Spiritual Immunizations & Quaint Religious Charms
I believe that the unbelieving world, as opposed to the church, can at times give us the greatest insight into what is lacking in our Christian faith. This is one of the reasons I love reading secular books (and should more often). This time, a message hit me not from one, but three angles in the past week.
Last weekend, in a great sermon on godly parenting, Joel gave an interesting illustration that’s stuck with me all week. He made the rather bold point that if we, as parents, are just giving our children a little tiny dose of Jesus we may be doing them more harm than good. We may, in fact, be preventing them from wholeheartedly trusting and following Christ as adults.
Consider immunizations. When we give someone a flu shot, we’re actually giving them what? A little tiny dose of the flu. Give them just enough and it will keep them from getting the full-blown flu. The natural reaction of the body is able to ward off and render harmless the flu virus. Is it possible to immunize our children from Jesus? Studies have often shown that those who are soured most on Christianity are not those people who have had no exposure to church and the Bible, but rather are those who, as children, either had bad experiences in the church or parents who sat in pews on Sunday but showed zero evidence of living out that faith the other six days of the week. They had a tiny dose and therefore were apparently immune to the full-blown effect of the risen Lord.
Why is this? Because a parent who models a half-hearted or Sunday-morning faith is essentially saying, “I know all about this Jesus guy and He’s not significant enough for me to actually change my life. It’s just not that big of a deal.” That, friends, is a scary message to give our children. It’s not just that we haven’t given our children enough religious experience, it’s that we’ve proven by our lives that there are no real-life implications of believing in God. Kids aren’t stupid. Why would they want to believe in something that doesn’t matter? So they abandon ship. Of course, they hold this stance only until they have their own children. Then they decide they want their children to “have religion”, so they wind up doing the exact same routine as their parents. No real faith, just going through the motions. And in these motions, another generation is immunized from faith in Christ. Frightening.
Along this same vein, a paragraph from Annie Dillard’s An American Childhood stuck out to me tonight. Dillard, a secular author, beautifully articulates this from a perspective outside of my own. Here she reminisces her fond memories of summer Presbyterian church camp:
“The adult members of society adverted to the Bible unreasonably often. What arcana! Why did they spread this scandalous document before our eyes? If they had read it, I thought, they would have hid it. They didn’t recognize the vivid danger that we would, through repeated exposure, catch a case of its wild opposition to their world. Instead they bade us study great chunks of it, and think about those chunks, and commit them to memory, and ignore them. By dipping us children in the Bible so often, they hoped, I think, to give our lives a serious tint, and to provide us with quaintly magnificent snatches of prayer to produce as charms while, say, being mugged for our cash or jewels.” (p. 134)
Did you READ that? I read it over and over. The women is a literary genius, of course, but she’s also hitting the nail on the head, and the conviction is well-earned. If our lives have not been transformed, utterly and completely transformed by the power of the gospel, then what are we doing teaching it to our children? The gospel is scandalous; its claims are spectacular, it is “wild opposition to the world”. How tragic it would be if we taught our children to study Christ’s claims, “commit them to memory, and ignore them.” Wow. Is that not what we are doing when we ourselves ignore them? Are we not then merely giving our children’s lives a “serious tint” and giving them “quaintly magnificent snatches of prayer to produce as charms”?
That is cause for fear, parents. For all Christians, for that matter. The friends, neighbors, co-workers in our lives learn about Christ the exact same way our children do--by watching us. That is reason to evaluate the way that we live out the gospel, to get on our knees and spread God’s Word before us and pray, “Do this to me! Do this to me!” We must not immunize our children from the beauty of Christ by living as if He matters little or not at all.
In the middle of all this I am also reading The Hole in our Gospel by Richard Stearns. I’d rather you read it yourself than hear me do it injustice in a summary, but in short–this one man’s life was transformed from success to significance when he put into practice the claims of Christ and followed the clear calling on his life. He boldly asserts that we will not be able to reap a harvest of souls converted to Christ until we cultivate the spiritual field of hearts by living out the gospel of love, compassion, and social justice in our world. How many thousands of lives have been touched simply because this one man decided to really act on the claims of Christ. It is humbling, challenging, inspiring.
Few of us need to learn much more. We just need to do what we know. My prayer, my goal, my personal challenge, is to obey every Word that I read each morning. That might mean reading less. 🙂 But I pray that our children would be more than spiritually immunized and have more than quaint religious charms thrust into their hands. Let’s ask God what that means for us today.
Deceptively Delicious is Honestly Ingenious
When my husband and I got married, he was shocked to discover that I had never experienced three of the sweetest pleasures life has to offer: Corndogs, boxed mac ‘n cheese, and Slurpees. So of course I obliged and sampled all three–deeming the first two unfit for human consumption and reluctantly admitting that the third was pretty hard to beat on a hot summer’s day. Our budget got the best of me, however, and so our limit of spending $25/week on groceries necessitated Winco’s 39-cent mac ‘n cheese more than I care to admit.
Thankfully as time went on our budget grew and our waistlines shrank, and I’m now living in the lap of luxury on $50/week and have grown to love experimenting with healthy foods and challenging myself to stretch the dollars my hard-working husband has earned.
Of course, I love sweets like nobody’s business and have two small children who for some reason don’t think roasted yams and spinach salad are a good idea. So, as we all tend to stray off course when no one’s steering the ship, we had drifted into the land of quesadillas and peanut butter sandwiches … for every meal. We needed a course-correction.
So I picked up a library copy of the much-acclaimed cookbook Deceptively Delicious by Jessica Seinfeld. I was skeptical. Firstly and mostly because I’d seen “vegetable sneak-in” ideas before and they usually managed to get a tablespoon or so of something relatively healthy into an otherwise nutritional monstrosity, and that didn’t seem worth the effort. Secondly, one of my main goals in nutrition is teaching my children about healthy eating, so tricking them into swallowing vegetables seemed counterproductive. I envisioned the poor souls sitting in a college cafeteria unwittingly eating powdered mashed potatoes without knowing it’d really been cauliflower I’d fed them every Thanksgiving.
However, I was pleasantly proven wrong. The author (Jerry Seinfeld’s wife) does a great job sticking in pointers and helpful advice on mealtime manners, creating a positive eating environment, and teaching children how to contribute to the meal-prep in age-appropriate ways. She also includes a quick overview of the fruits, vegetables and legumes used as “sneak-ins”, including the nutritional value and how they specifically benefit our children’s growing bodies. Great information.
For me, the recipes are a great starting point and source of inspiration. She seeks to make things simple for busy moms, so she still includes boxed pancake mixes, white flour, white sugar, canned beans. She also prefers light or low-fat items such as light tub margarine, imitation light mayonnaise, and reduced fat cheeses. I lean more toward whole-grain-at-all-cost, evaporated cane juice (available now in bulk at Winco!), and dried beans, and I also prefer real mayonnaise, real butter, and full-fat cheeses, especially for kiddos. So, I haven’t followed any of her recipes to a tee, but as I mentioned before–great source of inspiration.
So speaking of inspiration, we’ve had five fabulous nutritional successes thanks to Jessica Seinfeld’s ideas, and I’m excited to experiment with more. I’ve included these five here. Even if you don’t have kids, simply tweaking your favorite recipes to include some nutrient-rich ingredients could greatly improve your diet. You might even develop a taste for some of these things, and find yourself craving beets. Anything’s possible.
Overall, I’d recommend the book. It would have done us wonders in those early years of marriage. She even has two healthy mac ‘n cheese recipes … although I haven’t seen her redeem a corn dog. Some things, I suppose, just aren’t worth salvaging.
——-
Ocean Cake
(Named by my three-year-old who is obsessed with ocean animals. Warning, this is very green, but delicious! You could call it Monster Cake or Shrek Cake or whatever makes it exciting for your children. The fact that I can actually serve this as dessert still blows my mind. It is crazy-healthy. I made this doubled and put half in a loaf pan, half in muffins.)
- 3 TB melted butter
- 1/4c. brown sugar (you could even leave this out if you really want super healthy–I like a little sweetness)
- 1/4c. ground flaxmeal
- 1 bag baby spinach sauteed or steamed in water and olive oil until wilted (or you could use 1 box frozen spinach), then pureed in blender
- 1 c. ground oats (pulse in blender)
- 3/4c. whole wheat flour
- 1/4c. milk
- 1egg + 1 eggwhite
- 1/2c. applesauce (I used homemade, with peels for extra fiber and nutrients, no sugar added)
- 2 mashed bananas
- 1/2tsp cinnamon.
Pour in muffin papers sprayed with Pam. Bake 20 minutes at 375 degrees, or longer if using loaf pan.
Pink Pancakes
(This one still has me in awe. My kids LOVE pancakes and we have them every Saturday night. My three-year-old was skeptical when they were magenta-colored, but they devoured them so fast I couldn’t keep them coming quick enough. These are my new favorite thing.)
- 1 egg
- 1 1/2 c. milk
- 2c. whole-wheat flour
- 2 tsp baking powder
- 1 TB evaporated cane juice (or sugar)
- 1/2 tsp salt
- 1/2 c. ricotta cheese
- 1/4c. beet puree (peel, cube and steam/boil beets, then puree in blender)
These turn out bright pink/magenta, and are so delicious. We skip the syrup so this meal has whole-grain, protein, and vegetables all wrapped up on one yummy and kid-friendly entree. Adding blueberries would be fun and nutritious as well.
Veggie-packed Chili
There are a million variations of chili/taco soup/tortilla soup. I usually just make it with whatever I have on hand. Tweak it however you like.
- 1 c. dried pinto beans soaked overnight (follow directions for cooking beans–1:3 ratio of beans to water; or you could use canned beans)
- 1/4c. leftover taco meat (or chicken or beef or nothing at all)
- 1 packet taco seasoning (or your own seasonings, chili powder and cumin, etc.)
- garlic (as much as you want–I’m a garlic girl)
- 2 cups shredded carrot (I just pulsed in blender)
- 1 cup pureed yams
- 1 can corn.
Cook all day on low in crock pot.
YUM. The yams are the secret; they make this chili taste sweet and a tad tangy. Sprinkle with shredded cheddar cheese. My one-year-old devoured this.
Cauliflower Tunafish
(My three-year-old loves tunafish on crackers. I was so skeptical about adding cauliflower, but it’s delicious. In fact he said, “Please mommy don’t eat all my tunafish!” We were both enjoying it.)
- One can Trader Joe’s tuna packed in water
- 1 TB real mayonnaise
- 1/4 cup pureed cauliflower
- salt to taste.
Chickpea Chocolate Chip Cookies
(This is really remarkable. I had to try because I didn’t believe the chickpeas could be anything but offensive in a cookie. You have to try it for yourself. They practically melt into the cookie and you cannot taste them. A chocolate chip cookie that’s 100% whole-grain and full of protein?! My dreams have come true…)
- 1/2c. real butter softened
- 1/4c. evaporated cane juice (or sugar)
- 1/4c. brown sugar
- 1 egg
- 1 c. ground oats (pulsed in blender)
- 3/4c. whole-wheat flour
- 3/4tsp baking soda
- 1 tsp. real vanilla
- 1/2tsp salt
- 1c. chickpeas (I used dried and soaked and cooked them myself, but you could use canned, just be sure to rinse them so they’re not salty)
- 1 c. chocolate chips.
Bake at 350degrees for 8 minutes. Then hide them because otherwise you will eat them all in one sitting.
Enjoy!
How to Change
This past week I have been in a funk something terrible. Of course there were a few petty things (and I mean petty) that contributed to it, but for the most part I didn’t see it coming and all week I seriously felt like I was walking around with someone else’s emotional makeup… someone highly unstable. I don’t know who she is or was but I don’t like her one bit! Poor Jeff, I’m sure each morning he watched me stir from sleep with trepidation: “Which wife will it be? Happy energetic Kari or this new impostor who looks just like her but acts as if the world is out to get her, who stares forlornly at the dishes in the sink as if there is no hope, who insists that she’s fat and ugly no matter what I tell her, who shrugs and grunts one-word answers to my questions. Who is this new wife?! I want my old one back!”
My ever-patient and persevering husband of course lovingly nursed me back to emotional health and even my son prayed one night, “Dada God, please help mommy be happy forever and ever. Amen.” Who can wallow in self-pity when you hear that from a 3-year-old’s lips?!
But here’s the gist of it and what I’m learning through it. We all just need to change. God has graciously done so much good work in my life, and I praise Him for it. But as Paul exhorts the Philippians, “Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own…one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of god in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 3:12-14). Oh dear Jesus there is so much room for growth! When God gives us a glimpse of where we need to grow, to change, there’s the temptation to just get fixated on it. We see the weakness, the infection, the sin, and instead of crying out to God, we get all down in the dumps about it and next thing you know we’re wallowing in a mire of self-pity, discouragement, and despondency. And what we are doing while wallowing in that mire? Nothing.
Nothing was what I was doing all week. I saw the race that needed to be run, but for whatever reason, I just wanted to sit down on the sidelines and stare at my aching feet. Maybe pick a scab or two. Maybe whine about how thirsty I was. Anything but get back in the ballgame, trusting Jesus and abiding in His love and grace.
So how do we get turned around? How do we muster up the strength to get off our backsides and get back into the race? In a word, How do we change? I believe the whole world is asking this question. Every self-help book attests to the fact that the world wants to change–we all know we’re feeble and that we fall short day after day. How do we change?
The very next chapter of Philippians brought me my answer, along with a song God’s been using to minister to me this week. Philippians 4 says this:
“Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say rejoice… do not be anxious abotu anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of god, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and midns in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me–practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you” (vv4-9).
Here’s what I see in these verses. When we see the weakness, the infection, the sin:
1. Look to God. Choose to rejoice. We rejoice not in our own adequacy, but in the Lord. In ourselves we have no reason to rejoice, in God we have all reason to rejoice.
2. Trust Him with your weakness. Don’t be anxious. We’re commanded. We’re not the ones responsible for our sanctification. The way we received salvation (by grace through faith) is the same way we grow in sanctification. Trust Him.
3. While thanking God for what He’s already done, present our needs to God. He’s a ready physician, poised and prepared to do the work we need Him to in our hearts. Ask Him.
4. Receive God’s peace. The result of trust and humble dependency.
5. Fix our minds on what is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, worthy of praise. No matter what battle it is,it is primarily a battle of the mind. Fix your mind on Christ. Fill it with His Word. Memorize it, meditate on it, brainwash yourself with it.
6. Practice it. Whatever we’ve learned to do–do it. If we are hearers of the word only, we’ve deceived ourselves and are not truly disciples. We are responsible for what we know. By faith we step out and practice what we’ve been taught, whether we feel like it or not.
Thank you, God for your Word! Isn’t it rich? God alone can change us, but He partners with us as willing vessels. The other thing God’s been doing is using a song to minster to me. I’m so grateful for those who God has gifted musically, who’s words and melodies work deep in our spirits to draw us to God. This one’s called Change, by a girl who’s a friend of a friend of mine. I’ve included the lyrics here. Listen and enjoy.
http://www.myspace.com/lystrassilence
I feel the void
I sense that something needs to change
I dig inside
I know that all I need is You
I’m holding out a broken heart
Oh, Lord I’ve chosen my own way
This leads to pain
You respond with so much grace
Lift my head and bring me strength
I can say I’m ready now for…
Change, oh I can feel the way You’re slowly taking over
God, I will surrender
To this thing called change
I breathe it in
The hope that something soon will change
You grab the core
You show me I need to learn to die
Throw my ambitions to the side
A breath, a step of faith away
You speak my name
I could never be the same
Lift my head and bring me strength
I can say I love the way You…
Change me, I can feel the way You’re slowly taking over
God, I will surrender
I’m throwing up my hands now
To the One who saves me
You give hope so freely
Here I am, invade me
Fill me with your change
Parenting: Things that seem to work
My husband often says he was an expert on marriage until he got married, then he was an expert on parenting until he had kids. Isn’t that the truth! It’s so easy to think we know something until we’re tossed in the middle of it without a paddle. Nothing seems to reveals our lack of wisdom and expertise more than parenting. For whatever reason marriage kind of seems like common sense–don’t be selfish, put each other first, communicate, etc. etc. Parenting is a whole other beast. It often feels as though just when I get something implemented, I read or hear that I’m doing it wrong. And every person and book seems to have a different opinion. Confusing!
Well as you all know, we are right in the thick of parenting young children. Both of our children are fabulous, and both have their quirks. Heidi is an angel, but can unexpectedly get so ticked about something she cries and holds her breath until she turns blue and tips over (not kidding). Dutch is, well, Dutch. He never stops moving, talking, or testing limits from sun up to sun down. They have both captured my heart and I would do anything for them.
So since we’re in the middle of it, I know I don’t have the perspective of the older wiser moms, but here are some recent things that have been helpful to us–the things that seem to work. These are tidbits either stumbled upon in the laboratory of life, or gleaned from the older moms who have gone ahead and graciously shared their wisdom from the dirty diaper days. I figured I better hurry and write them down before I forget.
1. Fill them up first. I had this all backwards. I wanted Dutch to learn delayed gratification, so I thought I should help him understand that the family’s needs come first, then his. However, someone helped me see that if I just took the time to fill him up first (with love and attention), he’d be surprisingly satisfied and consistently behave better. This is very true with Dutch. I’ve been amazed to see that if I spend the entire morning playing, down on the floor, reading books, giving him one-on-one time, he’s better behaved all day. When Jeff gets home, if he gives all his attention to the kids, they get filled up and are less needy during the evening. (Same goes for bedtime)
2. Selfishness leads to blurred boundaries. What I mean by this is that I’ve found that when I’m walking in the middle of God’s will, in a selfless, other’s-centered manner, I am confident and clear about discipline boundaries and it’s much easier to carry them out. When I’m being selfish and just wanting me-time or I’m irritated by the kids I’m no longer freed to carry out the clear, confident,and consistent discipline my kids need. For example, there are times that I need to go to the store, very clearly because our family needs something or other, or I’m running an errand for Jeff, etc. I find that these times I’m clear, confident, consistent with expectations, and I can handle the kids well. Other times I just am irritated and tired and want to get out of the house and can’t stand another minute of playing trucks on the floor so Target sounds like a good way out. But deep down I know I’m being selfish and putting myself above my family–and that guilt prevents me from disciplining effectively because I have this nagging sense that the kids are acting out because they don’t want to be there and why should I expect them to not be selfish when I’m being selfish. See what I mean? Selfishness messes it all up!
3. Say Yes as often as you can. This was a tidbit I picked up at a parenting class last week. The speaker was making the point that we have to be 100% consistent with follow-up in discipline, so we’d better make sure that if we say “no” that we’re prepared to follow up. This means let’s make our no’s as scarce as we can (and still maintain the boundaries we desire). Save no’s for when it really counts! This has played out in the fact that Dutch LOVES taking baths with all his ocean animals. He must ask for a bath 5 times a day. Well, why not? Is there really harm in 5 baths? Want to play in the backyard in bare feet? Fine. Everybody has to get stung once, right? Want to wear your sister’s pink flowered underpants over your shorts (this was yesterday). Who cares?! There are bigger fish to fry. I’m learning to save my No’s.
4. Routine routine routine. Boy oh boy, we are so influenced by expectations, aren’t we? So much of marriage boils down to having the right expectations. Kids are the same! And, so many of the difficulties we were experiencing, I believe, came down to none of us really knowing what to expect each day. So about a month ago we started our nightly Family Routine, thanks to the initiative of my husband. Dutch loves every component and calls them all by name. Here’s how it goes: Every night we can expect (with grace extended of course) Jeff to come home in a certain time range. Then we have “Family dinner”. Dutch sets the table. We use napkins (!). Every night we have “Family dessert” after dinner, which is usually just a cookie, but we put whipped cream on top and serve it on a dish with a spoon so it looks fancy. Then Jeff plays with the kids while I clean the kitchen (happily! I’m kidded-out at this point). Then at 6:30 we have “Family Bath”–both kids in the big tub, soaking, splashing, all of us playing. Great fun. Then at 7 Heidi goes down and Dutch gets his very own special 30 minutes of “Family Snuggle”, which is Bible reading time, lessons, highlights of the day, then we all pray for each other, which is the best part of my day hearing my son in his little sing-song voice say, “How can I pray for you, Mommy?” Tonight he prayed that I would have a happy heart forever and ever. Awww…. Then the last thing is that he gets a “Shark movie” every night (a 5 minute clip off vimeo of some kind of ocean animal documentary). Then bed. Of course this is never done perfectly, but having an expected routine each night seems to help the kids immensely. And of course, it helps me immensely too.
5. Set them up for success. I’d heard this before, but it’s really starting to click. This obviously doesn’t mean we always make things easy for kids, but we give them the tools they need to succeed. A friend was sharing that every week before church they go over, with their son, what he can say if he’s having a hard situation in his preschool Sunday school class. So now, on the drive to church we go through all the scenarios: “What do you say and do if someone takes your train? What do you say if you want another snack? What do you do when Teacher asks you to sit down? What do you do if someone hits you?” I’m surprised how much Dutch likes doing this. And of course it melted my heart when I overheard a boy say something naughty and Dutch said, “Please don’t say that. You don’t have to have be sad.” Ok sorry, that was bragging–usually my kid is the one being naughty so just let me boast for half a second!
This has really been huge–giving Dutch “life secrets” for how to make things go better. There is no better feeling that seeing Dutch actually use some of these life secrets and enjoy those little confidence-boosting successes. Go Dutch!
6. Mean what you say. It’s so easy to just blab something when I’m frustrated, without thinking it through beforehand. This takes so much energy, but it’s so worth it–to mean what you say! Of course this mostly plays out in discipline. If I say no but then change my mind after he whines, I’m teaching him that I don’t really mean what I say (and am training him to whine). But this doesn’t just play out in discipline. How often have I said, when Dutch is asking me if I’ll read a book, “Yes, Dutch I’m coming!”, when all the while I’m really hurriedly wiping the counters or making quick cup of tea or trying to sweep the floor. If I’m coming–I better come. If I’m making tea before I come, then I need to say, “Dutch, I’m making a cup of tea and then I will be there.” Otherwise he won’t listen to what I say because my words don’t mean anything.
So these six things have been immensely encouraging to us in our daily work of training, shaping, loving, and shepherding our two little lambs. If you have a golden nugget of wisdom that has carried you through the early parenting years, I’d love to hear it. Another piece of advice was to get plenty of sleep, so I’m off to bed. Goodnight.