: Forgiveness is not the same as teamwork. While you need to absolutely and wholeheartedly forgive this man, it is also wisdom to learn from the past and realize that this may not be a person under whom you may serve. That is not a matter of forgiveness, it’s a matter of learning where you can trust and partnering with people who share your same convictions and values. I would be hesitant to partner, on staff, with someone who does not share your values in key areas.
This pierced our hearts. This was the answer to much of our confusion. While we’d worked and worked and worked, daily surrendering the situation to God and asking Him to give us forgiveness for every hurt and hardship, we were confused about how that supposed to play out in life there at church. Were we supposed to demonstrate that forgiveness by going on staff there, if the opportunity presented itself? By deciding to not go on staff, which was what we both felt like was the right decision, were we just being unforgiving? Paul’s distinction between forgiveness and teamwork helped clear the haze and give us confidence before our conversation with Steve.
So, when the time came for our appointment, we walked hand in hand into the church office and waited. Jenny was out of the office that day. Chase was in and out, busy as always, but always full of joy and light, greeting us. We hadn’t been able to spend much time with him and Kelly, but they always greeted us with love and we were so thankful for their presence. Their kids were always in and out of our apartment, knocking to see if they could have a cookie or jump on our bed (they liked how it bounced) or help me wash dishes (Patience loved to help me do dishes!).
Pastor Steve came out and told us to come in so we went into his office and sat down. He smiled his wide, toothy smile, looking, as he always did, as if there were a hilarious inside joke taking place that only he was aware of.
“How you guys doing?” He asked casually.
“We’re good. Work is going really well and Kari’s enjoying being home for the time being.” He nodded. We made small talk for a little longer, then Jeff explained that Jack had asked him to be a home fellowship leader.
“Jack did?” Steve looked confused.
“Yeah. He said he oversaw all the home fellowships.” Steve chuckled.
“Uh, I think he thinks he oversees all the home fellowships. No, he doesn’t.” Now Jeff looked confused.
“He doesn’t? He said that he did. So, should I not lead the group?”
“Oh no. That’s fine. You can lead the group,” Steve said as if it ended the discussion.
“Ok. Well, I also wanted to talk to you about the college pastor thing. You mentioned when we spoke in August that we could revisit the college pastor idea after six months or so. Well, I think that even though the six months isn’t over, and I know you haven’t asked me to, I can say right now that I won’t be coming on staff. We are not angry in any way, but we feel like you were dishonest with us when we came here and in some ways, we don’t feel like we can trust you.”
“I don’t want you to trust me, I want you to trust God.” Steve smiled again, perhaps thinking of his inside joke. Jeff took a deep breath. I could see that he was going through the exact same thing right now that I went through during my wage conversation with Jenny just weeks prior.
“Pastor Steve, of course we trust God. We wouldn’t have come down here if we didn’t trust God, but we want to be able to trust you as well, as a man of God, as a man of integrity, as a man who lets his yes be yes and his no be no.”
Steve smiled again. “My dad always said he didn’t want me to put my trust in him, but to put it in God. He always said, ‘It is not for you to ask why, it is for you to do or die.’” He laughed like he’d told a joke. Jeff just stared at him, then smiled a little sadly.
“Ok, well, we also wanted to let you know that since we’re not going to be going on staff, we’re willing to move out of the apartment if you’d like us to. We’re thankful to be living there and it sure helps us out to not pay rent, but we’re happy to move out if you’d like.”
Steve held up his hand, waving aside our words. “Oh, no need to move out. You guys can stay, we don’t have anybody else who needs to live there and it doesn’t cost us anything to have you there. If we do need you to move out for any reason we’ll give you at least a few months’ notice, alright?”
“Ok, well we really appreciate that. And we’re really looking forward to leading the home fellowship. We’ll do our best to do that well.” Steve nodded and we fell into an awkward silence. “Well, we’ll let you get back to your work. Thanks for meeting with us.” Jeff stood and shook Steve’s hand, then headed to the door and opened it for me, letting me go first then following me out.
We walked in silence back to our windowless apartment. I wasn’t devastated, like I’d been after my last meeting, I was just sad. Steve’s little anecdote about his father seemed telling—perhaps that’s where it came from. Perhaps the Senior Pastor’s relationship with his own father served as an example of what the Heavenly Father was supposedly like to the congregation. It wasn’t necessarily an overt distortion, but it was disconcerting nonetheless, a subtly skewed view that trickled down through the entire church body. We once again felt that we’d been misunderstood, but we also sensed a peace. We’d communicated our hearts, extended forgiveness, and felt free to move on in the present opportunity ahead—the home fellowship.
A week later, Chase left a message on Jeff’s cell phone. Jeff had a hard time understanding because he kind of tripped over his words. He sounded nervous. He made out the Chase wanted to meet with Jeff as soon as possible. So, the next day Jeff came home from work early and went over to the church offices, walking past the office that used to be his, down the hall and through Chase’s door.
Chase looked up at Jeff and his face was full of sadness. Jeff walked in slowly.
“Chase, man, what is it?” Jeff slowly sat down.
Chase took a deep breath and started in his slow, surfer drawl. “Man, I’m so sorry. I’ve been tore up this week – I haven’t been wantin’ to talk to you because I’m all tore up about this whole mess. Pastor Steve asked me to tell you that you and Kari, that you and Kari have to move out of the apartments. He’d like you out in two weeks.” Jeff shook his head, as if to clear it.
“What? I just talked to him last week and offered to move out but he said we didn’t have to.” Chase shook his head.
“Dude, I know. I’m sorry. He changed his mind. He said if you’re not going to be on staff then you have to move. I’m so sorry, man. I’m sorry about all this. I’m sorry that you came down here and it’s all so messed up, man. I was so excited to have you and Kari here and I know it’s been rough.” He paused as he thought through his words. “Just know that we love you guys, a’right?” Jeff smiled at him, a genuine smile.
“Man, it’s not your fault, alright? You’re just doing your job. I’m sorry he made you do the dirty work. Don’t worry about us, ok? We’ll find a place to live. God’s good, man.” Chase looked at him as if amazed. He got up and pulled Jeff up from his chair, hugging him in the rough, chest to chest way that guys do.
Jeff walked up the stairs to the apartment, irked a little by the way we’d been notified. But he couldn’t help noticing a bounce in his own step—we were moving out.
