Because sometimes bedtime takes forever … and it should.
It all happened tonight.
Five minutes earlier we had been laughing. But now I pulled her blankets up, kissed her round, peach cheeks, and saw a flash of sadness and fear in her eyes.
“What is it, babygirl? What’s wrong?”
Her eyes filled, face twisting into that sadness, the kind we hold back, even as children, holding fear at bay but then something breaks the dam and it all floods forward.
She held her breath for a moment, the words spilled out: “I don’t want my teeth to fall out!”
Tears streamed down her cheeks, her tiny body shaking with sobs, eyes shut in sadness.
“Oh sweetie! Your teeth won’t fall out! Why do you think they’ll fall out?” Whatever birthed this belief, clearly it was tormenting her.
She held her breath again, unable to say the words. I know that feelings, babygirl. Finally she spit out the truth: “Because I suck my thumb. Because I suck my thumb, my teeth are moving back and I’ll have to get braces and my teeth will fall out.”
I raised my eyebrows. Oh boy. Now I don’t know where she heard this, but let it be known that kids do take our words seriously, even when they seem to be ignoring us.
“Oh sweetie. Your teeth won’t fall out. And even if you have to get braces, that’s ok. But are you feeling like you’re ready to stop sucking your thumb?” She nodded, fear and hope mixed in her tears.
“Ok. That’s a great plan. I’ll snuggle you and we’ll play music and I’ll hold onto your hands to help you.” So we did this. But as with every meltdown, the issue is never the issue. We snuggled, but the tears kept coming. Still, her body shook with sobs. Still she couldn’t get her breath to slow. Fifteen minutes turned to twenty, turned to thirty, turned to forty-five. I propped up on my elbow to look in her eyes. Sadness deeper than teeth issues. She finally spoke again, works choked out between sobs:
“I want to … remember … this night forever. And that other night …. when you snuggled me for a long time … I want to remember both nights forever, how you snuggled me.”
“Ok, yes. Let’s remember this forever.”
“And …” her voice caught in tears: “When I’m all grown up will you write down a list of all the things I did when I was little? So I can always remember?” I looked into her eyes, bewildered and suddenly caught by the significance of this question and the depth of understanding and emotion she was showing. I looked deep into her questioning, sad, hopeful eyes.
“Yes! Of course, sweetie. I’ll write everything down, so we can remember together. When …” and now my voice caught, “When you’re all grown up.”
I leaned my face down, my wet cheek against hers. I can already see her at 14, tall with brown curls and muscular legs and still-round cheeks and laughing still, head thrown back, a wide-eyed wonderment. Will I still be here? Will she still be here? What will be different? What will I wish I had done? Will I have any regrets? Will I remember all the things she did “when she was little” so I can write them in a list?
I couldn’t breathe.
I don’t know how long we lay there, her tiny body wrapped up in mine. But the summer evening sun turned to darkness and the air cooled, coming through the window. At some point she asked for daddy. Jeff joined us. Eventually she stilled, slept.
And it’s all so complex. Love. Parenting. Nurturing. Bedtime’s 7:30 but it was well past 9pm when I slid out from under those Hello Kitty covers and tiptoed back into our room. And silently I thanked God for enough margin in life to be there for her. Meltdowns aren’t marked on the schedule; tears are never timed well. But by the grace of God I resolve to be with my children as much as possible, to notice the flash of sadness in the eyes and wipe the tears and stay an hour longer than planned. She will be 14 and then 40. I will be here and then gone.
O Father, with all that is in us we ask: Help us love our children well.
{May your weekend we blessed. Thank you for reading.}
~
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When you want your life to sing…
This, these little obediences are what add up to give our lives this one beautiful quality: Consistency.
Few characteristics are more critical to following Christ than consistency, and therefore this will be the primary area where spiritual attack will occur. If the enemy of our souls cannot lead us into grievous sin he will at least try to keep us from consistently abiding in Christ.
He will seek to make our lives haphazard.
Consistency, steadfastness, faithfulness, stability — these qualities aren’t touted and praised much in our culture. We’re told to do what feels good, follow your heart, indulge, let yourself loose.
And yet, growth or mastery in any area requires consistency. Any personal trainer will tell you that consistency is key. Running two miles every single day is better than running fourteen every Saturday. A steady, balanced diet over the long haul is better than a crash-diet to lose five pounds by this weekend’s wedding. Consistency is always the key.
Webster defines consistency as: marked by harmony, regularity, or steady continuity.
Wouldn’t it be a beautiful witness if our lives were marked by harmony, by regularity and steady continuity? If we moved between our work and church and family and friends in a seamless manner, not given to hypocrisy but characterized by integrity and wholeness? Consistency is what takes us from a rollercoaster of frustration and defeat to a level path of joy, peace, and purpose.
Consistency enables our lives to sing.
So let’s hold up the mirror of God’s Word and take an honest look at the consistent character and conduct of our lives.
Consistent Character:
- Joy: Am I steadfast in rejoicing? Am I deliberate every single day in choosing to rejoice despite my circumstances?
- Peace: Is my life characterized by anxiety or peace? What would my family, friends, co-workers say?
- Patience: Do I lose my patience in a check-out line or waiting in traffic? Do I show great patience for others and yet often snap or lose my temper with my family?
- Kindness: Do I show kindness to others only when others are looking?
- Goodness: What movies do I watch? What music do I enjoy? Would I be comfortable letting my pastor look through my internet history? Do I consistently set my mind on things that are good and lovely?
- Gentleness: Am I harsh or short with my spouse, roommate, kids, parents? Do I use sarcasm?
- Faithfulness: Do I follow through on my commitments even when it costs me something personally? When my circumstances change do I remain committed to my word? What kind of friend am I? What would others say?
- Self-control: Do I indulge myself when I’m alone in ways that I wouldn’t if others were around? Do I have a quick-tongue, always speaking my mind, or am I slow to speak?
Consistent Conduct:
- Do I show up on time for work? Do I often make others wait for me? Am I habitually late for meetings?
- Do I follow-through on my chores or work at home? Do others often have to pick up after me or cover for me?
- Do I have good personal hygiene habits? Do I exercise regularly? Do I eat a healthy, balanced diet?
- Do I attend church regularly? Do I tithe regularly? Do I read my Bible and pray regularly? Do I regularly meet with other believers for fellowship and accountability?
- Do I serve on a regular basis? Have I diligently explored ways that I can consistently use my time and talents to serve others and further God’s kindgom?
Am I someone who others can count on? Am I the same at work as I am at church? Do I have anything to “hide”?
All of us have areas of inconsistency in our lives. The key is remembering that in reality we always act in ways that are consistent with our beliefs. So if our actions aren’t lining up with what we say, chances are we don’t really believe what we say we believe. We always act out of what we believe. If we believe God is glorious and good and altogether sufficient, our actions will be wholly consistent with that. If we do not, in some measure, believe that, our actions will be consistent with that too. This is why all sin is a personal affront to God. It all comes from some area of unbelief.
So our job is to evaluate these areas honestly and ask God to show us where we have unbelief in our hearts. We can repent, turn, and be given a fresh measure of faith to overcome these areas of inconsistency in our lives. And we must do just that every single day.
{For today, what area of inconsistency is God putting His finger on? Who might you sit down with and read this list together, being honest with how you desire God to change you this year? How can you agree with Him and ask for His grace to grow? He loves us too much to let us stay the same! Thank you, friends, for reading.}
Little Obediences {A prayer for a heart inclined}
I lifted my hand to my mouth, then stopped short. Really? Really, God? You’re going to convict me about a silly bite? For crying out loud, does it really matter? I knew the answer in my heart.
Everything matters.
I’d been asking God to help me tackle little areas of sin in my life. It’s the little stuff, the things we think, “Well that’s not a big deal,” that can hinder our relationship with God and others, because we don’t see the need to address them. Like the Familiars we looked at last week. I knew what mine were–little choices about my attitude, how to treated others, a lack of generosity in small things. He pinpointed some specific behaviors, so I asked Him to remind me.
But now You’re going to tap my shoulder about a silly bite of food? I almost rolled my eyes.
But I knew quick enough what the heart issue was. When I’m tired, my focus narrows down to “meet my own needs.” My husband and children become peripheral blurs compared to my own strong desire to check-out, tune-out, lock-them-out-of-the-house (ok, just kidding) and sometimes that can be in the form of social media and/or eating. Nothing wrong with taking a little break, but a God-focused break refreshes us so we can pour out more, a me-focused break makes me more curved in on myself … no bueno.
I put the bite of food down, and returned to the task of making dinner. The phrase Little Obediences popped in my head.
Yes, that’s so it.
It’s what I ask of my children. I’m not talking nit-picking, but if I ask them to do something, and they do it their own way, or in their own time, or in a way that shows disrespect or a lack of care, that matters to me. It isn’t obedience. It’s half-hearted. It is an underhanded obedience that allows self to stay on the throne.
It’s begrudging obedience without bowing the will, which isn’t obedience at all.
True submission is bending the knee.
It is relinquishing rights.
It is a humble prayer that even in the inclinations of our hearts would be toward joyful submission to our Great and Loving King.
Just that morning I had read it:
“Do not let my heart incline to any evil, to busy myself with wicked deeds…” (Ps. 141:4)
To ANY evil. That is, even the tiny stuff. The Familiars. That which seems to not matter. The unseen areas of attitude and action that do affect our relationship with God. Just as my children’s half-hearted or partial obedience grieves (and frustrates!) me.
Does it not also grieve the heart of God?
And so, a humble prayer:
“Do not incline my heart to ANY evil.
Let me hear Your still, small voice, speaking in still, small moments, convicting me of small things which make a big difference. In my joy, my nearness to you, my ability to love.
Curve my heart, not in on itself, but out, in worship of You and service to others.
Above all I pray: Incline my heart … to You.
{Richest blessings on your week as you embrace little obediences and pray for a heart inclined. Thanks for reading.}
Our 2013-2014 Homeschool Plan
It’s August and school is just around the corner! So the question I am hearing a lot these days is: “What are you doing this year for school?”
(For the record, I did not originally intend for this post to come right after my ranting and raving about consumerism. It just happened that way. Our choice to homeschool is not because we think all the evil is “out there.” The evil is in our own hearts as much as anywhere else! But we have a conviction that homeschooling is right for us. So, there you have it. And since I’ve been asked about it a lot recently, I thought it might be helpful to just share our whole nitty-gritty plan right here.)
My philosophy is, if we only get through the first 2 hours most days, that’s great. The rest is optional. I just talked to a woman who has 9 children and has been homeschooling for 18 years (and her older children have been National Merit Scholars) and she encouraged me again and again to take it slow at the start and not overwhelm young kids with too much. The 3 R’s (reading, writing and ‘rithmetic) plus character development (i.e. not punching people) are our big goals for the year. Also, we’ve been slowly implementing this schedule so it’s not a big shock come September 3rd. I’ve been introducing one new subject/element a week and will continue that through August. So, without further ado, our 2013-2014 homeschool plan (my kids are 6 & 4):
Monday through Friday begins like this:
8:00-8:30am — Bible reading, devotions, prayer. This is during breakfast, so that Jeff can lead this time with our kids. (We use a variety of Long Story Short: Ten-minute devotions to draw your family to God, Jesus Storybook Bible, Gospel Story Bible, Big Picture Story Bible, and Children of God Storybook Bible), scripture memorization (Letter lessons here), prayer, and just talking and relating to each other about God.
8:30-9:00am — Math (Saxon 1st grade curriculum) Dutch can do this at the kitchen counter while I’m cleaning up the kitchen and prepping food for the day. Heidi can count money, write numbers, or help me measure and work in the kitchen.
M-W-F we continue with this:
9:00-10:00am — Language (Writing, Spelling, Grammar, Reading). This includes writing (5 minutes–Handwriting without tears OR copy work, writing verses, writing to sponsor children, making thank you/birthday cards, etc.); Spelling (10 minutes–Spelling Workout Level A); Grammar (15 minutes–First Language Lessons for the Well-Trained Mind); Reading (Dutch 30 minutes reading, then we’ll write a narration together to recap what he read. Heidi & I are doing Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons. After “100 lessons” Heidi and I will do BOB books.)
10-10:15 — Snack/break (run around, duel with lightsabers, etc.)
10:15-11:15am — History (The Story of the World curriculum, which uses Kingfisher Illustrated History of the World, Kingfisher History Encyclopedia, Usborne Book of World History, and the Usborne Internet-Linked Encyclopedia of World History.)
11:15am-12:15pm — Science (Various science encyclopedias, books from the library, some *Classical Conversations memory work, and experiments from VanCleave’s)
FREE to play and explore and continue learning!
2pm — Heidi naps, Dutch has 30 minutes – hour of quiet reading while Mommy writes this blog! 🙂
Tuesdays we continue with this:
9:00am – 12:15pm Bible Study, or play date, or field trip, AND library.
2pm Heidi naps and Dutch has quiet reading while I write.
Thursdays we continue with this:
Drive to Papa & Oma’s house
10:00am-11:00am PE with Papa (My dad was a PE teacher and Athletic Director for 30+ years, so he’ll teach them games and time them on certain physical activities to see how they progress through the year.)
11:00a-12:00pm Art with Oma (Often the history curriculum and/or Classical Conversations has an art component, so we do that OR use Ed Emberley drawing books OR use the Felt, Button, Bead book for craft/sewing activities, Heidi’s favorite. I’d also love to incorporate some cooking lessons, like Jamie does here. Since this is right before lunch we can incorporate lunch-prep into this time.)
2pm — Heidi naps and Dutch reads while I write
*Also, we’re incorporating some Classical Conversations memory work into each subject (We are not part of a CC group, we just use the curriculum.)
That’s it! I’m basically following the Well-Trained Mind (LOVE this book!) plan for a classical education at home. I lean more toward unschooling in my approach however, which simply means within the structure of the classical curriculum, I see great freedom for us to explore, change directions, and dig deeper into what my children are fascinated by. I also love Educating the Whole-Hearted Child.
I am SO not a homeschooling expert, but if you have any questions or thoughts I’d love to hear them! It’s fun to share ideas and work together to raise, nurture, instruct, and educate our Littles! And even if you don’t homeschool, any or all of these resources may be helpful along the way. Enjoy, and thanks for reading!