Motherhood can be discouraging. I just spent 1 1/2 hours rocking Dutch trying to get him to sleep and finally gave up and now he is just in his crib crying. Jeff is gone at class from 7:45am this morning until 9:30pm tonight. I am staring around me at the toys strewn around the living room that is not mine. Mom and Dad are gone to Montana for a week. It is a beautiful day and I want to go for a walk or a run or do something other than sit here out in the boonies listening to my son cry on the monitor.
But there is grace for today. Many of you who know me know that I want to write a book entitled The Sacredness of the Mundane, essentially about glorifying God and finding meaning and purpose in every detail of life. This is certainly not a new concept. Brother Lawrence practiced the presence of God, AW Tozer disdained the sacred-secular duality, and John Piper celebrates drinking orange juice to the glory of God. But I want to devote an entire book to it, from a woman’s perspective, with a fresh new twist for today.
So what is sacred in my situation right now, as I sit, listening to the rustling of Dutch on the monitor as he’s finally settling himself down to sleep (or he’s just standing up in his crib playing quietly — at this point I don’t care which it is)? Well, first of all, I can rejoice because I know that God is on the throne. He is in control of my circumstances, and, because everything in my life has been God-filtered, it is for my good. So, instead of feeling trapped by living out here at Mom & Dad’s house, I can thank God because He’s decided, in His infinite goodness, that somehow it is better for my sanctification (the process of being like Christ), that I be out here. Besides, I look out the window at natural beauty–sunlight, blue sky, trees, orange and brown and yellow leaves, sparkles of water droplets on the still-green grass of fall.
Jeff is gone all day, which makes me sad, but I can recognize this as an opportunity to spend extra time with the Lord and writing, since I won’t be spending time making dinner. I also praise God because Jeff is away studying God’s Word! Praise God that I have a husband who loves and enjoys and knows God more than he loves and enjoys and knows anything else in life. Praise God for that!
Because I was desperate to get out of the house, I drove Dutch in the Molalla park, where we swung and toddled around on the grass. While I was there, I ran into two girls from High School. I didn’t know them well, as they were several years younger than me, but we recognized each other and shared the commonality of little ones, and were able to talk, as we are all believers, about the things God’s done in our lives the past 10 years. I also exchanged phone numbers with one girl, so we can meet at the park more often. That is huge! If I didn’t live out here in the middle of nowhere, and if I hadn’t felt trapped and alone with Jeff gone, I never would have driven all the way into the park. But I went, and they were there, and God was in that encounter.
. . . now it is much later in the day and Dutch has finally fallen asleep. Thank You, God. I recognize this blog entry isn’t very profound–just some thoughts throughout a somewhat taxing day. But now, the house is quiet, Dutch is asleep, Jeff is still at school, and I am alone, sweetly, deliciously alone to enjoy some sacred moments . . .