A Higher Standard–pride?
This week has been great–I’ve had the privilege of spending time with some different friends who are just so refreshing. One is a more recent friend, whose Meier’s-Briggs personality is identical to mine (INTJs unite!), and yet we’re totally different too. What I love though is that she shows me things about myself and about life that I never saw were there, and there’s a quality to her that I so desire more of. I guess I just respect her a lot and love spending time with her.
Another friend is not a recent friend–she’s an old friend, a long-time friend who visited from California. We go way back to early college-years. And What was so precious and just such a treasure about being with her was that shared history, those deep roots that even though we now live in different states and haven’t seen each other in 1 1/2 years, we can pick up in a heartbeat and talk non-stop all night long. We can instantly jump into the deep waters of what God is doing. We speak the same language. We know each other’s heart. AH! There’s just nothing like it.
Then tonight I had the honor of hanging with the small group girls. We are all in the same Bible study small group, and have formed a remarkable bond in a very short time. It’s really amazing. They all came over for a hang out night. And then later in the evening I got to have a cool, eye-opening conversation with one particular friend, who I used to live next door to and therefore used to see several times a week as we’d go walking and hang out often. I don’t get to see her nearly as much anymore. But I always learn so much from her life.
What she shared honestly about was an area in her life that she obsesses about, as in she holds herself to a super high standard, even though in countless other areas she’s relaxed, laid-back, free, able to laugh at herself, etc. But in this one area it’s humorous–very humorous as she’s recounting story after story–to see how this obsession with “excellence” has impacted her life, and, she would say, damaged it as well.
It was like looking at a mirror! Isn’t it cool how talking with brothers and sisters in Christ helps us see things in our own lives? We were talking about how there’s always an issue below the issue–and that issue in this case is control, and holding oneself to a way higher standard than you expect others to live by, which can appear to be good and godly and maybe even humble, but that really is self-seeking and prideful. And, the point she made is that we can wave off other people’s small shortcomings because we really don’t care that much, but can magnify ours because we’re preoccupied with ourselves.
Ugh. Yes. I would never expect a friend to always say the right thing, do the right thing, have the wise thing to say, have the right answer, etc. Then why do I think that I have to? Another friend tonight was pointing out that I always say something self-deprecating, like in a joking way, every single time we get together. What is that?
It’s like all this stems from this stupid pride of holding ourselves to a higher standard. It’s like I think I have to have it all together, even though I don’t expect everyone else to have it all together, so then when I very obviously do not have it all together (and who said I had to?!), I have to point it out and joke about it, instead of just letting it lie as it lies. It is what it is.
Haha, guess what? I just typed, “This is a really jumbled post–sorry I’m all over the place.” and then realized I was doing it again! Apologizing for a jumbled post. Is a jumbled post a sin? No! Do I expect all bloggers everywhere to never write a jumbled post? No! Is it ok to just share my heart and thoughts and not have it neatly tied up in a 3-point sermon? Yes! (at least I think so!). So I’m not apologizing.
I had a fun week. I love friends who show me Christ, show me truth, and bless me with their life. Thanks, guys. Let’s do it again sometime.
Ok, I'm back. Here's why:
Hi blog friends! My baby is crying and the laundry needs to be folded, but if I don’t do this I think this blog might slide off a cliff and be lost forever.
So the fact of the matter is that all this studying/learning/teaching on humility has got me all mixed up. It’s good, just mixed up. I told Jeff last night I think that growing in humility is just like that unconscious competence thing. You know, when you learn a skill you go through four steps:
- Unconscious incompetence (ignorance is bliss!)
- Conscious incompetence (Oh dear, I am a big proud problem. Help!)
- Conscious competence (choose the low seat, struggle through self-centeredness, carefully choose and guard words to avoid promoting self)
- Unconscious competence (self lost. Freedom!)
Now of course it’s not so simple that one blessed day we wake up and we have arrived and never think of ourselves again. But hopefully we are growing toward that, right? Toward that blessed self-forgetfulness that has the freedom to look out for the interests of others before our own (Phil 2).
But it’s hard to move through these. For example, step 2–which is where I live most of the time. That’s where I know there’s a big problem, which makes me realize that in all my writing/teaching/sharing there is a great deal of pride, selfishness, and vanity, and makes me also see that the things I have to share are really not that remarkable. In fact, everytime I read someone else’s thoughts I realize mine are not just unremarkable, they are occasionally worthy of yawns, or worse–annoyance. So this makes me not want to write anything. (are you sniffing the pride yet?)
It’s related to something I once heard a 50-year-old pastor say. He said that looking back, he now realized that he was so arrogant and inexperienced in his younger years that he thinks he only really now is becoming useful for Christ. I get what he’s saying, but that makes me feel like what’s the point, then, of teaching and sharing and writing, if I’m only 29 years old and probably doing more harm than good?! You know what I mean? How discouraging is that?! Am I really helping anyone or am I just wasting my breath when I should saving my voicebox for latter days ahead. I mean, if I’m really conscious of my sinful state, what’s the point of blabbering my thoughts all over the internet? The truth is that sometimes I yell at my kids. I sometimes roll my eyes at my husband. I sometimes get jealous of other girls. What does someone with this much sin in her life have to say about anything?!
But God.
This passage right here is what changed my perspective. Last week, when getting ready to walk on that stage and teach on humility, I was scared out of my wits. I have never felt so ill-prepared in all my life, not the joking around kind of ill-prepared but the kind that stands and says to God, “You got the wrong girl here! Wrong girl!” But then as I was praying (and telling God He had the wrong girl!), God impressed 1 Corinthians 1 on my heart and I opened to read this:
26For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. 27But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; 28God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, 29so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. 30And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, 31so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.”
1And I, when I came to you, brothers, did not come proclaiming to you the testimony of God with lofty speech or wisdom. 2For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. 3And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling, 4and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, 5that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God. (1 Cor 1:26-2:5)
So that your faith might rest in the power of God! That’s why we share with each other, girls! That’s why we open up our lives, in vulnerability and humility, so that God can be glorified and no flesh can boast in His presence! So that faith is placed not in our clever advice or helpful hints, but in the power of God! So in that way, teaching, sharing, giving, is actually the humble thing to do. It is pride that thinks we must have arrived at some level of spiritual greatness in order to be used of God. It is humility that says, “Here is my life. Take it, use it. Look at it. You can criticize it and that’s ok, because what is on display is God’s glory and not my own.”
So, by God’s grace, I do hope He uses my life in demonstration of the Spirit and of power. I do hope that my message would at all times be Christ crucified and not lofty speech or wisdom. I pray that my faith and your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God. And so, I’ll keep punching away on these keys. I do sure love to write, so that’s a plus. 🙂 I pray for the grace to lift up HIS name and not my own in this little corner of the world. Thanks again for your faithfulness, for reading, for commenting, for encouraging me. I love being on this journey together.
By grace,
Kari
Philippians 2.1-8
Because I said I would… (these are teaching notes from today–pretty geeky, written out word for word, but just in case they’re helpful for someone, here they are)
———
Pray. Go ahead and turn to Philippians 2 (which should probably be very familiar to most of you by now).
Do you ever feel like God asks you to do something that is so completely OPPOSITE of what you feel like doing that it’s almost humorous? Even with this book we’re studying, Philippians—
Paul has been planting churches, preaching the gospel, making disciples. 2 Cor. 6 tell us a little bit of what that’s looked like “in afflictions, hardships, calamities, beatings, imprisonments, riots, labors, sleepless nights, hunger…treated as imposters, dying, punished, sorrowful, having nothing.” And now after all that, Paul is in prison. I don’t know about you but that kind of helps me put my life in perspective. I have been known to say, “having young kids is SO hard because I feel like I can’t go anywhere. I don’t even know why I bother being in involved in ministry because I feel so tied down I can’t really do anything.” Um…tied down? Try chained down, in prison.
And while he’s here in this jail cell, he writes this letter to the church at Philippi. Now Philippi was a really special church to him. It’s obvious when you read the letter, isn’t it: 1:3-5 “I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, … It is right for me to feel this way about you all, because I hold you in my heart…” You can hear it. He loves them! They have generously given to him, supplied his ministry. They truly are partners.
And just imagine, after all the hardship he’s been through, planting that church, giving his life for them, suffering for them, and now sitting in prison for them: he hears this: they’re bickering. You discovered that in your homework didn’t you? Chapter 4:2 says “I plead with Euodia and Syntyche, agree with each other in the Lord.” They were bickering. After all he’d done, can you imagine how his heart must just be like, “really? After all this, really?” It’s like taking your kid to Disney land and then having him throw a fit because he doesn’t get want to ride in the pink car, he wants to ride in the blue car.
Paul must have felt like that—because see he even describes himself in 1 Thess 2:7-8 But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. So being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become dear to us.” He loved the people he ministered to, loved them like children, and had fought to bring them together, while he’s suffering in a cold, dark prison cell, they are bickering like petty children.
And yet he still writes them a letter filled with JOY, doesn’t he? Isn’t that amazing? And the secret is found in chapter 4 verse 13 which is always quoted but hardly ever in context: “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” The context is suffering, highs and lows, contentment. Paul says even when you’re bickering and I’m facing possible death in a prison cell, even then I can be joyful, peaceful, content, because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
And because of that verse, I can share with you on humility.
See just as writing a letter about JOY was probably the LAST thing that Paul felt like doing in his natural flesh, so standing up here and talking about the character trait that is my LEAST strength is the last thing I want to do. And yet, strangely enough—Paul chose to write this letter. No one forced him. And strangely enough, I actually requested to teach this topic. Perhaps Paul knew that writing a letter about joy and peace would help lift him out of his circumstances and God would teach him in the process. I can’t speak for him, but I can speak for myself that’s been my prayer. I am not a humble person—I am the chief insecure, self-focused, self-promoting person. So while I knew that I could not, in any way, stand up here and pretend to be an example in this area, I can say, just as Paul said in this very letter 3:12-14: “Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”
Do you hear it? Isn’t that awesome? He says I’m not there yet, but let’s go that direction together! So will you allow me that same grace and liberty today as we study together? I am not there yet, but by grace let’s go there together, ok? Deal?
Ok, our text! We’ve pretty much already covered the background. Paul is in prison, the church at Philippi is very dear to him. They’ve faithfully supported him financially even when others did not. They’ve been generous even when they were suffering financially. They were really a generous, thriving church, which—interestingly enough—began with the convert of one woman. Acts 16 gives you the background of all of this, how the church was started. So they are healthy, thriving, generous church (sound familiar?).
Let’s read Philippians 2:1-4 to start:
So. Also translated “therefore”. What do we do? What is the therefore there for? So we go back and look at the context. The immediate context is in chapter 1:29-30 “For to you it has been granted on behalf of Christ, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake, having the same conflict which you saw in me and now hear is in me.” So the context is what? Suffering. Hardship.
But here in this room, you are all desiring to live godly lives, otherwise you wouldn’t be here, right? I mean you made choices, sacrifices, arrangements so that you could be here to seek God, study His Word. You desire to live godly lives. And so we have this guarantee: 2 Timothy 3:12 tells us: All who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution. Suffering. Not one of those promises we find in our God’s Promises little book, huh? Not one we love to memorize and stick on our mirror. But it’s there. Now, we don’t suffer religious persecution per se. We don’t have to hide or meet in secret. But just because we live in America doesn’t mean we don’t suffer. And as I look around this room I know there is suffering taking place. Wayward kids, sickness, parents with cancer, marriages hanging on by a thread. I don’t want to be Debbie Downer, but I know that behind every smiling face there is some amount of pain. And here’s how this context connects to our current chapter. The temptation is to let that pain and hardship turn us in on ourselves. To start looking out for #1. But what Paul’s saying is to do exactly the opposite. Let’s keep reading.
V. 1 read: Now this word is translated “if” but because of the context, it could better be read “since” or “in light of the fact” or “because”. Since there is encouragement in Christ, since there is comfort from His love, since there is participation in God’s Spirit, since there is affection and sympathy in Christ (i.e. we have all these things!) Over and over through this study we’ve seen this “since—then” pattern. Because God loves us, we love others. Because God forgives us, we forgive others. Your homework touched on this as well. Col 3 (from last week) showed us because we are holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves in compassion, etc. 1 John 4 showed us we love because he first loved us. So this is the PREMISE for all of our love and unity. God’s love for us. The only real basis of humility is security. We must be secure in God’s love. If we feel insecure, it is because we have an incomplete understanding of God’s love for us. Remember lesson 1? I don’t feel loved. Abide. Meditate on God’s love for you. Memorize his word. Abide in his love. Study it, think about t, believe it, abide in it until you are secure in it.
V. 2 read So because of all those things, because we’re secure in God’s love: this is what’s expected: same mind, same love, in full accord, of one mind. What is this summed up in one word? Unity. What is God’s heart for us, his church? Unity. V. 2 is a PICTURE of unity.
Ladies, God desires and expects us to be unified. Remember how we talked about Paul’s heart being broken when he heard there was bickering in the church? Can you imagine how it just break God’s heart to see that the church, the people who He died for, are bickering over petty issues? He longs for us to have unity.
Unity is not uniformity. Unity is not seeing eye to eye on every issue. We don’t even all have to be republicans! (GASP!) Lehman Strauss says this: “It’s not the difference of viewpoint that makes for disunity among us, but rather a wrong attitude toward others whose viewpoint differs from our own.” We’ll get to what that wrong attitude is in a moment. As my husband says there are seven (or whatever number) things he’ll die for, everything else—not a big deal. Or as Augustine’s famous quote: In essentials, unity, in non-essentials, liberty, in all things, charity. I’m learning that in every life-stage there is “the issue”. Oh you don’t use cloth diapers, huh? Is there a reason why you like to destroy the earth? Then it’s oh you spank? Then it’s public, private, montessorri or homeschool. Oh you homeschool? Oooh you public school? Oooh. And I’m fairly certain it continues throughout life… Again it’s not the difference of viewpoint, but the wrong attitude.
This stems from a lack of that security, do you see? Because when we’re not secure in God’s love, we’re afraid of people having a different view point from us—but remember what 1 John had said? There’s no fear in love. When we’re secure in God’s love, we don’t have to fear when others have a different opinion—we can still be unified in love. Scripture says whatever you decide that God wants you to do, be fully convinced in your own mind. (and this is getting back to judging from last week) Again, disunity isn’t a difference in viewpoint it’s a wrong attitude: So what is the right attitude?
V. 3 read So here is the introduction to our main topic, namely humility. This is the PATH. This is the how—how do we have love and unity? The Path is humility. Chris touched on humility last week, and mentioned how we’ve all heard that saying that humility isn’t thinking less of yourself it’s thinking of yourself less. Interestingly—I think this passage and all of scripture teaches that it’s not one or the other but both. Humility is forgetting about yourself, AND having a modest opinion of yourself. “Do nothing out of rivalry or conceit.” Also translated “selfish ambition”—we learned from the book that ambition is not bad. Selfish ambition is bad. Self-seeking is a way to sum it up. Let’s look at each of these clauses:
Rivalry or conceit: Rivalry is competition. How many in here are competitive by nature? Listen to what CS Lewis says about this: “Pride is essentially competitive – is competitive by its very nature – Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next person. We say that people are proud of being rich, or clever, or good-looking, but they are not. They are proud of being richer; or cleverer; or better-looking than others. If everyone else became equally rich, or clever, or good-looking there would be nothing to be proud about. Once the element of competition is gone, pride is gone.”
This is a serious warning for women. Men tend to be outwardly competitive—in sports and games and such. But women can be inwardly competitive, which I believe is twice as deadly. Love and competition are mutually exclusive, they cannot exist together: “Love seeks not its own.”
And the way to quit competing is to quit comparing. Ladies this is a VICE if there ever was one. We do it! We compare our children, our bodies, our husbands, our clothes. We size everything and everyone up by how they compare to US. That is comparing which is competing. She has better skin, their kids are better behaved, am I skinnier, they have a bigger house. YUCK. I very vividly remember a moment in college when I was sitting in class next to this girl who was GORGEOUS (Miss Oregon) and also happened to be my friend and roommate. And I remember sitting there in Shakespeare class and thinking about how her thighs were so much skinnier than mine. And of course we laugh at that because it’s ridiculous but we do the same thing in more sophisticated ways now (and not so sophisticated ways!). When we do this we are proving that our confidence is based on pride: I love this quote about leaders: “Few leaders operate out of confidence built on anything but the crumbling foundation of arrogance.” On the contrary, later in chapter 3 Paul says “We… worship by the Spirit of God and glory in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh.”
Instead: “Count others more significant than yourself.” Isn’t it funny that Paul uses the word “count”. It’s like he knows we’re playing the competition game. He knows we’re inwardly counting up the score. And he says, no matter what the evidence says, COUNT others as better than yourself. Quit evaluating, quit keeping score, just decide once and for all that you will quit the race, quit the competition, and just esteem others as better than yourself. You can’t lose a race you aren’t running! And you cannot humiliate the person who humbles himself.
Tozer says this: P 112 “Think for yourself whether much of your sorrow has not arisen from someone speaking slightingly of you. As long as you set yourself up as a little god to which you must be loyal there will be those who will delight to offer an affront to your idol. How then can you hope to have inward peace? The heart’s fierce effort to protect itself from every slight, to shield its touchy honor from the bad opinion of friend and enemy, will never let the mind have rest. Continue this fight through the years and the burden will become intolerable. Yet we are carrying this burden continually, challenging every word spoken against us, cringing under every criticism, smarting under each fancied slight, tossing sleepless if another is preferred before us…”
Humility frees us from the race. Murray says “true humility comes when, in light of God, we have seen ourselves to be nothing, have consented to part with and cast away self—to let God be all. The soul that has done this and can say, “So have I lost myself in finding You,” no longer compares itself with others. It has forever given up every thought of self in God’s presence…The humble person feels no jealousy or envy. He can praise God when others are preferred and blessed before him. He can bear to hear others praised and himself forgotten.” He is freed from himself.
This is why I’d say that humility is the most freeing quality of life. In fact it isn’t just one virtue along with others, but is the root of all other virtues. It is the root of all godliness. Just like the quote that Chris read last week, pride is the complete anti-God state of mind. Therefore humility is the path, the only path to godliness, Christ-likeness. It is the PATH to unity, to love. It is the path to Christ, the path to maturity. It is the only way to save a marriage, the only way to be a good friend. It is the only way to truly love. Humility is the root of all other virtues.
v. 4 read So here’s where I struggle. How do I get humble? I feel like I can sit around all day and think “she’s better than me she’s better than me she’s better than me.” And that doesn’t help anything. So even when we think that everyone else is more significant or better than us, yes I might get a modest opinion of myself, which is a start, but that’s only half the battle because now maybe I’m not conceited but I’m totally self-focused. I’m not conceited but I’m depressed! And just to level with you I think I have lived much of my Christian life in this place. Remember we said humility is BOTH thinking less of yourself and thinking of yourself less? Sometimes perhaps we’ve done the “think less of yourself part” but we haven’t done the “think of yourself less” part. I was only HALFWAY understanding humility. It’s like I’ve read verse 3 over and over and over and decided that if I just crawl a little lower than everyone else I’ll be free and I don’t feel free I just feel worthless. But verse 4 gives us the how-to. This is the PURSUIT. This is where I get excited because it gives me something to do. I’m a doer! Pursue the interests of others.
Isn’t this even what Paul is modeling for us? If I were sitting in a prison cell my letter would probably sound like this: “I am cold, alone, forgotten, hungry, and miserable, AND now I hear that you sill petty people are bickering. Grow up you sissies! I’m miserable here can’t you see. Can you please get busyand petition or something to get me free?” No, he chooses to take his eyes off himself and his circumstances and turns to the good and interests of others. That is freedom. This is how we think about ourselves less. Then, little by little, we begin to lose ourselves, we begin to taste freedom.
To continue with this analogy, freedom comes when we lay down this burden of self. And while we’ve sort of identified that burden as pride, Tozer says that there are 3 forms of this that we are freed from when we pursue humility.
First, we are freed from pride: We’ve already talked a lot about pride, but here are two more thoughts:
CS Lewis said this: The pleasure of pride is like the pleasure of scratching. If there is an itch one does want to scratch; but it is much nicer to have neither the itch nor the scratch. As long as we have the itch of self-regard we shall want the pleasure of self-approval; but the happiest moments are those when we forget our precious selves and have neither but have everything else (God, our fellow humans, animals, the garden and sky) instead.
Humility, then is getting so engrossed in serving God and others, looking out for their interests, that we lose our precious selves. And we find that we gain everything else in return.
Here’s one last interesting thought about pride, from John Piper: Because I think perhaps we can trick ourselves into thinking we’re not prideful, but check this out: Pride manifests itself in two ways: boasting, and self-pity. Check this out:
“[Boasting and Self-Pity] are manifestations of pride. Boasting is the response of pride to success. Self-pity is the response of pride to suffering. Boasting says, “I deserve admiration because I have achieved so much.” Self-pity says, “I deserve admiration because I have sacrificed so much.” Boasting is the voice of pride in the heart of the strong. Self-pity is the voice of pride in the heart of the weak. Boasting sounds self-sufficient. Self-pity sounds self-sacrificing. The reason self-pity does not look like pride is that it appears to be needy. But the need arises from a wounded ego and the desire of the self-pitying is not really for others to see them as helpless, but heroes. The need self-pity feels does not come from a sense of unworthiness, but from a sense of unrecognized worthiness. It is the response of unapplauded pride.”
When we’re freed from pride, we’re freed from boasting and self-pity, we quit thinking of ourselves, and are freed from that itch of self-regard that we must constantly work to get scratched. We’re freed to pursue others.
Second burden, we’re freed from is Pretense: This is the idea of “putting your best foot forward.” This is an obsession with what impression we are making. I think this is a killer for women. (wanting to stand on the left side in pictures so my scar doesn’t show!) We constantly strive to look our best for others. We tell stories in a certain light to make ourselves look good—here’s one I recently realized I was doing: (bargain bragging!). We respond to “how are you doing” in a certain way, highlighting hardships or exaggerating how fatigued we are by our service for Christ. I took a personality quiz once and scored high in “favorable image projection”. Ouch. That’s a polite way of saying pretense. And unfortunately this is so common to the way we live that we don’t even think of it as sin.
The third burden we’re freed from is Artificiality: This is similar to the hypocrisy that we studied last week. Tozer says this: Most people live in secret fear that some day they will be careless and by chance an enemy or friend will be allowed to peep into their poor, empty souls. So they are never relaxed. Bright people are tense and alert in fear that they may be trapped into saying something common or stupid… Artificiality is one curse that will drop away the moment we kneel at Jesus’ feet and surrender ourselves to His meekness. Then we will not care what people think of us so long as God is pleased. Then what we are will be everything, what we appear will take its place far down the scale of interest for us. Apart from sin we have nothing of which to be ashamed. Only an evil desire to shine makes us want to appear other than we are.”
Now here’s the tricky part. We refer to those things as burdens, right? But I would suggest that we actually use those burdens to hide. How many of you have actually used your children to “hide”? (explain) Because when we’re not secure in God’s love for us (v. 1) we’re insecure. And when we’re insecure we turn inward and become focused on ourselves in pride and self-seeking, and we put up walls of pride, pretense, and artificiality because we somewhere deep down believe that same lie that was whispered to us in the garden—God doesn’t really love us. But when we embrace God’s love, step out bravely and confidently in humility toward others, laying down these burdens, then we are vulnerable. Humility and vulnerability go hand in hand. And it is my opinion that vulnerability is one of the most beautiful qualities in life. Women are by nature vulnerable beings, Scripture says (1 Peter 3). And true vulnerability does not imply weakness, just as humility does not imply weakness. On the contrary, Christ displayed the most humble, vulnerable life ever to walk the earth, and he was and is the God of the universe. And the secret to understanding what true humility looks like is to watch the greatest example. Let’s look briefly at this example: vv 5-8.
V 5-8: Have this mind: The battle is in the mind, ladies. To grow in humility we must train our minds, to turn away from self and to have the mind of Christ. This is totally contrary to our human nature, which always tends toward self. Spiritual entropy.
Form of God. This word “morphe” in the Greek means he was God in the very essence of His nature. Jesus Christ is God. Confusing verse but basically though He was God, as he walked this earth as a man He didn’t grasp after divinity, he didn’t seek after displaying God-hood, but instead,
Made himself nothing, Remember “count” in verse 3—a conscious choice. Christ MADE himself nothing, the form of a servant. And in human form –“ and this word is different than in v. 5 this is “schema” which means fashion or outward manifestation. God, Jesus Christ was in essence and nature God, but in outward manifestation man.
Humbled himself, to the point of death, even death on the cross. The highest being lowered to the lowest low—death. The God of the universe, hanging naked on a cross, with people spitting in his face. He chose that. You cannot humiliate the man who humbles himself. God gives us the greatest example, so that no matter how talented, rich, successful, accomplished you are or become, and no matter how low God challenges you to stoop, He’s always made a greater jump. For the God of the universe to come to earth to die on a cross so that murderers, rapists, pedophiles, could be forgiven and set free, so I could be set free. That is humility.
And here’s what’s cool about this example: This proves to us that it is not sin that humbles us. We don’t get humble by sinning. The perfect example of humility was the sinless lamb of God. It is not sin that humbles us most, but grace. It is a beautiful ongoing cycle—we humble ourselves and he gives grace (1 Peter 5), grace humbles us then as we’re humble God gives more grace. That is freedom! Freedom to quit performing, to quit measuring ourselves by each other, to quit fearing rejection and criticism, to quit centering our worlds around ourselves. Freedom to love, to risk, to step out in faith, to serve. There is no fear in love but perfect love casts out fear. I pray that we would we brave enough to humble ourselves before each other, to be united in love, to be vulnerable.
The Apostle Peter summed it up like this: 1 Peter 3:8 “Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.”
I loved the way Chris summed up last week with steps to take: so let’s recap what we’ve talked about.
- Choose to turn outward not inward, in the midst of your trial.
- Choose to abide in God’s love, remind yourself through His Word how He loves you.
- Choose to seek unity, through a humble attitude.
- Choose to quit competing and comparing.
- Choose to seek each other’s good before your own.
A Good Report
Can you see the smile on my face? I wanted to take a second to give a good report, since it’s only during the low, trying, exhausting times that I usually write snippets about the kids. And because I’m wondering if maybe I wrote enough about how trying and exhausting Dutch was that enough of you started feeling sorry for me that perhaps you started praying! Because somebody must have been praying.
For about 48 hours I’ve had a glimpse of what it must be like to have an obedient child. 🙂 Seriously, I do not know what has come over my son. We had two days at home, Friday and Saturday–with Jeff home both days. I took half the day of both days to get away and study for Bible study, so Jeff stayed with the kids and had Daddy time. Perhaps that’s what did it, I don’t know. But by some miracle, Dutch has been an obedient, delightful dream! What happened? Seriously, Friday we had a great day. Saturday Jeff left mid-day for work/church and neither kid napped because they both had explode-everywhere poops, so I had both of them in the bathtub and was bracing myself for a long evening since we still had church that night. I had to get the church early to work on some stuff and I knew Sunday we had a ministry fair in the afternoon, so I was also bracing myself for a battle there as well.
But then…
While I printed and cut out women’s ministry postcards, Dutch sat quietly in his stroller in the church office, happily eating a sandwich and playing with his truck, for 20 minutes. What?!! He wasn’t even strapped in! Usually it’s like a WWF match just to keep him in that thing.
Then, when I finished he said cheerfully, “I want to go to my room now!” (his children’s church room). Ok getting him to go to children’s church usually is a agonizing 15 minute process with whining and bribing and clinging and fits and usually leaves me late for church. He climbed out of his stroller, marched into the room and began playing happily, not even noticing when I left. What?!!!
After church, he usually then throws a fit about leaving. This time he helped the nursery worker pick up the toys (?!!), then skipped right over to me, climbed into his stroller (that has never happened) and politely asked for some apple juice. (WHAT?!) Delirious with joy we went home and I got him his juice, we played and read books, and then he climbed obediently into bed without a fuss. We lay in bed and snuggled and then he prayed: “Dada God, Kant nu for my new blue curtains.” What?! A toddler son who notices the new blue curtains I bought from Pier 1? Was I in heaven?
Then today, he played with Heidi in the tub, played by himself for 30 minutes while I showered and got ready for church, climbed happily into the car, walked all by himself down the road and through the parking lot and up to his classroom, walking right beside the stroller without being asked. He still got shy when someone said hi to him, but hey–that’s ok for crying out loud! He went right up to his room and startedplaying happily again, then stayed up there with his babysitter while I did the ministry fair. When I brought him a pretzel to eat he gobbled it happily and didn’t even cry when I left. Then when I came back he ran and greeted me and jumped into my arms. Then he walked obediently all the way out of church and to the car (we had to park off church property since it was so packed). Climbed into the car obediently. We got home, he ate his snack, then without a fuss marched upstairs for his nap. And that’s where is now.
Can somebody tell me who kidnapped my son and gave me this new one?! 🙂 I’m joking, and I don’t mean to tell this like I’m bragging because guaranteed it’s not the result of something magic and chances are tomorrow we’ll be back to world war III. But I just felt like I had better be fair and give a good report, since usually I only write about the struggles. And I just wanted to thank God for a little glimpse of joy. I have never enjoyed Dutch so much in his almost 3 years of life. He’s been such a delight–even on the way home I told him how incredibly happy he was making mommy and he said, “I happy too!” (usually he only says “I not happy!”) Seriously pinching myself right now.
So for however long it lasts–a few more minutes or hopefully a tad longer, I am thankful for God for this little sweet period of joyful obedience from our son. I bet the joy God feels when we obey is just like this, only infinitely more. Makes me want to bless Him by joyfully obeying Him as well.
I just had to give a good report. And in all seriousness, if you did pray for us, thank you. You bless my life.
Freedom from Self
From Tozer:
“The labor of self-love is a heavy one indeed. Think for yourself whether much of your sorrow has not arisen from someone speaking slightingly of you. As long as you set yourself up as a little god to which you must be loyal there will be those who will delight to offer affront to your idol. How then can you hope to have inward peace? The heart’s fierce effort to protect itself from every slight, to shield its touchy honor from the bad opinion of friend and enemy, will never let the mind have rest. Continuethis fight through the years and the burden will become intolerable. Yet the sons of earth are carrying this burden continually, challenging every word spoken against them, cringing under every criticism, smarting under each fancied slight, tossing sleepless if another is preferred before them. Such a burden as this is not necessary to bear. Jesus calls us to His rest, and meekness (humility) is his method. The humble man cares not at all who is greater than he, for he has long ago decided that the esteem of the world is not worth the effort.” (The Pursuit of God, 112)
Bob the Builder Bedtime Prayers
Hi friends! Yes, I am still here. I have had 4-5 people recently ask me probing questions about the possibility of being too busy… Yes! I know. I know it is true. I feel like things are whirling right now–upcoming teaching, a ton of ministry commitments, you get the picture. It’s all wonderful, but I am considering re-reading that book on Margin that I did the series on last year. I need more Margin in my life!
Tonight’s sermon was awesome, and I really want to share it with you, so that will come tomorrow. The other reason I’ve been silent is that I’m studying to teach again for Bible study and I feel like all the life lessons God is showing me all center on humility (read: this has been a humiliating week) but I’m not ready to share yet. I’ll probably post notes and thoughts once the study is over.
The other reason is that I feel like on top of everything, the training of my son has been all-consuming. I feel like I need three of me just to devote to him full time. He is so wonderful and absolutely exhausting at the same time. How does he do it? High highs and low lows. Here’s tonight: It was the worst of the worst. He was good at church, but when we arrived home the moment we walked in the door it all went sour. He contradicted everything. Nothing was right. Everything was whine. Before Jeff even got home we’d already had several -panks. After the bath we’re going to bed and gets worse. Daddy takes over and I go to cool off I am so frustrated, and changing the sheets in our room just to give me something to do with my hands so I don’t tear out my hair and so I can pray. Then I begin mentally writing out an imaginary letter to Joy, explaining that I’m resigning from any involvement in women’s ministry because my son is obviously out of control and I’m therefore unfit to be used in any sort of ministry in any way shape or form.
Finally, Jeff comes in with the Daddy -pank, and by some miracle, Dutch finally breaks. He lies still while we put on jammies, and then we cuddle up under his blankets to read a book. After the Little Red Hen, I tell him I’m going to pray and he says he wants to too. I kiss his cheeks a thousand times and smell his precious puppy breath. How can be so sweet now? How can he go from monster to angel in 30 seconds? And then he prays(keep in mind he usually only thanks God for trucks and toys): “Dada God, kant nu for Daddy, and Mommy, and Dutch, and Heidi, and Luke (random! A friend of ours who Dutch adores). Dada God, please … me (that’s pretty accurate, I’d say. I usually want God to just please me too!). BOB THE BUILDER! Can we fix it?! BOB THE BUILDER! Yes we can!!” Yes, the prayer broke out in song praising Bob the Builder. Jeff and I were at that point hysterical, trying to muffle our laughs into the quilt. Dutch heard us, “What you doing?” he asks and burst out in laughter. As I leave the room he curls up without a fuss and settles in to sleep.
I tell you, this parenting stuff is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. And he’s only 2! No, I’m not stepping away from women’s ministry, although it’s funny after we walked downstairs Jeff said he was thinking the same thing–that he needed to resign from being a pastor if he can’t even control his 2-year-old son. Sheesh. I guess the lesson for us is we just have to stick with it until that little boy of ours breaks. His will is so strong, I guess we have to persevere and somehow hold out just one time more than he does. More grace, God!
And more later–just had to share Dutch’s prayer for the night. Gotta love Bob the Builder.
Seven Abominations?
I must say that I love this Going Deeper Bible study that we’re currently doing at WCC. We’ve been faithfully doing Beth Moore studies for years (and I adore Beth Moore!), but this Fall we were challenged to take things a step further and actually teach the women ourselves, encouraging women to dig deeper into Bible Study on their own. No more filling in blanks! Now women have homework each week, which is mostly just open-ended study questions so that they can discover nuggets of truth from God’s Word on their own.
One of things I love about this is that we have different speakers each week, and each speakers develops the homework for her week of teaching. So while there’s a constant theme and feel, for consistency, each week has a different flavor. All that to say that I’m right now doing my homework for this week’s lesson, which is on Communicating Love. The power of words!
This passage in Proverbs 15 hit me afresh today. This is a kick-your-teeth-in verse! Of course I’ve often studies the Eph. 4:29 verse, the Matthew 12 and Matthew 5, and even lots of Proverbs 15, which are all full of great stuff. But this time around, Proverbs 26 seemed new and challenging all over again:
Whoever hates disguises himself with his lips and harbors deceit in his heart; when he speaks graciously, believe him not, for there are seven abominations in his heart.” Prov. 26:24-25
Now I really am not a hateful person, and at the moment I can’t even think of anyone I hate or really dislike. For the most part I tend to like people. I had to laugh when Beth Moore shared said something about this because it is exactly how I feel, she said, “I really tend to like people, which is why it’s so hard when they don’t like me! It’s like, ‘What?! Why don’t you like me? I like you! Why can’t you just like me?”
But if I do feel hurt by someone, wronged by someone, or am just bent out of shape for some reason, what is my natural response? To fall on my face and ask God to change my heart and give me a pure heart of love? I wish. More often it is to mask my ugly feelings with my words. To double up on the outward niceness so that my ugliness doesn’t show. For example, today something bugged me that Jeff said and I responded, “Ok sweetie well if there’s anything else you’d like me to do to make things better for you just let me know.” Right this second I am laughing at myself because it’s obvious what a ridiculous statement that was. What I was really saying was, “For crying out loud I’ve bent over backwards trying to do things for you and I’m ticked that you have so much work to do and aren’t helping me right now. Can you puh-lease read my mind and see that I’m ticked and start being superDad which is what I want you to be right now.” But I covered up my angry heart with some seemingly gracious words. It was a pretty puny attempt at disguising myself. And isn’t it always?
I would venture to say that when we are ticked off, or jealous or bitter or angry, our attempts to disguise it with our words is usually a pretty sorry attempt. And what’s worse, Scripture says that we “harbor deceit” in our hearts. So now we’ve not only got hate (anger), now we’re double dipping into sin by harboring deceit as well! And as if double dipping weren’t enough, this passage says that when we take it a step further and attempt to cover all the mess up by speaking graciously, then there are not one, not two, not three, but SEVEN abominations in our heart. Somehow that math just doesn’t seem fair, but apparently it is because God said it. We hate, we deceive, then we try to cover it up, and in the end we’ve got a whole host of nasty sinful abominations in our heart.
And this passage is warning the poor recipients of all this junk, “Believe him not!” We’re called to be discerning, to not be tricked by this foolishness. The hatred is still there. Perhaps the greatest warning should be to us, though–to not be deceived by our own hearts, by our own words, to not fool ourselves into thinking that just because the words are right the heart is right as well. That perhaps sometimes our gracious speech is really an abomination–or seven abominations!
Anyway, how’s that for a fun little tidbit for your weekend? Nothing like abominations to cheer up a dreary afternoon. 🙂 No really, though– love how God’s Word uses strong words because the stuff we’re talking about is strong stuff: love, relationships, the glory of God. I pray that I, that we, would take this to heart, and keep the hatred–and abominations–out!