Sacred Mundane: The Blog

The title of this post should be Kari’s homeschool day in the life (with Dutch). By this I simply mean that the age of my children isn’t primarily what influences our days. It is Dutch who influences our days.

I say this with love and with all the proud-mama vigor you can imagine. I adore my boy. He has Asperger’s syndrome, a character trait (as we call it) that gives him a certain set of strengths and weaknesses.

Every child, of course, has strengths and weaknesses, but Dutch’s are extreme. My daughter Heidi, on the other hand, is typical. She is predictable. She potty-trained herself and could probably raise herself. I could homeschool her in my sleep.  I often joke that if I had had her first, I would’ve written a parenting book. *smile*

But I didn’t. I had my precious son first, and spent the first three years of his life crying, convinced I was the worst mother in the world and how on earth did everyone else have this mothering thing nailed while I was at my wit’s end?

He’s just unique. Glorious and gifted and destined for greatness, but often our days are difficult.

Please don’t read that I don’t enjoy homeschooling. I do. Please don’t read that I’m disappointed by Dutch. I’m not.

I’m simply attempting to share with you an honest glimpse of homeschooling a challenging child, and I trust that ten or twenty years from now he and I will both be reaping the benefits of persevering through these hard days.

So, what are these days like? 

(Read the rest over at Simple Homeschool …. thanks!)

It all happened so fast. After almost a year of praying, watching, waiting, wondering, within a week’s time everything fell into place and I found myself sending big news, somewhat awkwardly, via text: “Hi. So um… we sold our house and bought a house yesterday. Moving in 3 weeks. Surprise!”

That’s sort of an exaggeration, but it felt so fast, there just wasn’t time for a lot of explanation. The whole thing is amazing, like, borderline miraculous, and I’m eager to share the whole crazy story with y’all at some point. It is the next chapter of our following-Jesus adventure and it looks way different than I thought, but isn’t that how He’s always working? Rest assured, we are still planted here in Oregon City, still leading Renew, still living in community with all our same peeps.

Nothing’s changing except our address and our view of how BIG God is.

But in the midst of this amazing grace and WONDER, we also had a big crisis in a little heart. The real reason I was texting the news was that I couldn’t talk about the news. Our little Dutch has a major challenge with change, and although he LOVED the new place out in the country, he couldn’t bear the thought of letting go of our beloved bungalow in town. We tiptoed around the topic most of the week, Jeff and I speaking in code through every conversation, delaying the inevitable discussion with Dutch. His sour attitude worsened through the week as he sensed the news was coming, and I kept praying God would change his heart.

But Saturday morning as I prayed for Dutch, dreading the conversation that needed to happen that day, the Father did another wonder in my own heart. He showed me how often my prayers for my son are still selfish. That is, I pray that God will work in his life so that it’s easier on me.

I asked for him to change but the Father gently showed me: It’s me who needs to change first. 

So instead, I asked for God to work a wonder in me:

Help me be patient with him. Help me be kind. Help me not be resentful when Dutch’s struggles dampen my spirits. Help me not rush him, but help me patiently give him space to grieve. Help Dutch be comforted. Help him feel loved and safe. Help him find victory through this huge transition and learn a life-changing lesson: That You are constant even in the midst of change. Help him find JOY in this process and show him all the ways that this is Your grace pouring out on him. I mean, the new house has a giant wood carving of a BALD EAGLE on the deck! It’s like the place was made for him! Father, let him see Your love him. And let him see it … through me. In Jesus’ name.

That morning, Jeff and Heidi left for a little daddy-daughter date to get moving boxes. I had planned to work on writing, but when I saw Dutch, elbow-deep in mud out playing in the yard, I pulled on my heavy coat, slipped into my rubber boots, and headed outside. He lit up when he saw me. “Hey, wanna join me?!

I pulled up a lawn chair. He began happily talking, the way he does when he’s content out in nature. He told me about dinosaurs and George Washington and types of soil and which bugs were his favorite.

He talked the entire morning away while I listened, and smiled. 

But then, around noon, the news had to be shared, and he dissolved into a torrent of tears, screaming and running to his room, slamming the door. I snuggled up beside him, wordlessly. We stayed there a long time. For several hours, he refused to talk. I made his favorite lunch, curled up with him in my bed, and waited.

Then, around 2pm, he asked for a snack. As I got up to head to the kitchen, he remarked,

“Well, if we’re going to live there, let’s go visit every few days so we can enjoy it now!”

My head spun around and I saw his side-smirk, the little twinkle in his eyes. I walked back and sat down beside him. He smiled.

“I’m not mad anymore, Mommy,” he began, his head held high with a new brightness in his eyes. Then, like a dam broken, a torrent of excited questions poured out, Could he bring his cardboard boxes? Could we dig in the mud there? Could we play badminton in the barn? I laughed and assured him, “YES! You can bring every scrap of paper and every box and you can even dig up your favorite worms and bring them in a bucket, if you want. YES.”

I beamed. My boy! My boy had a breakthrough! Never have I seen such a clear breakthrough in his heart and life, so dramatically. I also found that this breakthrough impacted every other area of life. The last six days he’s had a more cheerful outlook on everything–chores, school, life.

He even said on Monday, “I like math!”

Wonders never cease. 

It is this, the wonders within wonders that makes me stand in awe of our great and awesome God. He is mighty enough to move mountains and yet he cares about the fragile fibers of our children’s emotions. He is strong enough to change my wayward heart, and gentle enough to do it through a holy whisper.

What wonders within wonders await you this week? Praying we watch and see, listen and obey, and get to stand in awe of our great God and King.

{Have a blessed week! Thank you for reading.}

Her. Just, her. This one. She is seven tomorrow and how do I even begin to describe how this girl lights up my life and brings JOY beyond my wildest imagination. I’ve often remarked that her middle name should have been Joy, because although she’s shy at first, she slowly blooms, eyes wide and face upturned and curls spilling down her back, and she is pure LIGHT and wonderment. I am enchanted with this girl. 

There are so many things that make her spectacular. She is incredibly tender, kind, compassionate, loving. She’s usually more selfless than me.  She is a true peacemaker, constantly seeking to bless others, constantly thinking about how her actions might affect others. She has an amazing sensitivity to the Spirit, listening quietly to His voice, and eager to pray and intercede for others. She’s smart, funny, and super athletic. She picks up new things with ease. Yes, all these things.

Because I find myself naturally praising her so often, once I asked her: What means the most to you, that mommy says? Is it when I tell you you’re kind? Or loving? Or funny? What? What do you like most that mommy tells you? 

You know what she said? 

I like it most when you say, “I love you.” 

That’s it. I love you. And isn’t that what we all long to hear? More than “You’re so smart, or talented or gifted or creative. More than things about us, don’t we just long to hear those simple words, “I love you.”

Because the truth is, more than we desire to be praised, we desire to be loved. [bctt tweet=”More than we desire to be praised, we desire to be loved.”]

Anyone can stand back and objectively assess our strengths. Anyone can praise us from afar. But only those close up can love us. The real thing we crave is relationship.

And Heidi, this is what means the most to me. Our relationship.

I loved this year when Daddy was in Africa and we had a special beach trip, just you and me. I loved riding the carousel with you (above), and how you sat at my feet while I was speaking at that workshop (ha!) and sometimes poked your head out and smiled at the audience!

I loved it when you ran your first race this year! How we held hands the whole time, and you ran so fast you beat your brother! I was so proud of your courage, and loved being right there with you.

I love having our early-morning Bible times together, every day. These will always be some of my very favorite memories–just you and me, with our books and Bibles. I LOVE having this time with you each day.

I love how, when I had to go away for that conference in Colorado, you were sad about us missing our Bible time together in the morning, so you made the paper cut-out version of me, complete with Bible, the words “I love you Heidi” coming out of my mouth. I know it was hard for you to see me go but I was so proud of you, being brave. I will save this paper cutout forever!

I love this, when we were camping and goofing off and being silly. I LOVE that you are always silly and you help me remember to laugh. 😉

I love how you sit with me while I write. I wonder how many thousands of words I have written with you on my lap???!

Heidi, I love you. I love being with you. It is pure joy to be your mommy, and I love having you with me every day. Happy birthday my sweet girl!

Praise is wonderful, but today perhaps there’s someone in your life who just needs to hear, “I love you.”

Thanks for reading.