Tasteless {Fasting series}
Have you ever had a long cold or sinus infection, and it made everything tasteless? Isn’t it frustrating? Especially if you feel decent otherwise, but you bite into what should be a delicious cookie or burrito or sandwich, and you can feel texture but the whole thing’s just plain tasteless.
It’s disappointing. You want to enjoy it, but you can’t because your senses hindered. Your taste, your ability to fully enjoy that certain flavor, has been deadened.
Once I finally stopped “researching” and just agreed that God probably knew best, once I set my mind and heart to do this fast for 40 days, exactly as prescribed, come what may, then I began involuntarily going through a process. I didn’t like it.
It began with three simple things. I had sensed God leading me to obey Him in 3 simple areas for the 3 weeks leading up to the fast. I had already sliced bananas and stocked the pantry, now it was time to prepare my heart. The three things were:
- Stay home.
- Don’t shop.
- Get up early to pray.
This simply meant that whenever possible, I was to stay at home, and begin simplifying my schedule to carve out more time to seek Him. This meant I didn’t need to research things or shop for kids’ summer clothes or keep my eye out for deals. This meant unsubscribing from all “deal” emails. This meant getting up early to pray, to begin preparing my heart for this time.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but these things began to create a sharp separation from the world. I remember so clearly, just a week before the fast, I had really wanted to go into town to take advantage of a coupon that was about to expire. I wasn’t buying anything for myself, but there was something attractive about going and “getting something” nonetheless. It’s hard to explain, but maybe you get it, that subtle thrill of acquiring something new, when it feels like so much is being stripped away.
It was the worst day. I’ll spare you the details, but it was as if God made every attempt to buy or “enjoy the world” that day completely futile. Everything went wrong. Even Starbucks was a flop! Nothing was satisfying or enjoyable about my trip into town, and I came home frustrated and exhausted. I sat down with my journal and cried out to God and so clearly I heard:
“I’m making the world tasteless to you.”
*sigh*
That was exactly it. I kept trying to taste the world, and it was so frustrating because it wasn’t satisfying. But like we sometimes do with food, I just kept trying to taste it again and again that day, hoping somewhere I’d find a bite that tasted sweet.
Nope. It was all bland. All disappointing.
Tasteless.
As the week went on, the process continued. It was uncanny, how time after time after time, God would make the world tasteless. I even noticed that if ate a heavy meal, or something that was a “treat” I’d immediately get a stomachache.
It was as if He was preparing my body and my spirit to be weaned off the world.
I knew deep down, this was good, but it felt like death. I cried a lot and felt really sad, like I was grieving the loss of a loved one, but that loved one was me. It was self that I loved so much, and self had to die. I kept feeling Him saying,
“I want you to completely relinquish your claim on your life.”
I really don’t mean to sound dramatic. I know we’re just talking about a simple fast. But what was happening inside was so deep, so profound, it was disturbing and jarring. And so good. The fast hadn’t even begun yet and already He was cutting the strings that tied me so tightly to this world, to myself.
He wanted all of me.
{For now, thanks for reading.}
Where were the women??? {Fasting series}
Honest answer: Have you ever “researched” a million different options, even though you already knew, deep down, what you were supposed to do?
Ok, if you said no then you’re lying.
For me, it was researching exactly what we should or shouldn’t eat/fast for 40 days so that we wouldn’t shrivel up and die, or get angry, or pass out. Those sorts of things.
Of course, He’d already told us what to do. But I kept waiting for God to give me “the rest of the plan.” Sure, he’d said Shake, Smoothie, Rice/Spinach. I got that down. But, wasn’t there more? Perhaps that was just the rough draft and maybe we’d add a few things in later?
Right? Lord, isn’t there more?
Silence.
So, I started “researching.” (Ha!)
My main concern, which seemed completely legitimate, was that I’m a woman, and I had never talked to another woman who engaged in a 40-day fast of this kind. I’d read great fasting books–by John Piper, Richard Foster, Lou Engle, Bill Bright–but I’d never been able to find a book on fasting by a woman. Not trying to be a wimp, but women in general are a bit more delicate physically. I know Jeff can “forget” to eat all day and be absolutely fine. I’ve never forgotten to eat. He can go on 5 hours of sleep, I need at least 8. I get lightheaded and tired much more easily than Jeff.
So sure, I love John and Bill’s perspective, but they’re dudes.
Where were the women??
So, embarrassing confession: I startled googling: “Fasting for women” and “Women fasting 40 days” and “40-day fast made for moms.” Of course there were plenty of things out there about fasting for weight-management and diet reasons. But spiritual fasting? Biblical fasting?
Nothing.
Finally, I hit a jackpot. I found this great blog by a Christian woman, who looked about my age. She had an article called “How to Fast For 40 Days.” Yes!!! I jumped right in. I was amazed. It was fabulous.
For one, it was super in-depth on all the Scripture references for fasting, giving a thorough foundation for the importance of this discipline. Then it went into a very detailed description of this 40-day juice fast, how much activity is ok to exert, what it was like, the symptoms experienced, and then the glorious results. There were quotes from doctors, practical considerations, and helpful tips and tricks.
But then, something caught my attention that didn’t seem right. I read something about how fasting had been the most impacting thing, “since our Savior changed my life in 1944.”
Umm… Say, what?! I looked at the lady’s picture at the top of the blog. Even if the Savior changed her life at the age of 5, there ain’t no way Donna was seventy-seven years old.
And if she WAS then I needed to fast more often! 🙂
I quickly scrolled down the rest of the article to the very bottom.
Yep. Wouldn’t you know:
Copyright Campus Crusade for Christ.
Written by Bill Bright.
Argh!!!!
The entire article was just cut and pasted from Bill Bright’s fasting booklet. I was thankful for the information, but this even further reinforced my frustration at not finding other women who had done this themselves.
Thankfully, I knew that in the Bible Esther fasted and Anna fasted. These may not have been 40-days, but I also wasn’t doing an absolute fast, so I needed to quit looking for comparisons or examples, and just humbly submit to the plan God had given me. Clearly, He knew my body better than anyone else.
I didn’t need a prescription from another female, I already had a prescription from my Father.
In fact, one day I was mentally figuring out whether I’d be getting “enough” protein and fiber, etc. and very clearly, the Holy Spirit interrupted my calculations with a gentle rebuke: “This is not a diet, this is a fast.”
Meaning, it didn’t matter if I had “enough.” It didn’t matter if the protein-to-carb ratio was just right. It didn’t matter if the amount wasn’t sufficient to satisfy me all day. The whole point was that this was a sacrifice. The whole point was that this would create hunger.
Fasting makes us desperate. The problem was, if I was honest, I was scared of desperation. I didn’t want to be desperate for that long. I didn’t want to be weak.
Then I’d have to really rely on God.
{More to come… Thanks so much for reading.}
*If you’re interested in the article written by Bill Bright 😉 … here it is: http://www.donnapartow.com/how-to-fast-for-forty-days/)
The Plan {fasting series}
Just when panic was about to set in, at the thought of not eating food for 40 days and therefore dying, I heard a gentle comforting whisper in my heart,
“You will have something at each meal.”
Ahhh…sigh of relief. So I probably wouldn’t die. I had no idea what “something” meant (I hoped maybe something along the lines of ice cream or coffee but figured that was doubtful) but figured I could trust God to give me The Plan, since He was the One who created my body and knew how best to lead me. Plus, this adventure was clearly initiated by Him, so I could rest in knowing He’d figure out the details.
As I finished the book, I set out to spend the next few days praying over the details. What exactly did He want me to fast? When would I begin? How would I navigate social situations? Were others going to join me?
Thankfully, I felt like God gave incredibly clear directions on exactly what my/our fast would look like. Many things things are vague or unclear, but in this situation it was almost like an audible voice in my head. I was to begin on my birthday, June 9th, and I was to have:
Protein shake for breakfast, smoothie for lunch, brown rice & spinach for dinner.
Okay. That seemed doable. At least calorically speaking, it wasn’t very restrictive. But it was restrictive in one very specific way:
No choices.
There were exactly zero options in this fast. Usually I had thought of fasts as focusing on what we can’t have (no sugar, no animal products, no alcohol, etc.), but that still left lots and lots of things to choose from. This wasn’t so much about not having certain things, but about limiting our daily intake to a very simplified and restricted regimen that would be exactly the same each day.
I also noticed that during the day there was only liquid. Yikes. I like to chew.
Although I felt settled in this plan, it also struck me that this was very restrictive, and that 40 days is a long time.
I also looked over the calendar and noticed all the dates that fell within these 40 days. My birthday, Jeff’s birthday, our anniversary, a church-planting conference for Jeff, the 4th of July, several dinner-dates, a 5-day camping trip with family, and the CBNW women’s camp where I was speaking.
Me: Umm... this doesn’t seem like the best time to fast, Lord.
Response: This is exactly the best time to fast, Kari.
Okay, then. Thankfully, we had almost three weeks between hearing this “plan” and when we would begin. There was time to mentally prepare, stock up on straws (!), and seek to simplify our schedule to make extra time for prayer (and maybe napping).
As the days and weeks went on, it became even more clear that God was preparing us for this. I researched and settled on a simple smoothie recipe that was low in sugar and supplied a decent amount of fiber and protein, and wouldn’t you know it?? The next week both of the main ingredients (bananas and mango) were on sale at our local produce stand for mere pennies per pound. We bought 40 lbs. and cut them all up into chunks in freezer bags. I bought a case of rice milk, 12 lbs. of brown rice, and three tubs of vegan protein powder. This plan was completely vegan, with no sugar, coffee, or gluten. It was just fruits/veggies, seeds, and rice. Although it sounded healthy, I still felt panicky inside. How could we do this for 40 days straight???
{Has God ever called you to something so physically challenging you didn’t think you could do it? How did He meet you in the midst of it? More to come … thanks for reading.}
Pushing forward. {Fasting series}
{Finally continuing the series! I shared here about fasting, about this oft-neglected weapon that works wonders in the heavenly realm, like a spiritual Vitamix. So now, a bit more about our 40-day fasting journey…}
Strangely enough, I kept sensing that the very thing I most wanted to avoid (fasting) was the thing that would yield the most significant spiritual results in my own life, the lives of those around me, and even in our nation and our world. But I felt lost. I had engaged in a very simple fast (9am-5pm on Thursdays) for the past 2 years, but even that felt discouraging. I honestly felt like most Thursdays I was just trudging through the afternoons, so hungry, waiting for 5pm so I could finally eat and quit being a grump. Thursdays are the only day where we always stay home and never make plans, and I felt like the one day I had to just savor being home and tackle projects, ended up being the day I was most tired, cranky, and just plan hangry. After we moved to our new house, I suggested to the Lord (ha!) that maybe I could be done with this whole fasting-once-a-week thing…?
Wouldn’t you know it, quitting fasting was not exactly what He had in mind. Increasing fasting was more along the lines of what He wanted.
Isn’t that just it, though? So often, when we’re trying to learn something new, or master some new skill or habit, we try a little bit of it, and then when it gets hard (and it always does), we pull back and want to quit rather than push forward and go even harder into that thing. If we attempting something godly, and it’s difficult, rarely is the answer that we’re supposed to quit.
If things are always hard on Sunday mornings, the answer isn’t to stop going to church.
If morning prayer is difficult, the answer isn’t to sleep in.
If diligent parenting is hard, the answer isn’t to give up.
So, instead of quitting, I kept sensing God actually intended for me (us) to press in even harder to fasting and prayer. But, I had no idea what that would look like. If fasting 8 hours felt nearly impossible to me, how on earth would I take on something longer? Besides, I had so many legitimate excuses:
- I’m just not good at fasting. Some people can not eat and be fine. Not me. I need food.
- When I’m hungry I get really grumpy. It wouldn’t be good for my kids if I was grumpy all the time.
- I need protein. When I don’t have enough protein I get a headache.
- I’m a mom! I have to make meals every day, three times a day. I have to cook and clean and do lots of physical activity during the day. I’m not a monk who can go out in the wilderness and not eat. I’ve got life to do!
In the midst of my defeatist inner monologue, God sovereignly placed a book in my path. A good friend of ours was over, doing some painting in our house. We were talking about the Lord, and I shared that I was struggling with feeling called to fasting, but also feeling like a failure in that area. He shared that he’d just finished reading The Jesus Fast and highly recommended it. I got it from his wife a few days later, and devoured the book in three days flat. It felt like Lou Engle had written it just for me, at this exact time.
Reading this powerful book convinced me that corporate fasts, especially 40-day fasts, were the weapon needed to wage war in the heavenlies and effect change in the spiritual realm. Engle uses Scripture, showing how in times of great crisis, battle, desperation, or change, God’s people have always called out to Him with corporate prayer and fasting, and God always showed up and brought deliverance and salvation in response to His people’s pleas.
I am only 36, so I haven’t seen a lot of different decades or eras, but I know enough to know that we are in desperate need as individuals, as a nation, and as a world.
If ever there was a time for God’s people to join together in corporate prayer and fasting, that time is now.
As I bulldozed through the book, the conviction gripped me that yes, a 40-day fast was exactly what God was calling me to embark on. And yet, it seemed absolutely impossible. Hadn’t he heard all my excuses?
He may as well have been calling me to walk on water.
{Have you ever felt like that? If you feel failure and struggle in your grace-driven effort to follow Jesus, PUSH FORWARD don’t pull back. INCREASE, don’t quit. More soon. Thanks for reading.}