Twice recently I’ve been asked about my “Faith Family-of-Origin.” Meaning this: Just as we have a biological family-of-origin that is largely responsible for any number of our habits and behaviors, so we also have a Faith family of origin. Church or ministry roots that shape our faith during critical developmental years. It’s been a fun exercise to look back and understand a bit about what makes us tick and why.

As I re-read Calm My Anxious Heart again I had a similar fun experience, something I hadn’t expected at all.

First, it was tremendously impacting to go back and read my hand-written notes from the 12-week Bible study in the back of the book. They were from 13 years ago when I was single, a Sophomore in college, living in a house of 8 RDGs. Oh how different my struggles were back then! Oh my.

It was a joy to read because of this: God has done SO MUCH. I truly was an anxious, insecure, comparing, compulsive person. I’m not angel now, but He has truly been victorious in profound ways in just over a dozen years. Although I recognized my hand-writing, and can now remember the battles, I had virtually forgotten they’d existed.

But what struck me the most was seeing now that the book had shaped me more than I’d ever realized. As I read I kept stopping, amazed, and thinking, “Wait. I say this exact same thing all the time.  I’ve taught this over and over. I didn’t realize it was from her.” I could see how Linda Dillow’s simple words had truly changed the course of my life. 

Lastly, I kept chuckling to myself as I’d read book after book that she referenced that I’ve since then read but had no idea or recollection that she’d mentioned them! That make sense? All the books she refers to I have since read and they’ve become pillars along my journey, but I had no remembrance of her mentioning them way back then!

All that to say that going back to read this book is like returning to my roots and see why I’m wired the way I am. Little ‘ol Linda Dillow’s words are like fingerprints all over me. And I’d totally forgotten.

The thought for you and me? What book or person radically influenced your faith-development in years gone by? It might be fun for you to go back and visit, or re-read, and chuckle a bit as you realize why you do what you do.

And secondly, never underestimate the power of your influence on another person’s life. Depending upon the soil of their heart, your words of truth, your life of faith, your example of love, might radically change the course of someone’s life without them really knowing it. I truly had not realized how profoundly Dillow’s words shaped me over the years. But God knew.

{Q: Who shaped you? And who might God want to shape through you? Thanks for taking time to reflect, and thanks reading…}

 

It was the first pink book I’d ever read. At 19 I still thought women’s books were either stuffy or silly. I didn’t like floral prints or calligraphy.

But I also didn’t like my anxious heart so I gave this one a try.

Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow proved to be hugely instrumental in the course of my life. Simple principles, taken to heart, steered my heart toward joy. I still call to mind, often, the 5-point manifesto of contentment from the first few pages of the book. I recently re-read them, smiling as I fingered the penned-in stars I’d written almost 13 years ago. The same points are just as important today:

• Never allow yourself to complain about anything — not even the weather.

• Never picture yourself in any other circumstances or someplace else.

• Never compare your lot with another’s.

• Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise.

• Never dwell on tomorrow — remember that tomorrow is God’s, not ours.

 

Who will influence you this year? The people you spend time with are the most significant influences in your life. And while we don’t always have a choice about who we spend time with in person, we do have a choice about who we spend time with on the screen and on the page. What blogs will you follow? What shows will you watch? And, my personal favorite: Whose words will you let wash over you this year?

This past year I was thankful to read the following books. These are the ones I’d recommend; it was time well-spent in their pages:

• One Thousand Gifts (read twice, so good both times!)
• Veneer
• Organized Simplicity
• Steady Days
• Kitchen Table Counseling
• Uprising
• 20 Foundational Truths Every Christian Should Know
• Same Kind of Different As Me
• Creative Correction
• To Train Up A Child (4 volumes)
• In the Time of the Butterflies
• Old School
• Revolution in World Missions
• Battlefield of the Mind
• I’d Trade My Husband for a Housekeeper
• The Help

 

It’s 3am. Do you know where your Norton Anthologies are?

And that, dear friends, proves that I’m an English-major nerd. It’s true that I still have mine, the phone-book sized volumes with Bible-thin pages, filled with English or American Literature, lugged around by English students causing four years of backaches and just as many headaches.

We loved them, we hated them. We read them.

And if you did, here’s another book to read. Old School by Tobias Wolff. 

My mother-in-law slipped me her copy and I justified breaking my fiction-only-on-vacation rule by reasoning that this book was borderline great American literature.

And it is.  So good. Why? I can’t even tell you. That’s how good it is. I’m not even smart enough to condense it. But I’ll try:

The setting is an elite prep school in 1960, and the narrator is a half-Jewish scholarship-student (a lower-class outsider) who learns to mimic the mannerisms of his privileged classmates in order to fit in and gain acceptance. More than anything he wants to be a writer, but he cannot write the truth until he first learns to tell the truth about himself.

The author, Tobias Wolff, is a master. The protagonist he’s created is ingeniously flawed; in fact, we may as well be reading our own thoughts when we read his. The themes of competition, pride, and pretense  cut to the heart of our image-obsession and veneered society. Wolff also does a knock-out job of critiquing Ayn Rand’s novels. Again, something I’m not smart enough to do but appreciate him doing!

The best part? Nothing works out perfectly, and yes this is perfect too, because the final picture Wollf paints is one of grace. He ends with these words:

“Surely the most beautiful words ever written or said: His faither, when he saw him coming, ran to meet him.”

So, if you’re looking for a bit of fiction and you recognize the names Hemmingway and Frost, this book is for you. And if you hate it, no sweat — you’re always welcome to borrow my Norton Anthology.

{Thanks for allowing me a little English-nerd fun … bless your day!}

 

A novel for me is a portal into another world. That’s why I have to be so careful when I read them! Non-fiction I can engage, let go, pick up, drop when needed. But fiction on the other hand, or even non-fiction narrative, sweeps me away and into the world within the pages. Oh I love me a good novel!

So I limit my novel-reading to just during our vacation time. This means that usually only 3 book per year make the cut. They’d better be good.

My most recent novel treasure was In the Time of the Butterflies. This historical novel was set in the 40s and 50s in the Dominican Republic under the dictatorship of Raphael Trujillo (El Jefe). It follows the life of the four Mirabel sisters, national heroes who were political activists working to topple Trujillo’s regime and establish a free nation. The book follows their lives, working its way up to the climax in November of 1960 when three of the sisters were murdered by Trujillo’s men. It’s a fascinating read. As I turned the last page, near midnight on the last night of our vacation, I lay in the darkness thinking of several themes that stood out.

::Is it worth it? 

It was only one line in the book, an afterthought, really. These women have given their whole lives for this cause. They’ve given their children, families, and eventually their lives. Thirty years later they’re national heroes. Trujillo was assassinated and a free nation is taking shape. But the surviving sister, Dede, looks around sometimes, and wonders, “Did they sacrifice for this?”

Meaning, as I understand it, the world is still a mess.

I have to admit I was left with the same feeling. Yes, as icons of freedom they gave the nation a lot of hope. But oh, how sobering to consider: “Are we sacrificing for something worthwhile?”  Seventy years from now, in just the blink of an eye, we’ll all be gone. What are we sacrificing for?

Oh eternal things, oh that we’d continually fix our gaze on living for things eternal.

::Stepping off the pedestal. 

The second fascinating thing was following the story of Minerva Mirabel, the ringleader sister who really orchestrated all the underground activity and spearheaded the rebellion. After serving a horrendous sentence in prison she is released and the nation looks to her as an icon. She is praised, celebrated, looked up to. And yet she struggles internally, as she’s lost her fire in prison and wants nothing more than to be home, safe, with her daughter. But all her internal struggles must be hidden, because she’s become a beacon of hope for her nation. So instead of letting them see, she remains strong, keeps up the front, keeps acting out the part of hero despite the crumbling she feels inside.

Which made me wonder about Christian leadership. It’s true, we as leaders help provide something to which people can look. I know Minerva kept up the hero-gig because she knew her people needed someone to look to. She did it for them, to give them hope. But as Christians, sometimes this is a struggle. Do we allow ourselves (by we I mean all of us, each of us are looked up to by someone) to be “looked up to” so that people can have hope, or do we insist on stepping down, letting the struggles show, refusing to be the hope, even if it means disappointing people along the way.

Of course you know the answer, right?  We never have to be the hope of the world. Of course Christian discipleship involves setting examples and letting others look our way, but we never have to bear the burden of being a hero. There is only One Hero in this story, and His name is Jesus Christ. He is the hope of the world. He is the only One who never crumbles, who’s never divided. Isn’t that freeing?

So, In the Time of the Butterflies is a good read and a great reminder that we are so blessed by the freedom we enjoy. I’m struck all over again by how blessed we are in this country. Let’s enjoy it, thank God for it, live sacrificially for things eternal, and never succumb to the pressure to be heroes.

{Do you have a favorite novel you’d be willing to share with us? I’m always looking for a great read for the next vacation! Thanks for sharing, and reading.}

 

Love the Lord your God … with all your mind.

Matthew 22:37

Most of us, at one time or another have felt frustration over a certain area of our life that we just cannot seem to master. We’ve talked about Freedom from Food, but the truth is we battle for freedom in dozens of areas virtually every day of our lives. These battles are with besetting sins, areas where we seek to obey God’s best, and yet we struggle and stumble, flail and fail. We are beset, or troubled persistently by these same things again and again. And when we find ourselves facing the same foe again and again, chances are there’s a battle.

A battle of the mind.

All sin is a personal affront on the goodness of God.

All sin, in essence, looks God in the face and says, “You are not enough.”  I still need to have the final word with my husband, I still need to hate this person in my heart because she doesn’t treat me like I want, I still need to be harsh with my children, I still need to stay up late and overindulge in food or media.

So if the essence of sin is believing that God is not sufficient for our needs, the place to begin is by changing the way that we think.  We cannot change the way we feel but we can change the way we think. So how do we begin?

Joyce Meyer’s book, The Battlefield of the Mind, is a great place to start. I’ve never read her work, and kept arm’s length because of some of her word-faith associations and borderline health-wealth theology. So while I’m not espousing her entire ministry, necessarily (simply because I do not know enough either way), the book is a great eye-opener to all that God’s Word says about the necessity of winning the thought-battle we face each day. It’s a bit all over the place, so I can’t completely summarize but here are a few things stood out to me:

• Be careful how you speak of a situation.

I had to do some repenting of how I had labeled my dear and precious son. Yes, he is the child who requires more of my energy, but I think perhaps I’ve labeled him right into a corner clearly marked “Great Challenge” when I should have lifted him right up and placed on his head the honorable crown marked, “Great Potential.” Because truly he does. The boy already has a God-consciousness and an uncanny ability to care less about the opinions of others. It can frustrate me because he is not motivated by praise, at all. (He is motivated by treats laced with sugar.) But the gist of it is that how I think about Dutch will greatly impact how I invest in him, treat him, and train him.  I truly believe that Dutch is the coolest cat in the world and want to spend myself in training that strong-willed soul into a mighty warrior for God. (Can you remind me of that when I’m weak? Thanks!)

• Tenaciously believe that God is for you. I was struck by one thing about Joyce Meyer: confidence. She is just so stinkin’ confident! She basically figures, “I’m seeking God, trusting God, asking God, praying to God, He loves me and will keep me from doing anything stupid.” Simple, yes? But simply true!  Yes, things may “fall apart” temporarily if God wants to mold our character, but He’s not out to get us. For me, this translated into our house situation and London trip (I read the book before we went to London). I was feeling so anxious (Will God sell our house? What if He doesn’t? What if we go to London and it all flops?), but this simple step brought my mind back to peace. God loves me. He led us to read the books and hear the stories and see the world in such a way that we want to downsize our life to give to His kingdom.  He orchestrated the London trip, all of it! So of course He is for us! Of course He will work out a beautiful plan. But we have to tenaciously believe this simple thing — God loves me and is for me.

• Determine wrong thinking and begin a new thought-pattern. It was clear as I read that there was one particular thought-pattern that was tripping me up. If we slow down and pay attention we’ll begin to see that we probably do the same thing over and over again. It might not be a horrible way of thinking, but if it’s less than God’s best then over time it will slowly lead us off course. We have to slow down, pay attention, and ask God to show us where our thought-habits are skewed. Then, the hard part: Over and over (and over and over) begin practicing God’s way of thinking instead. This is where reading/ studying/ memorizing God’s word is critical. We really must brainwash (wash and clean our minds!) with the truth of God’s Word. Where to start? Get in God’s Word every day.

What ways have you waged war in the battlefield of the mind? What worked, what didn’t work, and what have been your “aha!” moments along the way? I pray the mind of Christ for us all today. Thanks for reading.

 

I’ve mentioned before that on a trip I love to take one book and just read it cover to cover, as it creates a sort of literary soundtrack for the journey. It sets the theme. Hawaii’s was The Same Kind of Different As Me, and though I packed several books on this trip, one in particular has clearly surfaced as the primary theme.

Actually, truth be told, I didn’t even pack it, or choose to bring it along, it just hopped its way into my bag along the way.

KP Yohannan’s Revolution in World Missions. I know, I know, I should have read it by now. We’ve had it for years but it just never made its way to the top of my nightstand stack. But at the conference in London they were giving out free copies and it beckoned me. No better place to read it than outside the United States because it makes all the revealing truths twice as clear (and convicting) when you can stand off from afar and take a look at your life.

I’m only halfway through but it sings the same song that has been ringing in my ears this whole trip — the urgency and primacy of the gospel, and our apathy and acaedia when it comes to spreading the truth of Jesus Christ to the billions of people on this planet who do not know Him.

All ten fingers are pointing at myself, by the way.

We all desperately need a dose of reality and a heart for the lost. Amen? Anyone else asking God to crack open their heart, just a tad? Help us see, Lord. We’re desperate for you to wake us up!

So, the book is phenomenal and has sold 2 million copies and I’d love to give you one. Will you read it?

Just leave a comment and let me know if you’re willing to read it, if you’d be so kind, and at the end of the day I’ll send you a book! OR… you ALL can have a free book by going here and signing up for one yourself. Either way, just read it!

–

Happy Friday to you! Jeff and I are thrilled to be meeting a dear blog-reader tonight in London. I’ve never met the sister, but just cooresponded through here. Isn’t it amazing how God connects us? So thankful. Have a wonderful weekend, and thank you, as always, for reading.

 

No I would not!

But that is the title of a book I just read, which actually has very positive things to say about husbands.

The book is not Christian, and I’m not recommending it as the next great marriage-builder, but sometimes it’s fascinating to read secular books and get a feel for what the world in general is thinking these days.

These days they’re thinking that this marriage thing just isn’t working right.

And for the most part, they’re right. Most marriages today aren’t working right, aren’t working as God intended them to.  He created marriage as a glorious picture of Christ and the Church and yet we’ve scribbled all over that picture with our sin and our selfishness. (The crayon is in my hand too.)

And while these authors don’t have the power of God’s Word to shed true light on the situation, they did point out one thing in particular that really struck me about our society:

There is far more pressure to be a “good mom” than there is to be a “good wife.”

Isn’t that the truth? I have never lost sleep over whether or not I am a good wife. But you better believe I have cried my eyes out over whether I’m a good mom. Why is that?

Probably lots of reasons. For me, the marriage thing is just so much easier than parenting. I have the most amazing, godly, laid-back, low-maintenance husband. It is impossible to fight with him. It’s really hard to displease him. Kids? Um…kids can go from zero to meltdown in about 2 seconds. And they don’t seem to mind fighting at all.

Secondly, marriage just seems so much more intuitive. Just being a godly person with common sense makes a great spouse. But, at least in my opinion, that doesn’t necessarily make a great parent. Whoever said parenting comes naturally must know a different kind of natural than me. I’m learning, but it’s not second-nature to be sure.

Finally, when we get together with our girlfriends, we almost always talk about our kids. We blog about kids, read books about kids, encourage each other about our kids, but how cool would it be if we were that passionate about taking care of our husbands? He’s the one that’s going to still be around when the little munchkins are long gone.

He’s the one who completes your personal picture of Christ and His church, for all the world to see.

Your kids and you don’t show the world Christ. Yes, you reflect God our Father and Parent by godly parenting, but only our marriage is held up in Scripture as the picture of Christ and the church. It’s interesting that a secular book would, of course, discover the same truths that God spoke thousands of years ago. Marriage first. Kids second.

So does your marriage need some attention? Take this fun quiz (from the book) and find out for yourself:

Circle all that apply:

• You spend more time with Mr. Potato Head than your husband.
• You’ve fantasized about spraining your ankle just so you can spend some quiet time in the emergency room.
• Your last “date night” was … when you were dating.
• You rationalize not washing your hair for another day because it will save you twenty minutes.
• You refer to your husband as “Daddy.”
• You’re be more concerned with making sure your kid is wearing the right soccer uniform than whether there’s any food in the fridge for your husband.
• You have an uncontrollable fondness for sweatpants, yoga pants, or any pants with an elastic waistband.
• You celebrate your anniversary with a family trip to the zoo.
• His email address comes to mind faster than his first name.

What are three things you can for your husband, today, to show him he’s the top priority in your life? Thanks for reading, and happy Monday!

 

I spent the weekend in the middle of nowhere. No really. The middle of nowhere. And in the woods in the middle of nowhere God found us and graciously poured out His Spirit on a sweet group of women gathered to seek His face.  He is so good to us.

And because we were in the middle of nowhere, I was tucked into a little rustic cabin complete with a warm comforter and hot cup of tea, pampered by these generous women who themselves slept on rock-hard bunks and stumbled through the woods to their restroom. I was humbled by them and blessed. Thank you.

So in the quiet, the stillness, the crisp, cold air of 5,000 foot-elevation, I sat along the creek and let the sun warm my face. I pulled back the curtains of the cabin and sat and stared at the  trees, rising to heaven, sunlight dancing on their needles and branches.  I taught and prayed and prepared and we sang and played and laughed and cried. And I had the luxury of an early bedtime with no housework to do and no meals to prep for the next day and no monkeys to tuck into bed. So I pulled out a little yellow book, Heaven Is For Real, and read the whole thing cover to cover before nestling down into my warm bed.

Wow.

It’s a quick read, one that you can just buy and then pass along to someone else. But it’s worth it. Four-year-old Colton Bumpo, in a brink-of-death experience, gets a glimpse of heaven and his report is nothing short of astonishing.

It’s exactly what the Bible says.

What’s amazing about the story is that Colton reports things in 4-year-old terms, without the guile or natural screening that we old folks tend to have. The first thing he notices was that Jesus has “markers”.  His parents couldn’t figure it out until they realized he was referring to the very clear “red marker marks” on Jesus hands and feet. His wounds.

Dozens of facts validate Colton’s findings. He was able to see and know exactly what his parents were doing during his surgery, when he was under anesthesia and in a different room. He perfectly identifies a grandfather who he meets in heaven, who he had never met on earth, identifies the grandfather from a picture taken of him when he was 29, since “there are no old people in heaven.”

What’s remarkable is that everything Colton shared, in his simple child-like way, lines up exactly with Scripture. And my favorite part:

“Colton, why did Jesus die on the cross.”

“Jesus said he died on the cross so we could go be with his Dad.”

Yup. That just about sums it up, amen?

Personally, it touched me by drawing me back to a simple childlike faith. As much as I love to study and teach and learn and grow, and I think that the Bible can keep us beautifully busy studying the glorious riches of theology, what it all boils down to is a greater-increasing love for Jesus.

Perspective.

The perspective of knowing that heaven is for real and it is good. That we will know each other and recognize each other. That Jesus will be the most beautiful thing we have ever seen, and His eyes will captivate our hearts.

It simplifies our evangelistic message, yes? Do you know Jesus?

I am so thankful to have spent the weekend with a sweet group of women who simply love Jesus. They don’t complicate it, they just live it. And I am so thankful to have this taste of heaven from dear little Colton Burpo. I believe his message is one of hope. Check it out and be encouraged.

Thanks for reading.

 

[A conversation this week brought this to the forefront of my mind, thoughts from Feb 2008.]

Today I was struck by an excerpt from Larry Crabb’s book Inside Out (an excellent read).   He hits on a key component of what it means to be affected by the fall as men and women.  We were created male and female, the only human distinction verbalized by God as part of His original plan.  Race, personality, hair, eye, height, intellect, and emotional distinctions would arise with time but in the very beginning this distinction stood.  And it was good.  Very good.

But how has this been corrupted through the fall?  While men were destined to enter into the world strongly, providing for their families with servant leadership, they’ve been tainted by weakness, a deep sense of inadequacy and impotence.  The man will now battle forever the unspoken fear that he does not measure up.

While women were destined to enter the world courageously giving of themselves vulnerably through talents, wisdom, kindness, warmth, and support, she now has a deep sense of disappointment—for her man has failed her.  As a result, she no longer has the confidence to be vulnerable.  She is threatened and now feels, as Crabb says, “compelled to defensively control her relationships.”  The woman will now battle forever the unspoken fear that to be vulnerable is to be hurt.

Who has not experienced this? Who has not witnessed it in our marred world?  Women want men to step up and be strong, but men don’t know how to do that because they’re so afraid of admitting that they don’t know how, so instead they respond by overcompensating—through harshness or lording over or gruff, hard exterior.  On the contrary, others just give up and give in to passivity, to steer clear of the danger of failure.

Men want women who will praise, love, and support them.  But we’ve swallowed the lie that to be vulnerable is to be hurt, so we protect ourselves.  When we’re not led, we’ll do it ourselves.  We’ll do our best to attract men because that makes us feel secure, but we won’t truly let our guard down because then our worst fear may be realized—that we’re not truly beautiful and will therefore be rejected.

How can we right this? Crabb would say, I believe, that we do this by repenting of our fear of self-protection.  Men, it’s ok to admit that you don’t have a clue!  That’s ok!  Women, it’s ok to admit that we’re scared to death to let all our defenses down because people might see that we’re not that pretty after all.  Women, let men fail and praise them still.  Men, let women be imperfect and praise them still.

This is why pornography is such a sick, twisted temptation from the pit of hell.  Men are able to engage sexually without any fear of failure—there is no one there to criticize them!  They can satisfy themselves with no vulnerability.   In the process, women are demoralized and objectified and can no longer function as vulnerable beings because they are so afraid of not being as beautiful or skilled as the covergirl. This is obviously only one repercussion of the fall, but it is a telling one.  Our male-female relationships have suffered.  Can we restore them?   Can we try?

We can, by God’s grace, and we must.

–

How do you see this dynamic at work around our world and in your sphere?  Men, do you feel a need to overcompensate? Women, do you feel a need to control? Jeff and I can both relate to these feelings — Praise Jesus He is continually redeeming ALL that was lost in the Fall.

Thanks for reading.