Recently a friend with two littles asked for parenting book recommendations. I drew an absolute blank which made me realize I should probably brush up my book-recommendation skills! Also, with Dutch now 18 and graduated, I find myself reflecting a lot, on things I’m grateful we did, things we could have done differently.
My hesitation in recommending parenting books is that I never want to reinforce this idea that it’s somehow formulaic. As if you just do the right things and add the right ingredients on some parental assembly line, and voila! out pops a happy, successful kid. Or that it all rides on us somehow. God is SO gracious. On-our-knees prayer, humility, depending deeply on God, by His Spirit, in His Word, connected in His Body, is the only “must have” in my opinion. But over the last 18 years, these are the books that have helpful for me at each stage. Some of them are controversial. I get that. You may hate some of them. That’s ok too! Just sharing what’s been helpful for us. 🙂
1. The Growing Kids God’s Way series (videos are on YouTube) and Babywise, Toddlerwise, Childwise, Teenwise books: I know these are controversial because they involve sleep training. Some people hate them. That’s fine. I didn’t employ everything in them, but I did find sleep training helpful for my babies, and definitely found helpful the idea of building the Moral Storehouse, understanding Ages and Stages, and the overarching idea that we train our children because we want them to be a BLESSING to this world. They were super helpful for me!
2. Simplicity Parenting: Oh man this was a LIFE-CHANGER for me. This presents the idea that Quirk + Stress = Disorder. Not that all disorders can be “cured” by reducing stress, but the author explores the often undetected stress of TOO MUCH. By drastically simplifying a child’s life and environment (fewer choices, calmer days, fewer activities), we give them back the beauty of a simple childhood. This book also helped me determine our schedule based on balancing C (calm) and A (active) days. Can’t recommend it enough!
3. For the Children’s Sake: Oh I love this book! This is a book about education, drawing upon Charlotte Mason’s philosophy, that’s applicable to any educational setting. I’ve read it several times, but it’s been awhile (need to read it again!), but I love the emphasis of honoring children as individual persons, and teaching them primarily to pay attention, develop healthy habits, think critically and deeply, and care for others. I think every human should read this book!
4. To Train up a Child: Here’s another super controversial one, but I have to mention it because I still think it has some gems of wisdom in it. I LOVE the chapters on parental anger and the disciplining out of frustration (so good!) and tying heart strings with our children. I read this when D&H were very little, and it hugely impacted my perspective. Tying heart strings is something I still think of all the time.
5. Boys should be Boys: It’s been ages since I read this but I remember loving it because of the emphasis on encouraging boys to be outdoors and to take risks. Especially now that I’m reading The Anxious Generation I am so grateful I read this book way back when Dutch was little. So helpful!
6. The Anxious Generation: I’m not done with this yet but I’m already feeling like it’s becoming a must-read for navigating the online world with kids.
TEENS
7. The Sex Talk You Never Had. Making a BIG jump here into mid-teen years with this recommendation. While we’ve had lots of “talks” (not just one) over the years with our kids, when Heidi was turning 15 I found myself realizing we had some gaps in this area. I LOVE this book. I highly recommend this one for teen girls (or boys) who are of dating age.
8. Captivating: Again, this would be for mid-age teen girls. Heidi read it right before she turned 16. I read this book in seminary, but now it’s re-released with updated content, and Heidi LOVED IT. Super helpful related to godly femininity.
9. Fathered By God and 10. The Young Men We Need: The guy versions of the above book. 🙂 I haven’t read the entire thing of these, but Jeff and Dutch have and recommend!
How about you? Feel free to share any parenting books that have born good fruit in your children’s lives! Thank you!