10 books that really have changed my life (with links!)
This isn’t a list of “best Christian books” but these are the books that have actually changed the trajectory of my life in the past 27 years. I can look back and go, “Ah yes, this part of my life, this direction, this understanding, this passion, it’s because of reading that book. If you want to grow with God this year, try a few of these!
- Disciplines of a Beautiful Woman by Anne Ortland. Again, not saying this is the best book ever, but I read it at 18 and it marked me forever. This is the book that got me started reading through the Bible each year.
- The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence. I can still remember reading this book as a college student, in the passenger seat while my mom drove around running errands, and it was like the heavens opened. This was the first taste I had of living the sacred mundane…
- The Pursuit of God by AW Tozer. Probably the most impacting book I’ve ever read. Again, his chapter on the Sacrament of Living solidified my view of eliminating false sacred/secular dualities in life. His chapter on the Blessedness of Possessing Nothing has come back to my heart in application over and over again.
- Humility by Andrew Murray. Probably the 2nd most impactful, I’ve read and re-read this short little gem because heaven knows I need it. Mind-blowing truth: Humility is the soil out of which every other virtue grows. 😉
- Screwtape Letters by CS Lewis. It’s a toss-up between this one and Mere Christianity but I’d say Screwtape wins because it’s has the most actual impact, opening my eyes to the invisible ways the enemy works–how subtle pride and self-promotion can be. Love love LOVE this book.
- Battling Unbelief by John Piper. This seems like it’s one of his lesser-known books but it’s the one that changed my life. His dissection of pride and exposure of self-pity for what it really is, is brilliant.
- The Hole in our Gospel by Richard Stearns. Again, I can’t vouch for how amazing the actual book is, but this was the turning point in our life, away from me-focused cultural Christianity toward actually wanting to follow Jesus.
- The Heavenly Man by Brother Yun. I don’t even know what to say about this one. One reviewer wrote: “You might begin this book sitting down, but you will finish it on your knees.” That about sums it up.
- Rees Howells, Intercessor by Norman Grubb. The book that made me hungry to pray. Unbelievable testimonies about God’s work through prayer. I need to read it again!
- Unoffendable by Brant Hansen. The rest of the books focus more vertically, between us and God — this one focuses on how the reality of our relationship with God impacts every horizantal relationship with others. Absolutely life-changing. Impacts every area of life, and truly offers a life-changing shift that makes all of life better.
How about you? What books have changed the trajectory of your life?
6 habits that have made a difference in my life
The other night we sat up with the teens and talked through some questions. I asked:
- What’s working in your life that you want to continue?
- Where’s an area that’s not where you’d like it to be, where you hope to move forward, take ground–and what would that look like?
It’s been six years since I’ve considered any sort of New Year’s goals sort of things. I wrote this about habits six years ago. Six years ago was the last time the world felt normal to me.
Since that it’s been a blur of world shutting-down, having a baby at 40, mom passing away, moving into a travel-trailer, dad getting cancer diagnosis, building a house, moving into the house, dad passing away, settling his estate situations, son graduating, and adopting a baby(!).
what-in-the-actual-world
But although it’s been a bit of survival around here, one awesome thing is that it’s allowed me to see the fruit of those years of habit-building.
Those years of habits carried us through the crazy.
God, by His grace, worked habits into our lives that enabled us to stay intact. And I am so so grateful.
So here’s the 2025 version, a bit updated:
6 habits that have made a difference in my life:
1. Read Scripture
“Without God’s Word as a lens the world warps.” -Ann Voskamp
I’m just about to start my 28th time reading through the Bible, and it still is THE most life-changing habit, hands down. Just 4 chapters a day: 3 OT & 1 NT, takes about 15-20 minutes/day. Impossible to overstate how much this has impacted my life.
Sample goal: Read 1 chapter a day and complete the NT this year.
2. Walk
“Everyday, I walk myself into a state of well-being & walk away from every illness.” -Soren Kierkegaard
Every single day, I go for a walk and it is life to my soul. No music, no podcasts. Just nature and God and movement and fresh air and the sacred opportunity to think deeply and pray. Try it!
Sample goal: Take a 30-minute silent walk outside each day.
3. Eat Protein
About 13 years ago I began focusing in on adequate protein and it’s made such a stabilizing difference in my life! I don’t actually track but I mentally aim for 100 grams a day.
Sample goal: Eat one high-protein food first at each meal
4. Pursue Simplicity
This could take a lot of forms, but for me it’s just a habit, a discipline, of trying to intentionally live on less. Rarely eating out, limiting purchases, decluttering. I know everyone’s different, but I’ve come to realize that too much is a major mental stressor for me. Too much visual clutter, too many choices, too much stuff. Attempting to keep things simple!
Sample goal: Pick one area/item and try to drastically reduce how much you have.
5. Give
Again, this differs for each person, but I also find that the quickest path to joy is usually to give away or do something for others. I sometimes get sucked into discontent and the quickest way to break its back is to go on the offense with a counter-attack of generosity.
Sample goal: Pick a charity or cause you love and commit to a monthly gift (on auto-pay so you can’t forget!)
6. Avoid the Experience Blocker
In The Anxious Generation Jonathan Haidt calls phones “experience blockers.” I love that. Of course phones are helpful, I personally love social media (helps me keep up with you!), mobile check deposits (hello no more trips to the bank!), my Amazon prime app (overnight delivery to my home in Timbuktu!). And for humor? Nothing better than some reels and memes saved up to share with the kids each night. In the 80s we had sitcoms but iamjonathanpeter is so much better.
But it’s just SO EASY to pick it up, it does put us in danger of missing out on so much else of life. Jeff and I don’t take our phones into our room. This is one small way we keep screens from taking over. It could be screen-free Sunday, or limited screen-hours, or deleting all time-sucking apps. I recently read a great post (on my phone 😉 that had 50 things to do instead of looking at your phone. They were written for a guy but they’d apply to anyone:
One thing I love about my big kids is that they are fascinated by life. They delight in things. Nothing is beneath them. They aren’t bored. They aren’t trying to keep up on whatever the latest trend is. Not saying they’re perfect, but I love that they are interesting. They read. They create. They go outside a lot. They engage with people, kids and adults alike.They like life. I love that. I feel like phones dull us a bit. Engaging in the real world sharpens our senses and helps us delight in the world around us.
This leads me to the things I want to grow in this year. For me, I’ve let several life-giving habits slip by the wayside during these six years of surivival. So I’m resolving to:
- Read a good book every day
- Play guitar every day
- Write once a week
Nothing too lofty or earth-shattering but these are the lost habits that have helped my soul, and I’m praying God gives me the grace to get them back in my life.
How about you? What habits have been most helpful to you? And which ones are you hoping to add, for the health of your soul?
{Thanks for reading.}
Ages & Stages: The 10 parenting books that’ve proved most helpful for me
Recently a friend with two littles asked for parenting book recommendations. I drew an absolute blank which made me realize I should probably brush up my book-recommendation skills! Also, with Dutch now 18 and graduated, I find myself reflecting a lot, on things I’m grateful we did, things we could have done differently.
My hesitation in recommending parenting books is that I never want to reinforce this idea that it’s somehow formulaic. As if you just do the right things and add the right ingredients on some parental assembly line, and voila! out pops a happy, successful kid. Or that it all rides on us somehow. God is SO gracious. On-our-knees prayer, humility, depending deeply on God, by His Spirit, in His Word, connected in His Body, is the only “must have” in my opinion. But over the last 18 years, these are the books that have helpful for me at each stage. Some of them are controversial. I get that. You may hate some of them. That’s ok too! Just sharing what’s been helpful for us. 🙂
1. The Growing Kids God’s Way series (videos are on YouTube) and Babywise, Toddlerwise, Childwise, Teenwise books: I know these are controversial because they involve sleep training. Some people hate them. That’s fine. I didn’t employ everything in them, but I did find sleep training helpful for my babies, and definitely found helpful the idea of building the Moral Storehouse, understanding Ages and Stages, and the overarching idea that we train our children because we want them to be a BLESSING to this world. They were super helpful for me!
2. Simplicity Parenting: Oh man this was a LIFE-CHANGER for me. This presents the idea that Quirk + Stress = Disorder. Not that all disorders can be “cured” by reducing stress, but the author explores the often undetected stress of TOO MUCH. By drastically simplifying a child’s life and environment (fewer choices, calmer days, fewer activities), we give them back the beauty of a simple childhood. This book also helped me determine our schedule based on balancing C (calm) and A (active) days. Can’t recommend it enough!
3. For the Children’s Sake: Oh I love this book! This is a book about education, drawing upon Charlotte Mason’s philosophy, that’s applicable to any educational setting. I’ve read it several times, but it’s been awhile (need to read it again!), but I love the emphasis of honoring children as individual persons, and teaching them primarily to pay attention, develop healthy habits, think critically and deeply, and care for others. I think every human should read this book!
4. To Train up a Child: Here’s another super controversial one, but I have to mention it because I still think it has some gems of wisdom in it. I LOVE the chapters on parental anger and the disciplining out of frustration (so good!) and tying heart strings with our children. I read this when D&H were very little, and it hugely impacted my perspective. Tying heart strings is something I still think of all the time.
5. Boys should be Boys: It’s been ages since I read this but I remember loving it because of the emphasis on encouraging boys to be outdoors and to take risks. Especially now that I’m reading The Anxious Generation I am so grateful I read this book way back when Dutch was little. So helpful!
6. The Anxious Generation: I’m not done with this yet but I’m already feeling like it’s becoming a must-read for navigating the online world with kids.
TEENS
7. The Sex Talk You Never Had. Making a BIG jump here into mid-teen years with this recommendation. While we’ve had lots of “talks” (not just one) over the years with our kids, when Heidi was turning 15 I found myself realizing we had some gaps in this area. I LOVE this book. I highly recommend this one for teen girls (or boys) who are of dating age.
8. Captivating: Again, this would be for mid-age teen girls. Heidi read it right before she turned 16. I read this book in seminary, but now it’s re-released with updated content, and Heidi LOVED IT. Super helpful related to godly femininity.
9. Fathered By God and 10. The Young Men We Need: The guy versions of the above book. 🙂 I haven’t read the entire thing of these, but Jeff and Dutch have and recommend!
How about you? Feel free to share any parenting books that have born good fruit in your children’s lives! Thank you!
Pray and just start digging. God will move.
Every time I looked at the side yard I felt discouraged. As some of you know, we finished our house in Sept 2023, but we’ve been slowly tackling small areas of the property surrounding. We still have half-burned tree stumps (we’ve been working on those almost 2 years!), piles of rocks, logs waiting to be bucked up, rounds waiting to be split. There’s a LOT to do. We’re doing it all ourselves, so it’s a slow process.
Although we’ve been tackling bits of it, the side yard felt particularly overwhelming. It is where the septic field is, so we can’t bring in any heavy equipment, but the entire area (it’s huge) was filled with half-buried rocks, weeds out of control, uneven ground. We couldn’t mow it because the rocks were so big, so we’d just weed-eat it here and there, and it just looked terrible.
I knew what we needed to do, but the problem was that it needed to be done by hand and I knew that meant countless (dozens and dozens) hours of digging out rocks, hacking out weeds, leveling, getting good garden soil delivered, spreading it by hand, then seeding it in grass.
It just felt like too much to tackle, plus it seemed like it needed someone strong to do it. A man’s job. But Jeff is busy, and we have so many other things that only he can do, there was no way I could put this on his list as well.
But I also really wanted to get this side yard usable. I wanted it to bless people. Wanted to get a badminton net up, get some lawn games, have grass for kids to come over this summer and play tag and roll around and run through a sprinkler, room to goof off.
But it seemed like too much to tackle, so I just kept telling myself someday we’ll do it.
Well last week when Jeff had knee surgery, I blocked out our schedule for the week to stay home, as I didn’t want to leave him home alone, and didn’t want to make plans, not knowing how he’d be.
The week turned out beautifully sunny, and as Jeff was doing fine but needed to be in bed all week, I decided to tackle the side yard. I knew I probably couldn’t do much of anything myself, but why not?
Something inside prodded me: just start.
I enlisted the kids, and little by little, we dug up every rock. We filled holes, leveled dirt, dug out huge gnarly weeds. By the end of each day I could barely walk I was so tired, my back ached, legs ached, arms ached, but also: It felt so good.
I knew it would take a long time, and it probably wouldn’t look amazing, but we were doing it.
Although it still didn’t look like much, since the rocks were gone and it was decently level, we decided to go ahead and order two full dump trucks full of premium garden soil to be delivered this week, while we were away on a trip. I figured when we got home I could begin spreading it, with a shovel, one wheelbarrow load at a time.
When we arrived home today in the late afternoon from our trip, the two huge piles sat in the hard. Even though the car still needed unloading and dinner needed to be made, I wanted to get started. I thought if I hauled some dirt each day, maybe I could get the whole thing done in three days. Again, something prodded me on to just grab a shovel and start.
I started digging, filling the wheelbarrow and having Dutch dump it for me in various places around the yard. Man shoveling is hard work. I tried to push out of my mind how incredibly exhausting this was going to be moving all this myself. Dutch & Heidi were both working the next few days and Jeff was still out of commission from surgery.
I kept shoveling.
After about 5 wheelbarrow loads, our new neighbor came walking by with his dogs. He struck up a conversation with Jeff. I felt a little foolish, I’ll admit. Little 44-year-old me out with one shovel trying to tackle these mountains of dirt. I couldn’t hear all their words but pretty soon the neighbor called out, “Want me to help with my tractor?”
Tractor? Sure!
A few minutes later he walked off. I figured he’d come back in the next day or two, but moments later, I heard his tractor fire up.
I could barely believe it. Minutes later he was here there and everywhere, carefully maneuvering the septic field, avoiding boulders, pushing dirt here and there and spreading it while we pointed and thanked him profusely.
Within 20 minutes the dirt was all spread.
ALL SPREAD.
He smiled, waved, and went home.
I couldn’t keep tears from welling up in my eyes. We could totally do the rest of the smoothing and leveling the next day, easily, with shovels and rakes. The insurmountable part was suddenly … done.
So clearly I felt God impressing on my heart the truth I needed to hear for something so much bigger than a side yard. This is how we work with the Spirit.
Just pick up a shovel. Just start. Yes, it looks overwhelming. Yes, it feels like the job should be for someone stronger, bigger, more capable. You feel a little foolish and where do you even begin?
But if you will just start shoveling, start picking up rocks, pull weeds …
humbly work.
The Spirit will surprise you and SHOW UP and do what you could never do on your own.
With the side yard, I couldn’t just sit around and pray that that yard would suddenly, miraculously just turn into level, rockless dirt. The Spirit doesn’t compensate for our laziness, he helps us in our weakness.
It took a shovel. But, and I don’t know how all this works, but it was a Spirit-driven shovel. 😉 I wasn’t out there angrily “getting it done” because no one else will. I wasn’t mad about it, I just knew that there were rocks to be dug up and someone needs to dig them up so ok Lord, let’s go!
And in His kindness, when we least expect it, God shows up with His tractor and BOOM. He knocks out almost instantly what would’ve taken us FOREVER to do.
I don’t exactly how this translates to any of you, but I’m praying this encourages you just a fraction of how it has encouraged me.
If you are holding a shovel, so to speak, and you feel like you’re the only one, weak and ill-equipped, out in a huge field of rocks and weeds, and you feel a little foolish.
Pray and just start digging. God will move.