Sacred Mundane: The Blog

I write tonight with a full heart (and tummy!) because of some very special people.  You know them by name because of their fame as the friends who went with us to San Jose, who stuck by us through the darkest year of our lives, and who continue to stand with us as faithful, encouraging, steadfast amazing friends: Aaron and Candi.  Today we spent the day in Corvallis. Jeff teaches there every Thursday, but usually he goes straight from there to tutoring, so he’s gone from 6am-6pm, and the idea of doing that day with a toddler in tow is not attractive. But now he’s done tutoring, so today Dutch and I went along.  I had the treat of hooking up with a dear friend, Caila (her blog is to the right), who was visiting from Hawaii, who now has a little boy as well whom I’d never met.  We pushed our little blond boys around Corvallis and caught up on God’s faithfulness in each other’s lives.

During the afternoon, Aaron and Candi had given the key to their apartment so I could have a place to put Dutch down for a nap (he’ll only sleep if he’s in a crib in a dark room).  As you probably know, they recently moved to Corvallis and bought Big Town Hero, the home of the most delicious Italian Panini on earth.  So, to get the shop going, they are both working there 7 days a week…all day long.  They are my heros.  WIth their 6-month-old daughter bouncing in an exersaucer behind the counter or napping in a pack ‘n’ play, Aaron and Candi bake bread and serve sandwiches with the joy and love of Jesus Christ each and every day.  They own one car, so when Candi needs to go home for any reason, she runs, pushing Hannah in a jogging stroller the 4.5 miles to their apartment.  Does this strike you as totally amazingly cool? Yes, it is.  They’re in this crazy adventure together and I love them for it. So today, since they both live at the sandwich shop, she gave me their house key and let me chill at their apartment. Dutch and I both took naps (as I drifted off to sleep I was vaguely aware of the fact that while I was sleeping on their couch they were both working!), and were ready to go.  Then, after Jeff was done teaching and through with his meetings, he headed over to the shop and hung out for a few hours until Aaron was off at 5:30.  They fed us dinner–lifechanging sandwiches and paninis, followed by homemade chocolate chip cookies, then we put the kids in strollers and walked all over the OSU campus, us girls taking the lead power walking with the strollers, chatting incessantly, the boys strolling leisurely along behind us, catching up on each other’s lives as well.  When the rain set in, we head back to their apartment. Dutch ate cheerios and played with trucks while Hannah nursed and we all just sunk into cozy couches and savored the comfortable familiarity of such sweet friendship.  THey spoke profound words of truth, comfort, and encouragment to our weary souls. Not words of, “Get over it!”  Words of, “Man, this is hard, and God is good–here’s why.”  What struck me most was the sense of awe as I sat and realized, “Wow.  These people really love us. Truly, truly love us.”  They have this pure fervent desire to see God’s best for us, to bless us and love us.  I can’t even explain how powerful that is.  How precious and rare, a treasure indeed.  We finished our sweet evening with them praying for us, for the future, for God’s best, for patience and grace.  And after feebly attempting to thank them for things that cannot even begin to be expressed, we drove off, Dutch waving bye bye out the window.

I share about our day because I can’t not share about our day.  There is just something life-changing about love. There is something profound about people who truly love other people.  There is something so incredibly impacting about friends who truly love you as themselves.  I pray we all can not only have those types of people but be those types of people, in a world that’s sorely lacking love at all.

Thank you, Aaron and Candi, for years of faithful friendship and love.  And thank You, Lord, for the gift, the treasure, of friends. 

You know that feeling where you feel so emotionally spent you’re just completely empty?  This is my state as I sit here, a quilt tucked around my legs, my feet propped up on the edge of our little loveseat.  I’m empty and emotionally exhausted because I feel like I’m made painfully aware once again that my sense of fairness or justice is far from God’s.  I’m painfully aware that God cannot be manipulated.  I’m painfully aware that there is no sucker for me today.  A few months ago I was taking Dutch to get his check-up and immunizations, and realized I needed a Tetanus shot.  So while we waited for Dutch’s doctor, a nurse zipped into our room and while I was still holding Dutch, pulled up my sleeve, sunk in her needle, patted the spot with her guaze and was out the door in 30 seconds (a very expensive 30 seconds I found out when I later received the bill!).  Then later Dutch’s turn came.  First I gave him some Tylenol, so it wouldn’t hurt so bad, then I held him close to me, while the nurse took great care in giving the shots, then found special little Cars bandaids, and offered him a sucker for being so brave.  Later as I put Dutch into his carseat, I of course was extra careful not to bump his arm with the straps, and hurried him home.  As I drove I thought of the significant truth: “Funny they didn’t offer me a sucker.”  Of course they didn’t offer me a sucker. I am a grown woman. A mom.  They know I don’t need to be coddled and treated for every little brave thing I do.  And that’s right and appropriate. 

So why can’t I accept that as right and appropriate from God.  Unknowingly I have set up a set of fairness rules in my mind.  If I sacrifice something, God will give me something in return.  If I respond rightly and obediently, God will bless me in tangible ways.  If I have to get a shot, there will be a sucker at the end.  In fact, there have been so many times this year that I have found myself thinking, “Oh I can’t wait to see the cool things God will do at the end of this year, and how He will bless us!”  I might call it faith, but really it’s just an immature and childish notion that if I sacrifice something or endure some painful shot of adversity, God will reward me with a sucker.  And even worse, thinking that way is nothing more than manipulating God.  We’re saying “If I give this up to God, He will give me something better in return.”  God will not be manipulated.  So here we are, at the end of the year.  The spiritual infant that I am thinks that somehow because I think I have sacrificed somewhat I deserve some candy from God.  And instead God turns to me and says, “Thank you, my daughter. You’ve done what I’ve asked.”  And…what else God??  Don’t you have a sucker for me?!  Don’t you have something cool for me to show for it?  What’s that?  You mean to say there’s nothing at the end of the rainbow except the satisfaction of knowing You’re pleased?  And sadly, the truth is that my wicked heart had hoped for more.  Is God’s favor not enough?  How sad that I still act like a spiritual infant, demanding candy for a simple act of obedience. 

Well, He did give me more than that, actually. Today as I sat on the couch crying, disappointed once again with the direction life is going, I opened my laptop and discovered an amazing email from a girl who reads this blog.  A girl in Florida who I’ve never met, who stumbled across it and has been faithfully reading.  Her words made me cry even more, realizing that these words poured out, my life poured out, does matter, it does impact people…in ways we may never know.  That is a gift.  As I prayed I thought of the times I’d asked God to pour me out for His glory, to pour out my life for the sake of others. But as I sat here today praying, all that could escape my lips was the infant pounding her fists saying, “But I don’t want to be poured out. I don’t want to be poured out.”  I want a sucker.  “No, my child,” God says, “I love you, and it’s time for you to grow up.”

Scan to another scene–Multnomah graduation last Friday.  We went to celebrate with our dear friends Adam and Grace. Adam graduated with honors, earning the John G. Mitchell award, the highest seminary award given for excellence and Godly character.  Afterwards we heard all the stories from the graduates–the pastoral positions, the awesome opportunities oversees, the exciting jobs.  A part of my heart rejoiced with them, but you know what a big part of it felt:  Nothing more than selfish toddler-style envy.  With no more maturity than Dutch when he walks over and takes a toy from another baby, my heart inside wished that we had a cool story, wished that we had a neat job opportunity, wished that we had some sucker to enjoy.  And so I turn again to God right now and repent.  I ask Him to forgive me of my infantile desire for toys and candy from my heavenly Father.  For my immature view of fairness and justice. For my sublte desire to manipulate Him by thinking that by giving something up I’ll get something in return, like a person saying “You take the bigger piece of cake” knowing full well that the person will then give you the larger slice. 

Growing up is hard.  I still like suckers.  But I think I want God more.  I want to love Him with more than a childish desire for the toys and candy of life.  I’m not there yet, but I’m somewhere along the way.  And today there are no suckers, only God, and He’s enough. 

Packaging is powerful.  Whether we like to admit it or not, we are greatly influenced by packaging.  Somehow the box of real Wheat Thins always taste better than the generic brand.  Sam’s Choice soda just isn’t quite the same as a real Pepsi, and there’s something about Western Family ice cream that just doesn’t seem as tempting as the Breyers right next door.  And I know that in these instances there really is a taste difference, but why do I buy real Tylenol instead of the generic brand?  (and I’m kind of ashamed that I do)  Why do I buy real Windex?  Something about the brand, the label, the way it’s presented makes me believe that I’m getting the real thing. 

Or what about when companies revamp the packaging but want to make sure we know the product is the same?  “New Look, Same Taste!”  we may see on the front. They do this because they want us to know–the stuff inside is the same, but they’ve provided a more pleasing package for us, so we have one more reason to want to grab our favorite item again and again.

I’ve been thinking lately about my own packaging.  During communication class this last term, we had a guest speaker who shared at length about the importance of scrutinizing ourselves and evaluating what impression we leave on people.  She encouraged us to ask our friends what they thought of us when they first met/saw us. What was their first impression.  Were we approachable? Kind?  Closed off?  Proud?  Intimidating?  Insecure?  What message do we send out when we just exist, when we just “are”?  I was scared to ask the girl next to me this question. In seminary I have the tendency to be quiet and reserved around the people I don’t know well. I don’t automatically make conversation.  So I could see how someone’s initial impression of me would be that I’m closed. 

But even past first impressions, our guest speaker asserted that whether we like it or not, when we are communicating a message, our audience will either accept or reject us.  We may not like to admit this, but it is frightningly true.  We may be speaking the truth, but if our demeanor or attitude is abrasive, offensive, or unconvincing the pill of truth won’t go down. 

Now I’m reading a book on marriage counseling, for a summer class I’m taking with Jeff.  In the introduction I read that one of the most significant indicators of whether or not a marital counseling situation will be successful is if the counselors and the counselees can connect in a relationship within the first two sessions. So basically, this means that even if you have all the right wisdom or techniques or counseling advice, if your personality is abrasive or you have an inability to connect with people in a loving, genuine way, your attempts at counseling and bringing marital reconciliation will be stunted.  If the couple don’t like you, it won’t matter what you say! 

This reminds me of another piece of advice I’ve heard before. Paul tells Timothy, his young pastoral protege, “Take heed to yourself and to the doctrine.  Continue in them, for in doing this you will save both yourself and those who hear you” (1 Tim 4:16).  Take heed not only to your message, not only to the gospel, not only to the sound doctrine and right thinking and truth of what you communicate to the world, but take heed to yourself as well.  How is my gospel packaging?  Is it authentic?  Is my life pure?  Do I ooze pride or self-righteousness?  Am I cool or disinterested?  Do I really believe that the gospel is the most treasured, precious, life-changing thing on earth?  Is there anything about my personality that repels rather than attracts?  Now obviously not everyone is going to like us. I’m certainly not preaching an overly self-focused approach to preaching/sharing/evangelism. But what God’s challenging me with is just to be aware that packaging matters.  My attitude, my demeanor, my personality, my appearance.  And on a deeper level, the integrity of my life, the way I treat my parents and my husband, the depth of my personal devotional life…how is my gospel packaging?  Am I taking heed to both myself and my doctrine, that the product would be pure and packaging pleasing?  It’s a lot easier to just say “Oh well, not everyone will like me so I just need to be me!” (which is often a true and healthy thing to say), than to say, “Lord, I seek to ultimately please only you. But I also want to reach as many people as I can with the truth of who You are. Please show me if there are things in my person that repel people or keep people from embracing Your truth.  Give me an honest heart to change anything You’d want me to.” 

Now again you may be thinking, Why is this such a big deal?  Check out the second half of 1 Tim. 4:16–for in doing this you will save both yourself and those who hear you.  That’s how important this is. May there be nothing in the way we conduct ourselves that would prevent people from knowing and loving Christ.  In taking heed to both ourselves and our doctrine, those who hear our message will be saved. This is our goal. That’s why this is a big deal. 

How’s my vessel that carries the treasure of Christ?  How is my doctrine and my life? Is my product pure and my packaging pleasant? Let’s ask God to give us a supernatural repackaging if need be.  “New look, Same Taste!” Or perhaps even our product is off. We’re to take heed to ourselves and our doctrine. Let’s examine both, and consider our product and consider our packaging, that others may reach for Christ more than ever before. 

Have you ever seen those purses people make out of garbage bags? Yeah, me neither. But I’ve heard of them. And now I’ve read of Eco-Fashion becoming all the rage–putting laborers in Peru to work using misprinted or discontinued packaging from Coca-Cola, Luna Bar, and Aveda to create must-have Eco Fashion handbags fit for supermodels. Well I’m not rushing out to buy a $180 purse made out of Target plastic bags, but I do love the idea of making good use of what we already have instead of constantly falling into the default mode of buying something new. That is one of the things that I’m loving about my clothes fast (see LiveDifferent Challenge 1–I’m not buying clothes for one year). When I’m in town, there is not even the option of looking at clothes, so I simply ignore the sales, skip the women’s section, and resist the magnetic draw of the clearance rack. It’s actually a lot easier to just not buy clothes altogether than it is to try to always discern “Well, do I really need this or not?” My answer is always “no!” so it makes it super easy. It’s like when Jeff and I were dating. We decided right off that we weren’t going to kiss. So there was no agonizing over whether we “should or shouldn’t” or obsessing over whether we were or weren’t or nerves or stress about what we might do physically. We weren’t even going to go there, so it made it so freeing and simple! It’s kind of the same thing … when clothes are off limits it’s a done deal–I don’t even have to think about it. But I’m getting off track…

The other thing I love about the clothes fast is that it forces me to get creative (I know, I haven’t even been at it for 2 months, but I’m still learning things). Instead of thinking, “Oh, there’s a wedding coming up, I have nothing to wear,” I simply make the most of what I already have…it’s so much simpler! So this has gotten me thinking about creativity, and how much more creative we might be if we worked at it a little. God is the Creator, and as people made in His image, we have the ability to create and be creative–and there’s profound joy in that.

So my husband was the one who unknowingly set the stage for all this Creative Eco-Fashion Make-Something-Out-of-Nothing business. Last weekend he came in from outside carrying a big Real Estate sign from the neighbor. I raised my eyebrows. “What are you doing with that?” He smiled, very satisfied with himself. “I’m making a laptop case.” “What?” I was skeptical to say the least. But he did. He had found the idea online, and while visiting with the neighbor, saw that he was going to burn this old real estate sign. Jeff rescued the sign, dug out his yellow duct tape (he insisted on making the case with the print on the outside so you could see that was indeed a re-used sign), and … tada! … laptop case. Click Click here (1), here (2), and here (3) to see the pics! He got the idea here.

Also this week my dad and I planted a garden. I’ve always wanted a garden, a real one, but haven’t had the space. So this year, while enjoying the beautiful property overlooking the river, Dad tilled up a good sized plot, took me to buy the seeds, and even set the stakes and string for me. I pretty much just had to go in and plant the seeds–my kind of gardening! But it was so fun to do, and has been fun to water, and Dutch loves to romp around and dig in the mug and watch me water. What could be better than having fresh produce from our own garden this summer!

So, our challenge this week is to make something out of nothing. I’d like to have a new little bag for the summer to carry Dutch’s gear, without toting around the monster diaper bag. I’m not much of a sewer, but I have a pattern from a book my momma-in-law got me, so I’m thinking that will be my response to this challenge. Instead of paying $9.99 to get one at Target, I’ll sew one up here at home…it may be a little less perfect, but we’ll call it character. It’ll be one of a kind. What could you make rather than buy? What could you re-use rather than throw away? Take the challenge, embrace the fact that you are made in the image of a Creator God, and ask Him how you can use the resources He’s given you to create something out of nothing. Ex Nihilo creation abilities may be reserved for God himself, but we can at least make something good out of something destined for the dump. What will you create? I’d love to hear your ideas!