Give Permission

As I’ve mentioned before, my brother and sister-in-law are visiting from Utah.  They’re visiting for a little over 3 weeks, which I love. I love long visits like this because it enables you, even if for a limited time, to live life together.  Day or weekend visits (though wonderful and we’ll take them whenever we can get them!) are a little more superficial.  You have to hurry, catch up, do a bunch of fun things, eat good meals, then run off again.  A long visit like this enables us to just relax. They come and go. We eat breakfast, sit in silence, share bathrooms, watch each other’s baby, grocery shop, live life.  This living life together enables spontaneous conversations to arise that can’t be planned.  That’s why father’s can’t plan “quality time” with their kids. They can plan quanities of time, but true quality time just isn’t very predictable. 

Anyway, this morning Nikki (my sister-in-law) and I had a great impromtu conversation about the last LiveDifferent Challenge, and about consumerism and materialism in general.  As girls, we are all too aware of our tendency to want stuff–expensive clothes, furniture, vacations, on and on and on.  This is the “natural” way in which we live.  Therefore, it takes supernatural power to live counter-culturally and resist those pressures.

But how can we do this?  Lately I’ve been thinking about the ways that our spending and consuming habits affect others.  It’s not a secret that everything we do affects others.  If everytime I go to someone’s house it is immaculately clean, I will feel as though when they come to my house it “should” be immaculately clean.  When I go and they have a basket of laundry peeking out from behind the couch, I feel as if I’m allowed to not have everything perfect when they come over.  In a sense, that person has give me permission to not be perfect. When others admit their weaknesses to us, it gives us permission to not be perfect.  This is fairly common sense. But how does this relate to spending?  I’ve always been really careful to try to not make people feel that I’m trying to tell them what they should buy or not buy.  And I still want to maintain that caution! I really do feel that it is an individual matter between you and God–it is not up to me to decide that for you.  However, having said that, consider this verse about godliness and humility:  “Let each one not only look out for his own interests but also the interests of others” (Phil 2:4).  Or what about Romans 14, which explains that if our actions, which we are free to do, do not benefit others, then they are not godly–in fact, they are sin.  I am beginning to think, then, that even our individual spending habits should be evaluated in light of how they directly and indirectly affect others.

Let me explain.  In the last post, when talking about fashion, Swenson had said this: “Someone has to give permission for people not to follow fashion.  The opinion levied over and over again by culture says that if you wear plain clothes and drive a rusty car, you should feel embarrassed.  But God never said such a thing…Go to the cross, take the embarrassment yourself, and start allowing others to follow your example of simplicity in fashion.”  I remember once feeling very fine about an outfit, which was certainly not new, that I was wearing to a girl’s get together. But once I got there, I instantly began comparing.  Everyone had cuter clothes, shoes, most of them had houses, good jobs, nice cars…I left the shower thinking, “Man, I was really content before I went to that shower!”  Now please hear me, I am not blaming them!  The discontent was due to my own weakness.  But let me ask you this:  When people are around you, are they stirred toward contentment or discontentment because of your posessions/furnishings/clothes, etc.  Again, I am not saying that you cannot have any nice things for fear that someone else will envy you.  But, if we are “consider one another, how you can stir each other toward love and good deeds” then should we not even consider one another when we are shopping, buying a house, a car, belongings?  Should we consider, “How will my purchase affect my brother? Will it sow a seed of discontent or is it a modest purchase that well-represents one whose hope and eyes are fixed on things eternal?”  

Everything we do is an example to others.  And everything we buy is a representation of our values.  Personally, I would love it if other people “gave me permission” to drive an old car, wear plain clothes, be content with a simple house or apartment.  I’m not demanding that of them, but it sure would be refreshing.  Of course we can say that, but if we say that and then go and strive for the nicest things money can buy–aren’t we practicing something different than we preach? 

Again, I am not making a list and saying some things are godly and some are evil, such as: Boat=evil, rusty car=good.  Wasting money on ill-working items doesn’t glorify God.  But can we focus on functionality instead of image?  Usefulness instead of status?  Can we create beauty out of humble things in such a way that others are inspired to do the same?  More is caught than taught, and by living this way, we give others permission to live the same.

Will you give me permission to go against the grain?  I give you permission to wear clothes from goodwill.  I give you permission to drive an “uncool” car.  I give you permission to beautify your home with the decor of love, the flowers of nature, the fine furnishings or peace, joy, tranquility.  I give you permission to take yourself out of the competition to have the most and the best.  Let’s give each other permission to live in such a way, as individuals, that God can be most glorified in our actions, thoughts, hearts…and purchases.  I have a long way to go in this area, and I admit that I’ll probably prove to be a hypocrite on this at some point.  But let’s consider each other, even before we swipe the card.  I give you permission.