Sacred Mundane: The Blog

Last week I gathered with some dear women for a mom’s group. The topic: How to help our marriages flourish. As I prepared my notes, studying and praying and gathering information, I kept being haunted by one question.

Why do you want your marriage to flourish?

If we only want our marriages to flourish so that we’ll be happy, or fulfilled, or satisfied, or because it fills some need we have, then as soon as our marriage is no longer making us feel happy, fulfilled, and satisfied, we’ll quickly give up and move onto something else. If we’re really going to have the energy, motivation, enthusiasm and perseverance  to tend and cultivate a healthy, thriving, flourishing marriage, we’ve got to have a greater reason why. And I would suggest this is the reason why:

Because your marriage is part of a far greater mission.

I believe that the reason our marriage has flourished (it’s not perfect, but I love it!) is because “good marriage” isn’t the end goal. We didn’t enter into marriage for the purpose of marriage. Here’s what I mean:

Our marriages are less important and more important than we realize. By less important, I simply mean that nowhere in Scripture does it say that your sole purpose in life is to get married and be a “good wife”. We are certainly called to be a helpmeet (ezer) to our husband and to be fruitful and multiply, BUT the greatest purpose of all humankind in scripture is to glorify God, to go and make disciples, to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength and to love our neighbor as ourselves. Our ultimate purpose—showing the love of Christ to a lost world—is not dependent on whether or not you are married.

 However, IF you are married, then our marriage is part of that mission, and it’s a far more important part than we may even realize. Here’s what I mean:

Our marriage was meant to nourish us and the world around us by its beauty and spiritual fruit.  Fruit that we can enjoy, that our children can enjoy, that the world can enjoy—and that most of all puts on display what God is like. So our marriages are more important than we realize because our marriages are a picture of what God is like. It’s a picture of Jesus Christ and His church (Ephesians 5).

God is for our marriages. God created us to thrive in our marriages. He created marriage to be a picture of Christ and the church, a picture of His extravagant love for us. He wants the world to look at our marriages and say, “Wow! Now that’s love.” Our marriages are actually God’s evangelistic tool. He wants our marriages to be so beautiful, so lovely and strong and enduring, that everyone will want to know the God of our marriage. They will want a love like that.

And personally, I believe that this is the scheme of our enemy who wants to do whatever he can to discredit followers of Jesus and tarnish the beautiful picture of God’s love, by making their marriages are weak, wilted, defeated, discouraged. In other words, the health of your marriage is even more important than you think.

But as long as our goal is merely to “have a good marriage” we’re aiming too low and missing out on the deeper motivation, the God-given drive that will fuel our devotion and inspire us to grow in selflessly loving, respecting, submitting to, and honoring our husbands.

What if your marriage was the only picture of God’s love someone ever saw? What would they think? I pray God would grant us strength and grace to grow such grace-filled and sacrificially-loving marriages that the world can look and see a picture of God’s love. That’s a lofty goal. There’s no way we can achieve that on our own. It would take a miracle, a supernatural work of God to achieve a marriage like that. Which is why it’s the goal we need.  He’ll get all the glory.

Praying God’s grace for a God-glorifying marriage that only His power can achieve. Praying for you! Thanks for reading.

I had never been to the Lake Bradley Christian Conference Center, but always heard it was beautiful. So Friday morning, my parents, kids, and I piled in my dad’s truck and headed down to Bandon, Oregon to meet with the beautiful ladies of Trail Christian Fellowship for their women’s retreat. They had graciously arranged a hotel near the conference center for my parents and kids to enjoy so that I could spend time with them during free time.

So we made the five hour drive, and just when we thought there was no way it could be any farther away, we spotted the small sign “Lake Bradley Christian Conference Center.” I did think that it would be a bit bigger, but we pulled in and followed a narrow gravel drive, around a bend, and found ourselves in front of:

A trash heap.

An old warehouse/barn had shelves of old boats and recreational gear. Broken down cars sat there, along with an enormous trash heap piled high with debris and even an old Lazy Boy recliner. 

My mom was the first one to speak: “I am not leaving you here.”

Now my mind raced. “They had said Lake Bradley, right? I really thought this place would be nicer!”

Finally, of course, I got a hold of the Retreat Director and she let us know we had pulled in one driveway too soon.

We were in the backside of the camp.

We drove a 50 yard farther up the road and found the real entrance, and yes it was much bigger. We pulled in a wide and grand entrance to see acres of lush, perfectly manicured grass. Everything was immaculate. Remodeled, updated, spotless. The place was beautiful. My special cabin was even more impressive with a large stone fireplace and deck stretching out over the Lake. Breathtaking.

How interesting, I thought.

The difference between the front and backside of the camp. 

The truth is, we all have a backside of the camp. And I don’t just mean those days when we wear sweats and no make-up. We all have a backside in our behavior too, in our character, in our heart, where we battle the flesh and struggle.

Where, if we’re really honest, there’s a trash heap.

(And maybe even an old Lazy boy recliner.)

The deal though is that all too often we’re afraid to let anyone see the backside of the camp. The trash heap. The embarrassing part where our fallen humanity is so glaringly obvious and we’ d rather die than let someone see that broken place.

I’ve sat in discussion circles with women where everyone just shared what they were doing well. “Well, this is what I do in that situation.” In other words, we’re just going around the circle taking turns showing each other the frontside of our camp. And then we ooh and aah over how beautiful each other’s frontsides are, but we’re never feeling free because the truth is we’ve got trash heaps in our backside but we’re too afraid to let anyone see them!  I’m talking to myself too, just so you know.

This past weekend I was amazed by one thing in particular: All of our trash heaps look so much alike. Without fail, one by one, as I heard stories from different courageous women who were filling to step forward, confess sin, repent, share struggles, allow me and others to see the the backside of their camp, I was amazed that I could relate and identify to all of them because parts of their trash heaps looked just like mine.

And then I came home and yesterday morning my dear housemate and my dear husband had an awesome conversation, in essence discussing the backside of their camps, how God sets us free from fear and leads us into wholeness and healing.

It’s freeing–so freeing–to quit hiding the backside of the camp and start allowing others to walk with us as we deal with the trash heaps in our lives.

But here’s what keeps us bound: We’re embarrassed. The truth is, it’s embarrassing to let people see our trash. It’s humbling. The enemy loves to keep us bound in things that embarrassing to confess.

But here’s the thing: There’s no need to be embarassed because we all have trash heaps. We all have a backside of the camp. And by God’s grace He is making us new and slowly cleaning out the backside so that we live and walk in wholeness. And I’m not saying we should take pictures of our trash heaps and post them all over the web, but with those closest to us, we must let them walk close enough that they see the backside, and help us as we clean out the trash. 

What about your trash heap? Are you allowing those closest to you to walk through it with you? I pray we would find the courage to walk in humility and let God do business in the backside of our camp. Thanks for reading. 

Because I was unplugged all weekend, teaching God’s glorious Word to some beautiful women in Southern Oregon, I wasn’t able to write Week’s End With Thanks.  But I cannot begin the week without it–praise God for His faithfulness, His blessings to us can’t even be counted! Thanks for letting me begin the week this way–perhaps you will too? Thanks, friends, for reading.

• Swim lessons with my squirrels. The only kids in the entire OC swim complex because no one else signed up for the class. Three lifeguards, one instructor, and my two Littles. Ha! Thank you, Lord!
• 150 AMAZING beautiful women from Trail Christian Fellowship, good soil, humble hearts, so open and receptive to God’s Word! Hallelujah!
• My cousin, Matt, and his wife Angie, in Arizona going to get baptized next weekend! WOW, GOD!! Hallelujah!!
• Going to visit them next week!
• That God is always at work in ways we can’t even fathom.
• His mysterious ways.
• Ministering with The Sonflowerz! this weekend. Amazing girls with such hearts for the Lord and His women. So honored to meet them and serve Jesus with them!
• RENEW family all pitching in–the meal, the service, the kids, the worship, the tear-down. SO incredibly blessed by their servant’s hearts. We so do not deserve to have these beautiful people with us. Thank you, Father.
• Abraham’s worship.
• Melody’s voice.
• Sarah’s strumming.
• Listening.
• Cyndi.
• Trea’s sweet kindness to my mom.
• My mom getting to hear me teach for the first time ever! Tears. (mine!)
• Debra’s prayers, texts, love.
• Melissa’s generosity. So humbled.
• Letting go.
• Surrender.
• Barb, Jennifer, Nikki, Margaret, Stephanie.
• Seeing Lauren & Kelsey!
• Freedom! If the Son has set us free, we are free indeed!
• Tired children.
• That His mercies are new every morning.
• Holding my Little’s hands on our 5-hour drive. Precious hands tucked in mine, want to remember these moments forever.
• Tickles.
• A big hamburger after the retreat.
• My cabin overlooking the Lake. Really?! I get to do this?
• Aaron & Candi.
• Praying, trusting, praying.
• My heart moving to Oregon City.
• Entering a slower season. (I think?)
• Home sweet home.
• My own bed.
• Firewood.
• A fresh week and less-crowded calendar. Thank you, Jesus! 
• That He’s worth it. Whatever “it” is — He’s worth it.

{Bless you, and I pray God’s presence FILLS you this week. Speak your praise to Him this morning and begin your week with thanks! Thanks for reading.}

“Community” is a popular concept these days. We want to be in community, live in community, be part of a community. And make no mistake, this is awesome! We do too! We so desire our little church family to be a place where we grow and live in community. We also now have a fifth family member, our dear Debra with whom we share home–and life. Together we are learning, daily, what it means to grow together, and do life together, in community. Two things God has been showing us and challenging us with:

 1. True community means making decisions for the good of the whole.

“In our experience, people are often enthusiastic about community until in impinges on their decision-making. For all their rhetoric, they still expect to make decisions by themselves for themselves.  We assume we are masters of our own lives.” (Total Church)

Isn’t this the truth? Especially in America–we want to belong, we want the support and camaraderie of community, but we still want to make decisions for ourselves. We don’t want anyone to tell us how to spend our money or our time. We don’t want to have to lay aside our own preferences or desires in order to meet the needs of others. But this is absolutely essential if true community is to take place. While I still have so far to grow in this, I see often how our housemate does this. She always is making choices and decisions in order to bless us, when it would be way easier for her to only think of herself. She inspires me in this.

2. True community means loving people in the community, not the idea of community. 

“He who loves his dream of community more than the Christian community itself becomes a destroyer of the latter, even though his personal intentions may be ever so honest and earnest and sacrificial” (Bonhoeffer, Life Together, p. 15).

We are still just so stinkin’ idealistic, right? We all have these grand dreams about what “community” should be, where we all share perfectly, love perfectly. Where our kids play nicely together all the time and we never irritate each other. The reality is no matter how awesome the community we all still sin. No community is the picture-perfect idea we imagine, where everyone is funny, engaged, where there are no awkward silences and no comments that rub us the wrong way. The reality is that true community is more challenging than we ever imagined, but better than we ever dreamed.  Because really knowing real people, and really seeing true life-change, and really serving each other and loving each other and fighting for each other is what God intended His Body, the Church, to do.  We see Christ in each other. We hear from God through each other.

This week a friend–who knew I had a very busy week–came over and picked up all my dirty laundry, took it to her house, and did it all for me. This was such a picture for me of community. Nothing glamorous or sexy about stinky, dirty laundry. But she recognized that part of “doing life” together means “doing laundry” for each other. It also was a picture for me of how community means humbling ourselves enough to let others SEE our dirty laundry. I cringed a little as I handed over baskets full of who-knows-what!  But the truth is, we all have dirty laundry, right? Living in community means letting down our guard and letting others help us, even though it means they get to see our grime and smell our stinkiness.

{What does this mean for you this weekend? Who are you “in community” with and how can you make decisions for their good today? How can you let go of any idealistic dreams and simply embrace the real people God has placed in your life? Thank you for embracing ME and allowing me to walk this road with you. I’m teaching a women’s retreat this weekend and would SO welcome your prayers! Thanks so much for engaging in this little online community together.}