Nine.
Dear Dutch,
You are nine. I can barely believe it. As I type these words I look across the room at you, you curled up next to Papa, reading the Sunday comics while he naps. It seems like yesterday he was holding you, sitting in that same chair–you just a few weeks old, all snuggled up in blue and all of us just sitting staring at you for hours. You were a wonderment from the day you were born.
Each year, I’ve written you a letter. I wrote about Entering Eight, and how you have always been Thursday’s Child, in the best way. You are My Own Christmas Boy, due on Christmas Day. I remember being round and ready to give birth, identifying so much with Mary’s eager and anxious expectation of meeting her special son. I asked the Father if He’d be so kind to bring you on the 21st, a few days early so I could be home for Christmas. It was a silly request, but He did it.
You came the 21st, His gift to me that day and every day since then.
Even way back when I wrote You are Three and You Are Four, I knew there was something unique about you, son. Even at 2-years-old, when I wrote Happy Birthday Dear Son, I think I somehow sensed the days ahead would be full. Challenging and glorious all at once. Honestly, when I typed out My Son Turns One I was just happy that we’d both survived that first year. It was touch and go a few times. 😉
But this year, as I re-read all these letters, I realized I’ve spent a lot of time focusing on our challenges. Yes, I’ve cried a lot. Yes, we have difficult days. Yes, your uniqueness can bring me to my knees sometimes.
But I would not change you, Dutch.
I wouldn’t change you in a million years. So this year, instead of apologizing for all my faults and failures this year, instead of lamenting over how challenging some days can be. Let me just tell you how I love you just the way you are.
I love the Dutch you are!
I love the way you deeply identify with animals. How you sometimes think you are one. 😉 How you are fascinated by the animal world and thrive on learning everything you can about them.
I love your smile. Oh! Your smile! It can light my world like nothing else. Your wide grin that I can rarely catch on camera, it’s pure magic! Remember son, what I always say, “People will be overlook a lot of your quirks if you just remember to smile!” 😉
I love how you rise to the occasion. Though sometimes paralyzed by fear and overwhelmed by anxiety, you have an incredible ability to rise up at the last moment to conquer. I was SO PROUD OF YOU at this race, when you cried the entire night before, the entire way there, all the way up til race time, because you didn’t want to do it. But then, at the very last second, you grabbed Daddy’s hand, “Let’s go!” And you ran like the wind! The first kid to finish! I was so proud of you, son. I’ve seen you do that at least a dozen times this year, in different ways. Everyone has fears, but champions overcome them. You are a champion, son.
I love your celebratory joy. This was when you finished 2nd grade; another example of you overcoming such challenges, and experiencing the joy of victory.
I love your passion for nature. I love when you say, “Mommy, do you want to sit in our special spot?” And we slide onto the railing on the front porch and dangle our legs over the edge. I love how you always ask, “What’s your favorite green right now?” And we point to all the different sorts of green we see in nature. I snapped this pic of us in our special spot so I will always remember. You have such a profound love and understanding of creation. It inspires me.
I love that you care nothing for conventions and everything for special items. When I was about to toss our old dining room table, you begged for us to keep it … in your bedroom. And I love how you lit up when I said yes and arranged your room so it would fit. And now I love how there are at least a hundred books on top of that table now. (Better there than on the floor!) 😉
I love you in this hat! Oh how you fell in love with this hat at the thrift store in Phoenix. And how you wear it every time we go outside. It is SO YOU, practically turning you into a wild cat. 🙂
I love how you JOKE! You are such the jokester! Your riddles are hilarious, and you so often have daddy and me rolling in laughter. I love this, when you hid in the laundry basket and scared me out of my mind! I love how you hide under our covers, way down at the bottom, and scare us when we slide into bed. You are too much, son! I love your sense of humor.
I love that you often truly believe you are an animal. Ok, it can make me crazy sometimes, but I know I’ll look back with fondness on you literally climbing the walls with your tail hanging down!
And probably most of all, I love how you love Daddy. More than anything else in the world, what makes me happiest of all, is to see the amazing relationship you have with your daddy. I know this will be the foundation of your relationship with the Father, and it makes my heart soar to see the two of you constantly palling around. I see how proud you are of daddy when he’s preaching or running. Your daddy is a godly, courageous, humble, and extremely hard-working man, Dutch. You stick with him and listen carefully to his words, and you’ll go far.
Precious son, welcome to nine.
I’m so excited to journey into another year together.
I love you.
Love,
Mommy
The gift you didn’t ask for
We’ve all gotten one, right? The gift you didn’t ask for. The thing you’re not sure how on earth that person thought was just perfect for you.
Inwardly you think, This most certainly was not on my wishlist.
Out loud you say, “Oh, you shouldn’t have!”
I think we’ve all been there. You might be there again next week. *smile*
But what about when it’s bigger than the contents of a gift-bag?
What if you find yourself staring at the content of your life, overwhelmed, and find yourself, in weak or tired moments, saying these same words…
“I didn’t ask for this!”
I’ve heard these words, from others. I’ve silently said them, in my heart. Not necessarily talking about utter despair, but haven’t we all looked at some certain aspect of the hand dealt us, and shaken our heads,
This most certainly wasn’t on my wish list.
It’s silly, perhaps, whether I intend to or not, I subconsciously craft my life-wishlist. And then, each day is handed to me as a fresh gift of grace.
It is unwrapped and often there are squeals of delight.
But some days there are moans. Disappointment. Really? THIS is the gift for today?
I didn’t ask for this.
I’d venture to say we all have aspects of our life where we battle this. Sometimes I’m tempted to redraft my wish list, spend a little more time in prayer to let Him know, Whoops-a-daisy! I think you gave this to the wrong gal! I actually didn’t want this AT ALL. Thanks!
But He smiles. Patient.
“Oh no, dear daughter. I knew this gift was perfect for you. I know, it’s not exactly what you had in mind. But it’s so much better. It feels a little awkward when you first try it on. I get it. I knew it’d be a struggle for you at first. But I promise if you’ll just trust Me in this. I promise you’ll be so glad someday. I promise you’ll see that this was, indeed, the best gift for you.”
And so we take that sting of disappointment, or that ache of longing, or that weariness of carrying a gift that feels heavy and hard … and we ask the Father to help us see this gift the way He does. To help us trust Him in the meantime. To help us fight evil but love people. To see beauty in broken places and celebrate victories in the midst of what feels like disastrous failure.
Heavenly Father, our Good and Perfect God, thank You so much for the gifts you give us that we don’t ask for. The ones that aren’t on our wish list. The ones that feel confusing, just a little bit. Thank you that You love us so much, and that LOVE is what we rest in, no matter what we feel. Thank you that You equip us to carry whatever load you call us to bear. Thank you that Your burden is light and there is new mercies every morning. Thank you for Christmas. All Your gifts are good, and perfect.
{Thank you for reading.}
Habits for the Holidays
You may have noticed there’s a one-word banner I’m waving these days: Habits.
The word probably doesn’t kindle a fire of passion or enthusiasm in your soul.
Yet.
Though you may not come alive when you hear the word habits, I will tell you this one-word anthem is revolutionizing our homeschool like nothing else has in a long time. Read more at Simple Homeschool (but the power of habits doesn’t just apply to homeschooling!)
How not to be ashamed…
On Friday I shared my humbling experience of completely forgetting an important speaking event. I mentioned that my initial emotion–when I thought I was hopelessly unprepared–was one of shame.
I felt so ashamed.
How could I have missed this?
Once I sat down, listened to the Father’s voice, and opened up His Word, I realized almost immediately why He had allowed me to feel this aching sense of shame.
I wanted to be prepared for this event. We all want to be prepared for Christmas.
But He wants us to be prepared for His return.
Just as we prepare for His coming, we prepare for His coming again.
As we celebrate His first Advent, we we anticipate His second.
There were those who were woefully unprepared for His coming more than 2,000 years ago. They forgot God’s promises, turned to their own manmade religion, filled their days and calendars with filler-activities.
Remember? It’s easier to shop than wait.
But some were watching and waiting. Even as they were faithfully engaged in the dailiness of life, even as they were diligent in their jobs and attentive to their responsibilities, they still had a sense that the Messiah might break through sometimes soon.
God may interrupt their mundane at any moment.
And that’s exactly what He did. Surprise! He sends Gabriel to visit Zachariah while he’s just going about his daily duties in the temple. Just another day of work, and BOOM! an angel shows up. Same with Mary. She’s going about life, getting ready to be married, and–Surprise!–you’re going to give birth to the Son of God!
Even though they were surprised, they were prepared.
This is exactly how Christ calls us to live now.
The Gospels are chock full of Jesus’ exhortations, constantly telling His people to Watch! Wait! Stay Awake! He warns us not to fall asleep. Through parables and direct statements He hits home this truth over and over and over. We’re wise to pay attention to repeated commands: Jesus is coming back and He’s telling us: Be prepared! Don’t forget His words and fill your days with manmade religion or filler-activities.
Don’t get bored with the gospel and go fill your life with trivial pursuits.
But how do we prepare for Christ’s return? Do we study end-times? Get obsessed over trying to figure out the date? Do we spend every waking hour watching the news and obsess over every International event? Do we stress about when the rapture will be?
Not knocking those things. But Scripture tells us exactly how to be prepared:
1: Remember where home is.
I don’t want to get cozy here and forget this isn’t my home. While we are fully engaged here, we live in that tension of knowing this isn’t all there is. Ultimately, heaven is our home, and heaven is our hope.
“Our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ.” Phil 3:20
2: Wait eagerly.
We will wait eagerly for whatever we most desire. If I want a house in the country, I will eagerly seek and eagerly wait for that. I’ll check listings daily. I’ll dream about it. I’ll plan for it. If we desire Christ, for His kingdom to come and His perfect rule to be established on earth, we’ll wait eagerly for that.
“And just as it is appointed for man to die once, and after that comes judgment, so Christ, having been offered once to bear the sins of many, He will appear a second time, not to deal with sin but to save those who are eagerly waiting for Him.” Heb. 9:28
3: Abide in Him.
We continue in Him, remain in Him, constantly stay in fellowship with Him. We get up every morning and seek Him first. We fill our minds and hearts and homes with His truth. We talk to Him, listen to Him, and seek to please Him more and more with every passing day. John gives us a powerful promise near the end of his life:
“And now, dear children, abide in him, so that when he appears we may be confident and unashamed before him at his coming.” 1 John 2:28
At the end of Paul’s life, he makes a remarkable statement regarding God’s promise to us who are eagerly watching and waiting for Christ’s return. He says,
“Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day–and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.” 2 Tim. 4:8
Like eager children who cannot wait for Christmas, let’s eagerly anticipate the return of our Savior.
{Thank you for reading.}