LiveDifferent Challenge (23): Unclog Your Disposal
So for the past week our garbage disposal hasn’t worked (don’t panic Landlords, it’s fixed now!). In fact, it only worked once when we moved in and then quit working. Because I am deathly afraid of sticking my hand down garbage disposals, I refused to do too much rooting around down there myself, and just threw scraps of food into the trash. But the tricky thing was that then it quit draining. So when I did dishes, the sink would fill up with this greasy, grimy water, which took hours to drain. Then it left that oily scum all around the sink, so I was consantly scrubbing the sink too. Needless to say, this was getting old. So finally, today, Jeff, being the fearless warrior husband that he is, rolled up his sleeves (ok he was actually in short-sleeves because it’s super hot but it’s just an expression), and plunged his arm down into the disposal. He soon discovered that the disposal had just kicked itself off (as a safety feature) because there was something caught down there. Of all things–a rock. I have no idea how on earth a rock got into the disposal because I guarantee I have not been washing out any rock-filled dishes, but somehow a rock was in there and it was smashed to smithereens and then caused the thing to turn off. Within minutes, Jeff had retrieved the rock remnants, reset the disposal, and Wahlah!–it was fixed. Now I can wash dishes to my heart’s content with no nasty full sink of water. Now the water rushes right down the drain, and everything is clean and shiny and good as new. Yay!
So maybe it’s cheesy, but it made me think of Psalm 32, David’s testimony of the sorrow that comes from unconfessed sin. He writes,
“When I kept silent, my bones grew old, through my groaning all the day long. For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; My vitality was turned into the drought of summer.”
Sometimes we don’t even know the cause, but we know there’s something down there–something lurking down there in the disposal of our heart, and it’s too dark and scary to reach down our arm and get it out. We fear what it might be, or that it might be too painful if the blasted thing turns on and turns our hand to hamburger (ok, the metaphor breaks down there). But really, unless we are attentive, always attentive to keeping a short account with God and with others, we can get some pretty nasty buildup in our hearts, and before we know it, nothing is flowing. All is backed up, our joy is sapped, and there’s nasty greasy water all over our life.
I felt a little like that this week. I didn’t even know if it was sin, but there was something weighing on me, and it was “heavy upon me”. In situations like that, it almost doesn’t do any good to argue with yourself “is it sin or not?” There’s no use sitting around talking about the disposal, like “Do you think it’s a rock? No, I think it’s a potato peel. No, I think it’s a piece of glass. No…” blah blah blah. It doesn’t matter! The right thing is just to stick your darn hand down there and get it out whatever it is! Well that’s what I finally did and it turned out to be nothing more than a harmless little rock, but I tell you what–I can feel the difference. Things are flowing, my joy is back, the water’s running right down the drain and my sink is sparkly clean.
So the challenge this week is just to roll up your sleeve, plunge in your hand, and dig out the rock, whatever it may be. Maybe there’s nothing, praise God, but chances are there will be something soon enough. Maybe a frustration with your spouse, an unresolved issue with a friend, something you said that you realize was gossip that you need to confess. Maybe it’s just an attitude, a way in which you were just a teeny tiny bit dishonest. Whatever it is, it’s so not worth letting it clog up the drain! Reach in, confess it, make it right. Everything will flow so much better. Believe me.
God's Word, Our Dictionary
Words are funny things. In a sense, we depend upon them for all of our communication. When I write an email to someone or write a post on this blog, I am exercising great faith that you will understand the meaning of the words on the screen. If, for example, you were just learning English and you understood that every time I wrote “Love you” at the end of an email I really meant “You’re a fatty”, then there would be some frustration. I remember a dear missionary friend who always said, in the foreign tongue, “I gotta just keep my eyes on Jesus!” and then one day realized with horror that she had been saying, “I gotta just keep my eggs on Jesus!” Words mean things. But the sad part is that often our words become defined by the World instead of by God’s Word. Love for example. The world would say that two people engaging in a one-night-stand after drinking too much in a bar are “making love”. God’s definition is a little different.
But this is the one that got me recently. As you know I’m studying for this retreat, and one of the main topics is understanding disappointment. We frequently think, “I got disappointed because I got my hopes up.” So our strategy is to not “get our hopes up” so that we won’t get disappointed. Therefore in the world’s dictionary, we might read: “Hope = Disappointment.” These are the words we use. However, let’s look at God’s Word as our dictionary (I think you see where I’m going). What is the ONE thing we KNOW about hope from Scripture? Romans 5:5, “Now hope does not disappoint”. This is God’s definition of hope. God’s definition isn’t tied to expectations, circumstances, or result. True hope, as defined by God’s Word, does not disappoint.
So this is a fabulous way to determine if I’m hoping God’s way. This morning something happened that caused a mild disappointment. It wasn’t a big deal, but it caused me to realize that I was hoping as the world hopes–in an outcome–rather than as God’s Word tells me to hope–in His beautiful sovereignty and goodness.
Let’s use God’s Word as our dictionary, and define our words, and lives, by His way.
Our Right Response to Blessing
How do we respond to the blessings of God? Obviously with thankfulness. But what about the really big ones? The ones that are fulfillments of long-time promises, dreams come true, or answers to years of longing or prayer? More specifically, how do we enjoy the blessing of God without worshipping them? How do we keep our eyes fixed on the creator and not on His gifts?
It seems to me that while God is always the initiator of things, there is a portion that is our part to play in this and a portion that is God’s. For example, it seems to me that God divinely orchestrates the fiery seasons, the trials, the dark hour, the severe mercy, so that we will not become overly attached to the good things, the blessings, and things of this world. When are broken, we can become conduits for God’s blessings, letting them flow through us rather than hoarding them all up and calling them “my precious” like Schmeigel in Lord of the Rings. God breaks us so that we are safe. Unbroken people are unsafe recipients of His blessings. That is God’s part.
Our part then is to constantly be on guard for the subtle sin of letting things become internal. As soon as something becomes absolutely necessary for our life and well-being, it is threatening to be an idol.
I think Hannah from the OT is an excellent example to us in this regard. Here is a woman who truly longed for something–a child. This is the kind of longing I’m talking about-the aching yearning deep inside that is torturous. And, it might even be God-given, so it’s not like we can just forsake it, like a sin, and move on. So she longs and aches for this thing, and then, as God so often does, He brings fulfillment to this desire. Her son is born. Samuel the prophet. Not just any son, a son of promise, set apart for God. And what does she do? She kept the child with her until he was weaned (which could be anywhere from 2 years to 5 years), and then she takes him to Shiloh, and offers a sacrifice, and gives back her child to the Lord. And her famous words for us to follow are this:
“‘For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition which I asked of Him. Therefore I also have lent him to the LORD, as long as he lives he shall be lent to the Lord’. So she worshiped the Lord there.”
What an amazing response. I just weaned my son a couple weeks ago, at 20 months old. I cannot even imagine now having to give him up. In fact, I recently read this trilogy by Liz Curtis Higgs, a rendition of the story of Jacob, Rachel and Leah, and in it Leah has to give up her only son. I almost couldn’t even read the book, I cried so hard it devastated me, even comprehending the pain of giving over something I love so much. And that pain, that struggle is good, it’s real, but like Hannah, our response must always be that we commit all that God has given us back into His hands. As AW Tozer has said so perfectly, “everything is safe which we commit to Him, and nothing is really safe which is not so committed.”
So this is the secret, the part that is our part, the secret that we must take hold up and put into practice-the blessedness of possessing nothing. All things remain external to our heart, there is a single throne there, where only the King of Kings may reign, and though rival loves may fight, tooth and nail, to earn their way to the center, we battle more, harder, stronger longer, to keep our Lord Jesus securely on the throne.
Being Believed In
I can point to several specific points conversations that have shaped the entire course of my life. And I’m marveling today how influential teachers, leaders, coaches, and role models are in our lives. I can remember, as clear as if it were yesterday, sitting across a little table in JavaStop at OSU from my Writing 224 teacher, and going over the fiction story I had written. I was the only freshman in the class, my first semester of college, and scared out of my wits about writing for this man I considered a literary genious. I will never forget the comments he wrote. This is probably bad, but he wrote “*Explitive* this good!” on one portion of my paper and I will never forget that as long as I live, not because he wrote an explitive on my paper, but because I sat there in awe realizing that he really meant it. He really meant it was good and I was shell-shocked. He was seeing something, identifying something, calling something out that I was scared to show. His encouragment bolstered my courage enough to keep writing.
My Honor’s English teacher, Majorie Sandor, was the one who asked me to come see her in her office, and shared with me some of the most profoundly encouraging things, urging me to pursue an English degree (I started as a Psych major) because of what she somehow saw in my writing and literary discussion. This was another moment I will never forget–her tiny little frame and messy hair, over-sized glasses and cowl-neck sweater. I can still smell the old books in her office.
The President of Multnomah, Dan Lockwood, sitting across the dining table at Elmer’s across from Jeff and me, sharing words of encouragement that I still keep locked in my little heart because I don’t know exactly how God will fulfill or use them. I can still see his gentle eyes and feel the vinyl seat under my legs.
These moments are rare, I know, but when they come, they can be some of the most powerful things we will ever experience. It’s one thing to get encouragment from a parent or spouse or close friend. Those things are necessary and so powerful as well, but there is something about a teacher, a professor, an outside party who has no obligation to you whatsoever, nothing at all to gain by building you up (and perhaps even something to lose if you prove to be better at something than they are!), taking the time to set you aside and call out what they see in your life. And it is even more powerful when that person actually sets aside his or her own life in order to invest in yours.
I experienced a fourth of these rare moments yesterday, and probably the most significant one to date. It brought me to tears. I’d sort of got into my mind that I just needed to cross my t’s and dot my i’s in order to fulfill an internship and graduate in May with my Master’s. Pregnant, with a toddler at home, my only goal at this point was to finish my last class and settle down into mommyhood for, well for as long as I could see. And I’m still going to do that to a degree, but this professor, my beloved professor, who is what I want to be when I grow up :-), she set me aside and had this talk with me, and not only had this talk with me, but committed to walk with me along the journey. I hope to share more later, as the semester goes on, but I left her office and walked around campus, just shaking my head and marveling at God. “Why? Why me? Why are you so good to me?” My dreams and vision are so small, so limited, and His is so vast, so beautiful. His dreams are so much bigger than me, and yet He lets me play a part in the beautiful production. I feel like after a long season of disappointments, God is beginning to put some pieces into place, pieces that take all the brokenness, and miraculously form them into a beautiful picture that only He could have fathomed.
What I take from this, and what I hope you will hear, is this: We will never know how much our words mean to others, especially those who look up to us (and you never know who looks up to you!). I’ve also had a few conversations that were devastating. I had one last year that almost made me never want to share my heart for ministry again. But yesterday I did, for the first time since that discouraging conversation, and risked again being vulnerable. And I will tuck yesterday’s conversation away in my heart, to cherish and remember during times of discouragement, just as I have the others along the way that have so shaped my life.
Please hear this: What you say to others can change the course of history. Speak life! Speak encouragment. And if we are in a position of authority, don’t be threatened by those underneath! It is our responsiblity as leaders, parents, teachers, mentors, to raise up the younger generation. Our goal is that they would be better, smarter, and more influential than we are. If our goal is simply to protect our status, to guard our carefully constructed identity, we will miss out on raising up the next generation of leaders who will change our world for Christ. As a youngster, who has just received one of the most encouraging talks of my life, I can attest to the fact that being believed in is one of the most powerful things in the world. I pray that we would look for ways to encourage, build up, and call out the valuable gifts we see in others. You never know how God might use your words, and who He might raise up in the process. And don’t forget to thank those along the way who have believed in you.