Sacred Mundane: The Blog

Last night I had another emotional-break down (they are pretty much becoming the norm around here…hmmm…).  I was so depressed as we looked through the Multnomah placement booklet and saw NO local pastoral jobs available except for ones that wanted 5-8 years of previous pastoral experience (even for associate pastors!).  This coupled with just the rain (it’s August!), spending way too much time stuck at home with no car, feeling too nauseaus to cook but having to anyway, and then being frustrated that my body betrayed me by being overcome with an insane craving (pregnancy cravings are truly like monsters taking over your body) for Costco lattice-topped apple pie.  Of course we cannot make the hour-long drive to Costco (which was closed at this time anyway) for an apple pie.  Then someone stopped by to visit and it’s getting to the point where I hate seeing people I haven’t seen in a long time because they always want to know “So, what are you guys up to now?” and I have to say again, “Nothing.  We can’t find a job. Nothing.”   And here’s the real part (I know, I am a very ugly person on the inside), it was one of those people whose life looks perfect–perfect kids, nice car, mansion of a house, good job, etc. etc. Hugely shallow weakness on my part, I know, but it just made me feel like that much more of a loser.

Anyway, after putting Dutch to bed, Jeff suggested we watch a movie on TV.  We found one one I’d never seen: Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events with Jim Carrey.  Really bizarre, but strangely captured our attention right away, and I found myself frustrated by commercials because I was really intrigued.  At the end, of course, these three brave orphaned children have survived the villianous Count Olaf attempting to kill them time and time again, and each time they were in a seeminly impossible circumstance and death was imminent, fearless Violet would tie her hair up in a bow and say, “there’s always something.” There’s always something that can be done, no matter how desperate the circumstance.  There’s always something.  And as the movie ended, the children saw how really fortunate they truly were, to have each other, even in the midst of a series of unfortunate events.  I knew, silly as it sounds, the message was for me.

This morning we overslept, and all three raced out the door, carrying bowls of cereal, Dutch still in his pajamas, me without a shower or combed hair, because I was supposed to meet a friend for coffee in the big town, and Jeff thought he and Dutch would come along and find a park or something.  After driving thirty minutes, just before we got to the coffee shop, I got a text for her saying she couldn’t make it.  Surprisingly, we looked at each other, and realized that we now had an excuse to be in town, together, with our son, on a special date just the three of us, a family.  We got some Starbucks, then went to the park, a fabulous preschool park at a local Christian school, where Dutch played to his heart’s content, climbing, sliding, swinging, driving boats, playing house.

Then Jeff thought Dutch had a poopy diaper (and we hadn’t brought any fresh ones), and since we were almost out at home, we figured we might as well go to Costco and get the diapers, wipes, the whole deal.  When we walked in we realized that Jeff had been desperately needing new glasses, but we kept saying we couldn’t do it until we got a job.  Well, something clicked inside and we realized this was the perfect time.  We went to the optomotrist–no appointments open today. But wait, the girl said, they just had a cancellation–could Jeff come in right now?  Um, yes!  Jeff got a new prescription, fabulous new glasses for a great price, and Dutch and I had the fun of perusing through Costco, in no hurry, eating tons of free samples and looking at kids’ books.  Then I remembered…apple pie!  I had totally forgotten!  I happily and with no guilt, marched over and there they were…lattice-topped apple pies (let it be known I have never bought a store-bought pie in my life…this is not an every day occurance).  I smiled to myself realizing that God had this wonderful morning all planned out for us, and we didn’t even know it.

On the drive home I thought about our morning:  The preschool park we’d known nothing about, the cancelled coffee date, the glasses, the apple pie, and sweet hours of treasured time together as a family–really, a kiss from God in the midst of what has been feeling like a series of unfortunate events.  I’m sorry if this post bored you to tears–perhaps it’s a bit pathetic that a morning in town, buying apple pie, is the most exciting thing that has happened to me all week, but I see it as a precious morning of divinely-orchestrated Fortunate Events.  Thank you, Father.

Dutch is pooping blue.  Really.  Sorry, that’s gross, I know, but I want you to understand the enormous quantity of blueberries that this boy is consuming.  He eats them by the pound.  I’ll make no comment about my digestive system, but I’ve been eating quite a few myself, as they are the only healthy thing that doesn’t make my stomach turn right now.

So last week I finally succumbed and paid the ridiculous price for 2 pounds of blueberries-and that was at Winco!  I almost bought some raspberries at Thriftway, as they’re my favorite, but dropped the teeny ½ carton as if it’d burned my hand when I saw the sign saying $4/carton.  It was only about a handful of berries!

So, after a few days bemoaning the rising food costs, I was seated amongst some girls at a playdate, and asked, “Does anybody know where I can pick blueberries?!”  Becky, who hosted the date, got a funny look on her face and just pointed toward the road.  At that moment I realized how silly my question was because I knew that they had bush after bush of fresh blueberries-they’d given us some last year.  I had totally forgotten that though, so here I was looking as if I’d planted a question in order to get free blueberries again.  Anyway, I explained that my brain failed me quite often these days, but they insisted that we come back out and pick berries, for free.  The next morning Jeff and Dutch and I came back and picked two huge mixing bowls brim full of berries (actually I only picked one, Becky came and helped me and picked the other one herself).  What generosity!

Then, another dear friend overheard me talking about blueberries, and she picked me a big carton full of them herself.  She also cut out the section in the local paper that lists all the places to pick local berries, at super amazing deals.  Then the first family, five days later, picked us another huge plastic bag full of them!  Three cheers for generous blueberry-plant-owners!

So, between our garden (which is limping along in its own pretty pathetic way) and berry farms and generous friends, we are enjoying the produce of the land rather abundantly this year.  I planted five pots of basil and have made batch after batch of heavenly homemade pesto with pine nuts and parmesan.  This mixed with rotini pasta with more freshly shredded parmesan, whole pine nuts, and dried cranberries is absolutely spectacular.

So, we all know that to buy local and pick fresh is the earth-friendly way to do things. It can also be cost-effective, if you pick things yourself and plan ahead, canning or freezing extra so you can enjoy all winter long.  Eating local produce can also be much healthier, as there is less travel time for food to lose valuable nutrients, and often food is organic without the expensive green sticker.  Supporting local farmers is also a worthwhile cause, and the joy of sharing produce–giving and receiving–brings people together.  Berry pick with a friend, get together to can or freeze fruit, make freezer jam (I’m scared of canning but freezing and freezer jam is super easy), or bake yummy berry breads and muffins and freeze them for quick treats reheated in the microwave.

Summer is the perfect time to skip the supermarket.  Buy it local, pick it fresh!

Has John Piper ever NOT hit a homerun with any book he’s written?  I tell you, the guy amazes me.  If ever I need the truth, the real stuff, the perspective that takes me away from the fluff of our cultural Christianity and back to the truth of God’s Word, it’s him (and the Bible, of course!).

You’d think I’d turned into Jeff for all the dabbling I’m doing in different books–that is not my character. I’m a serial monogamous reader, Jeff is a polygamous reader.  (I stick with one book to the end then move to another, Jeff reads about 10 at a time…all stacked on the nightstand by our bed).  At any rate, I opened up a book of Piper’s called The Hidden Smile of God, a book about the fruit of affliction in the lives of John Bunyan, William Cowper, and David Brainerd.  Bunyard and Brainard I was somewhat familiar with, but I hadn’t even heard of Cowper.  But listen to this hymn, perhaps you know it, written by a man whose life was filled with grief and sorrow.

Deep in unfathomable mines

of never failing skill,

He treasures up His bright designs

and works His sovereign will.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,

but trust Him for His grace;

behind a frowning providence

He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,

unfolding every hour;

the bud may have a bitter taste

but sweet will be the flower.

Blind unbelief is sure to err,

and scan His work in vain:

God is His own interpreter,

and He will make it plain. 

Behind a frowning providence, He hides a smiling face.  Be encouraged today by the hidden smile of God. 

If you’re just now joining this blog family, it may seem a little silly, but to those of you who have followed this journey over the past year, I think you understand why I’m truly celebrating.  Today marks one year of blogging at karipatterson.com.  So why is this so significant?

The Journey

About 13 months ago, my husband, son and I left our wonderful home, friends, and job to move in with my parents so that we could finish seminary.  It had become impossible for Jeff to work full-time, go to school, commute 1.5 hours each way to class, and then even begin to think about being a husband and father.  I knew there was no way I could finish my last full-time semester of classes without lots of childcare, and the idea of driving 1.5 hours to my parents’ house, dropping Dutch off, then driving another hour to school, take classes all day, then retrace the 2.5 hour drive again was just crazy.  So, we decided to take a leap of faith and rent out our house, sell 3/4 of everything we owned, saving only very special or sentimental furniture and belongings, and moved into my parents’ house.  We would then just live on our savings, with little part-time jobs as TAs and tutors to help with tuituion costs, and pray that down the road God would open up another door to walk through when the time came.  At that time we figured Jeff had 2 years left, but we only had enough savings to live on for one year…so we decided to go for it for a year, and then pray that God would open up a door for him to work, hopefully in a ministry setting, and finish school, since by then I would be done (except for one class) and we wouldn’t have the same time stressers. 

The Challenge

A month into this new situation, Jeff realized that without having a home, I would soon go crazy. As a wife and mom, my home is my outlet, my identity, it’s how I express my heart and love and creativity.  I loved being a stay-at-home mom (and student) and thrived on having people over, opening up our home, and practicing hospitality.  I loved finding creative and inexpensive ways to decorate, organize, and beautify our home.  I was passionate about creating a calm, serene haven for Jeff, where we could hide away from the world and be a family.  I knew this was risky, letting go of all this, knowing that it was probably a pretty big part of my mental health, but I really felt like this was what God had for us.  So Jeff, in his loving wisdom, spent $13 and bought me karipatterson.com, insisting that I take all my creative energies that I used to pour into home, and channel them into writing, which was my first creative passion anyway.  I knew nothing about blogging (and still don’t), but it quickly became an amazing way for me to articulate my heart, share my thoughts, struggles, insights, failures, and victories, and forced me to be thinking creatively. 

The Result

I wish I could say I’ve come through this past year with flying colors.  Honestly, I’ve more limped through it–failure interspersed with occasional victories.  It’s been a rough year.  And I wish I could say I’m writing from the other side now, looking back, but I’m not. I’m still in it.  We’re praying God provides a job now so we can move out and prepare for the birth of our second child.  I am still struggling with being here. I feel like I die a thousand little deaths each day, of pride, of control, of identity.  But I feel like significant things have been birthed through this blog–insights I’ll carry with me forever, stories I even hope to revise and put into book form to share with our children, raw journal entries that expose the desperate states we travel through on this journey of sanctification. 

And I’ve met so many of you.  I know this blog is still small beans, but my goal is not numbers–my goal is that through writing my own life, and prayerfully a few other lives, would be changed for His glory.  I started out averaging 2 readers per day (myself and Jeff!)…today we’re averaging 60. I share that because that makes me praise my Father for His goodness and grace, for Him providing a bridge for me, with others, while I’m stranded out here with no car, in the boonies. 🙂

And what I really want to say today is THANK YOU.  Thank you for reading, for cheering me on, for adding comments, disagreements, challenges, confirmations.  Thanks for joining me along the journey, for not throwing up your hands in disgust when I stumble, but for chugging along with me on the road.  I pray that this year is filled with God’s supernatural abundant grace on our lives–that we’d be changed into His likeness, from strength to strength.  Thanks for reading.