Sacred Mundane: The Blog

My dear friend’s grandfather spoke these simple words to him, just before he passed from this life to the next:

“Live a life of no regrets.”

No regrets. A noble life-goal, yes? I think so. So as we enter 2013 and consider the direction our life is headed, let’s consider: Is there anything — habits, choices, relationships — that I might regret one day?

What does the world regret? I shared this last year, but here it is again: The top 5 things people regret on their deathbeds:

1. “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

2. “I wish I didn’t work so hard.”

3.” I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”

4. “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”

5. “I wish that I had let myself be happier.”

This could really all be summarized by these four regrets:

1. People-pleasing (fear of man, lack of courage)

2. Refusing to rest (pride)

3. Neglecting relationships

4. Not choosing joy

It’s easy to see how these are the most common regrets. And yet, how often do our (my) New Year’s resolutions and goals really reflect a desire to live a life free from these regrets. For example, running a marathon is awesome but will I really lie on my deathbed and regret that I never ran one? Blogging every day is awesome, but will I really ever regret if I miss a day or two?

So the challenge for us as we cross into a new year is: How do I establish daily habits that will help me live a life of no regrets?

How do I live today with the end in mind?

The question for us is this: If you lived the rest or your days exactly the same way you lived today what would your regrets be?

I know mine, and they’re startlingly similar to those above:

1. People-pleasing (lack of courage) in being myself and sharing the love of Christ.

2. Neglecting play-time with Jeff and the kids.

3. Cluttering my life with too many relationships without investing enough time with the handful that matter most.

4. Not smiling more, not choosing joy each day. Letting little things like a messy house or a funky friendship weigh down my heart.

5. Talking sharply to my children, getting frustrated with them, speaking in a tone that cuts instead of builds.

These are the things I would regret. Oh, friends, I don’t want to have these regrets.

The new year is a gift of grace.

Each new year God gives us a chance, a mini-life, which He lets us do again and again. The grace-mulligan. He gives us a chance to stop, look back, and reflect, so that we won’t be caught off-guard at the end.

From 2012, my God’s grace, I don’t have many regrets. Only:

• I wish I had been a better friend and cheered on others more.
• I wish I had spoken more encouragement to my husband, every day.
• I wish I had devoted more of my creative energy to my kids, to play more.

I love me a fresh start. As I type these words my poor disheveled house is full of boxes stacked high, walls stripped bare, odds and ends piled (strewn?) on every surface waiting to be sorted. Yes, we just moved. For the 13^th time. I distinctly remember telling God (when I was 21-years-old and knew everything) that I could handle a life of flux, change, and adventure. I could even handle marrying a pastor, I had said.

Some days I wish He hadn’t been listening.

The past dozen years have indeed been a life of flux, change, and adventure… and marriage to a pastor. And although sometimes I crave the life of stability and predictability, I wouldn’t trade these years for the world.

Every single move has reminded me of the beauty of a fresh start.

Don’t we all crave a fresh start sometimes? Isn’t that the grace of God’s time-cycle, that every single morning we’re gifted with another chance to start afresh?

A mulligan. Every single day.

You know, a mulligan, right? No, not a pot of stew made from all the random items leftover in your fridge right before you move (although that can be helpful too!). A mulligan is a free shot given to a golfer when the previous shot was poorly played.

A free shot given when the previous shot was poorly played.

Yes, please.

You want one, right? Me too! Did you know God is the original mulligan-giver? He designed His world in such a way that every single day we are gifted with another free shot.

Amazing grace.

His mercies are new every morning. Sorrow lasts for the night but joy comes in the morning. Every morning we are given the glorious gift of a fresh start. And beyond that, every single year we are given another extra-fresh start as we turn the page and find January smiling at us in all her beautifully-blank splendor.

(I want to go sharpen my pencil right now and pull out a clean sheet of notebook paper, just for fun.)

Providence would so have it that this time around we move at the end of the year. That’s right. New day, new year, new house – I’m basically getting a triple-shot venti mulligan. It seems too good to be true.

Now, in case you have visions of me moving into a mansion, allow me to clarify. Part of our journey has been series of down-sizes, as God changes our hearts and strips us of the idols and comforts to which we clung dearly for so long. We have far to go, but in an effort to grow away from the trap of the American dream and toward the life of generosity and grace, we’ll be house-sharing a bungalow built in 1906.

The term “new house” is used loosely in our case.

But it is a fresh start just the same, and for that I’m grateful. Because in my own life a poor shot is played more often than not, and I’m desperate for the grace-mulligan in any measure. I’ll take a do-over any day. You too?

And this is where we start.

Whatever debris was in your yesteryear, start with a mulligan.

Whatever you botched, start with a mulligan.

Whatever you said that you can’t take back, start with a mulligan.

Whatever ongoing struggle you have battled for so long you can’t even remember what freedom looks like, start with a mulligan.

Whatever heaviness has plagued your heart day after wearying day, start with a mulligan.

See, whatever baggage you bring to the table (and we all bring some!), we all need a fresh start. And only Christ, by His infinite grace, can grant mulligans. I can’t give you one. You can’t give yourself one. Contrary to popular belief, you don’t need to forgive yourself. The rules don’t work like that.

 Only Christ can grant you the grace-mulligan that will set you free today. That will unbind your heart and enable you to move forward. Because if we are to truly live lives of victory, wholeness, and joy, we must first receive the free gift of a fresh start. Now.

That’s where to start this year.

Stop right now, and wherever you are, bow your heart and with all earnestness ask the God of mercy to grant you His forgiveness and gift you with a grace-mulligan, a divine do-over right now. Instead of making promises to Him, that you’ll do better or try harder, ask Him to do His work in you as you journey through this year. Ask Him to teach you, ask Him to lead you into victory, wholeness, and joy. Believe you have what you’ve asked. That’s where to start.

 {Thank you Pastor Joel, for the grace-mulligan years ago in a sermon. It’s stuck with me ever since! Thanks, all for reading. Happy New Year!}

Last year, Jeff asked me to write this little Christmas devotional, on fear. I drafted it up and emailed it to him.

“Great,” He replied. “Let’s each write up some discussion questions to go with it.” Super.  I scratched out some thoughts, but before I clicked send his own set of questions popped up in my inbox. His questions were these:

1. Can you think of a time this past year when you were afraid? How did you respond and how did it turn out?

2. How can you see ways that God is delivered you from fear? What is one area where you used to be afraid and now are not?

Fair enough, right? However, my questions were these:

1. What unknown in the future is making you afraid of right now? Is there anything looming ahead that’s causing you anxiety?

2. How can you take that thing and go to God in prayer? What would it look like, practically, to trust Him with your future in this area?

See the difference? So small, yet so profound.

My man is a past-oriented person. I, a future-oriented.

He actually pointed this out to me several months ago. I narrowed my eyes and listened, skeptical. Now I see it everywhere; we’re really ridiculous creatures.

• He loves to hold onto things. He keeps old clothes, pictures, books. For him they hold memories of the past.
• I’m a ruthless purger. Haven’t worn it in a year? How about 6-weeks? Close enough. Toss it out. Kids haven’t played with it? Toss it out. Keep moving forward. Make room for new things we’ll inevitably get in the future.
• He takes pictures. Remember the past.
• I never take pictures.  Keep moving forward!
• He never finishes the carton/bottle/box/bag/plate. Leave a little bit in there and keep it in the fridge/cupboard.
• I drink/eat whatever little bit is left just so I can toss out the container and move on!
• Jeff keeps receipts for decades.
• I throw them away as soon as I get home.
• Jeff loves studying history.
• I love studying things that motivate me toward a better tomorrow.
• The kicker? I have a dry-erase calendar on my fridge. I realized that I would erase every single day as soon as it was over, and would start over writing the next month in the blank spaces, so that at all times the calendar was all future dates. No record of what I’d done. Only un-lived days.
• He doesn’t have a dry-erase calendar because he’d never erase it. 

Do you see? We really are all wired a little differently. Neither is better, but certainly very different. Thankfully, we’re learning from each other. Jeff is learning to throw away the ratty gym shorts and I’m learning to reflect, look back and bit and learn from yesterday before moving onto tomorrow.

And that’s what we need as we cross into 2013. 

Some of us, perhaps, are prone to gaze intently at the future. We’re ready, excited, climbed on board and racing toward another new year. Some of us, on the other hand, want to ride backwards on the train. can we just look behind and remember all the good. Reflect. Review?

We need both. So as we cross the year, perhaps we’d be blessed by setting aside some time for looking both ways? I’m looking forward to doing this tomorrow (haha! I even write with future-oriented language!), with Jeff, as we unpack boxes all day (yes, we moved this weekend!). We’ll be asking ourselves these:

• What was your greatest victory this past year?
• What surprised you about the direction of your life this past year?
• What was harder than you thought it’d be?
• What was way better than you’d ever imagined?
• In what way have you changed from January 2012 to December 2012?

Just a few ideas to get started. Are you more past-oriented or future oriented in your thinking? I’m curious … Enjoy looking both ways as you cross into 2013, and I pray for God-inspired and God-initiated ideas, dreams, and reflections. {Thanks for reading.}