A Secret Revealed
I love God-stories. It’s always encouraging when we encounter God’s amazing hand of provision, and then we can share with each other and bolster our faith in His promises. Yesterday at small group I recounted one of those stories, but had no idea how sweet the story really was…
We’ve been talking about Generosity, and it seems that everywhere I look (I’m reading 2 Corinthians right now) God is urging us to give, to freely give, to invest in the Kingdom of God. It’s awesome, and I’m excited to see all that God is doing. So yesterday at small group, one couple was being tested in their faith in God, and I shared this story, from my way back college ministry days, way before Jeff and I were married or even an item or even liked each other…
We were donation supported missionaries, which meant that you had no idea how much money you would make each month, but the one thing you were guaranteed was that it wouldn’t be much. I lived on about $500/month, and that included rent. Well in the process of learning to trust God for my finances, this one month I sensed Him leading me, very clearly, to commit to supporting some missionaries to Brasil $25/month. It wasn’t a lot, but it was for me, especially on top of tithing the puny 10% of little income. So I committed to it. The next month, I received my paycheck and my heart sunk. It was less than my rent. Now I knew God stretched dollars, but this just didn’t add up. I had to pay rent and didn’t have enough money. And I had committed to these missionaries!
So that morning I went for a long walk with roommate, cried, and prayed to God, asking Him to provide. I very clearly sensed God asking me to write the check to the missionaries FIRST. Before I worried about rent, write the gift check first. So, I so clearly remember going to class (I was in a one-year Bible/ ministry training school at the time), and during a break sitting there with shaky hand writing out that $25 check. Ok, Lord. I still had told no one about my money situation.
From class I went straight to our college-ministry staff meeting. I was discouraged and near tears, but didn’t want to share with them why. God kept just putting on my heart to trust Him in this. I kept quiet. About halfway through our meeting, our administrator poked his head in and asked me to come into his office. I walked in and sat down, “Yes?” “Well,” he responded, “I don’t know why, but you just received an $800 gift from an anonymous donor.” My jaw dropped as my eyes filled up with tears. What?! I had never received $800 in a whole month, ever! Let alone as a BONUS! Let alone as an anonymous gift at the very MOMENT that I needed it. I thanked him profusely, took my check, and beaming from ear to ear went back to the meeting, holding my secret kiss from God safely in my pocket.
I’ve always said I’ll carry that story with me to the grave. God has provided in lots of “bigger” ways I suppose since then, but that was such a vivid example to me, during a season when I was single, longing to be married and “taken care of” by someone, but trusting God to be my provider. I’ll always remember writing that $25 check. And I’ll always remember sitting there, tears streaming down my cheeks about how sweet my God is to me.
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So yesterday at small group I told that story again. I’ve shared it several times over the years, and it seemed like an appropriate time. Afterward we drove home, talking about various things, went to bed, life going on as usual.
But then this afternoon I received an unexpected text message. From Jeff. It read: “I have a confession. I know who gave you that check. But they had no idea what your circumstances were.” Again, my jaw dropped. What? Really?!
Tonight as Jeff walked in the door I stood looking up at him, hands on my hips, and smiled. “It was YOU?” He grinned. “I just thought it was time you should know.” The story is still as amazing, because Jeff had no idea how in-need I was at the time. He just sensed it was the right thing to do. Plus, he insists that it proves how much he liked me back then (which I insist isn’t true). In his words: “I never gave any money to the other staff!” 🙂
How like God to not only shower me with His love in such a tangible way, but to even use my future husband to do it. To show me that even when I felt alone and vulnerable, He was using a co-worker brother in the Lord, who would become my husband, to care for me. It still amazes me.
So the story still has me amazed. Now I’m not in awe of the anonymity, but of how cool of God is, how creative, and how great His love is for us. Thank you, babe, for that first check you gave me, and for all the paychecks ever since. 🙂
Forgetting about Myself
Well maybe this won’t strike you all as that funny, but for me, who is obsessively overly occupied with myself, it was a great inside joke with myself. 🙂
This morning I had the treat of a PJ date. A friend of mine and I have tea dates every few weeks and commit to staying in our PJs, (no shower, no makeup) just because we can and it’s fun to be cozy and comfy with each other. So, in true spirit, I didn’t put makeup on this morning and actually didn’t even brush my hair (partly because I knew what a kick she’d get out of seeing how it made such odd-looking matted spots in the back–we have similar hair). So you get the picture, funky matted hair, not a speck of makeup, yoga pants. Yeah, beautiful. So then she left and the day got busy, and I did finally pull on old jeans and a (dirty) sweater but left the rest as it was. We had company coming over for dinner tonight, a family we’ve recently become acquainted with, but who we’ve never spent time actually sitting down with before. They had blessed us with some plants for our yard and I really wanted to make the evening special for them.
So, I made dinner, lit candles, even set the table (that is a lot for me!), set out sparkling cider, got the lighting just right. Jeff came home early and it was wonderful. At the last minute I thought maybe I should run up and change clothes, so I asked Jeff, “Should I put on a clean sweater?” He kind of gave me a funny look, but just said, “your sweater is fine.” Ok, fine, so I sat and snuggled and read a book to Dutch instead. So they came, we had an awesome evening together, super fun, we totally hit it off. And just as they were packing up to leave the husband made a comment about our half bathroom (how big it is). We walked in there to talk about it and I looked up and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror–yikes!–hahaa, I almost started laughing when I realized I still had the matted, knotted bed-hair, the zero-make-up face. I hadn’t even realized. They gathered their things and left and I stood smiling to myself, realizing how fun it is to forget myself.
Not that going without makeup or brushing hair is a big deal. I’ve certainly seen people like that, run to the store like that, etc. But what was fun was just getting so engrossed in wanting the evening to be fun and special for them that I totally forgot to even look at myself! And you know what, that’s probably part of the reason we had such a wonderful night.
I still think that it’s part of being respectful that we make ourselves look nice for each other, as part of showing that we value each other. But it was a fun little moment, even if it was short-lived, where a little forgetting about myself was just the perfect thing.