The Problem With Beautiful
Hello again! This is Caila, stepping in for Kari while she is on vacation. You can read more about me on my blog, CailaMade. Thanks for reading!
I lay on the bed, weeping. Sobs racked throughout my body, causing me to inwardly cringe at my own weakness. My husband’s hand rubbed paths along my shoulder blades. He was understandably lost for words.
I had just returned from speaking in front of our church’s moms group. It was a simple affair. I shared some of the challenges and successes I’ve had over the past few years at becoming a better housewife. I wasn’t preaching to the masses, or running a giant crusade, or being interviewed on the Today Show. I simply stood and shared with the women of our church about an issue we all had in common. No big deal.
Except now I was sobbing my heart out on our bed, with a very bewildered husband at my side. And I was weeping over the very silliest reason of them all.
I didn’t feel beautiful.
Beauty had nothing to do with our moms’ discussion that night. It is a weakness I’ve struggled with periodically, and which rears it’s head every time I feel vulnerable.
And I know, lovely friends, I’m not alone.
Even from this distance I remember the heartbreak of that moment so clearly my eyes are actually tearing up. I feel ashamed of my raw, self-centered fears. But I’m sharing this in the hopes that another mom who is wrestling with the very same fear will feel un-alone and encouraged today. And I’m sharing because I truly believe that lies thrive in the darkness, and the moment we speak them out loud, shine the light of day on their wicked twisted untruths, they begin to lose their power.
So, here you go, Lies. I’m putting you out to die in the light. Good riddance.
We all have moments of feeling less-than. Whether you struggle with feeling hip enough, or wealthy enough, or smart enough, or young enough, or pretty enough, you can find friends here. If you struggle with chasing beauty, well you and I can hang out because I’ve got your number sister and I know how it feels.
But we’ve got a problem. The problem with “beauty” is that the definition is always changing. Not only is the definition changing, but you and I are changing. What’s beautiful today, might not be beautiful in 20 years. And we, who might be beautiful today, will not look the same in 20 years.
Meanwhile, there is something forever valuable in the true beauty of a kind and loving spirit. There is beauty in self-sacrifice, in letting God mold us over time through His Spirit, into something truly, unutterably beautiful.
And that beauty cannot fade over time. It cannot be altered by fads, and it cannot be faked by photo filters. Rather, it shines through the cracks and wrinkles of old age, it hovers peacefully around the young who have found their forgiveness and their place in Christ.
I am not beautiful because of my face. I am not beautiful because of my size, or because my jeans fit again two months after giving birth (they didn’t, by the way). I am not beautiful because of Mac makeup or Nordstrom clothes (I love both of those things). I am not beautiful because of Instagram filters, or styled photo shoots. I am not even beautiful just because my husband thinks I am, although God bless him foreverandeverandever because of it.
No, I am truly beautiful because God loved me. When he formed my body, He did not make a mistake. When he designed my life’s path, He did not rip me off. When He sent His son to die for the sins of the world, I was not excluded. I have this one beautiful chance, this life, to show that I trust Him enough to put my value completely in His hands.
Remember, sweet sister. Beautiful mamma. You do not need to do anything to be beautiful. You do not need to change yourself, beat yourself up, spend lots of money, or sweat it out, to be beautiful. Your value is already found in Him. Let Him grow a beauty out of you that can’t be stolen by years. And 30 or 40 years from now, all the young women will ask why we are so confident and happy and beautiful. And we will smile and tell them why.
*****
“Do not let your adorning be external…but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart.” 1 Peter 3:3-7
Like sparks from the fire
Hello dear friends, it’s good to be in this special, sacred space again! I’m Caila, an old college pal of Kari’s: partner in shenanigans, fellow blond, and another mom who loves to chat about the Sacred Mundane. You can visit my blog, CailaMade, to learn more about me and my adventures in sewing and other creative pursuits. I’ll be here at SM all week while Kari is traveling. We are going to have fun!
Now, where to start? I could tell about the time I first heard Kari mention the words, “Sacred Mundane” (I was a senior in college), or the time we got stuck on the East Cost after 9-11 and had to sleep on airport floors and share packs of underwear from Walmart because our luggage was locked in the plane. Or, I could tell about college women’s retreats where we would study the Bible but not shower for days on end. Kinda gross, eh? It was fun!
Years have passed since those college days and the troubles we faced when we were young and inexperienced. Those troubles seem so small in retrospect, but they were significant then. My shopping addiction (embarrassing, but true), Kari’s unrequited love for Jeff Patterson that turned out not to be so unrequited after all. Huge worries that kept us up all night, and kept us on our knees, as we begged God to make our paths straight and clear.
Now that I’m a mother of three, a wife, and a homemaker in our a small, blue bungalow in Southern California, I can’t help but look back at little college Caila and shake my head fondly. She didn’t understand what great troubles and great joys were coming her way. In a thousand answered prayers I’ve seen a thousand ways I need to grow in strength and perseverance to honor God with this life he has given me.
As my life grows and expands, I’ve noticed that joy and trouble seem to come hand in hand. More children = more joy = more trouble. Becoming new home owners = more joy = more trouble. Bringing home a new Golden Retriever puppy (her name is Athena) = more joy = more trouble.
Yeah, it’s true. With every new and good thing, comes more responsibility. It’s a heavy load to bear sometimes.
But that’s life, isn’t it? The good and the bad. The beauty and the trouble. It reminds me of this great moment from the Princess Bride between Westley (when he’s disguised as the Dread Pirate Roberts )and Buttercup:
Buttercup: You mock my pain!
Westley: Life IS pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.
It’s true. As much as I wish it wasn’t, trouble and pain are just part of the deal. Whenever I feel depressed because things are harder than I expected I remember this verse from the book of Job, chapter 5 verse 7:
“But man is born to trouble, as the sparks fly upward.”
As the sparks fly upward. In other words, trouble is to mankind like physics is to nature. It’s a law that life must follow. Trouble is as natural as joy.
Maybe wishing things were easier is part of the problem.
Perhaps, my daily struggles as a mom are compounded by expecting things to be so much easier. Maybe some things are just hard, and with time I will get strong enough to carry them more easily, but in the mean time there is nothing wrong with hard. Hard prepares you for what’s ahead. Hard means you’ll be stronger for the next load.
I’ve spent too much of my life waiting for easier. Easier ain’t coming. Easier doesn’t exist. She’s like that model on the cover of a magazine, airbrushed to perfection. She’s not the real deal. Easy has no place in my home, because “easy” doesn’t grow trust, or love, of faithful perseverance. Easy grows laziness, and believe me, there’s no room for lazy in my life.
So I guess what I’m trying to say, mommas, is this: Don’t be too discouraged when it’s hard. I know how it feels when the baby wakes up for the millionth time at night and you don’t think you can take another wakeful moment. You can. You are strong enough.
I know how it feels when your husband has to work another late night and he’s bringing home the paycheck but it feels like everything else is on you all the time. You can handle it. You are strong enough.
And do you know why you are enough? Not because you and I are perfect or extra-special. Not because we posses the secrets of the universe. No. We are strong enough because God, who is rich in mercy, has been making us strong enough since we were born.
You have been prepared for this. I have been prepared for this. And if it feels hard, that’s because it. is. hard. But it’s beautiful-hard. And beautiful-hard is better than everything that comes with easy, which is usually very little.
Be encouraged today. Keep pushing on, keep doing well, beautiful mommas. It will get better. And then maybe something else will come along to try your strength. In this life, always expect trouble with the joy. But remember that JOY will win in the end.
Bless you today!
