Looking back.
Yesterday Jeff had the day off, offering us a bit of blessed time for looking back. (*We also had some time for looking at this site and making a few changes…please be patient, it’s a work in progress, just like me!) Looking back usually makes us feel one of two things: gratitude or regret. Usually a bit of both. When I look back at 2011 the overwhelming feeling is gratitude. What a gift 2011 was to us. I could write a hundred posts listing out the gracious gifts God gave us and it still wouldn’t be enough. He has been so good.
But what about regrets? My dear friend’s grandfather spoke these simple words to him, just before he passed from this life to the next:
“Live a life of no regrets.”
And as I look at my dear Aunt Lois and her beautiful almost-96 years, I see an example of a life of no regrets.
And this — living today with the end in mind, makes us consider: Is there anything — habits, choices, relationships — that I might regret one day?
What does the world regret? Here are the top 5 things people regret on their deathbeds:
1. “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”
2. “I wish I didn’t work so hard.”
3.” I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”
4. “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”
5. “I wish that I had let myself be happier.”
This could really all be summarized by these four regrets:
1. People-pleasing (fear of man, lack of courage)
2. Refusing to rest (pride)
3. Neglecting relationships
4. Not choosing joy
It’s easy to see how these are the most common regrets. And yet, how often do our (my) New Year’s resolutions and goals really reflect a desire to live a life free from these regrets. For example, running a marathon is awesome but will I really lie on my deathbed and regret that I never ran one? Blogging every day is awesome, but will I really ever regret if I miss a day or two?
So the challenge for us as we cross into a new year is How do I establish daily habits that will help me live a life of no regrets?
How do I live today with the end in mind?
The question for us is this: If you lived the rest or your days exactly the same way you lived today what would be your regrets?
I know mine, and they’re startlingly similar to those above:
1. People-pleasing (lack of courage) in being myself and sharing the love of Christ.
2. Neglecting rest and play.
3. Cluttering my life with too many relationships without investing enough time with the handful that matter most.
4. Not smiling more, not choosing joy each day. Letting little things like a messy house or a funky friendship weigh down my heart.
5. Talking sharply to my children, getting frustrated with them, speaking in a tone that cuts instead of builds.
These are the things I would regret. Oh, friends, I don’t want to have these regrets.
The new year is a gift of grace.
Each new year God gives us a chance, a mini-life, which He lets us do again and again. He gives us a chance to stop, look back, and reflect, so that we won’t be caught off-guard at the end.
From 2011, I only have a few regrets.
- I wish I had made more time to read.
- I wish I had spent less time worrying about what people think of my kids.
- I wish I had spent more time doting on my husband.
- I wish I had prayed more.
New Year's Day … in heaven.
I crawled on her lap over and over again during my Grandma’s final days. I was only 10, and I didn’t know her that well, but she smelled just like grandma, had the same voice and the same calm peace about her. Like warmth and trust and rest were wrapped around her whole being. Just like my grandma.
Probably because they were sisters.
My aunt Lois held me those days when Grandma passed from this world to the next, and she held a special place in my heart and faith ever since. The same amazing faith, courage, kindness, and glow that my grandma had, Aunt Lois had in even greater measure. I don’t even know exactly how to describe it, other than that her whole being exuded peace. She had this calm sense of trust and joy about her that made you feel, no matter what was going on, that God was absolutely in charge and that we had nothing to fear.
The last time we visited her was almost six years ago. Jeff and I flew to New York, where she lived, and drove upstate to the village of Scotia. And as we pulled up the narrow drive there she stood on her front porch. 90-years-old and standing tall. Skin glowing and figure trim. She was dignity, grace, elegance, peace. We stayed a few days with her, soaking up every word she said. We recounted to her our nightmarish San Jose story, how we were struggling with the direction of our life, how nothing seemed to be going how we thought it should.
And her two-word response has served as a beacon of hope in my life ever since.
“Nothing’s wasted.”
With God, nothing is wasted. Every roundabout. Every seeming detour. Every joy, every sorrow, every struggle, every victory. God uses everything for our good and His glory. For our sanctification and for the Kingdom of God. God is able to make all grace abound to us, can use all things for our good, can redeem every situation for His glory.
Absolutely nothing is wasted. As we walked away from her house, my eyes full of tears because I knew that that was probably the last time I would see her this side of eternity, I knew that God had brought me 3,000 miles to hear those two simple words.
Nothing’s wasted.
He used her voice to etch them into my heart. I still remember the table where she sat, the teacup I was holding, the light coming through the back window and her words washing over me with hope.
Nothing’s wasted.
And so, when the phone rang yesterday morning, I answered and heard my mom’s voice on the other end.
“Aunt Lois …” I knew what she would say. Held my breath. “Last night she stayed up for New Year’s Eve and had all her family over. She celebrated God’s faithfulness with them all, then went to sleep and silently slipped into the arms of Jesus.”
She must have liked to finish things too … maybe that’s where I get it from. *smile*
She celebrated her 96th New Year’s Eve, testifying to the grace of God then settled into her bed and into His arms.
Never was it more true that nothing is wasted than in her life.
She served Jesus faithfully. Loved her family. Smiled constantly. Rested in His grace continually. And lived out her belief that with God, nothing’s wasted.
New Year’s Day. What a perfect day to begin a New Year in Heaven!
I guess this makes my New Year’s Resolutions pretty simple. I want more than anything in the world to simply carry on her baton of authentic faith. To glow at 95 because God is good and there’s always reason to rejoice!
I know she would want us all to know, as we look into 2012, that nothing is wasted with God. He will use all our foibles, mistakes and victories. All our mis-steps and roundabouts and frustrations and detours.
We can rest and trust Him with all our tomorrows. However many we have …
{Thank you for reading and celebrating Aunt Lois’s life with me. Happy New Year!}
“I am reminded or your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois…” -1 Tim 1:5
Year's end with thanks …
- My cousin Brian’s camera (thanks for taking our photo!)
- The sale of our home. {No more showings!}
- The move into our dear little country rental.
- Treasure hunts on our two-and-a-half acres.
- God’s provision for a trip to Maui. Five glorious days digging in the sand and basking in the sun.
- Early mornings bundled up in quilts by the fire.
- Heidi outgrowing her breath-holding-spells.
- Dutch learning to read!
- The crazy-generous gift from a dear saint for blessed, luxurious vacation.
- Anticipation.
- Seeing His hand of faithfulness this year.
- My mom coming through a horrendous hip-replacement and a broken leg. Cast was removed this week!!!
- Mom scooting herself up the stairs at Christmas to see inside our home for the first time.
- My steady man.
- Constant provision at every turn.
- Abundant hand-me-downs for our kids.
- Gracious friends who give their time, attention, prayers, care.
- Watching our kids grow.
- Seeing the fruit of the Spirit growing in our boy.
- Heidi reciting the Lord’s prayer.
- Learning to be ok with who we are.
- Receiving His grace every day.
- Hand-knit gloves and scarf from Momma for Christmas.
- Azure Standard’s fabulous produce.
- The crazy-generous gift of 10 whole chickens from a friend’s farm.
- Dad’s local grass-fed beef source that I love.
- Getting a whole ham as a White Elephant gift. Love it!
- The Furman’s crazy creative gift — our family in dolls.
- Debbie Roberts’ Wordle by the front door.
- Erin’s Jo-Jo truffles that are out of this world.
- Text messages.
- Great reads.
- Honest friends.
- The Jesus Storybook Bible.
- The Narnia series.
- 9 college roommates turning out 21 children in 7 years.
- That we’re all still walking with Jesus, married to faithful men.
- Unearthing Jeff’s marriage-proposal to me, framed from 9 years ago.
- Our renewing week at Black Butte, full of playing, swimming, running, biking, tennis, reading, salmon and BBQ.
- Ready to cross the year, knowing that He’s good.
- Chocolate-covered pretzels.
- Joyful Christmas cards.
- Toy Story 3.
- Heidi’s laugh.
- Dutch’s imagination.
- Jeff’s love.
- God’s grace.
F is for FINALLY done with this silly F-series!
I’m a stickler for finishing. Somewhere along the line, one of my dear parents must have inflicted me with some conviction about always finishing a task because goodness knows it’s inflicted me ever since. Sure, there are exceptions: Heidi’s baby-book and my 10K training plan, are prime examples. Both are nowhere near complete. But for the most part, I love me a job well done.
Hence our lingering little F is For… series, which I despise. Why did I start it in the first place? I don’t know. I love doing something light on Fridays. Something fun, related to the mundane. But why did I torture myself with the limitations of alliteration? And then why did I torture myself with finishing an entire year of this silly series? Because I’m ridiculous.
How’s this for light? At any rate, I’m curious: Have any of you ever suffered through something ridiculous just so you could finish? Merit or no merit, sometimes it can border on humorous. Would love to know if anyone else has been there…
And … would you help me? What sort of series would you love to do on Fridays? Have you done some yourself that have been helpful? Or is there something in particular you’d like to read more about? Homemaking topics? Frugality? Glimpses of real life? 5-minute Fridays? Good links to other blogs? Having a g0-to theme really makes the week easier for me, leaving only 4 other “real” posts to write.
Thanks for your input! And, on our last post-day of the year, I thank you with all my heart for a fabulous 2011. YOU are a joy in my life and I thank you so much for your grace! Bless your holiday weekend and thank you for reading!