Wait, I'm ok–Weird.
Do you ever struggle with something for a long time, or want something so bad for a long time, and then all of a sudden you notice that you’re like strangely ok and you don’t remember getting ok you just all of a sudden notice you are? I noticed that tonight. I thought, “Wait, I’m ok, really ok–weird.” I noticed that I just felt so content, so ok with not having a home. We came home from our day of prayer event and arrived just as Nathan got home from his baseball game. Dutch threw his arms around Nathan’s legs as we asked him how it went (they won!). As I went in the bathroom to brush my teeth I teased Elisabeth about getting her up in the morning (I’m taking them to school tomorrow). I ran the dishwasher, filled up my water bottle, and collapsed into my amazingly comfortable bed. What’s not to love and savor about this evening? Sure Heidi sleeps in the closet, who cares? Sure my stuff is packed up and strewn in four different locations. It’s just stuff. And it’s not actually even that neat of stuff to tell you the truth. I don’t know. I guess it’s funny sometimes how things that are SO hard sometimes can be totally ok at other times. I mean, we do still need to move by the end of the month (or soon after) because that was our agreement, but it’s more like a matter-of-fact thing, a thing of necessity, not a thing that’s connected to my heart. That make sense? It’s external. (More on this in this post)
I really don’t know what God’s going to do. We’re going tomorrow to look at a house that’s just dropped its price significantly, but we just want wisdom. It’s just a funny feeling because I’ve been dying for so long to have a dream house, and all of a sudden I notice I don’t dream of houses anymore. I told Jeff last week, “I don’t have a dream house. I have a dream God. I want to be in the middle of His adventure more than anything else.” I’m not trying to sound all super spiritual–I’m sure in the next 24 hours I’ll be flat on my face crying over some ridiculousness or another. But I guess it’s just weird when God gently does surgery on your heart and you don’t really notice until all of a sudden something feels different.
Anyway, we’ll see what our crazy awesome God is up to. Right now I’m focusing and praying our Willamette Women’s Luncheon on Saturday where I have the super huge awesome privilege of speaking. Will you join me and pray that women will be blessed, touched, ministered to? For God’s glory and their good! Thanks, goodnight.