Why I'm Not a Pastor's Wife {3 memorable ways to keep your marriage strong}
I was 18 the first time I saw him, standing there up front, holding the mic. Unimpressed, I slouched down in my chair and folded my arms, thinking, “That’s the kind of guy my mom would want me to marry.”
Famous last words.
Five years later I did in fact marry this man. People change. And I changed when I fell in love with Jesus and began following Him. Suddenly this godly, kind, handsome guy at the mic seemed really appealing. By the time we married we were both working as missionaries and accustomed to the ministry life, so the transition into marriage and ministry life was easy. We got a joint checking account and continued life as normal.
But our ten years of marriage and ministry have been anything but normal.
One year in we moved to another state for a pastoring job, only to discover disaster after disaster. Determined, we filled every random role available—leading the 55-and-older ministry (which was in reality the 80-and-older ministry), leading community groups in cities we didn’t live in, helping coordinate the couple’s Valentine’s dinner (I still have nightmares), and living in a windowless apartment with rotted out floors. We later moved back and juggled seminary with babies and three-hour round-trip commutes, odd jobs, living with parents, internships, then a pastoring position and another final leap into the wide-open unknown world of church-planting. All of this involved 13 moves, 6 churches, 2 kids, and I’m tired just writing it down.
But, while I don’t recommend so much change in a short amount of time, the benefit was a wide variety of experiences and the opportunity to observe many ministry marriages. So, out of this experience and observation, what stands out as most important are three memorable quotes from wise women I’ve met along the way:
{Read the rest over at Jolene Engle… Check it out! Thanks for reading.}
Another must-have item for your wardrobe this fall…
I tried it on and it worked. Worked like magic.
The kids were happier, more obedient. My husband walked in the door and immediately noticed. Within minutes he was grinning ear to ear, strong arms around me, insisting I was gorgeous. The cashier at the grocery store smiled wide, asked about my day. Strangers noticed, smiled at me, men and women alike. I half expected all the neighborhood cats and dogs to follow me down the street on my walk.
Every time I put it on the world around me changed for the better.
You know what it is right?
A smile.
No joke: Try it. Not in a fake way, but in a faith way. Simply discipline yourself, by faith, to smile at your day, knowing this is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it (Ps 118:24). Meditate on God’s goodness, count your thousand gifts, practice gratitude out loud, and make your face smile. At strangers, at the cashier, at your kids, and certainly at your husband.
Of all the people in the world, Christians should smile the most. Why?
We most certainly have the most to be thankful for. And we most certainly have the most to give.
Your smile is a grace-gift to the world. They may not deserve it, certainly haven’t earned it, but it’s something you can always freely give.
Try it, right now. Practice. Go ahead. Stretch it out wide across your face and thank God for this day. Then give it as a grace-gift to the next person you see.
{We all need this little reminder at the end of the week, yes? Try it this weekend! Thanks for reading.}
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Why the long way? (The best part…)
{Wednesday we asked, Why the long way? Consider a few more reasons today…}
2. The long way produces humility.
Deuteronomy 8:2 says,
“And you shall remember the long way that the LORD your God has lead you these forty years in the wilderness, that He might humble you…”
This is not saying that God humiliates us. I can’t defend this with Greek and Hebrew, but I believe there is a kind and gentle way that God produces humility in us that is not in the form of cruel humiliation. I often pray that God would allow me to humble myself but that He would save me from humiliation. That’s just being honest! I do want to walk in humility but I’d really rather not do something absolutely humiliating to get there. Anybody else?
When our path is quick and easy we are so tempted to think it was our genius that got us there.
The root of all sin is pride, and the root of all virtue is humility. Every fruit of the Spirit is produced in the spoil of humility. Therefore nothing is more critical for our spiritual growth, our joy, our peace, than the cultivation of humility. Although it goes against our flesh, our egos, and our culture, the way up is the way down, and only through life lost is life found.
The long road requires us to be desperately dependent on God’s grace and mercy. It is in His kindness that He chooses to humble us by the long road.
3. The long way reveals our hearts.
There’s more to Deuteronomy 8:2. It reads,
“And you shall remember the long way that the LORD your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commandments or not” (vv2-3). (See also Deut. 13:3, Judges 3:4, 2 Chronicles 32:31)
Now I have struggled with this one. God already knows what’s in our hearts. So why would He need to do something to reveal it to Himself? Does He reveal it to Himself or to us?
I don’t know.
Suffice it to say that our faith rises so the surface when we are faced with the adversity of a long road (James 1:7). It is revealed as it rises to the surface and it is refined and displayed for us to see, for God to see, for all to see–for His glory. We may not understand how all that works, but we can agree it does work.
That is at least a little bit of why God likes the long way.
But you want to know the best part about it?
We get to be with Him along the way.
The moment we get our eyes on our Beautiful Savior the long way won’t bother us. In fact, it will just afford us plenty of time to journey with the One we love. People who are in love enjoy long road trips together. He is on the road with us. Yes, we may yearn and long for a promise to be revealed, for that first glimpse of the promised land that God has spoken of so often.
But really, God Himself is greater than any promised land. The best part of the being part of the nation of Israel wasn’t getting to live in the promised land, it was getting to live with YAHWEH, the great I AM.
When I get my eyes off God, I become fixated on the end of the road. On “it”. On the thing. And the road seems excruciatingly long and the wait unbearable. But when I look and realize that the King of Kings is walking this road with me, all of a sudden it doesn’t matter anymore. It’s not about getting there. It is, in fact, a gloriously scenic road trip with the One I love. Even if the road is curvy (or takes me in circles!), I can rest assured that God is graciously leading me to success, producing in me humility, and revealing the inner parts of my heart as I wait. He is working all things for my good, but more importantly, He’s with me. And there’s no one I’d rather travel with than Him.
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In what way has the end goal distracted you from the Beautiful God who is right at your side? In what way can you enjoy whatever journey you are on today? Have a glorious weekend, and thank you so much for reading.