Sacred Mundane: The Blog

Today we celebrate six months of LiveDifferent Challenges. Six months!  This excites me, partly because, to be honest, it means that in six months I can actually buy clothes again. 🙂  (I know, I’m not completely redeemed).  But I thought today I’d just reflect on what God’s been showing me the past six months and then see if anyone’s interested in joining along…just until April 1.

For those of you just joining along, six months I started  a clothes fast, meaning that I’m not buying clothes for one year.  Committing terrified me, but I really felt like this was something God wanted for me.  On an encouraging note, I’ve realized I’m really not a clothes hog–and I don’t even really like to shop.  And as I added up how much I actually spent on clothes in one year, I don’t think I was anywhere near the $500 that I’d estimated and agreed to give to Gospel for Asia in leiu of shopping for a year.  These are encouraging things to discover.  But, what I did discover is how much I rely on a a new shirt or new pair of jeans or something to make me feel better about myself.  As I was reading through Love & Respect, Eggerich makes the point that when men say “I have nothing to wear,” it means “I have nothing clean“.  When women say “I have nothing to wear” it means “I have nothing new.”  And that’s really it.  There are times when I’m down in the dumps or when I’m going somewhere special, and in order to compensate for feeling not-so-great about myself, I rely on a new something-something to give me the boost. 

So, I’ve said this before, there is nothing wrong with beauty. We’re drawn to beauty, God loves beauty, but we’re told in Scipture to let our beauty be of the hidden person of the heart, the gentle and quiet spirit of woman (note ladies that is not describing your personality, it’s describing your spirit.)  So when I rely on a new something to boost my confidence and make me feel better, I’m relying on a crutch, a false confidence that fades.  This doesn’t mean that I will never buy new clothes again, but I’m so thankful for the fact that for this short season (a year isn’t really that long), I don’t have that option.  I don’t have the option of going to a crutch.  If I feel insecure or fat or generally blah–guess where I can lean?  On Jesus Christ, the only one who support the true weight of my need.

Let me tell you this has truly challenged me at times.  I feel plenty spicy and cute at home…I have the most doting husband in the world who sees me in gym shorts and starts drooling.  But there are times, and sometimes the least expected times, when I find myself longing for a little something to make myself feel better.  Visiting Applegate church of all places (can ya please tell me why ALL the girls there look like supermodels???) or hanging out with my cute sassy friends.  There are those moments of weakness, of insecurity, when a little extra work on the outside would convince me that I’m ok.  But what a false crutch!  And without the crutch being taken away, how could I learn to lean ever more readily on the Arm of the One who loves me so dearly, who gave His life for me, and who is the only reason I am valued, prized, cherished beyond measure. 

I know it is no coincidence that only 1 1/2 months after starting this fast I (surprise!) got pregnant.  This has been the true challenge. Now yes, I made a provision in the fast that IF I were to get pregnant, I was allowed things from goodwill in the event that I truly needed things to cover my growing belly. To date I have gotten two jackets and a long tanktop in order to facilitate Heidi’s growing little self, but I also don’t want to use that provision as a means of doing the same thing–relying on a crutch, even if the crutch is just a smelly shirt from goodwill.  So I’m purposing to really keep that at a minimum. 

Pregnancy, coupled with the clothes fast, has kicked both crutches out from under me in one fell swoop: A thin trim body and nice clothes…both gone.  These were my crutches.  I recently received an email from a girl I knew almost 10 years ago.  Years ago she struggled with an eating disorder, and has since recovered. But now she’s pregnant, and she wrote to me, desperately wanting to know how to stay sane and confident when her body is out of control and chubby beyond belief!  I wish I was the authority on this, I’m not, but I at least knew the answer, even if I can’t say I always live it.  The answer is this: It’s easy to say we’re “over” something, when the thing is under control (i.e. we are fit and trim), but it’s quite another thing to demonstrate our freedom from crutches when that thing is not under control (we’re pregnant and chubby and emotional and feeling all-around gross).  That’s the true test of our freedom–will we lean on Christ, or will we try to find another crutch? Lord, help us lean on you!

We all have different crutches.  And just because we live in a world where crutches are the norm doesn’t mean that they are God’s best.  God has something so much greater for us–a life freed from crutches! A life where we don’t have to rely on vanity or money or success or affirmation in order to make ourselves ok.  The clothes fast is just a tiny way to illustrate my desire to live freed from crutches, little by little, kicking them out from under me. 

We have six months left.  I’m curious if you have any crutches that come to mind?  Is there anything that God might ask you to give up, just for six months, in order to illustrate your need for Him, your utter dependence on Him?  He doesn’t need our fasts…but we sure do.  If there is something, I’d encourage you to pray about joining me, just for the last six months.  If it’s something that you buy, we can give the money that you normally spend to an organization like Gospel for Asia, where you can buy chickens, goats, rabbits, and other farm livestock to support hungry families in Asia. 

Our world is full of people: poor and wealthy, beautiful and plain, successful and mediocre–who are all gimping around on crutches.  Outward appearance won’t reveal them–but they’re there. Let’s pray and ask God to show us how we can LiveDifferent by refusing a life lived on crutches.  Let’s kick them out, as best as we know how. Amen?

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The Rest of the Story:

I actually wrote this post yesterday afternoon, since I knew Friday would be a busy day.  However, something happened last night, and I knew I needed to include the rest of the story…  The truth of the matter is also that God is the most amazing, gracious, creative God who loves to bless us more than we deserve (who deserves anything?).  About a month ago, when I was lamenting the fact that none of my jeans fit anymore, my friend Caila out of the blue announced that she was shipping me (from Hawaii!), a pair of her jeans!  A few days later I was blessed with jeans that actually fit!  That’s God’s sweet provision.

Then tonight.  I look at my own little teeny tiny obediences and they are just that–so incredibly teeny tiny. And God who clothes the birds of the air and lillies of the field knows how to take care of us! Tonight I opened the front door to welcome Jeff and there was a huge box sitting on my front porch, with Old Navy logos all over the outside.  What?? I certainly knew I didn’t order anything, and though my husband is amazing and wonderful, I was fairly certain it wasn’t him either.  My mom doesn’t buy me clothes (unless I pick them out), so I was completely perplexed.  I open the box and to my amazement there was basically an entire maternity wardrobe!  A SUPER cute pair of dark rinse maternity jeans, a black pair of pants, three super cute maternity shirts in perfect neutral colors, and a maternity zip-up hoodie.  All my size, all fitting perfectly.  Who on earth would splurge to buy me an entire wardrobe? 

I read the card and almost start crying.  A dear friend, a high school acquaintance, who I’ve only recently become dear friends with through letters.  In fact, I haven’t even seen her since we graduated high school, and when I called and left her a voice mail thanking her, I was shocked to realize I didn’t really even know her voice–because we only communicate through writing.  She, out of sweet selfless generosity, chose to splurge and bless me.  This little angel who is a constant source of quiet encouragment, support, and prayer…it was her.  And I was completely undone.  Undone by her, undone by God. 

You see God is in all this.  Something so simple as maternity clothes for my growing belly.  God clothes the birds and the flowers…who are we to be afraid that if we kick out the crutches we won’t be able to stand?  God not only makes us stand, He spoils us, splurges on us, gives us little kisses of delight that we so don’t deserve.

So I end this post wanting you to know the rest of the story.  The rest of the story is GOD.  A gaze fixed on GOD will never be disappointed.  I’m amazed and blessed by not only my friend, but also the amazing God behind the scene. 

Jesus Jesus how I trust Him, how I’ve proved Him o’er and o’ver.  Jesus Jesus precious Jesus, oh for grace to trust Him more.

(Thank you, friend…you know who you are. I love you so much.)

The final five insights are presented as Pitfalls to Avoid.  We know what to do, let’s consider briefly what not to do.

11. Avoid Making “Mini-Me’s”. Yes, we want our disciples to imitate us, but only as a means of imitating Christ.  My goal is to make Christians not Karians.  If in any way you sense that you are leading your disciples after yourself instead of after Christ, stop, reevaluate, and redirect your ministry.  As Professor Clemen prayed for me once after speaking at a retreat: “I pray that Kari would fade away and Your Truth would remain.”  Fade away.

12. Avoid Wanting Them to Do Well, But Not Too Well. Sadly, it is possible for us to feel threatened when a disciple of ours flourishes spiritually or has talent in such a way that they exceed us.  I’ve had to accept this often!  Caila quickly proved to be an incredibly gifted writer, speaker, actor, and Bible teacher. Even now, I read her blog, and think, “Man, she’s so much cooler than me!”  🙂  But this is the goal! Our goal is that our disciples would be humbler, stronger, and more effective followers of CHrist than we are.  We decrease.  They increase.  Jesus said we would do even greater things that He did.  We must desire that our disciples do even greater things than we do.  This can be hard when your disciples become super spiritual leaders and forget about you! I remember once feeling hurt because someone I spent years pouring into seemed to become so lofty and forget that I’d been anything to her. But I soon realized that was nothing but my pride rearing its ugly head.  We give not so we can be appreciated or celebrated.  We give so others may gain.

Again, my mentor professor is an excellent example of this.  She’s given me incredible opportunities because she explains that she is not in the position she’s in (as a female seminary professor, a rare privilege), to revel in her own glory. She is there to open doors for students like me. That is why I’m even getting to teach this class!  Because she’s not afraid to kick open the door and let those below her dream and flourish.

13. Avoid Loving the Love. The truth is that your disciple(s) will probably fall in love with you.  And chances are they will probably tell you how great you are.  Thank them, praise God, and then forget about it.  Constantly guard your heart against living for the praise of people. As Paul said to his disciples, “Nor did we seek glory from men, either from you or from others” (1 Thess 2:6).  Know your identity in Christ, your worth as a daughter of God, and receive your praise from Him.  It’s certainly not wrong to receive and thank girls for encouraging you, in fact I’m SO THANKFUL for people who encourage!  But the minute you start being fueled by praise is the minute you’re on the wrong track.

14. Avoid Making People into Projects.  Jeff once had an older man tell him, (after he criticized Jeff openly in front of the rest of the team) “We [the ministry team he was on] are just here to help build your character and grow you up.”  Awesome. I feel the love.  No one likes to be a project.  If you are trying to “fix” people, don’t disciple.  If you love people, you’re on the right track. Of course we’re hoping for our disciples to grow and change, but talking to them like they are a project won’t open their hearts to you one bit.

On a similar note, if you ever find thinking about your disciples as if they are projects, stop and pray and ask God to change your heart. They are people.  Think about the way you’d like to be treated.  Love is the greatest motivator. Love them into change.

15. Avoid Only Discipling People Just Like You. I learned this lesson in Loving Rebecca (under Featured–I’d encourage you to read it!).  Rebecca opened my eyes to seeing that I tended to only disciple girls who were just like me.  She enabled me to see things about myself and stretched me in ways I’d never experienced.  While we naturally tend to be drawn to those who are similar to ourselves, don’t hesitate to disciple someone who you know will stretch your limits a little.

Thank you for reading.  As parting words I give you the Apostle Paul, whose life embodied these principles, who was possibly the most effective non-Deity discipler of all time. 🙂

4 But as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, even so we speak, not as pleasing men, but God who tests our hearts. 5 For neither at any time did we use flattering words, as you know, nor a cloak for covetousness—God is witness. 6 Nor did we seek glory from men, either from you or from others, when we might have made demands as apostles of Christ. 7 But we were gentle among you, just as a nursing mother cherishes her own children. 8 So, affectionately longing for you, we were well pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God, but also our own lives, because you had become dear to us. 9 For you remember, brethren, our labor and toil; for laboring night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you, we preached to you the gospel of God.
10 You are witnesses, and God also, how devoutly and justly and blamelessly we behaved ourselves among you who believe; 11 as you know how we exhorted, and comforted, and charged^[b] every one of you, as a father does his own children, 12 that you would walk worthy of God who calls you into His own kingdom and glory.  1 Thess. 2:4-12

More insights on Discipleship…

6. God’s Word Changes Lives.  While girls don’t “just” need a Bible Study, they need life and love and an example to follow, your passion and committment to God’s Word will be contagious if it is real.  One thing we always committed to do was open up God’s Word, no matter how briefly, and allow it to shine its supernatural light on our hearts.  Isaiah 55:11 tells us that the Word of the Lord (spoken in the OT, written down for us now), “shall not return to Me void, But it shall accomplish what I please, And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.”  Do you really believe that God’s Word supernaturally changes lives and accomplishes far more than we could ever do?  If you really believe that, not just in an intellectual assent but in a passionate conviction, then we can trust that consistantly teaching the God’s Word will change their lives.  If what we teach is not firmly based in the Word of God, then don’t teach it! And, even if you feel like the Bible study portion of your discipleship is dry or boring, teach it anyway.  Preach the Word!  Even if you never stand in a pulpit on a Sunday morning, you are called to Preach the Word (2 Tim. 4:2), and you do so in word and deed.  We’ve already discussed the deed part, make sure you do the word part as well.

This opens up an entire topic, but for the sake of space, suffice it to say that the more you get them to dig into the Scriptures with you, the less they will depend on you and more they will depend on God.  Make them bring their Bibles, read with them, ask them questions, have them look up verses. Even the most shy and beginning follower of Christ can read verses.  Get them to open up the Word themselves and find out the gems.  The same way that lessons are more powerful to them when you’ve learned them yourself, lessons are even more powerful when they learn them themselves.  Teach them to learn and teach them to love God’s Word!

7. Pray, pray, and pray some more. The same way that we model the study of God’s Word, we model prayer.  Praying to open, praying to close, and praying throughout builds a habit that the girls will not likely forget.  I love how my mentor professor always closes in prayer: She takes my hands and says, “You want to pray first, last, or not at all?”  You’d think in seminary we have a more “spiritual” way of being led in prayer, right?  Wrong. I love how she takes all weirdness away in one quick question.  By using this method with girls, if they are not in the mood to pray or don’t feel comfortable praying, they can say “not at all” with no questions asked. By saying “first” or “last”, you can eliminate the awkwardness of sitting there wondering whether you should go or not.  This is especially helpful when you’re first getting to know girls and want to make them feel at ease in prayer.

And of course, pray for them.  Pray pray pray.  The trick that always helps me, when someone says, “Can you pray for this?”  Is to say, “Sure! Let’s pray right now.” and then pray with them right there. That way, even if I totally space and forget later, it’s been covered at least that one time.  When I was leading small groups, I always wrote the girls names on index cards, praying for different ones on different days of the week.  That way I knew that during the week these precious little lambs were getting some prayer coverage!

Related to this was a great point that Caila brought up:  “Don’t let them dwell excessively on themselves or others. Women have a tendency to feel sorry for themselves, or gossip about others. When this happens, never give in to the train of conversation. Always guide them back to Christ and surrender.”  Use prayer to do this.  When listening, you can discern when the talk is no longer necessary or edifying.  Never never never entertain gossip.  Absolutely refuse to hear it.  If you sense a conversation is headed downhill, turn to pray.  It’s hard for girls to gossip to God.

8. Don’t Forget that Fellowship is Spiritual Too. One of the things I used to struggle with was feeling like having a party night or fellowship night was “less important” than our nights of Bible study and prayer.  While we don’t want to abandon or neglect the study of God’s Word and of prayer, don’t forget that fellowship is spiritual.  Caila pointed out that “fellowship is extremely important in women’s discipleship. Men are more task-oriented; they enjoy it when church leaders give them something to DO.  Women learn more from relationships.”  This means that purposeful fun events, doing edifying and wholesome things, can teach just as much as Bible studies can.  Again, this goes back to the idea that discipleship is living life together.  Have a game night.  Make homemade pizzas together.  Take young moms to the zoo with their kids.  Watch a movie like Joan of Arc, Les Miserables, Babette’s Feast, or Bella.  Give the ladies an opportunity to just relax and enjoy each other.  Jesus’ first miracle was at a wedding–I think they probably had a great time with all that wine. 🙂  (in moderation, yes 🙂

9. Leave the Results to God. For those of you who followed the retreat notes or my studies on Expectancy without Expectation–insert that here.  The moment you try to control the ladies you disciple, the moment growth stops.  You cannot control them.  Part of discipling is learning the process of surrender, again and again and again.  We must surrender our disciples, entrusting them to God’s care, even when they make bad decisions or seem off track.  I remember my dear sweet Elisa sitting on the couch listening to me talk about a boy.  Deep down I knew this boy was not the one, but I was having so much fun and enjoying myself and really liked having him around.  She listened, smiled, was patient, and prayed for me.  And I believed she prayed him right out of my life! She never tried to control me or tell me what to do, even when she saw red flags, but she prayed and asked probing questions, questions that made me see for myself and perhaps I was not in the very center of God’s will.

In this way discipleship again is very akin to parenting.  My mom was the ultimate example of the uncontrolling mom.  Despite innumerable stupid decisions, she faithfully loved me and prayed for me, choosing rather to pray and only give advice when asked.  Because of her open-handed surrender, I believe God was able to faithfully steer me away from my own stupidity and back into His will.

This also means that we accept both successes and failures.  Not every discipleship relationship will be a success.  Not all mine were!  Sometimes I think back to certain girls and think, “What did I do wrong?”  ANd perhaps there was something I did wrong and need to learn, but I also have to accept that God is God and is in control.  Jesus was the most successful discipler in history, and even one of His went bad.  Trust the will of God.

10. Know When to Let Go. No discipleship relationship lasts forever.  Just as you parent a child in the hopes that they will one day grow to be a self-sufficient adult who can drive, work, and have a family of his or her own, so we disciple women so they can grow up in Christ and disciple others.  We recognize they are not ours, but God’s. He blesses us with lending them to us for a season, but it is only a season.  It wasn’t long before I knew Caila was all grown up on her own.  The same thing happened with Elisa and I when I got married.  She discerned and knew that I was all grown up in a sense. Of course we remain friends, but the disciple-discipler relationship has changed, just as a parent-child relationship becomes one of being peers.

One of the greatest joys is seeing someone you have invested in, poured into, loved, prayed for, discipled, spread her wings and fly.  Seeing Caila flourish in so many ways, Krista become the chaplain for House of Charis, Kristen lead Bible studies of her own, Jane teach women’s small groups, and Tana excel in the school of ministry and as a teacher.  Everytime I think of them I beam in my heart.  I’ve let them all go, but they bless me with their lives every day.

Last five to come…