The One Who Gave Generously
*Visit FrugalLivingNW for the corresponding post.
—
I had a full morning. I traveled to Romania, Moldova, India, Uganda, Mozambique, Mexico and finally back to New Orleans. When I arrived back home and held my healthy, clean, beautiful children, it was all I could do not to burst into tears. I walked through my home, taking in the beauty, the luxury, the comfort. And as soon as my kids went down for naps, I got out my laptop, pulled up the Patterson Family Budget in Excel, and began brainstorming ways to reduce the amount in 14 categories in order to increase the amount in one category. That one category? Giving.
As I mentioned in the FrugalLivingNW article, one of the keys to giving generously is to expose ourselves to real need.
My morning’s world travels were just that. An exposure to real need. In reality I just visited the Real. Life. Exhibit in Tigard, Oregon, a multi-sensory exhibit by Medical Teams International that allows people to see what real life is like for children exposed to disaster, conflict, and poverty. From the unthinkable terrors of the “Lord’s Resistance Army” to the hopeless destitution of Romanian orphanages to the perpetuating poverty of those who live in the garbage dumps of Mexico City, this exhibit is a powerful reminder that we live in a world in dire need of Christ’s hope. And, they are making a difference through showing the love of God in tangible ways–disaster relief, medical services and training, and medical supplies distribution. They are giving generously in every way.
And they are simply following in the footsteps of the One Who Gave Generously.
Of course, Christ is the supreme example of one who gave generously.
He gave His life. He gave us life.
When we look at Christ and look at the world it really becomes quite simple. When I look at Christ I see that love held Him on the cross. He gave His life for me. In response I joyfully offer my life to serve Him. When I look at the world I see pain, suffering, disaster, poverty. I see that these are people for whom Christ died. If I am a Christian (literally a “little Christ”), and He died for these people, certainly I go without a Latte for these people.
I mentioned in the FrugalLivingNW article that Americans spend $3 BILLION on chewing gum, a non-nutritive substance. Add to that $26 BILLION on soda, and $18 BILLION on coffee. Visiting this exhibit reminded me that it is SO easy to make a difference. We just have to do it. And the powerful truth is that when we serve these people we are serving Christ Himself, the One who gave His life, the One who gave us life. Want to hear it straight from His mouth? Consider His words:
34“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
37“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink?38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
40“The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’
41“Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’
44“They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’
45“He will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’
Matthew 25:31-46
Does anyone else just want to weep when they read that? Every time I read that passage it brings me to my knees. Read it again.
The Gospel has implications for social justice.
“If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warm and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that?” James 2:15-16 (italics mine)
If the world is ever going to listen to our message, they must first be absolutely convinced of our love.
Friends, we must continue to be diligent about exposing ourselves to real need. I’m the first to confess that every month when the Voice of the Martyrs magazine arrives I want to hide it under the sofa. My flesh doesn’t want to be reminded of the suffering around the world. I’d rather curl up on the couch with Real Simple and learn new tricks for organizing all the stuff I have. But every time we let our hearts to be cracked a tiny bit, we allow God to flow through the broken places and touch people with His love and grace.
In the FrugalLivingNW article, we talked about giving creatively. Here is a phenomenal way to take your family through 14 days of creative giving. We just started this, and it’s such a fabulous way to teach children, encourage compassion, and stimulate creativity in ways to give.
There are so many wonderful organizations that are making a huge difference in the lives of those affected by poverty, disaster, conflict. Please take a moment and look at some of these, or consider others you may know of. I pray that we would not be guilty of pinching our pennies only to find we missed the whole point all along. I pray we would never be guilty of an empty blessing, “be warm and filled…”–without handing over our coats and our bread.
* Do you have creative ways to inspire your family to giving? Please share!
- Medical Teams International
- World Vision
- Compassion International
- Africa New Life
- Open Arms International
- Gospel For Asia (I love this one, if you go to the “store” you can buy things for the people in Asia–chickens, rabbits, goats, a Jesus well that can provide water for a whole village. When I did the clothing fast, we were able to use the money saved/raised to buy a well! It’s amazing. My brother always asks for chickens and rabbits for Christmas.
- Next Generation Ministries Uganda
The One Who Spent Wisely
- He fasted for 40 days. Now that would save some money! See how well that goes over with your husband: “Sorry, honey there’s no food in the house. We’re not going to eat until October.” Hmm… In all seriousness, though. Jesus was not consumed by food. SO MUCH of what we buy is to satisfy our need to munch, not to provide real nutritional benefit. We’ll talk on Thursday about the 6 billion dollars that Americans spend on gum. If we just cut out all non-nutritious items, I think we’d be amazed at how our spending decreases. Similarly, Jesus showed us that man does not live by bread alone. Meaning, we would be wise to learn to turn to God before we turn to food. Had a bad day? Skip the candy bar and pull out God’s Word. Even last night, as I was trying to write a post, I felt frustrated that nothing was coming out right and so I found myself super craving cookies. Isn’t that crazy? I realized it was because of stress that I was craving, not hunger. I skipped it and stuck with the post and was so thankful for the results. I don’t always make the right choice, but if we did this more often our budgets (and our waistlines) would thank us. When we go without, just a tiny bit, we allow God to show us that He, not food, is our master and sustainer.
- He stretched food. Now, I understand that taking a few loaves and fishes and feeding 5-10,000 people is a miracle that we are not likely to duplicate. But, I do believe that we can pray for God to bless and break our food and multiply it to feed many mouths for his glory. I have been amazed over and over how God multiplies our food when I actually let Him. That means making a choice not to hoard, but instead stretching yourself in such a way that you actually have to ask for God’s stretching power. So many times I’ve decided to challenge ourselves and try to make it one week longer in my monthly grocery shopping (like this month, I’m currently 10 days past “grocery day”!). Without fail I’ll be surprised by Jeff bringing home leftover pizza, or our church food ministry sending home some expiring food that they didn’t want to go to waste, or someone inviting us over for dinner, or unearthing something unexpected from the freezer. Now our goal in this isn’t to be cheap and miserly so that we can hoard money–I certainly don’t think God will honor that heart. But what if we really did lift all our food up to Him and ask Him to stretch it all for His glory? We might view food in a different light–as a sacred gift.
And on a more serious note, consider the way He spent His time and His energies (because as we saw in the FrugalLiving article, how we spend our time and energy is just as important as how we spend our money):
- He knew when to hold back. Jesus is an excellent example of boundaries. When ministry was busy, He often went alone to a secluded place to pray. Jesus knew when to give and when to get alone. That is giving wisely. In the midst of our busy schedules and bargain hunting, we must know when the wisest thing is to shut the computer, forget the deal, and get alone with God.
- He didn’t waste. A tricky exhortation is Matthew 7:6 where Jesus tells us not to throw pearls to pigs. In other words, don’t invest your time and energy in people or endeavors which will be fruitless. Now this is tricky, of course, because we don’t always know. But the principle is helpful, and as we ask Jesus for wisdom, He will help us to discern when what we’re spending our time, money, and energy on, is in fact a worthwhile investment or or when it’s a foolish waste of our precious resources. Sometimes for me all it takes is a step back, a quick prayer for wisdom, and a dose of perspective to see whether all the time spent bargain-shopping is really worth the time and energy. Life is short. Let’s not waste a minute of it.
- He fulfilled His civic duties in light of His spiritual duties. Jesus paid his taxes (Matthew 22:21). However, He calls us to something far greater than simply handing over our income tax. He asks for our whole life, given over to Him. We are image-bearers of God, so we are His. When we spend our lives wisely for His glory, we simply fulfill what we were created to do.
- He got ticked when religion was corrupted by commercialism (Matthew 21:12). This is a serious warning for today’s church. If we reduce Christianity to the buying and selling of religious goods and services, using spirituality for one’s own material gain, we are certainly not spending wisely, and reducing God’s house to a den of robbers. This is probably another topic altogether, but worth noting.
Bottom line? Spending wisely is using all that we have for the glory of God. It means stretching our food so we can do more with what He’s given us. And what is the more that He’s calling us to do? More on that Thursday as we look at how Jesus models giving generously.
–
*How has the life of Christ inspired your spending habits? How do you make every cent count? I’d love to hear.
The One Who Was Content
*Visit FrugalLivingNW for today’s cooresponding post.
—
We’ve been looking at contentment for some time now. We were Camping on Contentment for a week or so, and now here we are, digging around again for this elusive quality we all seek but cannot seem to really grasp. Thankfully, Jesus sums it all up for us and turns our world upside down.
I admit it seems odd to think of Jesus as an example of contentment. I mean, if I was God I’d probably be content too, right? Most of the things that drive me crazy have to do with not being in control, not knowing what’s going on, or not being able to juggle all the crazy busy things in my life all at once. So, things like omnipotence, omniscience, and omnipresence would really come in handy. I’d be able to turn a glass of water on my nightstand into a Frappucino, know where that missing library book went, and go grocery shopping without ever leaving the house. Seems to me that under those conditions contentment wouldn’t be so tough.
But in all seriousness, the secret to true contentment comes from The One Who is contentment, who is peace, who is joy. In fact, He summed it up for us in a sentence. A mere 67 characters–nothing more than a tweet. Here I’ve been blithering for weeks and Jesus puts an end to it all and simply says,
“Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” Matthew 10:39
See, here’s the problem. We’re all seeking the wrong thing, and it’s painfully counterproductive. We’re all seeking contentment. We’re all seeking life. And specifically, we’re all seeking our best life now.
Now yes, our discontentment often stems from what we discussed in the FrugalLivingNW article: commercials and advertisements, glossy magazine pages, emails alerting us to deals. But what’s at the root of those things? Why are we so tempted by them? Why do they make us long and yearn for what they sell? Why do their advertising gimmicks work so stinkin’ well?
Because we’re seeking our best life now. And as long as we seek our life, our best life now, Jesus says we will lose it. We’ll lose contentment, lose our peace, lose our joy.
The problem is not the magazines, the emails, the billboards, the TV ads. The problem is in our hearts.
Because deep in our hearts we’ve bought the lie that this is what really matters. That this home, this body, this face, this career, this time and place is what really matters. So we’ve given our lives to pursue the perfection of those things, and in the process we’ve forfeited our souls (Matthew 8:36). We’ve forfeited our peace. We’ve forfeited our contentment.
“Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” Matthew 10:39
Then what would it look like to lose our lives? Jesus gave us an example. He left his home in heaven, his perfect communion with the Father, his glory and honor, his rights and divine privileges. He left his comfort, his reputation, his praise. He left perfection to enter our imperfection. In short, He left everything. He didn’t come to earth to seek His life, He came to lose it, that we might find life in Him.
So how are we to lose our lives? Just aimlessly begin giving up stuff and denying ourselves in order to derive some sick pleasure? Religious masochists, is that right? Not at all. The key, again, Jesus sums up in three little words.
For my sake.
Our goal isn’t finding life. Our goal isn’t simply losing life. Our goal isn’t merely contentment. Our goal is Christ. We lose our lives and find them hidden in Christ (Colossians 3:3). That is where life is found. That is where contentment is found. That is where peace and joy and abundance are found. A new pair of peep-toes are a pitiful substitution for the infinite pleasures of the Savior. As CS Lewis said,
If we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling around with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in the slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by an offer of a holiday at sea. We are far to easily pleased.
Contentment isn’t about not wanting stuff. It’s about wanting infinitely more than any earthly store could ever offer. It isn’t about aimlessly denying ourselves, it’s about letting go of life in a joyful pursuit of something greater. It’s seeking true life, found in Christ. The temptations are rendered powerless because a greater desire trumps them all. On the drive to my favorite Thai restaurant I would never be tempted to stop off and eat a donut from the 7-11. Something far greater is in store.
And something far greater is in store. Not just in eternity, but today. We rise above the earthly lure of wealth and material possessions by living for something greater than our best life now. Christ’s fame, Christ’s mission, Christ’s Kingdom. We seek contentment to glorify God. We save our nickels and dimes so we can spend them wisely, on that which really matters.
More on that tomorrow. Today, remember Jesus’ tweet:
“Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” Matthew 10:39
Frugal Fridays: Fandango for Free!
You know me, I’m a sucker for 1) series and 2) alliteration. So, in honor of both, and my ongoing fondness of frugality (there I did it again), we’ll begin Frugal Fridays, a brief look at ways to cut spending, save money, and invest in what really matters.
—
Tonight Jeff and I are having a date night! Yes, a real date night! For our date, we’re heading to see Inception. I think we’re the only people left on the planet who haven’t seen it. The last movie we saw in the theater was Up, about a year and a half ago, so we’re due for a good flick. And, thanks to FrugalLivingNW, I snagged a free movie ticket through Fandango. The process was easy, and after we use our ticket I can cancel our 3-day free trial and not spend a dime! Now that’s a hot date.
Speaking of FrugalLivingNW, I have the huge honor of writing a 4-part series for this phenomenal couponing blog. The series will run Mon-Thur of this coming week. So head on over, check out her great deals, and stay tuned for this special series. Have a great weekend!
Philippians 4: Christ our Peace (how we relate to the present)
Finally, here we are. Talking about the present. Because that’s where we live. Today. It’s easy to see lessons and morals of the stories from our past. And it’s easy to think of the future with high hopes and dreams and rose-colored glasses, but we live in the mundane every day. And it’s fun to be here and study our Bibles all day and laugh and stay up late and eat whatever we want and play outside and hike and swim and just love everything. But today we go home. We go home to jobs, family, roommates. Mundane days. Tasks. We have rooms to clean, meals to make. Many of us probably have jobs that we don’t love. We have little kids to nanny, difficult situations to face. That’s the nitty gritty of daily life. And that’s where Christ is our peace.
I experienced this sort of let-down recently when we went on vacation (camping, playing, extra hands to help with kids, etc.) Then we got home. All of a sudden we plummeted from cloud 9. The house was a mess, we had mountains of laundry to do, the kids were cranky and tired, we had tons of yard projects to tackle, we were all hungry with no food in the house, and that is life. We don’t live life at retreats or campgrounds or on vacation. We live life doing mundane tasks, in mundane and/or difficult situations. So how do we live for Christ in the present. With Christ as our peace.
Because I find that the stresses of each moment are usually more than the worries of the future. It’s often the little things of each day (messes, not having anything to wear, just feeling grumpy or moody, interpersonal weirdness, busyness, etc. etc. etc.), these little things that most often disrupt my peace. Way more often than the big things of the future. I never get bent out of shape thinking about Dutch’s college education. I do get pretty grumpy though when he won’t lie down for his nap. That disrupts my peace.
So the present. What do we see here for the present? We don’t have to wonder, we have here some very clear commands, from Philippians 3:4-9
“Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say rejoice… do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of god, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and midns in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me–practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you” (vv4-9).
Here’s what I see:
- Rejoice in the Lord always (v.4). This is not a suggestion. It is a command. Rejoice is a command. How do you rejoice. We choose to find joy in a situation. This is positive thinking that’s based on faith and truth. It’s not just trying to think happy thoughts, it’s choosing to focus on the things that give us cause to rejoice. And, when we are in Christ, we have plenty of things to rejoice in! Can you list things, real things, that give you cause to rejoice today?
- Do not be anxious (v.6). Again, not a suggestion. To worry is to sin. Isn’t that crazy? When we are anxious, we are not walking by faith. I struggle with this sooo often. Sometimes, when I let all the little considerations of life creep in, I can feel so anxious it just paralyzes me. We must choose to not be anxious.
- Instead, pray (v.6). This is how we experience God’s peace. When we are anxious (daily), we are to stop, choose to rejoice, choose to thank God, and then present all our needs and worries and requests and needs to Him. Give it all to Him! Roll over every worry and concern. Tell Him how you feel. Be honest. Way too often we vent our real thoughts to our friends and yet when we talk to God we get all religious and fake. One read through the Psalms shows us this is what David did. Don’t vent to friends, vent to God. Tell Him all. He can take it.
- Receive God’s peace (v.7). Choose to rest in God’s peace. Abide in it. It never leaves. You might leave, but it doesn’t. Stay there. How do we stay there?
- Fix your mind on…(v.8) whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, praiseworthy. Isaiah 26:3 “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in You.” This is also a command. Again, what are you feeding your mind? We must choose to fix our minds on things that are praiseworthy. It’s all about our minds. God’s perfect peace is for those whose minds are stayed on Him.
- Practice what you’ve learned (v.9). It’s game day! We’ve learned, prayed, studied. We’ve meditated and played and gotten refreshed and refilled. Now, it’s time to put it all into practice. And that’s how we grow in this walk with God. By practice practice practice. It might feel hard at first, awkward, forced. But soon we will find ourselves loving each other with humility, fixing our mind on Christ as our goal, forgetting the past, trust Him with worries, growing more and more in love with Jesus. We grow by simply practicing what we know.
And the promise? “What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me–practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you” (v.9).
What have you learned and received and heard and seen this weekend? What was your “aha!” moment. What nugget did you get? What is your takeway? Whatever it is, put it into practice, and the God of peace will be with you. Share with someone here what it is that you will put into practice upon going home. And rest in God’s peace, because for us to live is Christ.
Philippians 3: Christ our goal (How we relate to the past and future)
It’s cheesy, but perhaps you’ve heard it said that JOY comes from having the priorities Jesus, Others, You. I know, cheesy. But there’s some truth to it. And interestingly, Philippians, which is the book all about joy, follows that outline. We’ve talked about Christ being our life. First and foremost, He is our consideration. Secondly, we talked about how to relate to Others, our second most important consideration. And finally, we’ll talk about how this all relates to you during these last two sessions. Specifically, how am I to relate to my past, present and future. Tonight we’ll hit on past and future and tomorrow morning finish up with present.
We’ve already spent a lot of time studying this passage, but here are the keys that I see. If it is true that to live is Christ, then He Himself is our goal in life. That’s it. Your life goal? Christ. He is our goal.
So if Christ is our goal, how does that impact the way we relate to our …
Past (vv 1-11)
- We no longer find our significance in our accomplishments (Phil 3:3). Our value, worth, dignity, is found in Christ, in being made in His image. (talk about the social resume-giving that is so common among young adults). It isn’t about what college you go to, what major you have, where you live, what car you drive, what clothes you wear, how many facebook friends you have. Count it all loss compared to Christ.
- We gladly lose anything that doesn’t contribute to God’s glory (Phil 3:8). This means that even if I have a full-ride scholarship to a certain school, but I know God’s calling me elsewhere, I gladly “lose” whatever I need to lose in order to follow God. (Example: support-raising after college)
- We use all that we have as a platform for the gospel (Acts 21:40ff). This also might mean God does want to use that scholarship…for Him. I was so blessed to have a full-ride scholarship through college, and earned it for graduate school as well. Which means, that a private scholarship fund paid 100% of my seminary education! That’s crazy! So if you have a talent or skill, ability, scholarship, opportunity, gift–whatever you have, use it for God’s kingdom, just like Paul did.
Future (vv12-21)
- We don’t let the past trip up our future (v. 13). Paul had done horrible things in his years before Christ got hold of his heart. He was full repentant, and I’m sure he never forgot what he’d done. But he didn’t let that hold him back. When we hold onto the sin of our past, we’re essentially saying that what Jesus did on the cross wasn’t enough. When we are forgiven, we are forgiven past, present, future. Let it go.
- We STRAIN forward (v.13). Paul isn’t talking about moseying into church once a week and listening to a sermon and calling that Christianity. If Christ is our life, our goal, we go after Him with all our heart. Consider an Olympic or college/professional athlete . How do they train? While sipping chai curled up on a couch? They train, strive, sweat. They’re up early, they’re practicing, lifting, running, training. That’s the image here. When we follow Christ we are enlisting in some intense training–for life.
- We fix our focus (v.19). This is critical. If Christ is our goal, then HE must be what we fix our focus on. Not garbage TV shows or fashion magazines or romance novels or any number of things that distract us here on earth. We are Christians not just Americans, which means that we were not born here just to accumulate wealth, have babies, drive a minivan and mow the lawn until we die. We have something greater to DO while we’re here. Fix our focus on the things of God. What is the input into your mind??
It’s critical that we deal with our past and set our faces resolutely toward the future to seek all that God has for us. Let’s do that tonight.
Philippians 2: Christ our example (how we relate to others)
Yesterday we talked a little bit about how life can seem so complicated. And of all the areas that get complicated in our lives, relationships seem to always top the chart.
In fact, think of all the close relationships in your life and try to name one, just one, that has never had a single complication. Never a hurt feeling or misspoken word, never a misunderstanding or assumption that caused confusion. I know I can’t name a single one. And yet, God made us relational beings and He is a relational God. We were created for relationship, and how we relate to those around us is the greatest indicator of how our relationship with God is really doing. Are your earthly relationships a wreck? Drama around every corner? Chances are that something’s probably out of whack in your walk with God too, right?
Interestingly, Paul knew that no matter how lofty is our ambition to live for Christ, there are still some sticky relational dynamics here on earth. In fact, part of the reason he writes this letter is to name a few names and exhort some ladies to just get along! Euodia and Syntyche (4:2) had a little squabble, apparently. We don’t know what it was about, but it seems that catfights are nothing new. Even with the best of intentions, we are all fallen beings and find that relational difficulties are part of life.
Philippians 2 offers what I think may be the best discourse on how to navigate relationships. Once again, he seeks to take what can be complicated, and make it very simple. They key?
Humility.
That’s it. He writes,
“Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which was also in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of god, did not count equality with god a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (Phil. 2:3-8).
So much to say about humility. Last year I had the joy of teaching this passage to the women’s Bible study, so I’d like to share a few thoughts from that session:
V. 3 We’ve all heard that saying that humility isn’t thinking less of yourself it’s thinking of yourself less. Interestingly—I think this passage and all of scripture teaches that it’s not one or the other but both. Humility is forgetting about yourself, AND having a modest opinion of yourself. “Do nothing out of rivalry or conceit.” Let’s look at each of these clauses:
Rivalry or conceit: Rivalry is competition. How many in here are competitive by nature? Listen to what CS Lewis says about this: “Pride is essentially competitive – is competitive by its very nature – Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next person. We say that people are proud of being rich, or clever, or good-looking, but they are not. They are proud of being richer; or cleverer; or better-looking than others. If everyone else became equally rich, or clever, or good-looking there would be nothing to be proud about. Once the element of competition is gone, pride is gone.”
This is a serious warning for women. Men tend to be outwardly competitive—in sports and games and such. But women can be inwardly competitive, which I believe is twice as deadly. Love and competition are mutually exclusive, they cannot exist together: “Love seeks not its own.”
And the way to quit competing is to quit comparing. Ladies this is a VICE if there ever was one. We do it! We compare our bodies, our clothes, our education, our jobs. We size everything and everyone up by how they compare to US. That is comparing which is competing. YUCK. I very vividly remember a moment in college when I was sitting in class next to this girl who was GORGEOUS (Miss Oregon) and also happened to be my friend and roommate. And I remember sitting there in Shakespeare class and thinking about how her thighs were so much skinnier than mine. And of course we laugh at that because it’s ridiculous but we do the same thing in more sophisticated ways now (and not so sophisticated ways!). When we do this we are proving that our confidence is based on pride: On the contrary, later in chapter 3 Paul says “We… worship by the Spirit of God and glory in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh.”
Instead: “Count others more significant than yourself.” Isn’t it funny that Paul uses the word “count”. It’s like he knows we’re playing the competition game. He knows we’re inwardly counting up the score. And he says, no matter what the evidence says, COUNT others as better than yourself. Quit evaluating, quit keeping score, just decide once and for all that you will quit the race, quit the competition, and just esteem others as better than yourself. You can’t lose a race you aren’t running! And you cannot humiliate the person who humbles himself. (Shawna at the girls’ retreat story)
Tozer says this: P 112 “Think for yourself whether much of your sorrow has not arisen from someone speaking slightingly of you. As long as you set yourself up as a little god to which you must be loyal there will be those who will delight to offer an affront to your idol. How then can you hope to have inward peace? The heart’s fierce effort to protect itself from every slight, to shield its touchy honor from the bad opinion of friend and enemy, will never let the mind have rest. Continue this fight through the years and the burden will become intolerable. Yet we are carrying this burden continually, challenging every word spoken against us, cringing under every criticism, smarting under each fancied slight, tossing sleepless if another is preferred before us…”
Humility frees us from the race. Murray says “true humility comes when, in light of God, we have seen ourselves to be nothing, have consented to part with and cast away self—to let God be all. The soul that has done this and can say, “So have I lost myself in finding You,” no longer compares itself with others. It has forever given up every thought of self in God’s presence…The humble person feels no jealousy or envy. He can praise God when others are preferred and blessed before him. He can bear to hear others praised and himself forgotten.” He is freed from himself.
This is why I’d say that humility is the most freeing quality of life. In fact it isn’t just one virtue along with others, but is the root of all other virtues. It is the root of all godliness. Just like the quote that Chris read last week, pride is the complete anti-God state of mind. Therefore humility is the path, the only path to godliness, Christ-likeness. It is the PATH to unity, to love. It isthe path to Christ, the path to maturity. It is the only way to save a marriage, the only way to be a good friend. It is the only way to truly love. Humility is the root of all other virtues.
v. 4 read So here’s where I struggle. How do I get humble? I feel like I can sit around all day and think “she’s better than me she’s better than me she’s better than me.” And that doesn’t help anything. So even when we think that everyone else is more significant or better than us, yes I might get a modest opinion of myself, which is a start, but that’s only half the battle because now maybe I’m not conceited but I’m totally self-focused. I’m not conceited but I’m depressed! And just to level with you I think I have lived much of my Christian life in this place. Remember we said humility is BOTH thinking less of yourself and thinking of yourself less? Sometimes perhaps we’ve done the “think less of yourself part” but we haven’t done the “think of yourself less” part. I was only HALFWAY understanding humility. It’s like I’ve read verse 3 over and over and over and decided that if I just crawl a little lower than everyone else I’ll be free and I don’t feel free I just feel worthless. But verse 4 gives us the how-to. This is the PURSUIT. This is where I get excited because it gives me something to do. I’m a doer! Pursue the interests of others.
Isn’t this even what Paul is modeling for us? If I were sitting in a prison cell my letter would probably sound like this: “I am cold, alone, forgotten, hungry, and miserable, AND now I hear that you sill petty people are bickering. Grow up you sissies! I’m miserable here can’t you see. Can you please get busyand petition or something to get me free?” No, he chooses to take his eyes off himself and his circumstances and turns to the good and interests of others. That is freedom. This is how we think about ourselves less. Then, little by little, we begin to lose ourselves, we begin to taste freedom.
To continue with this analogy, freedom comes when we lay down this burden of self. And while we’ve sort of identified that burden as pride, Tozer says that there are 3 forms of this that we are freed from when we pursue humility.
First, we are freed from pride: We’ve already talked a lot about pride, but here are two more thoughts:
CS Lewis said this: The pleasure of pride is like the pleasure of scratching. If there is an itch one does want to scratch; but it is much nicer to have neither the itch nor the scratch. As long as we have the itch of self-regard we shall want the pleasure of self-approval; but the happiest moments are those when we forget our precious selves and have neither but have everything else (God, our fellow humans, animals, the garden and sky) instead.
Humility, then is getting so engrossed in serving God and others, looking out for their interests, that we lose our precious selves. And we find that we gain everything else in return.
Here’s one last interesting thought about pride, from John Piper: Because I think perhaps we can trick ourselves into thinking we’re not prideful, but check this out: Pride manifests itself in two ways: boasting, and self-pity. Check this out:
“[Boasting and Self-Pity] are manifestations of pride. Boasting is the response of pride to success. Self-pity is the response of pride to suffering. Boasting says, “I deserve admiration because I have achieved so much.” Self-pity says, “I deserve admiration because I have sacrificed so much.” Boasting is the voice of pride in the heart of the strong. Self-pity is the voice of pride in the heart of the weak. Boasting sounds self-sufficient. Self-pity sounds self-sacrificing. The reason self-pity does not look like pride is that it appears to be needy. But the need arises from a wounded ego and the desire of the self-pitying is not really for others to see them as helpless, but heroes. The need self-pity feels does not come from a sense of unworthiness, but from a sense of unrecognized worthiness. It is the response of unapplauded pride.”
When we’re freed from pride, we’re freed from boasting and self-pity, we quit thinking of ourselves, and are freed from that itch of self-regard that we must constantly work to get scratched. We’re freed to pursue others.
Second burden, we’re freed from is Pretense: This is the idea of “putting your best foot forward.” This is an obsession with what impression we are making. I think this is a killer for women. (wanting to stand on the left side in pictures so my scar doesn’t show!) We constantly strive to look our best for others. We tell stories in a certain light to make ourselves look good—here’s one I recently realized I was doing: (bargain bragging!). We respond to “how are you doing” in a certain way, highlighting hardships or exaggerating how fatigued we are by our service for Christ. I took a personality quiz once and scored high in “favorable image projection”. Ouch. That’s a polite way of saying pretense. And unfortunately this is so common to the way we live that we don’t even think of it as sin.
The third burden we’re freed from is Artificiality: This is similar to the hypocrisy that we studied last week. Tozer says this: Most people live in secret fear that some day they will be careless and by chance an enemy or friend will be allowed to peep into their poor, empty souls. So they are never relaxed. Bright people are tense and alert in fear that they may be trapped into saying something common or stupid… Artificiality is one curse that will drop away the moment we kneel at Jesus’ feet and surrender ourselves to His meekness. Then we will not care what people think of us so long as God is pleased. Then what we are will be everything, what we appear will take its place far down the scale of interest for us. Apart from sin we have nothing of which to be ashamed. Only an evil desire to shine makes us want to appear other than we are.”
Now here’s the tricky part. We refer to those things as burdens, right? But I would suggest that we actually use those burdens to hide. How many of you have actually used your children to “hide”? (explain) Because when we’re not secure in God’s love for us (v. 1) we’re insecure. And when we’re insecure we turn inward and become focused on ourselves in pride and self-seeking, and we put up walls of pride, pretense, and artificiality because we somewhere deep down believe that same lie that was whispered to us in the garden—God doesn’t really love us. But when we embrace God’s love, step out bravely and confidently in humility toward others, laying down these burdens, then we are vulnerable. Humility and vulnerability go hand in hand. And it is my opinion that vulnerability is one of the most beautiful qualities in life. Women are by nature vulnerable beings, Scripture says (1 Peter 3). And true vulnerability does not imply weakness, just as humility does not imply weakness. On the contrary, Christ displayed the most humble, vulnerable life ever to walk the earth, and he was and is the God of the universe. And the secret to understanding what true humility looks like is to watch the greatest example. Let’s look briefly at this example: vv 5-8.
V 5-8: Have this mind: The battle is in the mind, ladies. To grow in humility we must train our minds, to turn away from self and to have the mind of Christ. This is totally contrary to our human nature, which always tends toward self. Spiritual entropy.
Form of God. This word “morphe” in the Greek means he was God in the very essence of His nature. Jesus Christ is God. Confusing verse but basically though He was God, as he walked this earth as a man He didn’t grasp after divinity, he didn’t seek after displaying God-hood, but instead,
Made himself nothing, Remember “count” in verse 3—a conscious choice. Christ MADE himself nothing, the form of a servant. And in human form –“ and this word is different than in v. 5 this is “schema” which means fashion or outward manifestation. God, Jesus Christ was in essence and nature God, but in outward manifestation man.
Humbled himself, to the point of death, even death on the cross. The highest being lowered to the lowest low—death. The God of the universe, hanging naked on a cross, with people spitting in his face. He chose that. You cannot humiliate the man who humbles himself. God gives us the greatest example, so that no matter how talented, rich, successful, accomplished you are or become, and no matter how low God challenges you to stoop, He’s always made a greater jump. For the God of the universe to come to earth to die on a cross so that murderers, rapists, pedophiles, could be forgiven and set free, so I could be set free. That is humility.
And here’s what’s cool about this example: This proves to us that it is not sin that humbles us. We don’t get humble by sinning. The perfect example of humility was the sinless lamb of God. It is not sin that humbles us most, but grace. It is a beautiful ongoing cycle—we humble ourselves and he gives grace (1 Peter 5), grace humbles us then as we’re humble God gives more grace. That is freedom! Freedom to quit performing, to quit measuring ourselves by each other, to quit fearing rejection and criticism, to quit centering our worlds around ourselves. Freedom to love, to risk, to step out in faith, to serve. There is no fear in love but perfect love casts out fear. I pray that we would we brave enough to humble ourselves before each other, to be united in love, to be vulnerable.
Philippians 1: To Live is Christ (How we relate to our life)
Excerpts from a four-part Philippians series from this weekend’s WCC 20s ladies retreat.
Philippians 1: To Live is Christ (how we relate to our life)
Philippians 2: Christ our example (how we relate to others)
Philippians 3: Christ our goal (how we relate to the past and future)
Philippians 4: Christ our peace (how we relate to the present)
——
Thankfully, filling out the relationship portion of my Facebook bio was easy. I am Married (check the box) to Jeff Patterson (type in J-e-f and watch his name and pic pop up). Done.
But there’s another box on there that I think is funny, but also very accurate for describing many people’s relationship status. After boxes for single, in a relationship, engaged, and married, there’s the box titled It’s complicated.
It is complicated sometimes, isn’t it? Not just Facebook relationship profiles, but life. Life is complicated, and sometimes I would do anything to be able to check a box and place all the confusion neatly within the boundaries of four right angles.
Life feels complicated. And, in my opinion, especially life during the college and early career time of life. Early 20s. Out of parents’ house, but not married. Sort of suspended between youth and adulthood. Old enough to vote and drink, perhaps, but not quite ready to settle down. The idea of a minivan and Mom-jeans is still a nightmare, but you wouldn’t mind if Mr. Wonderful came along and plopped a big diamond on your finger. That seems like it would simplify everything. As it is right now, it’s all just very very complicated.
I remember feeling like that when I was in the 18-23 window especially. Guys were complicated. Classes and homework and school decisions were complicated. Friendships felt complicated. Family felt complicated. Huge decisions for my future and career felt complicated. Even church felt complicated. For crying out loud, even what to eat felt complicated! SO MANY considerations, all the time.
You know what the result is of having all those considerations? From having life become so complicated? The result is a complete absence of JOY. Complications steal our joy.
I believe this is especially hard during these young years of being single and making decisions that set the course of our entire lives. We aren’t grounded by the simplicity of knowing our role as wife or mother (although I assure you that that brings with it a complication that is a whole new beast). We see all decisions based on how they affect one person: me. And yet, somehow that one-person is infinitely complicated isn’t she? You see, living in a constant consideration of oneself is the most stressful, exhausting, and draining way to live. That is complication. And that is lack of joy.
The Apostle Paul was single. And yet, he knew the secret to de-complicating life. He knew the secret to simple living. And, as we’ll see throughout Philippians, he knew the secret to true joy. He shares this secret in verse 21 of chapter 1:
For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain.
Well, that pretty much settles it then.
Of all of life’s considerations and concerns, life and death are the greatest, yes? All the other worries of relationships, finances, future–they all come in secondary to the greatest human instinct which is survival.
Paul was in a situation where he wasn’t sure what the outcome would be: life or death. There were certainly considerations–we see that in verses 22-26. He had work to do, people to take care of. He had the gospel to preach. But really, it all just came down to this: Whatever will glorify God the most, that’s what I seek. For to me to live is Christ.
So it’s all settled. Not easy to live out, I assure you, but it can be settled once and for all.
To live is Christ. So, do I date this guy? Well, does dating him help me to glorify God more than ever before? Does he make me want to grow with Christ? Does he challenge me to love God more? Does he challenge me to stay physically and emotionally pure? Does the aim of his life line up with the aim of my life, to serve God in all that we do? If so, sure! If not, don’t.
Should I move out on my own? Will that enable me to trust and rely on God more? Is the desire to move out based on my selfishness or immaturity, because I haven’t matured to the point that I can submit to the authority of my parents? Do I sense God leading me to move out by faith, so that I can grow in my relationship with Him?
These are all healthy considerations, because they are all variations of ONE consideration: Christ. It doesn’t mean that everything becomes easy, but it does make everything world’s simpler.
This means that we work at our jobs for Christ. We budget our money for Christ. We go to college for Christ. We make friends for Christ. We spend time with others for Christ. We make decisions about our futures for Christ. He is it. For us, to live is Christ.
The one reason why this will remain a struggle for us, is that we haven’t yet encountered the greatness of God in such a way that we cannot help but live for Him. Because Christ is the most captivating, brilliant, and awe-inspiring being, the more we know Him the more we will love Him. So, are we struggling with our ability to say that Christ is our life? Get to know Him a bit more. That’s why we’re spending these 3 days studying the whole book of Philippians. Because in it we see who Christ is. And when we see Him we can’t help but proclaim that we truly do want Him to be our life.
*What are you wrestling with right now? How can you apply this, to live is Christ, to your situation right now?
Camping on Contentment: It’s all about expectations.
So here’s a shocker. I’ve found that 9 times out of 10, my discontentment has nothing to do with stuff, it has to do with people. Take all the clothes out of my closet. Fine. I’ll wear my bathrobe. But if my husband is three hours late for our camping trip? T-i-c-k-e-d. I’m discontent in a hurry.
Not that that happened. Purely hypothetical. Ok, it did happen. And yes, of course it wasn’t his fault, blah blah blah, none of that matters. What I realized was that usually what robs my joy has nothing to do with material possessions or even comforts, it has to do with other people not meeting my expectations. That’s a problem.
Am I alone in this? Something tells me I’m not. I’ve talked to enough women to know that we frequently are frustrated by friends or family or spouses who we feel are not holding up their end of the deal, whatever the deal is. To make matters worse, we’re usually the only ones who know what the deal is. Which, yes, is tremendously unfair.
So I’m not a professional counselor. But here’s how I worked, and do work, through times when I realize I’m discontent because of my perception that someone else has failed to follow through.
1. Identify expectations. What were they, and how were they upset. BE HONEST. Often our expectations are subconscious, so we don’t even realize we have them. I’m guilty of fantasizing expectations. For example, for an embarrassing example: My expectation was that Jeff would arrive at the campground at 8pm (kids and I arrived earlier). That gave him a 30-minute cushion, allowing for traffic, last minute stop at home, etc. He arrived at almost 11pm. Now yes, that’s 3 hours different, but what exacerbated the situation was that I realized that I’d unwittingly allowed myself to fantasize about Jeff secretly getting off work early and surprising me by showing up early that afternoon (happy and energetic of course!), swinging me in his arms and saying, “Hey babe, let me take the kids for a while so you can go have some time for yourself!”
Very foolish fantasy. We’ll get to that later. But it’s helpful to understand: What is your expectation, and how exactly was it disappointed. If we don’t know what we expected, we can’t deal with the problem.
2. Identify Idealism. Idealistic fantasies are rarely—actually, never—helpful. One of the most important lessons I continue to learn is to forget the ideal and embrace the real. We don’t have ideal kids, we have real kids. We have real spouses, real friends, real houses, real lives. Oh, and don’t forget, you are, and I am a real person. That means I don’t look like an airbrushed model and my house doesn’t look like a Pottery Barn ad. Neither do you and neither does yours. It’s ok. I am a real mom and we have a real house that we live in. So it looks lived in. My husband is wonderful, but he is also real. So that fantasy I had? Not real. Forget the fantasies. All the time we spend dreaming about how wonderful an ideal would be we’re missing out on living in the real and wonderfully blemished world around us. Turn off the fantasy and get busy living.
3. Wait to communicate. 11pm was not the time to tell Jeff that he had not fulfilled my fantasy. He was very, very tired. I was very, very tired. Sleep first, talk later. We had a great chance to talk a few days later, in a long car ride while both kids were occupied. We were on the same team, communicating in a positive way so that we could better learn how to love and bless each other in the future. It was truly a great interaction. If I’d have brought it up at 11pm upon his arrival, it would not have been a great talk. Wait to communicate.
On the note of communication, it is important to deal with an issue that is chronic. A negative habit that is continually harming the family needs to be dealt with. Seek a counselor, get help, set goals. And, always be sure to ask your friend or spouse whether the expectation you had was a reasonable one. They can inform you whether or not your expectation is fair or whether too much is being asked.
4. Do what you can. We all know this, but the only person you can change is yourself. After identifying your expectations, getting rid of unhealthy idealism, and communicating wisely and calming in an appropriate manner, figure out what you can do. For me, it was just choosing to get over my silly disappointment and move on and have a wonderful family vacation. Take action rather than sitting around waiting for someone else to come along and make you happy. Go back to our first little lesson and take steps to learn contentment, look to God for your strength to be content, and keep reminding yourself that contentment is the greatest gain you’ll have. My contentment is a much greater gain that having Jeff arrive right on time. I’m rich beyond measure if I can learn to be happy no matter what time someone arrives. A content heart means no matter who disappoints me, my joy is settled and firm. It’s all good.
So tomorrow morning we pack up our tent and roll up our sleeping bags. The kids’ finger nails are black. I’m pretty sure I’ve gained 5 lbs. thanks to s’mores and Nutella. I’ll be doing laundry for almost as many days as we spent camping. But it’s been the best family vacation this little Patterson clan has ever had. And this time away, camping on contentment, has given my heart a lot to chew on. My goal is to continue in this sweet spot of joy, even back in the busy world of work, ministry, cell phones and wi-fi. I think that’s what Paul would say to do—in abundance or in want, in busyness or in rest, in my campsite or my culdesac—I’ll continue on this journey, to learn to be content. Will you join me?
Camping on Contentment: It’s not about stuff, it’s where the stuff resides.
I had a re-epiphany today. You know, one of those moments you learn something again for the first time. We’re continuing our series of Camping on Contentment, and today my lessons had skin and walked around in front of me.
As I mentioned Paul wrote, from prison, awaiting a possible death sentence, to the church at Philippi:
“…I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me” (Phil. 4:11-13).
We’re on day 3 of this week-long camping trip at beautiful Foster Reservoir outside Sweet Home, Oregon. The landscape is breath-taking, the weather is perfect, and not a wireless signal to be found. It’s heaven. So, my post included the truth, perhaps obvious, that we are often most content when we are without our everyday luxuries and conveniences. But really, as Paul says, true contentment has nothing to do with having or not having, with going all out or going without. It isn’t about the amount you have, it’s about where that amount resides. It is not within, it’s without.
So I saw this played out in two people yesterday, both of whom I respect greatly. One has lived in multi-million dollar, gorgeous homes, has amazing taste, and makes Martha Stewart look like a failing Home Ec. student. She’s truly remarkable. Her quilts and pies and artistic touches always have me in awe. Her homes have been teeming with beautiful art, décor, rare antiques. But because of life’s unpredictable circumstances, she’s now had to down-size considerably. Give away loads and loads and loads of her beautiful things. Suffice it to say she’s given up a LOT.
Here’s what amazes me. She is absolutely happy. I’m watching her hand over thing after thing after thing and she doesn’t bat an eyelash. Her actions echo Paul’s words: in whatever situation I am content. The bottom line is this: regardless of what beautiful things someone has, the important thing is where they reside. If they are internal, that is in the center of one’s heart, where they become what it takes to create happiness, we are doomed to despair and discontent. But no matter how much one has, if it is external, there can be the joy of living with or without luxury. It’s fun to have, but not tragic when it’s gone.
On a similar note, we spent some blessed time with our missionary friends from Africa. Here’s a candid confession—sometimes I dread spending time with missionaries just back from a foreign country because I’m afraid they’re going to look with a critical eye on every luxury I have. What if they see my SUV and shake their heads in disapproval? Will I be able to indulge in our beloved s’mores tradition if they’re staring at me and thinking of starving children? I’m sure this is all in my head, but I get nervous nonetheless.
Here was the refreshing reality. They have learned the Paul secret as well. “I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger.” They know how to live in both worlds. In Africa, they live like the people. They live on their level, eat their food, travel with them. And yet, it was so fun to see this woman’s unashamed joy as she recounted coming back home and just standing and staring around her house, amazed all over again at how beautiful it is. Not ashamed of it, just purely thankful for it. Embracing it. Enjoying it. And, she was thoroughly enjoying the camping festivities—the BBQ, the boat rides, the lounging by the campfire. There was not a hint of disapproval in her. Bottom line? She knows how to live in plenty and in want. She can enjoy the things that we are blessed with here in the United States, and she can live as happy as a clam without them in Africa. Why? Because things, comforts, are external to her. They are not what create her happiness.
That, is the key. In these two women’s lives I saw the example of those who are comfortable in two worlds. They understand that God does give us wonderful things to enjoy. Perfect example: Tonight I had one of the sweetest moments of my life: A glorious evening boat ride, in the warm gentle breeze, watching my husband wakeboard while holding both my precious children on my lap. Kissing their cheeks, all smushed up by the lifejackets, breathing the perfect scent of their hair, listening to their squeals of laughter as they watched Jeff splash and jump and crash in the cool water. I told my dad, “This boat is a gift. It has given us years and years of our most precious family memories.” My very earliest childhood memory, at just two years old, is of boating. My entire life is sprinkled with amazing boating memories. I never dreamed I’d one day get to enjoy these precious times with my own children. And here we are. That silly hunk of fiberglass and metal (or whatever boats are made of!), has been the source of countless joyful occasions. A true gift to enjoy.
So we are free to enjoy the luxurious gifts, when they are given. I love the beauty of my home. I am still in awe of little things like the creamy color of the molding, the beautiful bronzed fixtures, the window above my sink. And yet, last summer was just as wonderful, living in that smelly little apartment that baked like an oven in the sun. I gave the kids rides around the living room in a laundry basket and Dutch spent the afternoons playing in a kiddie pool filled with dirty gravel on the balcony. With or without, right?
So enjoy! Be free to enjoy what you have, without thinking about what you don’t have. Use it, love it, enjoy it, share it, and thank God for it. With or without, we’re thankful and happy. I’m enjoying this camping on contentment thing. Campfire’s out, it’s time for sleep. See you in the morning.

