Reflections from a Wonderful Christmas
Ahh… I just woke up from a nap. Yes. An actual nap. The kind where you sleep. We have had a wonderful whirlwind of activity that past week and a half, and I have thoroughly enjoyed and savored every sweet moment of it. But oh I love that delicious feeling of the first “normal” day after a week or so of excitement. We have partied, celebrated, and feasted. We have traveled, laughed, given and received. I have enjoyed this holiday season more than any other in my life. And today I’m thankful finally for a day to sit back and actually reflect on all we’ve done. I can’t move on to the new year without processing it all. It’s almost as if the enjoyment isn’t complete until you reflect upon it a little. Anyone else like that? So, today as I lounge in my hooded sweatshirt for these last 30 minutes of naptime, here are my reflections from our sweet celebrations.
- Misplaced expectations always lead to disappointment. Though I can’t believe it now, I actually said to Jeff, at about 8:30am on Christmas morning, “I think this might be the worst Christmas.” Isn’t that horrible? I’m ashamed of myself now. You know the problem? I had unfair expectations of my kids. I was so excited with all our fun traditions and ways to spotlight Jesus, but as any of you moms know, nothing ever goes as planned when little ones are in the mix. And, as some of you know, my little Dutcher doesn’t do well with new, unfamiliar, or chaotic circumstances. So when I wanted to do the oh-so-fun morning search to find baby Jesus, he sat on the couch and cried because all he wanted to do was play with the toys he’d gotten for his birthday 3 days before. (It is tricky having bday and Christmas so close. After not opening a single gift all year it’s like gift-gluttany all in one week.) Anyway, we just had a rocky morning and nothing was going “as planned”. Of course all it took was a good reminder to myself of another young mom, who also didn’t have Christmas morning go “as planned.” I can only imagine that Mary felt a tad bit stressed out when her “birthplan” could not be followed, huh ladies? Praise the Lord that she was able to adapt and praise God and despite her circumstances because she was doing divine work… as we all are in some way or other. Lesson for me? Beware of expectations. Our traditions should serve our family for the Lord’s sake, we shouldn’t force our families to serve our traditions. Oh thank You, God for Your grace for us!
- Giving Gets our eyes off ourselves. Ok, I know that Christmas has gotten very commercialized and materialistic, but I still LOVE to give gifts. I love it. We don’t spend much, but I have so much fun giving people things and this year was no exception. I actually think the highlight of my entire holiday was Christmas morning when we visited our Twelve Days of Christmas Family. We had secretly delivered little items on the porch of a family for the 12 days before Christmas, and since I thought they knew who we were we decided to deliver the Christmas morning cinnamon rolls in the daylight and go ahead and say hello and wish them a Merry Christmas. Well when I approached the door they all came running out and “caught” us and it was the most fun, hilarious thing ever. They had put out a special gift for the “Stealthy Christmas Angel Ninja” (their words), and shared how they didn’t know who it was and had been asking around everywhere if anyone knew who the Christmas Ninja was who managed to sneak onto their porch each day. 🙂 (In fact, Jeff overheard someone at church asking someone else, “Are you the Christmas Ninja who’s been visiting the ——‘s house?” Haha!) Anyway, we all laughed so hard recalling our efforts to be sneaky and their efforts to catch us. There was no way I could remain in my ridiculous funk after that encounter. Of course the rest of the gift giving was so fun too. What better way to get our eyes off ourselves than to pray and plan and thoughtfully prepare gifts (or acts of service, etc.) for other people. I love it!
- 40 Years of Marriage Speaks Volumes. So in the midst of Dutch’s birthday and several Christmas celebrations, we also had the joy of celebrating my parents’ 40th wedding anniversary. Wow! Thoughts on this deserve an entire post all their own, so there’s more on that later. But, suffice it to say that my parents’ marriage is the most profound example of God’s plan for marriage that I have ever seen. I can’t even begin to express how thankful I am to have a mom and dad who are committed to Christ and each other. Through thick and thin. And right now, through some very challenging health issues, they are joyful, loving, and the best of friends. Ok, gotta stop there or I will cry and I only have 5 more minutes until naptime is over. Mom and Dad, you are the best. Thank you.
- Celebrations are worth it. All I mean by this is that the past few weeks have been a great reminder to me that celebrations are worth the effort. I used to love throwing parties and going all out and making occasions really special for people. But as the years have gone by (and children have come!), I have definitely made SIMPLE the key goal in all things. And of course I do believe simple is best. I certainly will continue keeping simplicity and frugality as pretty chief goals. But we had the joy of throwing a big Christmas party to host friends of my brother and his wife’s since they live out of state (but used to live here). I never would have done it without my sister-in-law’s nudge or help, but I was so glad we did. Our house was packed, the place was chaos, and the day after it looked like a tornado had hit. But you know what? It was so worth it. Although we’re not very fancy or sophisticated people we went as “all out” as I ever do (which pretty much just means punch bowls and china and lots of food), but it was so wonderful and I’d do it all over again … in a year or so. 🙂 It reminded me that while yes, it is easier to use paper plates–the precious people in my life are worth celebrating, and it was a joy to do it. I’m thankful for the reminder … and for the leftovers. 🙂
So naptime is over, and I think I can now look forward to 2011, having processed our wonderful whirlwind of holiday festivities. Thanks be to God for His inexpressible gift! (2 Cor 9:15) He is so generous, and we are so thankful.
Frugal Friday: Dutch's First Lesson in Finances
At our Christmas Eve service, later tonight, Dutch will have the joy of making his first monetary deposit in God’s Kingdom. Yes, his first tithe! Though we’ve talked about money before, he hadn’t really been ready to grasp the different concepts until now, and for Dutch’s 4th birthday his great-grandma sent him a birthday card with 4 one-dollar bills inside. Perfect! Yesterday at breakfast we laid out the 4 bills in front of him and explained that he had been given the money as a gift. He understands the concept of buying things at the store, etc. so we explained that this money was his and we were going to practice what to do with it (give first, save second, then spend). We laid out the 4 bills. “Now, Dutch which of these would you like to give to God?” He picked one (perfect! We’ve got him tithing 25% right off the bat! Makes it easy to be generous when there’s no denomination smaller than 25% of the total :)). Then we asked which one would he like to save. He picked another. Then we explained that he got to keep the other 2 dollars and that we were going to the store and he could pick anything he wanted (gotta love the Dollar Store!). But, we also pointed out that Sister, his neighbor (who was sitting right next to him), didn’t have any dollars, so perhaps he could choose to use $1 for himself and use the other $1 to share and buy a gift for sister. He thought that sounded good.
That afternoon we made our big trip. Can I just say he was the cutest “big boy” in the whole world, with his $2 tucked into his jeans pocket, marching into the Dollar Tree like someone had handed him the world. After searching for a looong time he settled on a matchbox garbage truck. Then he said he wanted to get something for sister.
“Now what do you think sister would like?” I asked, holding up some playdough and eyeing some little toy dolls.
“She would like this car,” he held up another matchbox car. “She really likes cars.” Hmm… 🙂 Ok, well we will deal with the gift-giving lesson on another day, I’m just excited that he’s willing to share! So we march to the register, and he stands tall and hands the two cars and then hands over his $2 bills to the checker just as confident as can be, and we marched out of that store. He was on cloud nine. We ran to the car and Dutch handed sister her new car (and she actually loved it, so hey, maybe he does know her taste!).
I know this little lesson isn’t unique–probably all you moms out there have had similar precious moments with your youngsters teaching them about money. But I’m just so excited for Dutch to enter the joy of learning to be generous. I have so much to learn and I’m sure he’ll teach me a thing or two. This morning during my quiet time I read 1 Timothy 6:17-19:
“As for the rich in this present age, charge them not to be haughty, nor to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy (like matchbox cars!). They are to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, thus storing up treasure for themselves as a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is truly life.”
So often I fall into the trap of believing that “that which is truly life” is having the perfect place to live, having just the right clothes or furnishings or even finding the coolest Christmas card or the best gifts to give to others. But once again God reminds us that we take hold of that which is truly life when we let go and simply enjoy all that God has already given us, and when we are generous and ready to share. Tonight and tomorrow we celebrate the most generous act in the history of the world–the giving of One’s own Son. The Ultimate gift. Oh come let us adore Him!
And, whatever is under the tree with your name on it, I pray that you enjoy it with the same delight that Dutch has for his little matchbox garbage truck. Merry Christmas.
—
*Dutch and Heidi putting Dutch’s change (from previous birthdays that we’d kept until now), into his dinosaur bank.
Twinkly Tongues
It’s usually the things we don’t plan that make the most special memories. Or, most often, the mishaps. So what 4-year-old birthday would be complete without a grand finale mommy mishap? This one takes the cake (and renders it inedible).
So I found a recipe for “Dutch Cake”, which I was so excited to make for Dutch’s birthday. I whipped up the recipe only to realize there was no way on earth that kids would actually eat it–it was hard and dry and only sweetened with molasses. I could just see the kids at Dutch’s little “birthday party” (we just had the little boys from our Community Group over) staring down at the hard little rock cupcake and wondering what they’d done wrong to deserve that. No, I would not be the dud mommy, so at the last minute I used the Funfetti cake mix (given to us at church for the intended use of a Jesus Birthday party), forced myself not to think about the hydrogenated soybean oil contained therein, and whipped up a batch of cupcakes and homemade frosting. So far so good. It would be a hit.
But then I thought it’d be fun to make something special for the family party we were having in the evening. I knew Dutch’s little cousins loved Cake Pops, so I found the directions and went for it. Mush cake and frosting, form into balls, easy. But then you’re supposed to dip them in melting chocolate, of which I had none, so I thought it’d be super fun to instead dip them in powdered sugar and serve them as “snowballs”–perfect for a December birthday! Yes, snowballs! Perfect. Now, did I have powdered sugar? Hm…wasn’t sure. I dug around and found a clear winco baggie (I buy everything in bulk), squeezed it with my fingers (it squeaks and has a distinct feel if it is cornstarch), and it didn’t squeak so I knew immediately that it was indeed powdered sugar. I happily powdered up my special snowballs and we were all set.
After dinner the kids gathered around excitedly for their treats. I served the kids then got busy cutting cheesecake for the adults. I overheard my neice exclaim, “This doesn’t taste good!” but was quickly chided by her mom for being rude so she hushed up and picked at the rest of her snowball. I was vaguely aware that the other kids just sort of picked at theirs as well but was busy doing other things. Soon they were off playing again and I thought nothing of it.
Later, doing dishes, apparently my poor sister in law nibbled on one and knew immediately what I had done. My brother came into the dining room, grinning: “So you coat your snowballs in baking soda, huh?” My jaw dropped. Of course!! I had just for the first time bought baking soda at Winco in the bulk section and forgotten about it.
“No wonder,” My mom said laughing, “Dutch kept saying, ‘this snowball makes my tongue all twinkly.'” Yes, twinkly tongues for sure! Poor kids, they were awful and made your mouth fizz something terrible.
So far no reactions, and no fizzy bubbles are coming out their noses, thank goodness. But it makes for a fun memory. And hey, none of the children overdosed on sugar that’s for sure! That’s one way to sour them on sweets…
Overall, what a blessed day. Thank you, God, for marvelous mishaps that sprinkle our days with laughter. And of course, thank you for four-year-old boys and tongues that twinkle.
You are four.
December 20th, 2010
Dear Dutch,
I just tucked you into bed for the last time as a three-year-old. Boy, you capture my heart. I came into your room and snuggled up on your bed and asked, “Now Dutch, tell me again–what day is tomorrow?” With a huge grin in your face you said, “My birthday!!” “And Dutch, how old are you going to be tomorrow?” “FOUR!!!” Then you went on, “And after I’m four, then I’m going to be FIVE! And after I’m five, then I’m going to be SIX! And after…” You went on through all the numbers that you know, until … “then I’m going to be ELEVEN! (pause) … Mommy, what comes after eleven?” I told you, and you continued all the way through fourteen. Then I made you stop because I couldn’t bear the thought of you any older than that, as tears were streaming down my smiling face. “Fourteen!! Mommy, I’m going to get SO BIG!” Tears … “Yes, baby, you’re going to get so big. This is your last night as a three-year-old boy. You’re going to get so big. And mommy is so proud of you. I’m so proud to be your mommy. You are growing so big and godly, and your so brave and kind and smart. Mommy is so proud of you.”
You replied, “Mommy, I love you. This is the best day.” I smiled. More tears.
“And Mommy, I have one more thing to tell you.”
“Yes, Dutch?”
“I love Daddy.” You went on to tell me that you love sister too, and that you love your friends and that you’re never going to be mean to your friends again but you’re going to be a good friend always. And then you said how much you love our big house and that you’re happy that it’s never going to sell because you want to live here forever. 🙂 And then you randomly began talking about something I cannot repeat because you are learning about private boy and girl parts and you said the most hilarious thing I have ever heard but I cannot blog about. 🙂 So I steered the conversation back to birthdays.
“Goodnight, Mommy.”
“Goodnight, Dutch.”
And now I’m here, son, sitting in my own bed and thinking about what an amazing past four years these have been. I remember Christmas four years ago, listening to Joseph’s Song by Mercy Me, over and over, thinking about baby Jesus and you, my miracle baby boy, watching you sleep, overwhelmed with love and excitement, and yet terrified, knowing how much was at stake, knowing what a cruel world you were entering and how great was the call God has on your life. But God has been faithful these past four years and I know He will continue to be.
I do believe, with all my heart, dear son, that God has called you to great things. I plead with God daily for the grace and diligence to train you in His ways, to do all that I possibly can to raise you to be a man of integrity, self-control, honesty, discipline, and character. I pray specifically that in the next year to two years that you would pray to receive Christ as your Savior, that you would be born again as a new creation, and that His Holy Spirit would enable you to walk in God’s ways. I’m amazed at how much you already understand of the Gospel, and I pray God will quicken your little spirit to full comprehend the gift of grace in Jesus Christ. If you and Heidi faithfully walk with Him all of your days then my life will be a success.
Tomorrow you will get many fun toys. I can’t wait to see your delighted face and squeals of delight. I can’t wait to make you your favorite pancakes in the morning and I can’t wait to serve you blue cupcakes tomorrow night. I can’t wait to hear you recite your latest verse, “By wisdom a house is built. Proverbs 24:FIVE!” and hold out your five fingers, then jump up and down and ask, “Now can I have my gummy?” Rewards are certainly the way to your heart. 🙂
Thank you, son, for four wonderful years of life. I plead with God today that He helps me be the mommy I need to be to raise you in His ways. I want with every ounce of my being for you to simply be a man who loves God. And even this moment, on the dawn of your fourth birthday, I pray this year you would grow to be a little boy who loves God. Continue to embrace life. Color, play, race, and run with all your might. It’s fine with me if you continue to wear your pants backwards as well, we have plenty of time to work on that down the road.
Happy birthday, son! You are a fine four-year-old boy.
With love beyond your comprehension,
Mommy.
(Re)Learning to be fun: Pics
Since I’m so bad about sending/posting pictures with each post, I thought I’d just do a quick chronicle through our recent December (Re)Learning to be fun and Christmas festivities.
Making Play-doh
Making LOTS of delicious homemade turkey stock from the leftover turkey carcasses at Thanksgiving. Delicious, nutritious, and frugal cooking!!
Dutch learning to write his letters (that pesky Q!)
Making our Gingerbread House!
Lots of reading (not a new activity but the pic was too cute to pass up)
Heidi’s new potty!
Dutch’s Morning Mail: Instead of an advent calendar, each morning Dutch gets “mail” in a tiny little mailbox tree ornament that my Grandma made for me when I was little. He loves running downstairs in the morning to get his mail!
This is my Christmas light project, that Jeff and I did together. I already warned you that I am no Martha Stewart, but it was a fun project to do together and it makes our house seem a little less Ebenezer-Scroogish than before.
Joy to the world the Lord is come! I pray you have a wonderful Christmas week ahead with fun adventures and sacred celebration!
Book Review: Preschool-Wise
I have yet to find a Bible verse that specifies exactly how long one should breast-feed or whether infants should share sleep with their parents. But, oh how thankful I am for helpful and wise resources which steer us clueless parents in the direction of peace, order, and joy. The Babywise series is just one of these blessed resources.
I do not mean to exaggerate when I share this story, but it was all but a divine encounter when I discovered the original Babywise book. When Jeff and I were first married (and clueless to the ways of child-rearing might I add), we occasionally babysat for a few other couples so they could have a night out. (They seemed inordinately grateful for this and now I understand why!). During one of these late nights at a house, while the children slept, I discovered Babywise on a bookshelf. It called to me. I read most of it sitting there in the dark and was hooked. When we discovered Dutch was on the way we bought a copy and I read it, re-read it, underlined and dog-eared it, and kept it by my bed for reference when I wanted to throw in the towel.
The gist of it, as most of you know, is that most children thrive on a routine–in a world that is brand new and unpredictable and out of control, it is comforting for children to have a predictable and calming routine that brings peace and order as they learn to make sense of a new world. Along with that, training children to put themselves to sleep develops good sleep habits which literally benefit them the rest of their lives.
The next book in the series, Toddler-wise, goes over basics of early-discipline, teaching children how to feed themselves, etc.
Somehow I’d missed the fact that there was a Preschool-Wise book as well. Again, I’m not meaning to exaggerate but it was an answer to prayer. We were doing well but Dutch was having a difficult month in November and I was feeling again exasperated and discouraged. During one of our routine trips to the library, I was perusing the parenting section and TaDa! there it was. I came home and about fell out of my chair as it addressed perfectly everything we were experiencing with Dutch. Bottom line? I had still been parenting in a toddler-style when Dutch is almost 4 years old and needing the bar raised. So after this lengthy introduction, let me share a few words about Preschool-Wise.
- Moral Education the Key to all Learning: Of the four areas of development (physical, emotional, intellectual, and moral), it is absolutely critical that moral training be the bedrock foundation for the other three. We all know this is true, right? It doesn’t matter if I raise a genius–if he is selfish, lying, brat there is no hope. Scriptures tell us that he who does not obey will die (that’s the Dutch-memory-verse version of Prov. 19:16), so it matters not how smart out kids are if they cannot obey. This is most clear in the area of self-control. If a child can learn self-control then he will have the discipline to learn anything. This is so encouraging! It helps us focus our training on just those few things that will then enable our children to excel in other areas. As a result of this we have primarily focused on self-control as our learning goal this past month.
- Choice Addiction: Another great parenting/education book is Parenting with Love & Logic. It emphasizes the importance of giving children controlled choices. It’s a fabulous book, but sometimes as parents we can get so focused on choices that we unwittingly turn our children into Choice Addicts. Meaning, they are so used to always having several choices, at every turn, that when faced with a situation where they are given a simple command and no choice, they balk at it and rebel. I too saw this some in Dutch. Yes, he would use a polite voice and be respectful in his many requests and preferences, but I could see an underlying attitude that assumed he would always get what he wanted. This breeds a heart of entitlement, consumerism, and preference-driven lifestyle. To my surprise, he actually responds well now that I have given him more direction and fewer choices. Then, as he grows in maturity he will be allowed more choices. As my friend Heather put it, children should be allowed choices once they are ok not having them. Well said. When children demonstrate an ability to obey cheerfully and right away, the privilege of choice will be a delight to bestow.
- Laws of Correction: Authors Ezzo and Bucknam suggest four laws of correction: 1) Distinguish between childishness and defiance. This one I’d been familiar with but it was a great reminder. 2) All correction must promote learning. This was really helpful because, like I said, I think I was still using toddler-parenting methods when Dutch was ready for a step up. The authors encourage constant instruction and teaching when correcting. At this age, a child is old enough to learn why something is wrong. When disciplining, our correction will twice as effective if we are diligent to help explain why a behavior is wrong or inappropriate. I’ve found that while a toddler’s most frequent word may be “no” the preschooler’s most frequent word is “why?” So tell them why! 3) Make any punishment fit the crime. Making discipline appropriate for the misconduct will help solidify the learning process. 4) An offense against a person or property requires an apology. This too is ingrained in our minds at home, but it was a great reminder about the difference between saying “sorry” for an accident and asking for forgiveness when something was intentionally done wrong. Oh what a favor we do our children when we teach them how to quickly confess and ask forgiveness! Their spouses will thank us down the road. 🙂
- Great Practical Tips on Chores, Sitting Still, Whining, and Toys. What I love about this book is how practical it is. I HAVE to have practical suggestions or I’ll be lost. They give great ideas on chore charts (and what chores are appropriate for 3 and 4 year-olds) and how to teach children to sit still (Dutch sits with us in “big church” now so we are working on this every weekend). Especially helpful for this time of year was the appendix on recommended toys that promote learning, creativity, and development. I was pretty excited to see Legos and play-doh topped the list since that’s what our kids are getting under the tree.
So if you have little ones, I’d whole-heartedly recommend Preschool-wise. And if you don’t, remember how Jeff and I used to offer to babysit for young couples with kids? Isn’t that a neat idea? 🙂
Frugal Friday: A Year of Cash, Coupons, and Envelopes
Last night I had the rare pleasure of dinner out with girlfriends. When the check came for our dinner, it was so funny to see that every single one of us pulled out our cash. In fact, the birthday gift from one girl to another was a posh little cash-holder with dividers for each budget category. We laughed about how we’ve all embraced the cash system and been so thankful for the results! It also reminded me that this past week marked one year since we began the CCE challenge (Cash, Coupons, Envelopes).
As you may remember, I began with heels dragging. The whole system sounded complicated and unrealistic–I could just see myself at Target organizing all my items in different transactions and then sifting through a pile of envelopes to take cash and coupons from the appropriate pot while a line formed behind me of irritable shoppers. I broke out in a sweat just thinking about it.
But of course it hasn’t been like that at all. After one year I am a believer! Statistics say that people who use cash spend 12-18% less than those who use credit cards. In fact Money magazine does a great comparison of identical purchases (event tickets, auction items, groceries) and how much more credit-card purchasers spend compared to cash purchasers. It also revealed the a very large percentage of credit-card holders never even redeem their accrued airline mileage points (which is usually the draw of using plastic). Perhaps the biggest surprise for me was how much TIME I have saved. I used to spend so much time balancing my checkbook down to the penny and tracking finances online and blah blah blah. It took so much time! I am so amazed at how much time is saved with cash–no checkbook balancing! No scary credit card bills. No sitting starting at your computer until the wee hours of the morning trying to get the numbers to match up. Even if we hadn’t saved a penny it would be worth it just for the time saved.
So in celebration of this one-year mark, I’d like to share some quick thoughts about these twelve months of trial, error, and lots and lots of saved cash:
- Start with structure, earn freedom. Learning to use cash and spend wisely is, of course, a skill that we grow in. So at first, set up plenty of structure to set yourself up for success. At first I had very individualized envelopes to keep everything separate and really track where each dollar went. But as we’ve grown, and interestingly as we’ve begun to spend less and less, I can pretty much keep all my cash in one spot in my wallet and and be flexible. Interestingly, the same amount of cash keeps going further and further. More on that later.
- Never underestimate the power of desire. I believe the bottom line to having a revolution in the area of finances is to allow God to change our desires. At the end of the day, we do what we want. Right? Many of us we will gladly forgo dinner out if it means getting a new pair of fur-lined boots (some of us would forgo food altogether!). Why? Because our desires will always be the greatest motivator. Similarly, we know that God loves a cheerful giver (2 Cor 9:7), that is, God loves a giver who is giving out of a desire to give. They are happy to give. As we submit our will, our desires, our money and spending habits to God, He will change our hearts. God can (and has) actually made me want to buy chickens and goats for kids in Asia rather than a new pair of boots (that is a miracle!). For me, submitting to the cash system was simply an opportunity for God to begin changing my heart and attitude toward His money. We would be wise to pray, daily, for God to give us His heart and desires toward money and possessions.
- Don’t be afraid of hunger and want. I have been surprised at how often we can make due without something. Necessity is the mother of invention, right? You’ll be amazed at all the new dinner concoctions you can come up with when you force yourself to make due. Last night (as I was headed out to my fancy restaurant), I was faced with needing to provide dinner for my family from: Garbanzo beans, half an onion and carrot puree. Hmm… I found some frozen turkey stock and frozen shredded turkey (from thanksgiving), tossed all this together in a pot, added a pinch of taco seasoning and cilantro and topped it with cheddar cheese. Yum!! It was so delicious that I’m going to make a bigger batch of it tonight for our house guests. We will survive even if we don’t have something on hand. I even think it’s healthy for our kids to understand, “No you may not have that today because we don’t have any. We’ll have more next week.” Teaches us a little tiny bit of delayed gratification. The same is true of hunger. I’m not saying starve your kids, but I’m surprised by how often I eat just to eat, instead of because I’m truly hungry. This goes hand in hand with our over-indulgent society. Cutting back helps your budget and your behind. 🙂
- Be fun to bless. There are people in my life who are fun to bless. Meaning, they regularly go without and are just so crazy thankful for everything they have that anything I give them just makes their day. I love those kind of people! When we choose to go without, just a little bit, we make ourselves people who are fun to bless. Other people will like giving us hand-me-downs, meals, treats, etc. when we are grateful and full of joy. A few months ago I was so frustrated because I had this stroller/carseat travel system that was in great shape and I wanted to bless someone with it but I couldn’t find a single person who didn’t already have one! I thought surely there is someone in need around here! Finally I posted on facebook and found someone and it was SO fun to get to be part of blessing her in that way. When we all go without just a bit, we open our lives to be able to be blessed by others. Part of living in community is providing for the needs of one another–a beautiful give and take relationship that benefits all and knits our hearts together in Christ.
So all in all, I’m so thankful that we took the plunge. If you feel afraid or are dragging your heels, as I was, I promise you will not regret it. For more information or to find a Financial Peace class near you, you can visit http://www.daveramsey.com/fpu/. I pray you are richly blessed in 2011 with a desire to use your resources to enjoy life, bless others, and further God’s Kingdom. Make every cent count!
Giving and Receiving: A Lesson From a Cell Phone
I am, by nature, a rule-follower, and I like clear-directives and black and white answers. Please leave out the gray, thank you very much. Just tell me what I need to do.
Of course our Heavenly Father, the Almighty Creator God of the Scriptures, continually reminds us that it is not about rules but relationship. So just when I think I have a nice clear-cut rule to live by, He loves to frustrate it all to pieces and remind me to live by relationship.
Of course there are clear-cut principles in Scripture, but Christianity is not primarily about principles but rather, a Person. So while the Person of Christ will obviously never contradict what He has supernaturally revealed in His Word, there may be ways that we can follow Scripture’s broad mandates and yet miss the essence of Christianity–relationship.
So apply all this to giving. Specifically, apply all this to our Adventure in Giving. We’ve been at it for 2 months now (giving 41% and living on a very, very tiny–did I mention tiny?–amount of money, by US standards), and of course there have been many amazing blessings. But in classic God-fashion, He used the blessings not just to show us that He is the Provider, but also to teach me a little bit about giving … and receiving.
Lesson From a Cell Phone
Jeff’s old phone was awful. It would just randomly turn off all the time, and since we have no land-line and that’s the phone he uses for work, it was especially tricky. But he wasn’t up for an upgrade and seeing that we’d given all our money away :), there was no new phone on the horizon. Well the funniest thing happened one morning: I slept through alarm (which has never happened in the entire year of prayer meetings), and so I was late for my 6am Morning Prayer meeting and then couldn’t even leave the house to meet up with the ladies because I couldn’t get a hold of Jeff (because he was at Starbucks studying and his phone had gone and turned off). So, long story, because of some crazy circumstances, the ladies in my prayer meeting (who knew I was trying to track down Jeff) ran into him at Starbucks where they had to meet since they couldn’t get into the church building (since I had the keys). So they just happened to run into him, which reminded him of my meeting, which made him look down at his phone, which made him express out loud how frustrating it was that his phone always turned off. Well of course they overheard this and next thing you know they start praying that Jeff can get a new phone. 🙂 (Gotta love prayer-warriors!) Well that weekend wouldn’t you know it, but $300 cash was tucked under our doormat along with a note about places to buy high-quality smart-phones. Ha!
But this is going somewhere… Jeff ended up contacting a friend of his who works at Verizon and we ended up being able to work some deal where Jeff did get an upgrade, so he had a choice. For just under the amount they gave us he could get brand new Droid (top of the line phone) and we could both get ear-pieces so that we can drive and talk (I didn’t have one and his didn’t work). OR, of course he could get a much cheaper phone and we could not get ear-pieces. But then we’d have a bunch of money leftover.
A choice. If you know me you are smiling because you know that my logic would always be–buy the cheaper phone, go without the ear-pieces, give the rest of the money away. Why should we have a super nice phone when some people have no food?!
But you know what? The dear people who gave us that money gave it to us for a phone. I know that they love Jeff dearly and want him to have the very best resources for ministry so that he can talk, text, send emails, get connected easily, and get calls done while driving. I happen to know that they know that technology is his love-language :). Bottom line? They wanted to bless him. To give the money away to something else was not an option. In fact, I think it would have been wrong.
Or, more accurately, it wouldn’t be appropriate stewardship. Right? Stewarding means that you use and invest the money that is entrusted to you according to the desires/values/wishes of the owner. If this generous person gave us money for a phone and I went and gave it all away to someone else instead, that’s not stewarding the money according to the wishes of the giver. It’s not just a wad of cash. There’s a relationship behind those 15 twenty-dollar bills and there’s a desire to bless. We honor the giver by simply receiving the gift with joy and thanksgiving.
I’m sure you see the application. All of our money is God’s, that one thing is clear. If anything I can say that that has been the lesson that is hammered home this past fall as we studied James and our Mission: Hope series. I’ve handed over our money, our house, everything. And while I DO think that 9 times out of 10 we keep way too much for ourselves and give way too little to the real needs of others, Jeff and I sense that perhaps the story of the $300 was a little illustration for us. The appropriate use of that money was to use it to acquire what the giver intended, and then also to use whatever was left over in order to further God’s kingdom in other ways. An inappropriate use of that money would be to buy less than what the giver intended and then give away the rest. Again, in either scenario all of the money is used for Kingdom purposes, right? So then what does it matter? It matters because there is a relationship, and because the giver, in this case, wanted to provide a specific blessing for us and for our ministry. To disregard their wish would be wrong. (unless of course it was foolish or sinful, of course–which it was not)
So all that to say that I will not lie, the past 2 months have carried a lot of stress as I’ve tried to live on a ridiculously small amount of money. Yes, it has been a growing and learning experience, as I feel like we’ve tasted perhaps a teeny tiny bit of what it’s like to live in a situation where you don’t have the freedom to go to the store and buy milk when you want to. We’ve eaten a lot of bread and rice :),but I know that that is still ABUNDANCE compared with how most of the world lives. So, in that way it’s been a great experiment. But we both sense that perhaps the Giver intended for us to use a tiny bit more of that money that He gave us. To refuse to receive it is not appropriate stewardship. Bottom line? We’ve decided to cut back on our giving a tiny bit.
Now I’m not talking about giving up on giving!! The difference we’re “taking back” is only 3.8%, which drops us down to giving about 37% instead of 41%. You know what the real difference is? I think I pridefully liked the idea of giving such a large percentage. How gross is that? Ick. Isn’t pride sickening? So I think God wanted to both cut me some slack in the budget department and cut me down a notch in the pride department. 🙂 I’m thankful for both.
But here’s the cool thing, while I’ll admit I felt deflated at first by realizing we “couldn’t do it” (as if it were some personal challenge or something, again all based on pride, yuck), the awesome part is that we’ve gotten so accustomed to living on little, that now to have that extra 3.8% I feel like we’re rich!! I even bought sparkling cider to have on Christmas! I’m so excited to fill my car up with gas and know that I’m not taking away my children’s grocery money! 🙂 So, all in all, there is much to be thankful for.
And, we still get to continue partnering with some awesome ministries, sponsoring some beautiful children, and supporting our wonderful home church. It’s a win win. And for now we still live in our home (no bites yet). That too is an open hand. If God says stay we stay. If He says go we go. I do wish it would sell because I’d love to free up all those resources for other things, but I’m thankful for the reminder that it’s all about a relationship with our Heavenly Father who is the most gracious Giver the world has ever known.
So I pray this Christmas you give–and receive–with joy, grace, and overwhelming gratitude as you revel in your relationship with our Beautiful Savior. He is so good.
(Re)Learning to be fun: The Wife Edition
A few weeks ago I shared that I’m (Re)Learning to be fun, and I’m a little relieved to know I’m not the only mom who’s relearning this fun-stuff! Now if you’ve been married for longer than, say, a week, tell me this: If you look at pictures of when you were dating, or newly married, what do you see? I did this recently and you know what I saw? A whole lot of fun.
Our honeymoon album sits on the dresser in our bedroom. Its pages are filled with our fun adventures on Kauai. We had disasters (The Love Nest!), we had serious times, but all in all we began our marriage willing to laugh at anything, try anything, work it out and risk it all. You did too, right?
But somewhere along the line there were one too many dirty socks left balled up on the floor. One too many whiny children, one too many late nights working, or just one too many responsibilities that took precedence over, well, fun. The checkbook may be balanced and the house clean. The children may even behave, miracle of all miracles, but something’s missing.
I confessed it to Jeff like this–I can unwittingly become the “antibacterial wife”. I sterilize our life. In some ways I have taken those Lysol wipes and given our whole life a wash down–we are germ free, streak free, dust free little creatures. Just like with mommyhood, as wives we can be efficient, effective, and productive–and have barren souls and joyless lives. How tragic! Now we as a family are certainly not there (barrenness and joylessness), but hey, we could use a dose of fun in the marriage department. Anybody else?
I mentioned before the Created to be his helpmeet book by Debi Pearl. She repeatedly talks about being your husband’s playmate. Being fun, flirtatious, energetic, purposefully injecting your family’s life with joy and vitality. That is part of our job, girls! So why is that so hard for me?
So here is where it began to click for me: Part of submitting to my husband is joyfully and enthusiastically submitting to his initiatives for fun. What do I mean by this? I mean that 9 times out of 10 it is Jeff who suggests we do something out of the ordinary. He’s way more likely to suggest that we go to ice cream or go rent a movie or just go on some silly excursion as a family. Me? Oh I’m usually the one who proceeds to slip into my INTJ mastermind mode and do some hopelessly OCD analysis of whether we have the money and whether that’s wise biblical stewardship and how many orphans we could be feeding with that ice cream money and whether the kids will get to bed on time and whether that’s the best parenting technique and blah blah blah…anyone want to throw up yet? Yeah, someone please punch me. The right thing to do? The thing that will honor, esteem, respect, and bless your husband? Give an enthusiastic, “Let’s do it!” and let the whole family get caught up in your joyful embrace of dad’s plans. (And, if God truly convicts you about giving more away to orphans, then cut corners in some other area and give it quietly away, but don’t sabotage your husband’s initiatives!) So this has struck me the last few weeks and and God has given me three recent opportunities to (Re)Learn this lesson again.
Opportunity 1: Target
Because of a lovely stomach bug, I had an interesting week that included not being able to eat much. So Wednesday night, I was about as lively and fun as a dirty sock, and when Jeff came home from work I had just finished going over our budget (that’s another post, more on that later), so you can imagine how joyfully adventurous I felt at the moment. Jeff could see that, and he had also known that I’d been wanting to do this particular project with Christmas lights (which we didn’t have), but hadn’t wanted to spend the money to buy them. So, he announced, “Let’s all take a family trip to Target and get a box of Christmas lights and we can do your project together! You can get an apple cider to help your stomach. It’ll be fun!”
I froze. Dilemma. Side one: We can’t spend money on frivolous things like that. We’ve given it all away and don’t even have gas money left. What on earth are we doing buying Christmas lights when some kids have no food. It’ll be way past our kids bedtimes. Target will be a zoo. Side two: LET YOUR HUSBAND LEAD. Resolution: “Ok. Let’s do it.” I wish I could say I did it joyfully and enthusiastically, but I can’t. But at least I went along with it!
What was so neat was that on the way there, Jeff was sharing with me how he’d been stirred and challenged again by Mark Driscoll’s exhortation to husband’s that they should lead their families in doing festive fun activities during the holidays. Usually it’s the wife who wraps gifts, decorates, etc. but part of leading is leading your family in fun. When he shared that it helped me realize that I had been so close to dumping cold water on his awesome efforts to lead our family in fun. Oh wives, how discouraging we can be to our dear husband’s noble efforts!
No need to bore you with Target details, but can I just say we had SO much fun. We ended up finding just the thing to help my stomach, we found lights at a great price, the kids were great, we found a certain toy that Dutch had been dreaming about for a long time (and it only cost $2.36! That made me happy!), and Jeff and I put the kids to bed and then spent the whole evening working together on my little project. So. Good. For. Us. Lesson learned.
Opportunity 2: Blazers
I guess God wanted to give me lots of practice at this so we are having lots of fun. Jeff had been talking for a long time about maybe going to a Blazer game together to celebrate graduating seminary. Again, we never go out. We never even eat out. For crying out loud we never even buy packaged food, are you beginning to see the picture here? (I don’t need to repeat the Side one and side two scenario from above. You get it.) So, I found crazy cheap tickets and bought them! My parents took the kids for the whole night, and we had a REAL date out and it was SO fun. There were so many amazing details, again I won’t bore you with all them, but our little date had God’s hand all over it. He was showing me, again and again, it’s not a waste of money to invest in your marriage, to have fun with your man, to bless him and love him and create memories together. (To give you perspective, they were $9 tickets, are you laughing at me yet?) Talk about worth it! It was so fun. This morning we got up and used a gift card to go out to breakfast at Panera Bread. We wasted time all morning talking and sipping coffee and walking through the mall marveling at how much stuff we’re happy that we don’t need. 🙂 It was so FUN!
Opportunity 3: Maui
Yeah, I know, right about now you’re ready to throw things at me. The fact that my “submitting” and “letting go” would include being willing to take a Hawaiian vacation seems very strange, but hear me out. Again, long story but we have never taken a vacation–other than to visit other family, since we’ve gotten married. We’ve never done a vacation just us. We also received counsel that it might be helpful for us to get away somewhere sunny (or go tanning!) during the winter. Well a friend told me about a crazy cheap flight to Hawaii. Again, I added it all up, and while yes, it was steal of a deal (cheaper than going to California!), I still felt like it was ridiculous to spend that much money on ourselves. To tell you the honest truth I still struggle with it. Yes we found a great, cheap motel, all that, and the dates worked out perfectly and I do think it will be a marvelously blessed and restful and sweet experience for our little family (before Heidi turns 2 and requires a ticket :), but it still feels very very extravagant. But you know what? If my husband, who God has placed as my spiritual head, wants to bless me by taking us there, I will joyfully and enthusiastically embrace it! And yes, it is not hard to warm to the idea. 🙂 So hey, maybe this learning to be fun stuff can actually be, well, fun!
So I share this to just encourage all my fellow wives out there–Let’s (re)learn how to be fun. When our husband wants to bless us, let’s embrace it rather than hee and haw over how much it costs. Maybe that means cutting corners elsewhere but at least you’re letting your man be a man and you’re letting yourself and your marriage be blessed. And even more than just responding joyfully to his initiative, let’s (can you imagine?) brainstorm ways to be fun. How can you add laughter to the dinner hour? How can you spice up your evening? How can you plan a fun date doing something he’d enjoy? (ticketstub.com has cheap Blazer tickets!) How can you make yourself be just a tad bit silly and loosen up a bit? It’s amazing how the whole house responds to whatever vibe mom happens to send. We have so much power, girls–let’s use it to bless our husbands and (Re)learn to be fun all over again.
Need a place to start? Smile. Really, that’s it. Just practice smiling and you’ll catch on soon enough.
Need more inspiration? Get out those honeymoon photo albums!
Happy fun-making!
Kari
PS Got ideas to introduce more fun into marriage? Please share!
A year of CCE and what we've learned
December 15th marks one year since we began this, the Cash, Coupons, and Envelope system.