Sacred Mundane: The Blog

Ok, so I’m really no good at keeping secrets (my own secrets–I am good at keeping other people’s secrets) because I get so excited about things God shows me I have to share them.  John Piper once said that if you find yourself, when you are studying and reading God’s Word, constantly thinking of ways to communicate those truths to others, then you can pretty much bet that you’re a teacher at heart.  That hit me like a ton of bricks. Ok, guilty as charged. I’m a teacher.

So I mentioned before I’m teaching at this women’s retreat (Kelli please just act surprised when I share this stuff with the ladies there!), and for the past few weeks I have been absolutely spinning my wheels at studying. NOTHING is happening. I’m praying, reading, studying, and it’s like I have this bag over my head and I can see nothing.  So frustrating.  So I kept waiting and praying and today I’m studying and the light is finally turning on! Thank you, God.  God always reminds me that it is His Spirit that does the work because I literally am nothing and have nothing to say until His Spirit illuminates His Word for me.

So anyway, we are talking at the retreat about Expectancy without Expectation, and the first session is on Disappointments.  Who of us hasn’t keenly felt disappointments?  I’ve mentioned before I feel like this entire year has been one long disappointment.  But I’ve never found a book entitled “The God of Disappointment”…but right now I’m tempted to write one!  Because check this out, if you look at Scripture, God is all about disappointing people!  I looked up the word disappointment in my dictionary and it said, (tada!) “Thwarted Expectation”.  God is in the business of thwarting our expectations so that He can do greater and more glorious works than we ever imagined.  Hooray!  Not convinced yet? Check out these examples:

1. Abraham: God promises he will be the father of many nations right? Then what?  He can’t have kids. He’s disappointed. Expectations thwarted. He then gets so frustrated he takes matters into his own hands and has Ishmael, the child of the flesh, through his servant Hagar. Bickering and grief ensue.
2. Joseph: God shows him in a dream that his brothers will bow down to him as ruler.  He winds up dumped in a pit then sold to the Egyptians, then spends 14 years in a prison, wrongly accused of harassing Potipher’s wife, then forgotten by the cupbearer, forsaken.  Disappointed.  Thwarted Expectations.
3. Moses: God will make him the deliverer of Israel.  Then what? He kills an Egyptian and there’s a warrant out for his head, basically.  He winds up spending 40 long years living with his father-in-law in the desert (hey, that sounds familiar!).  Disappointed.  Expectations thwarted.
4. The children of Israel: God is going to deliver them from the Egyptians and the hand of Pharaoh, so after the exhilarating plagues and parting of the Red Sea, then what?  Left to wander in the wilderness for forty years while the entire complaining generation is slowly killed off.  Disappointed.  Thwarted Expectations.
5. David: God will make him king, anoints him through the prophet Samuel.  Then what? Saul tries to have him killed, and he spends 10-14 years living in caves in the desert, trying to escape from the hand of Saul.  Disappointed. Expectations thwarted.
6. The Disciples: God will send a Messiah who will come and save the world.  Then Jesus comes, who neither fights nor takes over anything, doesn’t even resist the Romans, but is a lowly servant and calls them to a lowly servant life.  Then he does the unthinkable and goes and gets Himself killed-what a tragic end!  Disappointment.  Expectations thwarted.

There is obviously more to these stories … and that is where we will go later on in the weekend.  But consider just stepping in at halftime.  What would they think?  What emotions would they feel? I suggest that they would feel keen and miserable disappointment. I suggest that we love and serve an awesome, majestic, glorious, beautiful, worthy, and infinitely valuable God of Disappointment.  And I love Him for it. 🙂

I’m thankful for the fact that we don’t have a full-time job yet because it meant Jeff had the freedom to go preach at a church in Wilsonville, and it was awesome!  I’m thankful that we’re not big-name famous preacher people becaues it means we got to rub shoulders with these precious saints in this teeny tiny church–they were so sweet!

I’m thankful for my 2nd trimester boost of energy today: 2 Loaves of banana bread, 2 batches of Dutch’s super-duper healthy muffins, fresh bread, dinner made, tomorrow’s lunch made for Jeff, laundry put away, house straightened up, dishes done…need I say more?  I’m thankful I had the energy yesterday to make ahead a picnic lunch for us so we didn’t have to spend money on food after church and we ate healthy instead!

I’m thankful for a son who is so flexible he goes into any church nursery and loves it.  I’m thankful he flirts with all the elderly ladies and makes their day.  I’m thankful he’s thrilled with a peanut butter sandwich and thinks he’s died and gone to heaven if he gets graham crackers too.  I’m thankful he read his little picture Bible the entire way there and back the 50 minute drive to and from the church we visited.

I’m thankful for the 1/2 of Costco apple pie I had stuck in the freezer and pulled out for tonight…I’m thankful for Potstickers which mean that dinner’s ready in 8 minutes.  I’m thankful for 3 weeks straight of not throwing up!  I’m thankful (again) for this amazing comfy bed that I’ve sunk into tonight.  I’m thankful that I have a genious husand whose mind can retain the insanity that Greek is…and I’m WAY thankful that I do NOT have to take Greek!  I’m thankful it delights him even though the very idea bores me to tears.

I’m thankful for the river where we played tonight and threw rocks. I’m thankful for the horsies up the road and for feeding them grass and watching Dutch squeal with delight as he throws them their food.  I’m thankful for a walk with my husband tonight…and I’m thankful that I’m already waddling because it means this baby is growing fast!  I’m thankful for the beautiful moment tonight when I tried on my big pregnancy jeans and rejoiced that they are still WAY too big. Yippee! 🙂  I’m thankful that Dutch is weaning himself.  I’m thankful for the scene of the night: Jeff surprising Dutch by running his stroller through the sprinkler!   I’m thankful Dutch is now asleep. I’m thankful for bedtimes that are set in stone.  🙂

I’m thankful for my laptop, for wireless internet (SO THANKFUL), for facebook Scrabble games with Jeff and Cheyloe, and for evenings like this when I’m in bed by 8:30.  So much…these are the thanks of the day.

Isn’t it amazing how relentless our God is?  Remember last Sunday (Lie of Entitlement Vs. Truth of the Loving Father), how I was floored by the message at church on Numbers 11?  Well tonight Jeff and I decided to visit a church, the pastor of which we know, as they have a Saturday night service.  We thought we’d make a date out of it, so we packed a little picnic along with plenty of books for Dutch, and trekked into the big town to visit this church.  I thought it’d be a great way to spend a Saturday night. I had no idea what I was in store for.

I knew when I walked in that it was no accident we were there.  The sermon series?  Lessons from the Wilderness, a series on the book of Numbers.  Tonight’s message was from Numbers 14…about complaining.  What?! I heard that same message last week at a different church?  I mean who preaches out of Numbers?  Where are the Beatitudes? Two weeks in a row? From two different pastors who have never even heard of each other? Yes.  God was and is trying to get my attention.

Tonight’s sermon gripped me even more than last week’s, not because it was better, but just because I was in a place where I had, once again, been in a place of absolute miserable complaining, as you read in my earlier post. I could think of nothing good.  What Pastor Joel shared literally had me blubbering tears like a baby, letting my hair fall forward over my face so the people around me wouldn’t be distracted by my weeping.  Joel just returned last night from a mission trip to Mexico, where they worked amongst the very poorest there.  Not only do they not have homes, the babies wear no diapers, the children have open sores, live in cardboard boxes or little tin can boxes that practically bake them in the summer.  He explained that we have this unspoken belief that it’s wrong to complain unless we’re going through something really hard. Then it’s justified. Wrong!  The Israelites were going through something really hard, and yet it says that God was grieved by their grumbling, and therefore let the entire generation die in the wilderness.  I had never noticed before that in 14:1-2, they actually say “We wish we would have died in the wilderness.” Can you believe they actually say that? ANd then that’s what happens. God says, “Okay, you want to die in the wilderness.  It’s going to be a slow 40-year death for your entire generation.”

This about scared the wits out of me. Yes, God is so gracious and loving and merciful, but the fact that I have been full-time whining and complaining is an absolute blasphemy of God’s goodness.  Joel talked about how sad we would be as parents if we overheard our children, whom we sacrifice for in order to bless, talking about how miserable they are in our homes.  We would be hurt, so sad, and angry.  Imagine what it is like for God, who not only hears our words but see our complaining thoughts, after He’s not only provided for us materially, but given us eternal life and forgiveness of sin and escape from damnation!

Joel finished by reading an email, which offers perspective on thankfulness. I didn’t write it all down, but I’m going to put it into my own words, with my own situation.  And I’m repenting … again. This time I am purposing in my heart, and asking God for grace to help me, to each and every day begin by writing down what I am thankful for.  I have so far to go!  I’m seeing that to the degree that we are thankful, that is the degree that we are spiritually mature.  I’m basically a spiritual middle schooler then … oh dear.  But I’m taking a step, albeit small, in the right direction.

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• I’m thankful for living with my parents because the rent is so cheap!
• I’m thankful for my dad spending all day long with Dutch because that means Dutch gets a special relationship with his grandpa that most little boys don’t get.
• I’m thankful Jeff only has a 1/2 time job because that gives him time to take Greek classes.
• I’m thankful for our school debt because it means we’ve had the privilege of higher education.
• I’m thankful for our filthy bathroom because it’s so much better than going to the bathroom in a big pit like we did at missions training camp and like they do in 3rd world countries.
• I’m thankful for migraines and morning sickness because it means I have  a precious little life growing in side me!
• I’m thankful for poopy diapers because it means Dutch is healthy!
• I’m thankful for dirty dishes and meals to prepare because it means we are not starving.
• I’m thankful for my weight gain and the fact that my clothes don’t fit right because it means our baby is growing!
• I’m thankful for the zits on my face because…hmm I’ll have to think a while longer about this one. 🙂
• I’m thankful for our dirty sheets that need to be changed because they cover the most comfortable bed in the world that I love sinking into every night.

And a few others…

I’m thankful for Corn Flakes, Microwaves, trips to visit the Horsies with Dutch, treks down to the river to throw rocks with Dutch, walks down the driveway, friendly neighbors, absolutely wonderful renters in our homes who always pay their rent on time, parents who love and support us and don’t yell at me even when I’m super grumpy (all the time), a son who laughs and brings me immeasurable joy and who loves being in the nursery at church (any church!) which just blows my mind, perfectly timed messages from God’s Word that bring me to my knees, talented worship leaders who usher me into the throneroom of God, and last but not least, an amazing husband who walks through the mountains and valleys with me.

And I’m thankful for this blog, and for YOU who actually read it!  Good night … and thanks!