Thoughts on Thanksgiving
About ten blog titles have been swirling around in my mind. What a week it has been! We’ve had visiting houseguests from Arizona (Jeff’s brother, his wife, and their two kids–4 year-old and 18 month-old), we have THIRTY people (including kids) for Thanksgiving dinner, a hilariously chaotic dinner fiasco in Portland (waiting for permission to share), and I am thoroughly exhausted. But it was glorious. Wonderful! Some amazing God-ordained conversations, some reconciliation where brokenness reigned, some really treasured things. But even though I was home the whole time, it wasn’t until I walked into church tonight, got the kids checked (it was a fiasco just to get there, another story), and walked down into the dimmed sanctuary, that my soul found rest. Ahhh…. home.
Home in the presence of God. Oh certainly He was with us this whole week, and certainly we communed. But there is nothing for my dry soul like worshipping with God’s people. And strangely enough, I actually like sitting alone. I usually do sit alone because Jeff is working doing something or other, and I like to sit way up front because if I sit in the back I get distracted by people and by hearing myself sing (which is not pretty). In the front I can’t get distracted and it’s so loud I can sing at the top of my lungs and only hear the beautiful voices of the vocalists up front. 🙂 It’s great.
Anyway, it felt great to be back at home in my church family. After a week of being host, it was delicious to sit and savor, to receive, to soak in God’s presence and sing with His people.
See the one thing that was very discouraging this week was–you guessed it–Dutch. I love his dear little self but I am telling you this boy gives me fits. This pooping thing is ridiculous, and day after day of him secretly pooping his pants in remote corners of the house then hiding and by the time I find it it’s smeared everywhere, day after day of nothing but WHINING about every single thing. Of wishing that just ONCE we could do something without it being a battle, that a day could go by without -panking. I know, I know–this too shall pass. It just struck me especially this week because having two more kids in the house seemed to heighten every battle. And then I felt like being unplugged for several days, to be with family, made me so far behind in women’s ministry things, I just felt overwhelmed.
So I arrived at church knowing that tears would probably spill. Not because anything is bad, just because of how I need God’s wisdom and grace to love this little boy and to balance all the things we’re involved in, and to find the balance between ministry and family and…
So I’m realizing this is getting too long and I haven’t even gotten to the sermon from tonight which is what I wanted to share! 🙂 So I’ll write that tomorrow. Tonight I’ll just share the things I learned from Thanksgiving break, ok?
1. For cool conversations to happen, you first just have to be there. For a long time. And be willing to do nothing, for a long time. And then, when you least expect it–cool conversations happen.
2. Everyone thinks not having a TV at Thanksgiving would be a disaster. It wasn’t.
3. Letting two toddlers go absolutely hog wild and make a disaster with a Monopoly game in the office so that you can eat an entire Thanksgiving dinner in peace and quiet is totally worth it.
4. No one can argue with being loved.
5. A little wine really does help…
6. Children’s books are amazing ways to share Christ.
7. Never. Ever. EVER blindly trust your google traffic report. Just go out and check for yourself.
8. No matter how good the deal, shopping on black Friday is the still the most joyless thing on earth. (ok that’s just my opinion)
9. It takes 3 hours and 2 minutes to walk from the Portland Multnomah Club to the Portland airport.
10. Everyone has something to be thankful for.
Goodnight.
Loving People
Jeff texted me this this morning:
We can authentically love people when we’re not in slavery to their approval.
Amen! This is a toughy for me. I’m such a people pleaser. And it’s selfish pride that’s behind it, wanting to do what makes people happy so that they are pleased…with me! It’s all a selfish motivation. How freeing when we can love people for their sake, with perfect love that casts out all fear, when thought of approval or acceptance no longer is the driving force, but pure overflowing love. I feel like so much of my love is stained, marred, mashed by my selfishness getting in the way. I pray for us today for the grace to move beyond the slavery of other’s approval, into the authentic love of Christ. I think that will get the attention of a watching world who desperately needs Jesus.
A Secret Revealed
I love God-stories. It’s always encouraging when we encounter God’s amazing hand of provision, and then we can share with each other and bolster our faith in His promises. Yesterday at small group I recounted one of those stories, but had no idea how sweet the story really was…
We’ve been talking about Generosity, and it seems that everywhere I look (I’m reading 2 Corinthians right now) God is urging us to give, to freely give, to invest in the Kingdom of God. It’s awesome, and I’m excited to see all that God is doing. So yesterday at small group, one couple was being tested in their faith in God, and I shared this story, from my way back college ministry days, way before Jeff and I were married or even an item or even liked each other…
We were donation supported missionaries, which meant that you had no idea how much money you would make each month, but the one thing you were guaranteed was that it wouldn’t be much. I lived on about $500/month, and that included rent. Well in the process of learning to trust God for my finances, this one month I sensed Him leading me, very clearly, to commit to supporting some missionaries to Brasil $25/month. It wasn’t a lot, but it was for me, especially on top of tithing the puny 10% of little income. So I committed to it. The next month, I received my paycheck and my heart sunk. It was less than my rent. Now I knew God stretched dollars, but this just didn’t add up. I had to pay rent and didn’t have enough money. And I had committed to these missionaries!
So that morning I went for a long walk with roommate, cried, and prayed to God, asking Him to provide. I very clearly sensed God asking me to write the check to the missionaries FIRST. Before I worried about rent, write the gift check first. So, I so clearly remember going to class (I was in a one-year Bible/ ministry training school at the time), and during a break sitting there with shaky hand writing out that $25 check. Ok, Lord. I still had told no one about my money situation.
From class I went straight to our college-ministry staff meeting. I was discouraged and near tears, but didn’t want to share with them why. God kept just putting on my heart to trust Him in this. I kept quiet. About halfway through our meeting, our administrator poked his head in and asked me to come into his office. I walked in and sat down, “Yes?” “Well,” he responded, “I don’t know why, but you just received an $800 gift from an anonymous donor.” My jaw dropped as my eyes filled up with tears. What?! I had never received $800 in a whole month, ever! Let alone as a BONUS! Let alone as an anonymous gift at the very MOMENT that I needed it. I thanked him profusely, took my check, and beaming from ear to ear went back to the meeting, holding my secret kiss from God safely in my pocket.
I’ve always said I’ll carry that story with me to the grave. God has provided in lots of “bigger” ways I suppose since then, but that was such a vivid example to me, during a season when I was single, longing to be married and “taken care of” by someone, but trusting God to be my provider. I’ll always remember writing that $25 check. And I’ll always remember sitting there, tears streaming down my cheeks about how sweet my God is to me.
—
So yesterday at small group I told that story again. I’ve shared it several times over the years, and it seemed like an appropriate time. Afterward we drove home, talking about various things, went to bed, life going on as usual.
But then this afternoon I received an unexpected text message. From Jeff. It read: “I have a confession. I know who gave you that check. But they had no idea what your circumstances were.” Again, my jaw dropped. What? Really?!
Tonight as Jeff walked in the door I stood looking up at him, hands on my hips, and smiled. “It was YOU?” He grinned. “I just thought it was time you should know.” The story is still as amazing, because Jeff had no idea how in-need I was at the time. He just sensed it was the right thing to do. Plus, he insists that it proves how much he liked me back then (which I insist isn’t true). In his words: “I never gave any money to the other staff!” 🙂
How like God to not only shower me with His love in such a tangible way, but to even use my future husband to do it. To show me that even when I felt alone and vulnerable, He was using a co-worker brother in the Lord, who would become my husband, to care for me. It still amazes me.
So the story still has me amazed. Now I’m not in awe of the anonymity, but of how cool of God is, how creative, and how great His love is for us. Thank you, babe, for that first check you gave me, and for all the paychecks ever since. 🙂
Forgetting about Myself
Well maybe this won’t strike you all as that funny, but for me, who is obsessively overly occupied with myself, it was a great inside joke with myself. 🙂
This morning I had the treat of a PJ date. A friend of mine and I have tea dates every few weeks and commit to staying in our PJs, (no shower, no makeup) just because we can and it’s fun to be cozy and comfy with each other. So, in true spirit, I didn’t put makeup on this morning and actually didn’t even brush my hair (partly because I knew what a kick she’d get out of seeing how it made such odd-looking matted spots in the back–we have similar hair). So you get the picture, funky matted hair, not a speck of makeup, yoga pants. Yeah, beautiful. So then she left and the day got busy, and I did finally pull on old jeans and a (dirty) sweater but left the rest as it was. We had company coming over for dinner tonight, a family we’ve recently become acquainted with, but who we’ve never spent time actually sitting down with before. They had blessed us with some plants for our yard and I really wanted to make the evening special for them.
So, I made dinner, lit candles, even set the table (that is a lot for me!), set out sparkling cider, got the lighting just right. Jeff came home early and it was wonderful. At the last minute I thought maybe I should run up and change clothes, so I asked Jeff, “Should I put on a clean sweater?” He kind of gave me a funny look, but just said, “your sweater is fine.” Ok, fine, so I sat and snuggled and read a book to Dutch instead. So they came, we had an awesome evening together, super fun, we totally hit it off. And just as they were packing up to leave the husband made a comment about our half bathroom (how big it is). We walked in there to talk about it and I looked up and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror–yikes!–hahaa, I almost started laughing when I realized I still had the matted, knotted bed-hair, the zero-make-up face. I hadn’t even realized. They gathered their things and left and I stood smiling to myself, realizing how fun it is to forget myself.
Not that going without makeup or brushing hair is a big deal. I’ve certainly seen people like that, run to the store like that, etc. But what was fun was just getting so engrossed in wanting the evening to be fun and special for them that I totally forgot to even look at myself! And you know what, that’s probably part of the reason we had such a wonderful night.
I still think that it’s part of being respectful that we make ourselves look nice for each other, as part of showing that we value each other. But it was a fun little moment, even if it was short-lived, where a little forgetting about myself was just the perfect thing.
Discount Distraction, Discount Distress
I’m discovering the truth about Discount Distress.
Now, to set the stage, understand that I’m coming off of a 1-year clothing fast, plus not having a home for over 2 years, plus not having an income for more than a year of that time. And while there were plenty of stresses associated with those three things, I will say it simplified life. I had no money, but that was ok because I couldn’t buy clothes and I couldn’t buy house stuff. No looking for sales, no perusing stores, no searching for the best deals.
So it is only recently I’ve realized the danger and distraction of Discounts and Deals. Check out this scenario and tell me if you can relate.
Because I love deals and discounts, I like Goodwill. So, while at Goodwill this summer, I found a dark brown Banana Republic sweater dress, for $7. STEAL. It fit perfect. Done. So I get the dress home and stand in bright light and realize even though it’s a sweater, it’s a bit sheer. But it’s beautiful. And it was such a good deal! Now I didn’t own a slip or camisole because, mind you, I don’t buy much=don’t have much. But the dress was such a good deal. So next time I’m out I go to Target and get a slip and camisole top. $12 each. Ok, now that’s $31 I’ve spent. So now I have the dress and I wear it and I really do like it, but before long it is Fall and now I realize that if I want to keep wearing it I need what? Tights. I don’t have any tights. (I also was given another brown dress from a friend, so I figure one pair of tights, two dresses, good deal!) So while at Winco (because I’m cheap) I toss in a pair of tights because they are only $3. But somehow they don’t make it from the checkout stand into my bag (you bag your own groceries there so I can’t blame anyone but myself), so when I get home, no tights. So next time I’m at Target I go to buy tights. And, because I’m cheap, I buy the cheapest pair, for $5, even though I have a sinking suspicion they aren’t quite the right color. I get home, try them on–totally not the right color. So the next time I go I have to go ahead and get the good tights that are the right color, for $9. Total now? $48. It is then I realize that the only brown-tone shoes that I own (that aren’t summer sandals) are lighter camel-colored. They are comfortable and wonderful, but if you have ever tried to wear dark tights with light shoes you know you have a nightmare on your hands.
So do you know what I actually did this week? I went and bought dark brown boots. Yes, it sounds completely asinine now, but I went to Payless (because I’m cheap) and bought $45 dark brown boots, to wear with my stupid $7 dress, which now would add up to$93 stupid dollars in order to wear it. And not just the money, but the distress! How much precious time have I spent on this? Minutes I can never have back. It makes the hate the dress. 🙂
If we’re not careful, an obsession with discounts can lead to distress. What gets me is that I feel like having constant sale-notices and email updates and so forth makes me feel like I need to go and somehow take advantage of the deal. How many times have I gone to Michael’s just because I have that stupid 40% off coupon? Wanting to sniff out the discount and get the steal-of-a-deal can actually steal my joy. It’s a distraction. So this morning in my quiet time, I open up to where I am in my daily Bible reading and happened to be in 1 Corinthians 7. Paul is addressing being married and unmarried, but the topic is the same. Listen to these tidbits:
This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those…who buy [live] as though they had no goods, 31and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away.
32I want you to be free from anxieties…I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.
It is so true! The more I chase after discounts and deals and chase the silly accessories for a silly outfit, the more divided my devotion becomes. The reason Paul, writing under the influence of the Holy Spirit, urges people to refrain from being unnecessarily caught up in the world is “not to lay any restraint” on us, but for our own benefit, that we would be free from anxiety. Because even our drive to find discounts can be distressing, distracting us from undivided devotion to God and to people. How much more time I’d have with my kids, with my husband, with giving back to my world, if I spent less time and energy finding a deal, and just only bought the necessities. And, I have a sneaking suspicion we’d probably save money!
So, this is certainly not meant to be a coupon-bashing post! I still love coupons and still love deals. But you better believe I marched back to Payless today and returned those stupid boots! I’ve survived this long without dark brown boots and I think I will continue. I’ll save my silly $7 dress for summer and have one less thing to worry about wearing this winter. For me, getting too dialed in on discounts can only cause distress. A dose of perspective, and a little contentment, go a long way.
Something to Give
So I have this funny disorder which Jeff calls “non-buyer’s remorse.” Unlike buyer’s remorse, I always regret having not purchased the item I find when I’m out and about. This is because spending money is still like pulling teeth for me, and I have the most ridiculous time actually making my hand reach out, take the item, and make the purchase. Of course I can buy groceries, and I love getting deals on house stuff or clothes, but it’s still hard for me and so often I’ll come home from a shopping trip, tell Jeff about some amazing thing I saw or some super cool sale I found, and he’ll say, “So did you buy it?” and I, almost without fail, say, “No…I just couldn’t decide.” Of course this can be good, and I really do think that it saves us money, but it can also be ridiculous and crippling.
For example, it’s ridiculous because I have a very limited amount of time in which to do my shopping, so if I don’t get something while I have the chance, the chance is over. This means that on more occasions than I care to admit, I find myself showing up for some party or event empty handed, wishing I had spent the stupid money to have something to give. It is a horrible habit that I can’t decide what to get someone for a birthday or special occasion and so then the time comes and I run out of time and so I either don’t have anything to give or it’s some ugly homemade card with a lame “sorry I don’t have something cool for you” note written inside.
It’s an awful feeling to not have anything to give.
Today I drove to Multnomah Seminary, something I hadn’t done in a while, and drove up the familiar Glisan off-ramp where homeless people always stand and ask for food and money. When I went to class regularly, I always tried to think ahead and pack a banana or protein bars or something so I could have something to give them. But as I took that familiar off-ramp, instinctively I thought of the people and realized, “Oh shoot! I don’t have anything to give!” I hate that feeling.
So yesterday I made a conscious effort to overcome this disorder. I knew I had a special someone’s special day coming up, and I knew what I wanted to do. But when the time came to do it, to make the purchase, to go for it, poor Jeff (who was with me) had to listen to me say at least a dozen times, “I don’t know. Should I buy it? I don’t know. I’ll just wait.” Well he knew that was stupid because I certainly wouldn’t be returning to this particular place again, so he made a smart decision: “I’m going to go get the car, and by the time I pull up you need to have purchased something.” Viola! I did it. And you know what? I’m so glad I did, because now I know that when this special day arrives, I’ll have something to give.
Why is it such a bad feeling, to not have something to give? Because it communicates, “I didn’t actually give your [birthday, wedding, Christmas gift] that much thought. I didn’t actually think about it at all because it doesn’t really matter that much to me. Of course I purchased food for myself and put gas in my car and picked out an outfit for myself to wear, but I didn’t think about you enough or care about you enough to take the time and money to prepare something to give you. I just didn’t really care that much.”
Sad.
I wonder how we will feel when the most glorious special event of all time comes? When Jesus returns or calls us home. I wonder how we will feel when we are given the opportunity to present to Him our good works, when we are given opportunity to cast our crown at His feet, when we will lay it all before Him in adoration.
How tragically awkward that will feel if we have nothing to give. At any moment He could call us home or return for us. No time to scrap together a homemade card of good works, no time to run to Target and toss together a golden crown to cast at His feet. What we have is what we have. And I can’t imagine a more awful feeling than to have to say to the Savior, “I didn’t actually give You that much thought. I didn’t actually think about it at all because it didn’t really matter that much to me. Of course I purchased food for myself and put gas in my car and picked out an outfit for myself to wear, but I didn’t really think about You enough or care about You enough to take the time and money to prepare something to give you. I just didn’t really care that much.”
I don’t want to meet Jesus empty-handed. Of course our salvation is only by His grace, a gift HE gives to us. But we can invest our time and money and energy here on earth to lay up treasures in heaven, treasures we can lay before Him, cast at His feet, gloriously exulting in the joy that is having something to give to our most precious Savior. I pray God would allow me to remember that awful feeling–of arriving empty-handed–to drive me to prepare to meet my Jesus. I just want to make sure I have something to give.
Forget the Ideal, Embrace the Real
First off, thanks to those of you who are hanging with me during this season of oh-so-sporadic posts. I do intend to get back in the swing of things soon, not because I have to but because I love the outlet of writing. We’ve just finished our women’s Bible study, and are taking a two-month break for the holidays, so hopefully more time to invest in thinking…
During this Love & Relationship series, oddly enough probably the biggest takeaway lesson for me was a minor sidepoint in the book, and wasn’t even mentioned in any of our Bible studies. The author discussed Forget the Ideal, Embrace the Real. Here is the trap I fall into:
Friday is Jeff’s day off. YAY! I get so excited for it. I envision little Familia Americana all sleeping in late, waking up happy, romping around in a jammies and eating pancakes while laughing and enjoying each other. The children will be perfectly behaved, Jeff will be happy and funny, completely unplugged and removed from work worries, and we’ll curl up by the fire and read stories, and the kids will be so engaged in his story-telling that I can sneak off and have alone time. Then we’ll go for a long walk so Jeff and I can get talk time and exercise, and the kids will laugh and Dutch will say precious cute things the whole time. Then the kids will nap and Jeff will joyfully and enthusiastically ask me, “What jobs around the house can I do for you, honey?” and then he’ll effortlessly hang all our window treatments, organize the garage into color-coded plastic totes all with matching labels, park both cars (which he will have cleaned out) side by side, and clean his office to perfection. All, mind you, while singing along to worship music while I sew or decorate or sip tea.
Insert real Friday: Heidi wakes up super early for some reason, and after I get her I realize Jeff’s not in bed. Why? Because he’s downstairs working on his laptop, finishing all the things he didn’t have time to do during the week, trying to be done by the time I get up so I don’t let out that signature *big sigh* to express my disapproval. 🙂 Since Heidi’s up, I’m up, so I try to have my quiet time with God but she wants to eat the Bible and pull my hair, and then Dutch can smell that we are all up so he starts banging on the door. “I’m awake! I’m awake, mommy!” I don’t have to go through the whole day but you can imagine–people call, unexpected things happen at church, kids are cranky, it rains, house projects never go smoothly, and Dutch hits Heidi on the head with a hammer while he’s pretending to be Bob the Builder.
That’s the real. And for a long time I have struggled with this every Friday. So often Fridays would feel like a let-down because of this false expectation about the Ideal. But this Embracing the Real has helped me so much.
So last night, my Friday night plans were unexpectedly cancelled, and Jeff’s also fell through, so we all of a sudden had a family night at home that we hadn’t planned. Dutch was crazy and running around, the house was a mess, and we needed something to do or we both knew we’d go crazy. We looked at each other and said, “This is the real. Let’s embrace it.” So, I knew Safeway was having a crazy sale on apples, so I went and bought 50 lbs. of apples, lugged them home, got out the corer/slicer (the cool kind with the crank that clamps to the table), and Dutch and I (yes, together) cored and sliced 50 lbs. of apples for applesauce. He turned the crank, he handed me the apples, he dumped the cores into a bucket–by the time we were done we were dripping with sticky apple juice running down our arms, the floor was a sticky mess, our fingernails were (are) brown, and we had a blast.
Then Jeff and Dutch watched a cartoon and I had the supremely satisfying pleasure of cleaning the kitchen from top to bottom (it’s a sickness, I know. I love things clean), while singing aloud to my favorite worship mix.
I guess the only reason I’m sharing this is that so often my stupid expectation of the ideal just messes everything up. I’m not ideal, so why should I expect my circumstances or my children or my husband to be? ANd then, when I finally do manage to let go of that ideal and embrace the real, the real becomes beautiful. Not perfect, but so awesome I love it and wouldn’t change anything. My kids are my kids, and they’re awesome. My husband is my husband, and he’s awesome. So often we take something wonderful and compare the joy right out of it. Our Fridays aren’t perfect, because we’re not, but I love every ounce of my little imperfect family.
And speaking of our family–we leave on vacation tomorrow! Yay! We’ll be gone for a week. We’re getting a beautiful 4 bedroom lodge all to ourselves, with a huge master suite, big soak tub, fireplace, and library. We get to lounge, read, sip tea, take fun day trips to see the breathtaking views, and we even have a private babysitter one of the nights so we can have a date out on the town. Doesn’t that sound amazing? I know; I can’t wait. Do you have any idea where we’re going? 🙂
Just You and Me
Are you kidding me? I settle down to write this post on how it’s just You and Me, God, and as soon as my finger hit the keys I hear Heidi wake up crying and Dutch wake up coughing. Really?! Please just a few more minutes, God? Thank you!
Today was one of those days high/low days. On the one hand, both kids are sick, I’m getting a cold, Dutch has ringworm (ick!), and another unmentionable part of being a woman surprised me out of the blue. But on the other hand, we had the most rich, amazingly blessed morning of Bible study this morning that all day I feel like I’ve been tucked safely into the gentle hand of the Father. This morning Joy taught on John 15, abiding in Christ–the secret to all love, the secret to growing, the secret to life and godliness. This stood out to me:
She was talking about how sometimes we can think of GOd’s love sort of generically, like yes he loves us but he also loves the whole world, so how am I really special? And she explained how in John 15:9 it says that Jesus loves us in the same way that the Father loves the Son. How does the Father love the Son? In a One-and-Only sort of way. His ONLY Son, His One and Only Son. Jesus loves us in a One-and-Only sort of way. I loved that.
Related to that, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how different my life is now, different from say, when I was in college, or before I was married, or before we had kids. I wouldn’t change a thing, but it’s just different. And A few things this weekend, plus this morning’s message made me realize I relate to Jesus less individually now, less intimately, less as a Lover, and more as a Source.
Of course He is both. Of course He is the Lover of our Souls, and He is the Source of all wisdom, knowledge, love, strength, power. And I think sometimes I just see myself as a conduit, or see myself as needing to abide in Christ only so that I can have the love and grace and strength to give to my husband, my kids, etc.
Does that make sense? For example, it is a beautiful and glorious gift to be a woman, to be able to bless your husband physically, to be able to bear children physically, to be able to feed your children physically, and yet to tell you the truth, you can begin to feel like the whole reason you even have a body is to provide for the needs of your family. And, ok sometimes maybe you can feel like an old dirty sock. Worn and useful…but cherished?
Ok maybe sometimes I feel like an old dirty sock. Not because anybody treats me like that–my children and husband are amazing to me. But because I think I’ve slipped into this mindset: “I need to abide and study God’s Word and grow and pray and gain wisdom so that I can love my husband more and so that I can raise my kids better and so that I can be a better friend and so that I can minister to women better.” And that is valid, but I think the Lover of my Soul is saying, “I want you to abide in me because I love you. Because you are beautiful. Because I can’t get enough of you. Because I want to Reveal myself to you.”
Of course I want to grow in my ability to love my husband, to raise my kids, to minister to women, to be a friend–but Oh how I miss just curling up with my Jesus and listening to Him because I just love Him–not to ask Him for advice or plead with Him for strength to raise my kids–to just enjoy His presence and sit in wonder at the beauty of His Word and of His Person. To marvel in that fact that He loves me–with a One-and-Only kind of love–and that He desires for me to abide first and foremost because He likes to be with me! That is a miracle! Like that David Crowder song, It’s just You and me here now. Only You and me here now…
I’m not sure that this all makes sense, but hopefully it does. First, His. Second, others’.
Until next time,
The Girl He Loves