Sacred Mundane: The Blog

Have you ever had to be brave and strong and courageous for an intense period of time, and then when the moment was finally over you just crumbled into a heap of tears?  I remember in Brasil, when Tom Jones and I were leading a team in Rio de Janiero, one of the most dangerous cities in Brasil.  Earlier in the day Tom warded off a guy who was stalking me down the street, and then that night there was a murder shooting right outside our front door. The girls on the team were scared and hysterical, and we had to jump to attention and get everyone calmed down, figure out safety precautions, talk through things with people.  It was intense and it was critical that we carried the team through the emotion of it all. That night, when everyone was asleep and calmed down, I finally crumbled and quietly cried myself to sleep.

I remember during the first Spring Drama, which I wrote about in When God Broke My Heart (right, under Featured), it was several months of incredible intensity. Rehearsals, prayer times, planning, fundraising, planning the alter call after the event.  I remember in one of our church prayer meetings they were laying hands on me and Kristen Wilson, our director, and praying for us, and afterwards one of the elders said God had laid a song on his heart to share with me.  Later he emailed me the words, The Warrior is a Child. They stuck with me ever since.  And when that event was over, having fought and strove and worked and prayed and given, I too lay at home and cried. Over. Done.  Blessed by God’s word but unspeakably overwhelmed with the enormity of it all.

I would hardly consider myself a warrior, but let’s face it–life as a woman called to serve our God with reckless abandon, as well as serve and love our husbands, care for our children, and fulfill the myriad responsibilities that come with womanhood–this life requires us to be warriors.  And the truth of the matter is that we are warriors.  We fool ourselves when we whine and complain and insist that it’s too hard or that we can’t do it.  We can do it because God has called us to. But inside, don’t we all feel like the secret truth is that we’re nothing but scared little girls?

Sunday night I finished my last seminary assignment.  Last.  Four long amazing stressful wonderful miraculous years.  Two children.  Four moves. Living with people, working, serving, balancing.  God’s faithfulness has been so amazing that as I sat in my mentor’s office for the last time last night I wept.  I wept because I’m tired. I wept because I’ve poured my life into this for four years and now i”m done.  I wept because God is so good and has shown Himself so miraculously in my life that it brought me to my knees.  I wept because I feel like God has called me to a warrior life, and the truth is I’m nothing but a child. I’ma little girl. Weak. Scared. Tired. And yet my blessed mentor, in her amazing way, reminded me of the call of a warrior. That we are called to be warriors.  That though it might feel like we can’t hold on one more moment in whatever we’re called to. We can.  We can hold on a little longer. We can do it.  We can be faithful to whatever God has called us to. Even though the warrior is a child.  In fact, because the warrior is a child.

Lately I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
Strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child

Unafraid because His armor is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing
Never face retreat
But they don't see the enemies
That lay me at His feet

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armor
the warrior is a child

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and look up for a smile
'Cause deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
The Warrior is a Child

Do you ever feel like this?  We are blessed, dear women, to be both warrior and child.  I pray you’re encouraged today to be both.

Jeff and I rarely watch movies because it seems you have to see about a dozen duds, filled with sex and stupidity, before seeing anything worth your time.  Besides, there’s not much time in the evening to watch a movie in between 8pm Dutch bedtime and 8:30pm self-imposed Mommy bedtime! 🙂  But this week I had the joy of being at the beach with my dear Aunt and Uncle and cousin.  Jeff joined us Friday and we decided we could be wild and crazy and actually stay up late enough to watch a movie.  They had Slumdog Millionaire. Never heard of it. (I know, I know, I’m ridiculously out of touch with the movie scene, I saw that it was like Best Picture for 2008 or something).

Wow.  Wow wow wow.  By way of warning, there is a lot of violence, and it’s not a light, fun, easy to watch movie.  But wow.  I love movies that are eye-opening and this one surely was that.

A few things have haunted me since.  The movie taught a truth that God promises to His children. That He works all things for good (Romans 8:28).  The main character, Jamal, is violently interrogated as to how on earth he managed to know the answers to every single question on the Indian version of “Who wants to be a millionaire?”  With each question, Jamal recounts, and we witness, the hair-raising, sickening, tragic accounts of how his life growing up in the slums as an orphan prepared him in miraculous ways for each and every question he encountered. It’s moving beyond words.  If only we had a movie of our lives, and perhaps someday we will, I believe we would be astounded as we see the ways that the painful and at times torturing things God allows us to endure actually turn out to be the very things that better us, bless us, bring us “riches” so to speak.  We don’t necessarily become millionaires, but we benefit because all of life is Father-Filtered.

Secondly, and related to that, I was reminded again of the beautiful sovereignty of God.  In the movie they would call it destiny.  The ultimate reason that Jamal, the Indian slumdog, won the 10 million rupees was because “it is written.”  It is written.  Jamal was given the choice over and over throughout his life to choose right.  His life is contrasted with his brother, Salim, who did not make the right choices.  But while Jamal made the wise choices, his “destiny” was written.  As children of God we can rest in this!  Though we are called to choose, and it hinges on our choices, “it is written” for us!  God’s beautiful destiny is written for us.  We have a purpose.  We are called by His name.

And lastly, a certain line has stayed with me.  When Jamal finally finds beautiful Latika, the little girl from the slums who was separated from them as children, he holds her face in his hands.  “I love you.” He finally says. “So what?” is here reply.

So what?  She loved him too. She never forgot or quit hoping that he would return. But so what? What could they do?  Love or no love, she was the prisoner.  She had no choice, no money, no identity. She was hardly anything more than a slave, a concubine really.  So what?  So what could Jamal’s love do for her?

I don’t want to give away the end, but in essence Jesus Christ has found us. He has bought us, delivered us, searched to the ends of the earth for our heart, for our affections.  So what?  What does this mean? How will we respond?  Today Joel preached one phrase from John 3:!6, “So loved the world.”  Love.  Love always required action.  God so loved the world THAT He did something. When we love God we will obey HIs commands.

So what? So everything. The love of Christ changes everything.  When He finds us (we don’t find Him, by the way!), it changes everything.  We are regenerated, made new, by the power of His love. We are set free from the bondage of the slums of sin.  We, the slumdog, become a millionaire, rich in grace, rich in life.  Oh how perfect are His ways, how precious His love, His grace.  His love changes everything.  Believe this today.

Today Jeff and I had the joy of having breakfast with a couple we had never really gotten to know before today.  Circumstances worked out that we had a leisurely breakfast date and just enjoyed hearing about each other’s life.  They’ve been married 25 years and are the epitome of the solid marriage. What was amazing was to hear that 25 years ago they eloped just days after she graduated from high school, leaving a note for parents and running off to California with nothing but $800 to their name.  In order to do this she gave up a full-ride scholarship to a prestigious university, choosing instead to live in a cockroach infested studio apartment and work a full-time job to help make ends meet.  All I could say in response to the story was to tell the husband, “Wow, she must have really loved you!”

But what I noticed was that as they told the story, they recounted it with joy. The wife certainly wasn’t sitting there stoicly saying, “oh yes. Quite the sacrifice i made.”  She didn’t do it out of duty, out of obligation. She did it because she was head over heels in love with this guy and didn’t care about cockroaches as long as she had her man by her side. She happily CHOSE cockroaches over college. Why?  Because of her desire for him.

Desire is so powerful!  Desire, love, compels us to give up incredible luxury, inspires us to risk everything for that which we love.  And only true love can make us want to do it. No duty, no sacrifice, only love.

Any of you who have spent much time around me know that I love love love John Piper.  If you stumble upon a book he’s written, BUY it and READ it. If you stumble upon a sermon of his, LISTEN to it.

Piper’s big thing is overcoming sin by superior pleasure in God, enjoying God.  Like CS Lewis, Piper insists that our desires aren’t too strong, they are too weak.  CS Lewis said, “Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak.  We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered to us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

Piper’s point is that when we’re in love with something, giving our life for that thing is no duty, no sacrifice, it’s what we want to do! Only love.

All of these thoughts are swirling around in my mind this weekend.  I long, I ache so much for my heart to be more enraptured by God.  For my affections to be overwhelmed by Him and His glory.  Too often I am that child making mud pies.  I know this because I’m so easily swayed by circumstances.  Happiness ebbs and flows.  I fear what will happen if our house doesn’t sell.  I get upset over criticisms.  I feel insecure far too often. My desires are things like comfort, security, respect.

But I think deep down my heart just longs for heaven.  Worshipping God in song is the closest I can feel to what it will be like, when the things of the world grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.  When, like the woman I talked to, everything in the world pales in comparison to just getting to be with my Man, my Heavenly Father.  When giving up everything–comforts, luxury, financial gain–is no sacrifice, no duty, not a thing to be dreaded and feared, but just love, just joyful, exuberant, whole-hearted love.  Like the giddy bride eloping with her man.

I know it’s not about feelings. Giddy feelings are not what I’m talking about. But perhaps we’re all not affected enough, that is our affections have not been awakened to the glory of our beautiful God.  Tonight at church Joel preached two words. Just two words, from John 3:16.  “For God.”  The entire sermon was on God, His existance and how the world proclaims the glory of God.  As a video was played showing the splendor of creation, tears streamed down my cheeks.  He IS glorious. He IS beautiful. He IS so magnificent and awesome and worthy of our lives. How I long for my life, for your life, to be more affected by adoration for Him.

And when our hearts are captivated by Him, we may find ourselves choosing cockroaches over college, so to speak.  And not out of duty, nor sacrifice, but only reckless love.

I love looking through the “This Week Last Year” feature to the right.  It’s always fascinating for me to see what God was doing in my heart and life last year at this time.  He’s so good!  I read through “Do you love the Savior” and my heart was pricked again with that touch of longing and I asked myself, Do I?

Last night Jeff and I went to a fun dress-up murder mystery party with friends from church.  Jeff was Southside Sal, a mob boss, and I was Flora Nemitz, a woman of disrepute unfortunately. But the fun part was the my character was supposed to be secretly sweet on Southside Sal…which meant to fulfill my role I was supposed to fawn all over him that night.  Needless to say, Jeff loved it.  He jokingly said, “My wife’s flirting with me for the first time in months!”

It’s pretty rare that we get dressed up and go out. With two little ones and a crazy busy schedule, we usually opt for sipping tea and playing Scrabble when the kids go to bed.  But I was reminded last night that sometimes what you do, and action steps you take can actually re-spark that love that dulls at times.

This morning we had breakfast with a fun couple who we didn’t know very well.  Married 25 years, they are the epitome of a happy, healthy marriage.  They told us their crazy story of how days after she graduated from high school they wrote a note and on a crazy whim eloped and ran away to California.  As they recounted the crazy obstacles they had to face, all I could say to the husband was, “Man, she must really love you!!”

How do you fall in love so crazy-hard that you’ll abandon everything, family, home, a full-ride college scholarship (in her case) to follow the man you love into a cockroach-infested studio apartment with only $800 to your name?  Love is weird, but there’s one thing that proves it’s real–a willingness to leave it all, not out of stoic duty, but out of wild crazy love.

Not all of us are wild crazy love kind of people. I mean some people just aren’t that demonstrative or emotional.  But we all experience love, and we all joyfully make sacrifices for that