Campfires, Rest, and Morning Sickness

Tonight I sat around a campfire, on the beach, with the crashing Pacific Ocean waves just yards away.  No annoying wind, just a crackling fire nestled down into the sand, with sitting logs on three sides.  My brother, Kris, and Jeff built the fire, scurrying around like boys, eyes dancing, collecting sticks and engineering the perfect fire.  Once the fire really took off, we tore open the bag of marshmallows, procured the necessary sticks–not too short and not too thick–and began roasting.  I sipped my hot chocolate and pulled my blanket tight around my shoulders, although by now my shins were getting hot so I laid down next to the fire, in the sand, gazing up into the darkness, savoring the sweet moment of forgetting the job search, the morning sickness (almost forgetting it until I tried to eat a marshmallow and remembered that nothing tastes right), the need to find a place to live, the upcoming arrival of baby #2 complete with financial needs.  For a little while I was back in college, eating marshmallows with my brother.  I was again a newlywed, walking hand in hand with Jeff through the sand. 

We’ve been here, at the beach, for the past 4 days. We leave Wednesday, and I am just reminded again how sweet it is to get away.  And this is my idea of a vacation.  A beach house (paid for by my parents…this is key), a stone’s throw from the crashing waves, and walking distance from the Alsea Bay, where we can use the paddle boat and Dutch can play in the shallow water.  Walking distance from a little mart where we can get milk and cheerios if need be.  Walking distance from the point where hundreds of seals gather, where we can take Dutch and watch with delight as he “Whoa!”s and points in awe.  This is the place where we can cook our own food, eat like Kings (healthy ones), and savor delicious dessert every night. This is where I can curl up in the huge wicker chair with the cream cushions and put my feet on the windowsill and look out over the ocean, lost in thought, or read for four hours straight, like I did today.  This is where I can turn on the dryer to muffle out the noise while Dutch sleeps. 🙂  This is where the huge family dining table can seat all of us, my brother and his wife and daughter and my parents and us and Dutch.  This is where we can all curl up and watch a movie together.  This is where Jeff and Dutch can bike, where Kris and Nikki and Jennika can take off in the afternoon for a hike. WHere Kris can surf (he really did!) and the boys can fly their kites and Mom can have pneumonia but still somehow enjoy the whole trip from the solitude of her room, listening to the joy and watching from the huge bay windows in her room.  This is where we have that beautiful balance of together and alone time…the mix of freedom and belonging, which is one of the strengths of this family that I will always appreciate. 

ANd this, mixed with the forced change of pace that pregnancy brings, has been good.  With pregnancy, I have permission to nap (today I got up at 6:30, walked on the beach with Jeff and Dutch, then came back, ate a bowl of Cheerios the size of a mixing bowl, then went to bed and slept from 8:30-10:30.  How awesome is that?)  With pregnancy I have permission to break all the rules of eating at appropriate times. After my Cheerios, and a big lunch, I went back at 2pm for another 1/2 a chicken salad sandwich, then at 3pm I polished off the strawberry shortcake, then at dinner I didn’t touch anything except the chicken, but filled up on Tillamook Mudslide ice cream afterwards.  I actually really enjoy the freedom…you can always just play the “I’m pregnant” card and pretty much anything goes. 

The other thing I love about pregnancy is that it allows you to be weak and to accept help.  My sister-in-law has been an absolute dream on this trip.  The very day we got here my mom came down with pneumonia, and after a trip to the hospital, has spent the entire vacation in bed.  I was in charge of planning all the meals and bringing the food, which I did, but that was before morning sickness, so now that we’re here I want absolutely nothing to do with preparing raw chicken and sauteeing onions.  She has swept in and joyfully prepared meals that I planned (that’s never as fun as preparing your own planned meals), and doing dishes, cleaning. SHe’s been a dream. ANd it’s been so freeing to just say, “Here is the recipe. Can you help me? I can’t do it tonight.”  It’s been good to say, I”m sorry, I’m a disaster right now and I’m so tired I can’t think.  Please forgive me for being a bear.  As always, she understands.  After all, she was pregnant once too.

So, this long and rambling post is basically telling you that it’s so good when life is interrupted and we’re knocked on our back a little, knocked into a soft chair with a good book and a view of the ocean. I admit, I still fall into panic mode: “We need a JOB and a place to LIVE and we have a BABY on the way!” But most of the time God is gracious enough to allow me to remember that today is today, and it is all I have.  He holds my tomorrow.  So, tonight I sit here, in a dark room, listening to my toddler son breathe noisily through his stuffy nose, and my husband breathe quietly next to me, his chest rising and falling in soft rhythm.  Across the wall sleep my brother, his wife, their daughter. Across the hall sleep my mom and dad.  Outside the waves are still crashing.  Tragedy is happening somewhere.  Rejoicing and celebrating are happening somewhere. ANd the waves are still crashing.  And God is still God, and allowing me this sweet vacation, this rest for my soul and body.  Thanks, God.  Thanks.