Bean Recipes
A few of you have inquired about my love for legumes. They’re inexpensive, packed with fiber and protein, all natural, an
d can live for a long time in the pantry. What could be better? Here are a few of my favorite recipes. Enjoy! Hope to post something a little more significant later. For now, it’s a hill of beans. (Sorry, really stupid joke.) Enjoy!
1. Roasted Garlic and Butternut Squash Cassoulet
2. Poblano, Mango, and Black Bean Quesadillas
3. Bacon, Onion, and Brown Lentil Skillet (Sometimes I add spinach too)
4. Chipotle Corn and Two-Bean Chili
5. Tuscan Vegetable and Bean Soup with Cheese Croutons
6. Red Lentil Mulligatawny with Apple-Celery Salsa (I use regular brown lentils)
8. Chickpea Chocolate Chip Cookies (at bottom of post)
9. Simple beans, rice, and cheese: (This is my easy go-to, I cook a ton of it and keep it in the fridge: Pinto beans in a crock-pot, soak overnight, add garlic, salt. Cook all day, serve with brown rice. Cheap, healthy, delicious. Mmmm!)
10. Better Macaroni & cheese: Cooked, pureed white beans or chickpeas can be added to macaroni and cheese.
Frugal Grocery Shopping: What works for us
I received this question a few days ago, in response to the recent blog post about Deceptively Delicious:
… I noticed that your food budget is very small and mine is way out of control. I am working on Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace plan and I was wondering if you would share with me your secrets to staying within your budget. What do you eat? Where do you shop? What kind of snacks do your little ones eat? Does your budget include eating out? Do you go out to eat ever? …
I have lots to learn and certainly every family’s budget and way of eating will be suited to them, but here’s what works for our little family:
1. Our budget: Yes, our food budget includes eating out and diapers and toiletries. However, we really don’t eat out. Our total grocery budget is $200 (and we do the envelope system as well) but Jeff and I also have a $30/month date & babysitter budget, which we usually just use for “fun money”… a run to Coldstone (2 Like-its for $5!) or Starbucks or an occasional date at Pizza Schmizza (2 slices for $5!), or a Redbox movie. I know many people love to eat out, but it just kills me how expensive, unhealthy and fattening it can be. So, I’m cheap and vain … and I’d rather spend my money on clothes or house decor than eating out. 🙂 We all value different things.
2. Where do I shop: Winco Winco Winco. LOVE Winco. I plan out our meals for the month (figuring I cook about 3x a week and the rest is random or leftovers or pink pancakes), then make my list, and buy the whole month’s groceries at Winco. Then I just buy meat, milk, and produce at Safeway or Albertson’s, depending upon their weekly deals and what coupons I find. My goal is to have as little packaging as possible, so I get everything from the bulk section at Winco–flour, oats, sugars, pasta, dried beans, snacks, raisins, etc. For me, toiletries are where the coupon clipping works wondrously. Rite-Aid usually has deals and online coupons for toiletries. I’m not quite so hot on the coupon thing as much anymore, just because of time, but just today I went to Safeway and got 3 bags of groceries for $17 thanks to some amazing coupons (the grocery clerk actually congratulated me :). It just all depends. You can check it all out and watch for deals on Frugal Living NW. Great local coupon blog. I check it probably once a week.
3. My quirk: I have a $2 rule. I won’t pay more than $2/pound for any food item. This obviously limits some things. The one exception I make is Parmesan cheese. Safeway often has sales on ground beef for $1.88/lb. and frozen boneless chicken breasts for $1.69/lb. I just keep my eye out and then buy tons of it when it’s on sale and keep it in the freezer.No fruit or vegetables that are over $2/lb… which means waiting until strawberries are on sale (like right now!), picking blueberries instead of buying them, etc. This includes cheese–Safeway often has Lucerne 2 lb. cheeses for $3.99 so I wait, then stock up when it’s on sale. Same with butter. The sad part is this means no seafood, and I love seafood, so occasionally I’ll splurge on that, but for our regular diet we stick to nothing over $2/lb. Yes, this means no gourmet cooking. Cheddar cheese and chicken instead of Brie and filet mignon. It’s a choice like everything else.
4. What do we eat: I must say I have it easy because my husband is willing to eat anything–I know a lot of husbands have to have steak, etc. My husband is happy with whatever, so we very rarely eat beef, and actually probably only eat meat twice a week. I LOVE cooking with beans, which are probably the cheapest healthiest food out there. Buying them dry and soaking them, then cooking them in a crockpot and using them in all sorts of things is a great source of fiber and protein and they’re super cheap. We eat old-fashioned oatmeal for breakfast, every single morning, which is super healthy, super cheap, and the kids love it. I mix it with homemade applesauce and they devour it. Keeps Jeff’s cholesterol down and we’re all happy and regular :). Also, don’t underestimate the value of frozen vegetables. Often they are just as good or better than fresh because they are frozen at their peak, retain their nutrients, and are a fraction of the price. I buy LOTS of frozen peas, beans, cauliflower, etc. No worry of them spoiling in the fridge, easy to mix in with any recipe, steam quickly in the microwave for a side dish. Not fancy, but can’t argue with the price and nutrient-power. Cauliflower puree is my new favorite things–you can hide it in ANYTHING. Today it was egg-salad sandwiches and a big bowl of applesauce–with probably a whole cup of pureed cauliflower hidden inside them!
5. Kids’ snacks: For snacks my kids love apples, bananas, oranges, strawberries, quesadillas (stock up on wholewheat tortillas when they’re on sale and stick in freezer), homemade bread, whole plain yogurt, applesauce, raisins, dry cereal, and cheese. They LOVE (crazy love) graham crackers but I just buy one small box a month at most and make it a treat since they are pretty sugary. I do sometimes buy a big container of animal crackers and use those for treats. Or I make muffins or banana bread (like that ocean cake) and use muffins for treats and snacks. I’m definitely weak on getting my kids veggies, but I figure at least fruits and whole grains are better than a lot of things, right? I don’t obsess over it. If they’re not eating pop tarts I figure it’s a success. Again, cauliflower pretty much disappears when mixed in with something else.
6. Stock-up Price: Here’s the last thing that’s really helped me, and this just takes time to figure out for yourself. But I pretty much know my “stock up price” for all our favorite items. That way I know when something is a great deal and I stock up on it. Cheese $3.99 or less for 2 lbs., Chicken $1.69/lb. or less, beef $1.88/lb or less, apples $1/lb or less, butter $2/lb or less, etc. etc. All other items like non-perishables and flours, sugars, beans, oats, etc. I just buy at Winco and know it’s going to be the cheapest so I don’t even worry about the price. Plus, I admit, I think like a beggar, simply meaning that we’ll eat any leftovers, happily take home any unwanted leftover food from church, I’ll take leftover taco meat and make it into tortilla soup (speaking of, learn to cook and serve soup OFTEN–soup is the cheapest, easiest, and healthiest way to eat), I’ll take old apples and make them into applesauce, pretty much just the habit of being willing to eat whatever really helps a lot. Again I must acknowledge a very wonderful and easy-to-please husband, which impacts the attitude of our kids as well. Very thankful for that!
7. Budget Busters: Watch out for these things. I think these are likely the things that drain most mom’s grocery envelope, without adding any nutritional value:
Granola bars, fruit snacks, goldfish and graham crackers, boxed cereal, juice boxes (or juice at all), frozen kiddo food like chicken nuggets or pizza rolls, individual yogurts. In general, if it has kid-packaging, I don’t buy it. It usually costs twice as much with no nutritional value. Maybe this sounds harsh–of course do what works for you and your family. We just avoid it.
I also try to remind myself not to get obsessive about this. I do my best and if I “miss” a deal–life will go on. Time is perhaps an even more valuable resource than money, so I factor that in as well!
I’d love to hear any of your Frugal Secrets. I’ve learned so much from other friends and bloggers, and love sharing ways to help one another. I love working together to steward God’s resources, and hopefully then we will all have more freedom to give to those who actually need it.
Leave a comment with your Frugal Secrets!
K
Breath-Holding-Spells: Never a Dull Moment
A while back a friend jokingly accused me of doing odd or bizarre things for the sole purpose of having a good story to tell. She was halfway right. I do like to tell stories. And I have been known to do stupid thi
ngs, most of which involve my hair. But my kids are really the ones I have to thank for my best and favorite stories; and up until now, Dutch was really the star. Many of you remember The Beaudreaux’s Butt Paste incident (click to read). Perhaps these pics will jog your memory:
Yes that was an adventure: “Um, sorry about your brand new carpet and brand new walls, my son just covered the entire bedroom in oil-based diaper ointment.” Thank goodness Joy is a gracious woman.
Well this last Friday Heidi decided to one-up her brother. So she quit breathing.
Friday morning (Jeff’s day off) all is well, the kids are downstairs playing, Jeff is on the phone with the backflow technician, and I’m upstairs getting dressed. Then I hear Jeff yelling my name–panicked yelling. I run downstairs and he’s holding Heidi: Blue, limp, not breathing. His voice breaks: “She’s not breathing, she had a seizure, I can’t get her to breath!” In an instant of course I grab her–she’s unconscious, totally limp, eyes rolled back, blue. I splash water on her face, he calls 911. Why didn’t I take that stupid infant CPR class?!! I start trying to breathe into her as best as I can. Seconds seem to last forever, still no breathing.
After almost 2 minutes (2 minutes feel like forever!) she begins catching tiny short breaths…please God please God… then a little cry. Of course relief washes over us and we’re praising God and kissing our girl and coaxing her to get more breaths. She breaths, cries, then goes limp and falls asleep in my arms.
By then the ambulance and fire truck arrives. The EMTs come in, I assure them she’s fine. I’m cool, calm, and collected until I hear a knock and find dear Joy standing there–she’d seen the ambulance and come right away. “She’s fine,” I say, but my voice breaks and I see tears in her eyes and I look away so I don’t crumble into her arms (which has been known to happen). 🙂
The EMTs say that even though Heidi seems fine now, they recommend transporting her to Doernbecher’s ER, just to run tests and be sure all is ok. What?! We have to go in an ambulance? So, Dutch (who was awesome through this whole thing) bravely marches off with Joy and Joel (so thankful to have wonderful neighbors and friends!), and I climb in the ambulance with Heidi while Jeff follows in our car.
Thankfully, our story ends happily. Heidi is totally fine. Apparently we just have TWO strong-willed children instead of one. Her condition, simply called Breath-Holding-Spells, apparently happens in some young children, when they get upset, cry, quit breathing, and pass out. In extreme cases they can have seizures, like Heidi did, but apparently it’s not harmful and they can’t die from it because once their bodies go unconscious they begin breathing again and they end up being fine. All Heidi’s tests came back great–100% healthy, except that she quits breathing, turns blue, and passes out.
So, never a dull moment with those two little lambs of ours. In fact, today my parents (bless them!) were watching the kids and Heidi did i
t again–lesser of course, but cried, held her breath, turned blue and passed out. Fortunately they knew not to panic and splashed water on her face and she came out of it. Sheesh! What a little monkey that one is. So here are some pics of our little princess, strapped up to the monitors, happy as a clam. I’m pretty sure I’m going to save the ambulance and hospital bills and let her devote her first 5 years of allowance to paying those off. Little stinker.
But seriously we’re just so glad she’s ok. We were not unaware of the fact that we left Doernbecher happy and relieved, and most parents do not. We are so very grateful. Our little one’s lives are so precious; I appreciate that more than ever.
And, now that I think of it, having done some pretty ridiculous things just to have a story to tell … perhaps the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. She did get an ambulance ride out of it. Hmmm.
Spiritual Immunizations & Quaint Religious Charms
I believe that the unbelieving world, as opposed to the church, can at times give us the greatest insight into what is lacking in our Christian faith. This is one of the reasons I love reading secular books (and should more often). This time, a message hit me not from one, but three angles in the past week.
Last weekend, in a great sermon on godly parenting, Joel gave an interesting illustration that’s stuck with me all week. He made the rather bold point that if we, as parents, are just giving our children a little tiny dose of Jesus we may be doing them more harm than good. We may, in fact, be preventing them from wholeheartedly trusting and following Christ as adults.
Consider immunizations. When we give someone a flu shot, we’re actually giving them what? A little tiny dose of the flu. Give them just enough and it will keep them from getting the full-blown flu. The natural reaction of the body is able to ward off and render harmless the flu virus. Is it possible to immunize our children from Jesus? Studies have often shown that those who are soured most on Christianity are not those people who have had no exposure to church and the Bible, but rather are those who, as children, either had bad experiences in the church or parents who sat in pews on Sunday but showed zero evidence of living out that faith the other six days of the week. They had a tiny dose and therefore were apparently immune to the full-blown effect of the risen Lord.
Why is this? Because a parent who models a half-hearted or Sunday-morning faith is essentially saying, “I know all about this Jesus guy and He’s not significant enough for me to actually change my life. It’s just not that big of a deal.” That, friends, is a scary message to give our children. It’s not just that we haven’t given our children enough religious experience, it’s that we’ve proven by our lives that there are no real-life implications of believing in God. Kids aren’t stupid. Why would they want to believe in something that doesn’t matter? So they abandon ship. Of course, they hold this stance only until they have their own children. Then they decide they want their children to “have religion”, so they wind up doing the exact same routine as their parents. No real faith, just going through the motions. And in these motions, another generation is immunized from faith in Christ. Frightening.
Along this same vein, a paragraph from Annie Dillard’s An American Childhood stuck out to me tonight. Dillard, a secular author, beautifully articulates this from a perspective outside of my own. Here she reminisces her fond memories of summer Presbyterian church camp:
“The adult members of society adverted to the Bible unreasonably often. What arcana! Why did they spread this scandalous document before our eyes? If they had read it, I thought, they would have hid it. They didn’t recognize the vivid danger that we would, through repeated exposure, catch a case of its wild opposition to their world. Instead they bade us study great chunks of it, and think about those chunks, and commit them to memory, and ignore them. By dipping us children in the Bible so often, they hoped, I think, to give our lives a serious tint, and to provide us with quaintly magnificent snatches of prayer to produce as charms while, say, being mugged for our cash or jewels.” (p. 134)
Did you READ that? I read it over and over. The women is a literary genius, of course, but she’s also hitting the nail on the head, and the conviction is well-earned. If our lives have not been transformed, utterly and completely transformed by the power of the gospel, then what are we doing teaching it to our children? The gospel is scandalous; its claims are spectacular, it is “wild opposition to the world”. How tragic it would be if we taught our children to study Christ’s claims, “commit them to memory, and ignore them.” Wow. Is that not what we are doing when we ourselves ignore them? Are we not then merely giving our children’s lives a “serious tint” and giving them “quaintly magnificent snatches of prayer to produce as charms”?
That is cause for fear, parents. For all Christians, for that matter. The friends, neighbors, co-workers in our lives learn about Christ the exact same way our children do--by watching us. That is reason to evaluate the way that we live out the gospel, to get on our knees and spread God’s Word before us and pray, “Do this to me! Do this to me!” We must not immunize our children from the beauty of Christ by living as if He matters little or not at all.
In the middle of all this I am also reading The Hole in our Gospel by Richard Stearns. I’d rather you read it yourself than hear me do it injustice in a summary, but in short–this one man’s life was transformed from success to significance when he put into practice the claims of Christ and followed the clear calling on his life. He boldly asserts that we will not be able to reap a harvest of souls converted to Christ until we cultivate the spiritual field of hearts by living out the gospel of love, compassion, and social justice in our world. How many thousands of lives have been touched simply because this one man decided to really act on the claims of Christ. It is humbling, challenging, inspiring.
Few of us need to learn much more. We just need to do what we know. My prayer, my goal, my personal challenge, is to obey every Word that I read each morning. That might mean reading less. 🙂 But I pray that our children would be more than spiritually immunized and have more than quaint religious charms thrust into their hands. Let’s ask God what that means for us today.
Deceptively Delicious is Honestly Ingenious
When my husband and I got married, he was shocked to discover that I had never experienced three of the sweetest pleasures life has to offer: Corndogs, boxed mac ‘n cheese, and Slurpees. So of course I obliged and sampled all three–deeming the first two unfit for human consumption and reluctantly admitting that the third was pretty hard to beat on a hot summer’s day. Our budget got the best of me, however, and so our limit of spending $25/week on groceries necessitated Winco’s 39-cent mac ‘n cheese more than I care to admit.
Thankfully as time went on our budget grew and our waistlines shrank, and I’m now living in the lap of luxury on $50/week and have grown to love experimenting with healthy foods and challenging myself to stretch the dollars my hard-working husband has earned.
Of course, I love sweets like nobody’s business and have two small children who for some reason don’t think roasted yams and spinach salad are a good idea. So, as we all tend to stray off course when no one’s steering the ship, we had drifted into the land of quesadillas and peanut butter sandwiches … for every meal. We needed a course-correction.
So I picked up a library copy of the much-acclaimed cookbook Deceptively Delicious by Jessica Seinfeld. I was skeptical. Firstly and mostly because I’d seen “vegetable sneak-in” ideas before and they usually managed to get a tablespoon or so of something relatively healthy into an otherwise nutritional monstrosity, and that didn’t seem worth the effort. Secondly, one of my main goals in nutrition is teaching my children about healthy eating, so tricking them into swallowing vegetables seemed counterproductive. I envisioned the poor souls sitting in a college cafeteria unwittingly eating powdered mashed potatoes without knowing it’d really been cauliflower I’d fed them every Thanksgiving.
However, I was pleasantly proven wrong. The author (Jerry Seinfeld’s wife) does a great job sticking in pointers and helpful advice on mealtime manners, creating a positive eating environment, and teaching children how to contribute to the meal-prep in age-appropriate ways. She also includes a quick overview of the fruits, vegetables and legumes used as “sneak-ins”, including the nutritional value and how they specifically benefit our children’s growing bodies. Great information.
For me, the recipes are a great starting point and source of inspiration. She seeks to make things simple for busy moms, so she still includes boxed pancake mixes, white flour, white sugar, canned beans. She also prefers light or low-fat items such as light tub margarine, imitation light mayonnaise, and reduced fat cheeses. I lean more toward whole-grain-at-all-cost, evaporated cane juice (available now in bulk at Winco!), and dried beans, and I also prefer real mayonnaise, real butter, and full-fat cheeses, especially for kiddos. So, I haven’t followed any of her recipes to a tee, but as I mentioned before–great source of inspiration.
So speaking of inspiration, we’ve had five fabulous nutritional successes thanks to Jessica Seinfeld’s ideas, and I’m excited to experiment with more. I’ve included these five here. Even if you don’t have kids, simply tweaking your favorite recipes to include some nutrient-rich ingredients could greatly improve your diet. You might even develop a taste for some of these things, and find yourself craving beets. Anything’s possible.
Overall, I’d recommend the book. It would have done us wonders in those early years of marriage. She even has two healthy mac ‘n cheese recipes … although I haven’t seen her redeem a corn dog. Some things, I suppose, just aren’t worth salvaging.
——-
Ocean Cake
(Named by my three-year-old who is obsessed with ocean animals. Warning, this is very green, but delicious! You could call it Monster Cake or Shrek Cake or whatever makes it exciting for your children. The fact that I can actually serve this as dessert still blows my mind. It is crazy-healthy. I made this doubled and put half in a loaf pan, half in muffins.)
- 3 TB melted butter
- 1/4c. brown sugar (you could even leave this out if you really want super healthy–I like a little sweetness)
- 1/4c. ground flaxmeal
- 1 bag baby spinach sauteed or steamed in water and olive oil until wilted (or you could use 1 box frozen spinach), then pureed in blender
- 1 c. ground oats (pulse in blender)
- 3/4c. whole wheat flour
- 1/4c. milk
- 1egg + 1 eggwhite
- 1/2c. applesauce (I used homemade, with peels for extra fiber and nutrients, no sugar added)
- 2 mashed bananas
- 1/2tsp cinnamon.
Pour in muffin papers sprayed with Pam. Bake 20 minutes at 375 degrees, or longer if using loaf pan.
Pink Pancakes
(This one still has me in awe. My kids LOVE pancakes and we have them every Saturday night. My three-year-old was skeptical when they were magenta-colored, but they devoured them so fast I couldn’t keep them coming quick enough. These are my new favorite thing.)
- 1 egg
- 1 1/2 c. milk
- 2c. whole-wheat flour
- 2 tsp baking powder
- 1 TB evaporated cane juice (or sugar)
- 1/2 tsp salt
- 1/2 c. ricotta cheese
- 1/4c. beet puree (peel, cube and steam/boil beets, then puree in blender)
These turn out bright pink/magenta, and are so delicious. We skip the syrup so this meal has whole-grain, protein, and vegetables all wrapped up on one yummy and kid-friendly entree. Adding blueberries would be fun and nutritious as well.
Veggie-packed Chili
There are a million variations of chili/taco soup/tortilla soup. I usually just make it with whatever I have on hand. Tweak it however you like.
- 1 c. dried pinto beans soaked overnight (follow directions for cooking beans–1:3 ratio of beans to water; or you could use canned beans)
- 1/4c. leftover taco meat (or chicken or beef or nothing at all)
- 1 packet taco seasoning (or your own seasonings, chili powder and cumin, etc.)
- garlic (as much as you want–I’m a garlic girl)
- 2 cups shredded carrot (I just pulsed in blender)
- 1 cup pureed yams
- 1 can corn.
Cook all day on low in crock pot.
YUM. The yams are the secret; they make this chili taste sweet and a tad tangy. Sprinkle with shredded cheddar cheese. My one-year-old devoured this.
Cauliflower Tunafish
(My three-year-old loves tunafish on crackers. I was so skeptical about adding cauliflower, but it’s delicious. In fact he said, “Please mommy don’t eat all my tunafish!” We were both enjoying it.)
- One can Trader Joe’s tuna packed in water
- 1 TB real mayonnaise
- 1/4 cup pureed cauliflower
- salt to taste.
Chickpea Chocolate Chip Cookies
(This is really remarkable. I had to try because I didn’t believe the chickpeas could be anything but offensive in a cookie. You have to try it for yourself. They practically melt into the cookie and you cannot taste them. A chocolate chip cookie that’s 100% whole-grain and full of protein?! My dreams have come true…)
- 1/2c. real butter softened
- 1/4c. evaporated cane juice (or sugar)
- 1/4c. brown sugar
- 1 egg
- 1 c. ground oats (pulsed in blender)
- 3/4c. whole-wheat flour
- 3/4tsp baking soda
- 1 tsp. real vanilla
- 1/2tsp salt
- 1c. chickpeas (I used dried and soaked and cooked them myself, but you could use canned, just be sure to rinse them so they’re not salty)
- 1 c. chocolate chips.
Bake at 350degrees for 8 minutes. Then hide them because otherwise you will eat them all in one sitting.
Enjoy!
How to Change
This past week I have been in a funk something terrible. Of course there were a few petty things (and I mean petty) that contributed to it, but for the most part I didn’t see it coming and all week I seriously felt like I was walking around with someone else’s emotional makeup… someone highly unstable. I don’t know who she is or was but I don’t like her one bit! Poor Jeff, I’m sure each morning he watched me stir from sleep with trepidation: “Which wife will it be? Happy energetic Kari or this new impostor who looks just like her but acts as if the world is out to get her, who stares forlornly at the dishes in the sink as if there is no hope, who insists that she’s fat and ugly no matter what I tell her, who shrugs and grunts one-word answers to my questions. Who is this new wife?! I want my old one back!”
My ever-patient and persevering husband of course lovingly nursed me back to emotional health and even my son prayed one night, “Dada God, please help mommy be happy forever and ever. Amen.” Who can wallow in self-pity when you hear that from a 3-year-old’s lips?!
But here’s the gist of it and what I’m learning through it. We all just need to change. God has graciously done so much good work in my life, and I praise Him for it. But as Paul exhorts the Philippians, “Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own…one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of god in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 3:12-14). Oh dear Jesus there is so much room for growth! When God gives us a glimpse of where we need to grow, to change, there’s the temptation to just get fixated on it. We see the weakness, the infection, the sin, and instead of crying out to God, we get all down in the dumps about it and next thing you know we’re wallowing in a mire of self-pity, discouragement, and despondency. And what we are doing while wallowing in that mire? Nothing.
Nothing was what I was doing all week. I saw the race that needed to be run, but for whatever reason, I just wanted to sit down on the sidelines and stare at my aching feet. Maybe pick a scab or two. Maybe whine about how thirsty I was. Anything but get back in the ballgame, trusting Jesus and abiding in His love and grace.
So how do we get turned around? How do we muster up the strength to get off our backsides and get back into the race? In a word, How do we change? I believe the whole world is asking this question. Every self-help book attests to the fact that the world wants to change–we all know we’re feeble and that we fall short day after day. How do we change?
The very next chapter of Philippians brought me my answer, along with a song God’s been using to minister to me this week. Philippians 4 says this:
“Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say rejoice… do not be anxious abotu anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of god, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and midns in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me–practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you” (vv4-9).
Here’s what I see in these verses. When we see the weakness, the infection, the sin:
1. Look to God. Choose to rejoice. We rejoice not in our own adequacy, but in the Lord. In ourselves we have no reason to rejoice, in God we have all reason to rejoice.
2. Trust Him with your weakness. Don’t be anxious. We’re commanded. We’re not the ones responsible for our sanctification. The way we received salvation (by grace through faith) is the same way we grow in sanctification. Trust Him.
3. While thanking God for what He’s already done, present our needs to God. He’s a ready physician, poised and prepared to do the work we need Him to in our hearts. Ask Him.
4. Receive God’s peace. The result of trust and humble dependency.
5. Fix our minds on what is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, worthy of praise. No matter what battle it is,it is primarily a battle of the mind. Fix your mind on Christ. Fill it with His Word. Memorize it, meditate on it, brainwash yourself with it.
6. Practice it. Whatever we’ve learned to do–do it. If we are hearers of the word only, we’ve deceived ourselves and are not truly disciples. We are responsible for what we know. By faith we step out and practice what we’ve been taught, whether we feel like it or not.
Thank you, God for your Word! Isn’t it rich? God alone can change us, but He partners with us as willing vessels. The other thing God’s been doing is using a song to minster to me. I’m so grateful for those who God has gifted musically, who’s words and melodies work deep in our spirits to draw us to God. This one’s called Change, by a girl who’s a friend of a friend of mine. I’ve included the lyrics here. Listen and enjoy.
http://www.myspace.com/lystrassilence
I feel the void
I sense that something needs to change
I dig inside
I know that all I need is You
I’m holding out a broken heart
Oh, Lord I’ve chosen my own way
This leads to pain
You respond with so much grace
Lift my head and bring me strength
I can say I’m ready now for…
Change, oh I can feel the way You’re slowly taking over
God, I will surrender
To this thing called change
I breathe it in
The hope that something soon will change
You grab the core
You show me I need to learn to die
Throw my ambitions to the side
A breath, a step of faith away
You speak my name
I could never be the same
Lift my head and bring me strength
I can say I love the way You…
Change me, I can feel the way You’re slowly taking over
God, I will surrender
I’m throwing up my hands now
To the One who saves me
You give hope so freely
Here I am, invade me
Fill me with your change
Parenting: Things that seem to work
My husband often says he was an expert on marriage until he got married, then he was an expert on parenting until he had kids. Isn’t that the truth! It’s so easy to think we know something until we’re tossed in the middle of it without a paddle. Nothing seems to reveals our lack of wisdom and expertise more than parenting. For whatever reason marriage kind of seems like common sense–don’t be selfish, put each other first, communicate, etc. etc. Parenting is a whole other beast. It often feels as though just when I get something implemented, I read or hear that I’m doing it wrong. And every person and book seems to have a different opinion. Confusing!
Well as you all know, we are right in the thick of parenting young children. Both of our children are fabulous, and both have their quirks. Heidi is an angel, but can unexpectedly get so ticked about something she cries and holds her breath until she turns blue and tips over (not kidding). Dutch is, well, Dutch. He never stops moving, talking, or testing limits from sun up to sun down. They have both captured my heart and I would do anything for them.
So since we’re in the middle of it, I know I don’t have the perspective of the older wiser moms, but here are some recent things that have been helpful to us–the things that seem to work. These are tidbits either stumbled upon in the laboratory of life, or gleaned from the older moms who have gone ahead and graciously shared their wisdom from the dirty diaper days. I figured I better hurry and write them down before I forget.
1. Fill them up first. I had this all backwards. I wanted Dutch to learn delayed gratification, so I thought I should help him understand that the family’s needs come first, then his. However, someone helped me see that if I just took the time to fill him up first (with love and attention), he’d be surprisingly satisfied and consistently behave better. This is very true with Dutch. I’ve been amazed to see that if I spend the entire morning playing, down on the floor, reading books, giving him one-on-one time, he’s better behaved all day. When Jeff gets home, if he gives all his attention to the kids, they get filled up and are less needy during the evening. (Same goes for bedtime)
2. Selfishness leads to blurred boundaries. What I mean by this is that I’ve found that when I’m walking in the middle of God’s will, in a selfless, other’s-centered manner, I am confident and clear about discipline boundaries and it’s much easier to carry them out. When I’m being selfish and just wanting me-time or I’m irritated by the kids I’m no longer freed to carry out the clear, confident,and consistent discipline my kids need. For example, there are times that I need to go to the store, very clearly because our family needs something or other, or I’m running an errand for Jeff, etc. I find that these times I’m clear, confident, consistent with expectations, and I can handle the kids well. Other times I just am irritated and tired and want to get out of the house and can’t stand another minute of playing trucks on the floor so Target sounds like a good way out. But deep down I know I’m being selfish and putting myself above my family–and that guilt prevents me from disciplining effectively because I have this nagging sense that the kids are acting out because they don’t want to be there and why should I expect them to not be selfish when I’m being selfish. See what I mean? Selfishness messes it all up!
3. Say Yes as often as you can. This was a tidbit I picked up at a parenting class last week. The speaker was making the point that we have to be 100% consistent with follow-up in discipline, so we’d better make sure that if we say “no” that we’re prepared to follow up. This means let’s make our no’s as scarce as we can (and still maintain the boundaries we desire). Save no’s for when it really counts! This has played out in the fact that Dutch LOVES taking baths with all his ocean animals. He must ask for a bath 5 times a day. Well, why not? Is there really harm in 5 baths? Want to play in the backyard in bare feet? Fine. Everybody has to get stung once, right? Want to wear your sister’s pink flowered underpants over your shorts (this was yesterday). Who cares?! There are bigger fish to fry. I’m learning to save my No’s.
4. Routine routine routine. Boy oh boy, we are so influenced by expectations, aren’t we? So much of marriage boils down to having the right expectations. Kids are the same! And, so many of the difficulties we were experiencing, I believe, came down to none of us really knowing what to expect each day. So about a month ago we started our nightly Family Routine, thanks to the initiative of my husband. Dutch loves every component and calls them all by name. Here’s how it goes: Every night we can expect (with grace extended of course) Jeff to come home in a certain time range. Then we have “Family dinner”. Dutch sets the table. We use napkins (!). Every night we have “Family dessert” after dinner, which is usually just a cookie, but we put whipped cream on top and serve it on a dish with a spoon so it looks fancy. Then Jeff plays with the kids while I clean the kitchen (happily! I’m kidded-out at this point). Then at 6:30 we have “Family Bath”–both kids in the big tub, soaking, splashing, all of us playing. Great fun. Then at 7 Heidi goes down and Dutch gets his very own special 30 minutes of “Family Snuggle”, which is Bible reading time, lessons, highlights of the day, then we all pray for each other, which is the best part of my day hearing my son in his little sing-song voice say, “How can I pray for you, Mommy?” Tonight he prayed that I would have a happy heart forever and ever. Awww…. Then the last thing is that he gets a “Shark movie” every night (a 5 minute clip off vimeo of some kind of ocean animal documentary). Then bed. Of course this is never done perfectly, but having an expected routine each night seems to help the kids immensely. And of course, it helps me immensely too.
5. Set them up for success. I’d heard this before, but it’s really starting to click. This obviously doesn’t mean we always make things easy for kids, but we give them the tools they need to succeed. A friend was sharing that every week before church they go over, with their son, what he can say if he’s having a hard situation in his preschool Sunday school class. So now, on the drive to church we go through all the scenarios: “What do you say and do if someone takes your train? What do you say if you want another snack? What do you do when Teacher asks you to sit down? What do you do if someone hits you?” I’m surprised how much Dutch likes doing this. And of course it melted my heart when I overheard a boy say something naughty and Dutch said, “Please don’t say that. You don’t have to have be sad.” Ok sorry, that was bragging–usually my kid is the one being naughty so just let me boast for half a second!
This has really been huge–giving Dutch “life secrets” for how to make things go better. There is no better feeling that seeing Dutch actually use some of these life secrets and enjoy those little confidence-boosting successes. Go Dutch!
6. Mean what you say. It’s so easy to just blab something when I’m frustrated, without thinking it through beforehand. This takes so much energy, but it’s so worth it–to mean what you say! Of course this mostly plays out in discipline. If I say no but then change my mind after he whines, I’m teaching him that I don’t really mean what I say (and am training him to whine). But this doesn’t just play out in discipline. How often have I said, when Dutch is asking me if I’ll read a book, “Yes, Dutch I’m coming!”, when all the while I’m really hurriedly wiping the counters or making quick cup of tea or trying to sweep the floor. If I’m coming–I better come. If I’m making tea before I come, then I need to say, “Dutch, I’m making a cup of tea and then I will be there.” Otherwise he won’t listen to what I say because my words don’t mean anything.
So these six things have been immensely encouraging to us in our daily work of training, shaping, loving, and shepherding our two little lambs. If you have a golden nugget of wisdom that has carried you through the early parenting years, I’d love to hear it. Another piece of advice was to get plenty of sleep, so I’m off to bed. Goodnight.
Snapshots of my Mother
Today we returned from our weekend in Bend, and on my porch I found a tall, narrow green box. I recognized its type. Shaking my head and smiling I took it inside and pulled the cardboard tab that freed the contents: A snugly-packed dozen of breathtaking roses in yellow, ivory, pink, and red. They are perfection set against my scratched and well-worn kitchen table, and managed to elevate our rather humble dinner of microwaved quesadillas to a bountiful and elegant affair.
It is Mother’s Day, of course, and who were the roses from? None other than my own mother. In true motherly fashion, she gave more than she would ever receive. In fact, she also sent them to her daughter-in-law, and her mother-in-law. In true celebration of all the other mothers in her life, she honored them all, a gesture which was emblematic of who my mom is in all of life.
I’m in the middle of reading An American Childhood by Annie Dillard.(Remarkable! More on this book later.) In it she describes her own mother, and the blurry snapshots she remembers of her early childhood reached from the page and gripped me so intensely I wished with everything in me that I could meet this woman! It also made me recall some of my own disjointed early memories–my own snapshots of my mother that live with me and undoubtedly flavor the way I live and love and mother my own children. Here are several.
Scent is my strongest memory, and my mom’s was heaven. The soft dip of her skin right above her collarbone seemed to be the origin of this mom-scent, and to lay my head on her chest gave me the perfect position to close my eyes and breathe it in. It was safety, warmth, love all at once. It was everything all ok.
We were in Molalla Thriftway when the thought bubbled up in my mind and spilled out my mouth, the way thoughts do with kids. I was sitting in the front part of the cart, dangling my legs. Brach’s candy to my right, donuts to my left, we just passed the bacon–“Mommy, you should bottle up your smell and sell it to everyone because it’s the best smell in the world.” She smiled and kissed me. My heart soared.
I loved my mom. I adored her. She was the definition of beauty to me. Her fingernails were so long, so hard and thick! But she had a bad habit of picking at her hangnails, which I do now, and wholeheartedly blame her for, among other things, most of which have to do with my ankles. But of course now I am sympathetic to how irritating it must have been to have a little girl constantly following her around and incessantly investigating her body and asking embarrassingly candid questions. I very clearly remember asking my mom why her thighs made funny dimples when she sat down. Oh good grief; I’m never letting Heidi see my bare thighs. And I thought it was so strange that she always had slivers sticking out of her legs–I was convinced she must have spent our naptimes crawling around on the cedar deck.
She always played praise music. My dad played Elvis and sometimes I would cry at night because I was convinced that my dad would go to hell because he listened to Elvis. When my mom finally coaxed this admittance out of me she set my poor theologically-confused self straight and I could sleep again at night.
She was eternally patient with these night crying spells of mine. Often I would cry because I missed my Grandpa Zyp–whom I had never met. I thought of him often, wondered what he was like, wished I had known him before he’d died in 1976. He seemed so real to me I missed him terribly. She would sit on the edge of my bed, as though not a thing in the world were bidding for her time, and listen to me explain again that I missed him, and could she tell me again how funny he was and how he would have loved me.
She listened again, countless nights, as I cried because I could not understand eternity. This lasted a long time. Somehow not being able to comprehend eternity was seriously troubling to my little soul. I’d read and dream of heaven, wanting to be excited about the prospects of glory, but paralyzed by the fear of not understanding what eternity could possibly be like. Forever and then what? She’d listen, smile, pray with me.
I remember being proud as a peacock that my mom never left me with a babysitter. Other kids got left with babysitters all the time. Not me. They took us with them everywhere. I vividly remember mom and dad getting criticized for taking us with them on a romantic excursion that they’d been given by the church. We all stayed at a Bed & Breakfast near Mount Hood, and etched forever in my memory were the mornings Kris and I watched morning cartoons while stretched out on the lace and floral linens of the fancy beds. Knowing that they’d been criticized for it made me all the prouder that they took us with them. They’d chosen us! I knew they loved us more than most parents loved their kids. That was the secret I tucked in my heart–I was so loved.
Mom’s discipline was effective because she’d won our hearts. When we were naughty–let me rephrase that, my brother was never naughty–when I was naughty, she let me know it broke her heart. She was firm, consistent, letting me bear the brunt of the consequences, but somehow I was so convinced of her love for me that it almost seemed like being naughty was hurting her personally–the one thing I’d never want to do. I’m still not sure how she did it, but I pray, often, that God will enable me to do the same.
—
And now, my mom is friend to me, Oma to my children, and still my constant source of wisdom, confidence, love. There is no one on earth to whom I’d rather go for a listening ear, wise council, godly perspective. In her presence I am me–without guard or guise.
And she has quickly won the hearts of my children as well. Oma is magic to them. Reading stories, teaching words, weaving tales. She educates with every breath. When I am blinded by behavior she somehow always sees the heart.
Thank you, Mom, for the years of sitting on my bed at night, listening. Thank you for letting me smell that special spot on your neck, and for taking me on that romantic excursion that should have been for you and dad. I don’t know why it mattered so much, but from that point on I knew nothing much could go wrong. Thank you for giving me the gift of security–the secret of knowing you loved us more than we could probably even imagine.
And thank you for roses. You, ever-giving. Happy Mother’s Day.
Can a She be a Pastor?
Many of the topics studied in seminary aren’t necessarily issues we deal with in our everyday lives. Very rarely am I stopped on the street and asked if I’m a premillennialist. In fact, I can’t remember a single time the grocery cashier has asked me about demon possession while scanning my coupons. Of course I believe these issues are important, just not as commonly interacting with the day-to-day happenings of life.
But one seminary topic seems to pop up everywhere I look: The role of gender in marriage, the church, and the world. The specific issue in seminary, of course, is Can a woman hold the office of Elder/Senior Pastor? But this is one small tip of an enormous iceberg that is Gender Roles & Equality, and how we interact with this issue will greatly affect how we interact with the gender issue at large.
I’ve written before, at length, about Why I’m a Complementarian. Believe me, I’ve tried not to be. Consider–I love to preach, teach, and be in charge. Hmm…all the things I supposedly cannot do. Tricky. But more than ever I am convinced that there is no better and more beautiful plan than God’s specially designed complementarian relationship between the male and female genders whom He created in His image. I’ve already noted the key scriptures and issues in the post above, so here are just a few more thoughts, in general, on the topic:
1. The Trinity. We would be in big trouble if the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit were all in a huge fight about who had to die on the cross. We know from all study of the godhead, that Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are all fully God. They exist in relationship with each other, making up the Almighty One God. Jesus cannot be the Father. The Holy Spirit could not die on the cross. They are all fully equal, yes distinct in person and purpose. To say that creating a distinction of role implies a hierarchy of value is contrary to the trinity.
2. The Body. Every time we read of the Body of Christ, and specifically spiritual gifts, Paul emphasizes over and over that just as we are not all eyes or noses or feet, we all are different parts of the Body and we all play different roles. Greater modesty is required for some parts of the body, and not all are particularly beautiful parts, but all are equally important and necessary. The most basic understanding of the body of Christ makes this clear. Therefore, to say that a distinction of role implies a hierarchy or value is contrary to the clear teachings of the Body of Christ.
3. The Creation Account. If it is true that God’s original intended plan were that there were “neither male nor female”, then why on earth did he create them male and female? Adam is created first, from dust. Eve is created second, from Adam. Adam names her. She is called his helper. Adam is given the responsibility of hearing and carrying out the mandates of God. Before the fall.
Responsibility
Here’s what I see missing in both side’s arguments. The key is responsibility. Just this past weekend, Joel’s message on marriage addressed the key to leadership: responsibility. And responsibility is key to this debate. Though Eve was the one who listened to the serpent, ate of the fruit, and influenced her husband to do the same, who is held responsible? Adam. Through Adam came the curse. Adam is responsible. This tells me that God has chosen the man as the one who bears the primary responsibility to carry out the mandates and directives of God.
But this word responsibility isn’t used much. Instead, we all toss around the world “authority” (because it’s used in 2 Timothy–Authentein). But while Authentein is important, true leadership isn’t about authority, it’s about responsibility. There is no authority without responsibility. The reason that I have authority as a parent is that I’m responsible as a parent. I choose to take the reins, without apology, with my children because I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am responsible for training up those precious children. God will hold me responsible, which means that with humility and confidence and great seriousness I assume the authoritative role in their lives.
What men and women are fighting over is authority. They’re fighting over authentein and what that means. No one is fighting over responsibility. When was the last time you heard someone insisting, “No, I want the responsibility! I want to take the blame!! I want to carry that load! I want to bear the brunt of that problem!” Hardly. No, we are fighting over who gets to tell the other what to do. (Now I understand that not everyone engaged in this debate is fighting over authority. I know a great many men and women of God, whom I love and admire who wholeheartedly embrace egalitarianism, and I respect them greatly. I’m speaking of the Battle-of-the-Sexes at large.)
I believe that God has laid the final and ultimate responsibility for the spiritual well-being, in the home and in the church, on the shoulders of men. I don’t envy that. Of course they aren’t responsible for the rest of us using our free will to go against their leadership. But there is a huge responsibility there. So many of the papers I read and grade (on this issue) simply talk about “who gets to have the highest level of authority in the church.” That’s not it! You’re missing the whole point! The issue isn’t the hightest level of authority, it’s who bears the greatest weight of responsibility. If men assumed their God-given responsibility, shouldered that burden with courage and humility, and if women took the role of helper in order to come up under those men and help them, encouraging, cheering for, strengthening, praising–imagine how much stronger we’d be! We’d actually lift some of these burdens instead of fighting over who gets to stand behind the podium.
Whew! Good thing I”m not allowed to be a preacher because I’d be too long-winded! Those are my thoughts and now naptime is over…
I just thought I’d tell you that at this moment Dutch is sitting on my lap tying a giant lobster around my neck. Someday I believe he’s going to be a mighty man of God–today, it’s lobsters around my neck.