Little tweaks, long time, big change.
“My greatest fear is not that I will fail, but that I will succeed in things that don’t matter.”
~
It’s funny how things change. How we change. Yesterday we were sorting through old photos, scrapbooking my daughter’s baby book (She’s almost 5. Dont judge.) and at times I just stopped and stared at old photos, incredulous.
Is that really me? Not that I look that different, but I remember the thoughts, values, emotions, goals, aspirations of the girl in the photo, just a few years back, and it strikes me–she’s nothing like me now.
Not that I’ve somehow “arrived.” Just this week I battled a cloud of overwhelming discouragement. I struggled with feeling angry at my children this week. I wondered what happened to the fun-loving easy-going wife Jeff married. Believe me, I still have my hang-ups. But truly, a quick trip down memory lane left me with one clear realization:
I have changed.
By the grace of God, Jeff and I are different people than we were 4 years ago. We thought back, trying to figure out what began the snowball and we both agreed:
Little tweaks, long time, big change.
In 2010 we put our “dream house” up for sale. God slowly began crumbling my Christianized American Dream and slowly building His Kingdom Dream. Little tiny choices about our money. Our lifestyle. Our relationships. Our habits. How we spent our time. What “love” looked like. What we were “into.”
None of it was particularly exhilarating. The house showed 90 times in the year it was on the market, and was an incredibly stressful period. We doubted our decision often. But every day afforded a new opportunity to turn the ship every so slightly by minute degrees. Little choices. Slowly, slowly, slowly the ship began to move.
If I’m completely honest I have to say that pre-2010 my dreams, goals, and values were strikingly similar to the worlds’. But maybe dressed up in Christian clothes. Again, not saying I’ve arrived, but sometimes I look back and think, Who was that girl?
God has changed me. I won’t bore you with my own life details, but there are some significantly different things about Kari circa 2010 and Kari circa 2014.
Two things must be said about this:
1) Little tweaks make HUGE differences over the long haul. We are so prone to attempt drastic things. Revamp. Overhaul. And sometimes that’s necessary (Jesus told the rich young ruler to go sell everything. That’s drastic!), but often it’s little choices. To the disciples Jesus just said, “Follow me.” Uh…ok. What’s next? One step at a time.
A change in direction by one degree takes us to an entirely different destination down the road.
Which is why #2 is so important.
2) Proceed with CAUTION around resolutions. My greatest fear is not that I will fail, but that I will succeed in things that don’t matter. Oh, friends. This one truth is a golden truth in my life. We can be gung ho so many things. We can be all about nutrition. All about fitness. All about homeschooling. All about health. All about churchy stuff. All about whatever. I have seen this. (In the mirror!) Resolutions may be made with the best intentions, but still be may be misguided. Off course.
We must be constantly in the Word of God, in prayer, in confession and repentance and thanksgiving and worship. Be constantly calling to mind the truth of the Gospel, the upside down kingdom, where the last are first and the lowliest are the loftiest. We must be constantly letting LOVE be our guiding principle. Constantly letting justice motivate and righteousness guide. Constantly allow the Holy Spirit to speak to us more than the TV, pop culture, or even our favorite podcast preachers.
All these words to say this: Be careful what you resolve. Do resolve. Then rest in the confidence that those little tweaks, over a long time, bring big change.
{For the glory of God, may you be changed this year. Thanks for reading.}
Look both ways before crossing the year
Okay, technically we’ve already crossed the year. But this little nugget has proved so valuable to me and I pray it is to you too…
~
I finished writing the little devotional on fear and sent it to Jeff.
“Great,” He replied. “Let’s each write up some discussion questions to go with it.” Super. I scratched out some thoughts, but before I clicked send his own set of questions popped up in my inbox. His questions were these:
1. Can you think of a time this past year when you were afraid? How did you respond and how did it turn out?
2. How can you see ways that God is delivered you from fear? What is one area where you used to be afraid and now are not?
Fair enough, right? However, my questions were these:
1. What unknown in the future is making you afraid of right now? Is there anything looming ahead that’s causing you anxiety?
2. How can you take that thing and go to God in prayer? What would it look like, practically, to trust Him with your future in this area?
See the difference? So small, yet so profound.
My man is a past-oriented person. I, a future-oriented.
He actually pointed this out to me several months ago. I narrowed my eyes and listened, skeptical. Now I see it everywhere; we’re really ridiculous creatures.
- He loves to hold onto things. He keeps old clothes, pictures, books. For him they hold memories of the past.
- I’m a ruthless purger. Haven’t worn it in a year? How about 6-weeks? Close enough. Toss it out. Kids haven’t played with it? Toss it out. Keep moving forward. Make room for new things we’ll inevitably get in the future.
- He takes pictures. Remember the past.
- I never take pictures. Keep moving forward! (Update: I’m getting better at this!)
- He never finishes the carton/bottle/box/bag/plate. Leave a little bit in there and keep it in the fridge/cupboard.
- I drink/eat whatever little bit is left just so I can toss out the container and move on!
- Jeff keeps receipts for decades.
- I throw them away as soon as I get home.
- Jeff loves studying history.
- I love studying things that motivate me toward a better tomorrow.
- The kicker? I have a dry-erase calendar on my fridge. I realized that I would erase every single day as soon as it was over, and would start over writing the next month in the blank spaces, so that at all times the calendar was all future dates. No record of what I’d done. Only un-lived days.
- He doesn’t have a dry-erase calendar because he’d never erase it.
Do you see? We really are all wired a little differently. Neither is better, but certainly very different. Thankfully, we’re learning from each other. Jeff is learning to throw away the ratty gym shorts and I’m learning to reflect, look back and bit and learn from yesterday before moving onto tomorrow.
And that’s what we need as we cross into 2014.
Some of us, perhaps, are prone to gaze intently at the future. We’re ready, excited, climbed on board and racing toward another new year. Some of us, on the other hand, want to ride backwards on the train. can we just look behind and remember all the good. Reflect. Review?
We need both. So as we cross the year, perhaps we’d be blessed by setting aside some time for looking both ways? I’m looking forward to doing this tomorrow (haha! I even write with future-oriented language!), with Jeff. We’ll be asking ourselves these:
- What was your greatest victory this past year?
- What surprised you about the direction of your life this past year?
- What was harder than you thought it’d be?
- What was way better than you’d ever imagined?
- In what way have you changed from January 2013 to December 2013?
- What are you hoping to see God do in you this year?
- If you could choose one thing to change about yourself or your habits this year what would it be?
- What fruit of the Spirit will you focus on this year?
- What spiritual discipline (prayer, reading Word, fasting, fellowship, service) would you like to grow in this year?
- What current relationship would you like to invest in this year?
Just a few ideas to get started. Are you more past-oriented or future oriented in your thinking? I’m curious … Enjoy looking both ways as you cross into 2014, and I pray for God-inspired and God-initiated ideas, dreams, and reflections. {Thanks for reading.}
I Will Look Up {New E-book FREE today}
Every single day there are countless opportunities to look down. Down in discouragement. Down in weariness. Down in shame. There are also countless opportunities to look around. Look around at everyone else’s success. Look around at all the things we think we need. Look around at all the endless tasks and needs and responsibilities surrounding us.
But something supernatural happens when we, like the psalmist, Look Up.: When we seek Him first. “Oh Lord, in the morning, will I direct my prayer, unto Thee and will look up” (from Psalm 5).
I Will Look Up is the perfect companion for any who desire to seek Him first. Thirty-one honest, scriptural, thought-provoking messages, along with practical action steps, will help readers live life with eyes upturned.
…And it’s FREE today! I so hope and pray that this book is a blessing to you. Please share and spread the word so others can get the book for free. Here’s to a BLESSED 2014, looking up and seeking Him first. Thanks so much for reading.
If you need a Bible reading plan, look here.
I Will Look Up: The one resolution you need this year
My voice shall you hear in the morning, O LORD;
in the morning will I direct my prayer to you, and will look up.
Psalm 5:3
I will look up with a little sigh when she shuffles early into my room, as she does every morning. I will close the laptop and pull back the covers so she can crawl in. I will pull the covers up far enough to shade her eyes from the lamplight. She will rub her eyes sleepily and ask to snuggle, or for a snack, or cry a little and say she’s cold. Whether she’s happy or grumpy, whatever mood or day it is, one thing remains the same: My workday begins now. And though my flesh may long for more sleep, more me-time, more margin, I will trust Him with each moment, and I will look up.
I will look up from my computer in frustration, wanting to beat my head against the wall. My narrow window of free time is closing fast, and the health insurance site isn’t working and I still need to get groceries before picking up the kids from a birthday party. I will feel my blood pressure rising as I fight to breathe, pray, trust. I will fight the feeling of failure and defeat as I reflect back on a day where nothing went as planned. With a deep breath and a whispered prayer, I will look up.
I will look up sharply when she says the words. They’re wounding, and I reel a bit as I stumble through keeping the conversation going. What did she mean by that? I had felt such peace and calm a few minutes ago; why will I allow this person to throw me for a loop? Slowly, like cold water seeping in, I will feel the insecurity and fears creep around me. But as I drive away I will remind myself of all the gospel truth I read that very morning, and even though I’m feeling shaken, I will look up.
I will look up at the amount as she rings up my groceries. That much? Things are tight and I can feel that tightening in my chest and trust is the only thing that loosens everything and makes me free. I will turn my attention to the truth tucked into my heart, and I will look up.
I will look up at the calendar and wonder where on earth those dozen days went. The weeks go by faster and faster and is it really a new year again? Is it really two-thousand-fourteen? And suddenly my parents are aging so fast and my kids aren’t so little anymore and did I spend enough time rocking, cuddling, caring? What sorrows will the coming years bring? But instead of dwelling back there or up ahead, I will step into this moment, anchored to eternity, and I will look up.
I will look up at the woman in the mirror. Why does she look so tired? So old? I will look at her shoulders, drooping from the weight of responsibility, of letting many lean hard into her daily. I will be tempted to despair, tired and overwhelmed. But I will receive His new mercies, call to mind His faithfulness, and I will look up.
As I look back on my childhood, I can see myself standing on a metal folding chair in church, listening to and watching the adults around me sing this simple chorus, with eyes closed and palms upturned:
Oh Lord in the morning, will I direct my prayer,
unto Thee and will look up.
It is really that simple. The first and most important order of business, for life, is to look up. Consistently, persistently, continually.
I have read through the Bible, cover to cover, fifteen times. For fifteen years I have made the one small, simple, humble habit of looking up every morning. It is nothing spectacular or thrilling. It is just a long string a little obediences. It is a simple decision to rise and seek Him first. Before little ones. Before the phone begins to chime. Before the onslaught of life comes, unrelenting, my way. Before my conflicting desires pull me different directions. Above all and before all, I humbly commit to look up. This one small habit has changed my life more powerfully than anything else.
When I seek Him first each morning He hands me the lens through which I see the rest of my day. He orders my steps. He calms my fears. He quiets the cacophony of voices in my head. He blankets me with His peace. He directs through His Word. He convicts me, lovingly, through His Spirit. He woos me with His love.
I will make my aim clear: I plead with you, this year, to make a daily looking up habit each day. Read through God’s Word. Pray. Without this one resolution, all others will be off kilter. Without True North, all other goals and aspirations will be off course. As Jeff always says:
Sin isn’t just doing bad things. Sin is making good things into ultimate things.
Without looking up to Him first, we will look up to other things and make them ultimate things. We will look up to fear. We will look up to money. We will look up to other people’s opinions. We will look up to fitness and our body image. We will look up to our to-do list. We will look up to our children’s performance. We will look up to the tragedies and sorrows which threaten to crush us daily. We will look up to temporal happiness and fleeting flirtations with success as a source of our daily hope and joy.
Friends, please–look up first. Seek Him first.
And, if you’d let me, I’d love to help. I’m so, so, so, so, so (get that?) excited to share with you a new e-book. I Will Look Up: 31 mornings seeking Him first. It is a simple devotional to help you kick off the first 31 days of 2014 right. It is the very best blog posts of 2013 turned into devotionals with verses and action steps to help you seek Him first. And on January 1st, Lord willing, it’s FREE. So please consider a Looking Up resolution for 2014 and I’d be honored if you’d let me walk with you the next few weeks. Please share, spread the word, and let’s start a trend of seeking Him first.
{Excited to journey with you into 2014. Thanks for reading.}