Making a home that shall continue in love and peace.

Thank you for your patience as Kari pauses from writing for a few days during our move. Until she gets back on-line, here’s a quick glimpse into our shared life. She has no idea I’ve written this 😉 And I promise she will be back on-line soon! —Jeff

We have no idea who the couple is in the picture above. The photo arrived as a random bookmark in a used book, one we read together in the months before getting married (Strike the Original Match, admittedly a hokey title for a great book on marriage dynamics).

Every time Kari and I look at that photo we chuckle, and notice some new feature of it. The faux wood paneling on the wall, the black leather couch, the off-center painting, lamplight shining from the side, the water stain, or the knit something-rather near the husband’s elbow. The only thing missing is patches on that sweet suit jacket of his.

The morning of our wedding I sent Kari a card and included the photo. Every since then it has appeared in our gifts to one another, trading it back and forth when the moment seemed right. It’s always perfect every time. As I cleaned my office in recent weeks I found the photo again.

This time I noticed something new: the husband is gleefully smiling, while the wife is almost wincing. Seems about right.

When a faithful wife endeavors to follow her man, he cannot help but smile. She sometimes winces, because the truth must be told: we husbands have no idea what we’re doing. We fake it a lot, and often run up against challenges we haven’t been adequately prepared for, either by our dads or in our culture. Guys pretend quite a bit.

There are at least two things one cannot fake, at least for very long: love and peace.

I almost called this post “The Good Wife” (and here there is a new show on TV these days that belies its title). It just didn’t fit. Kari doesn’t just appear to be a good wife, or go through the motions. She’s not pretending in any way. She’s good, but won’t promote herself as such. But I shall. Kari is the most godly, intelligent, wise, and faithful woman I know. And because of that I cannot help but smile.

Love and peace make us all smile. In our wedding vows, Pastor Paul Hunter led us through a statement of intent and ‘I Do’ vows, before getting to the official wedding vows and ring exchange. As a pastor now I include it in every ceremony I officiate:

Jeff, do you come here freely to take Kari as your wife, according to the commandments of God in holy marriage?

(I do.)

Jeff, do you promise to honor and uphold her, and to join with her in making a home that shall continue in love and peace?  Do you affirm your purpose of a deeper union with her, whereby you both shall know joy and fulfillment of love?  Do you pledge to her your complete faithfulness through all the changing experiences of life?  And, do you now give yourself to her completely, body, soul and spirit, that from this day forth you shall be hers alone, so long as you both live?

(I do.)

Lots of great questions in there, but this line always sticks out to me: “making a home that shall continue in love and peace.” Amen. Right relationships, being generous and gracious with one another. That’s what we are committing to doing and becoming.

Four years ago Kari began writing daily in the public eye, on this blog. It’s been an incredible journey, about which she reflects often with gratitude and humility. She notes how there are times when she truly does not know what she thinks on a subject until she writes about it. Not everything goes “live” and get’s published for all to read. Yet writing gives her permission to think deeply, feel deeply, and reflect on the truth as it is in Jesus. It helps the mundane activities of life take their sacred shape.

We talk beforehand about each family dynamic she shares with her readers. Kari’s good about checking with her man before clicking ‘Publish.’ So, when we chose to sell our home, downsize our lives, and hopefully reorient our real lives around our already stated core values, we knew there would be parts she would share in this space. I simply want to use this brief opportunity to write that the woman you read about here is only a glimpse. Yet real life Kari and online Kari are the same woman. No pretending here.

With each new challenge, and daily snapshot of life, we are carving out life under the good and gracious God who gave Himself to rescue us. We are at peace with Him, at home in His love. And we can live that way as a family. Dallas Willard writes about what it means to carve out a life under God in his great book, The Spirit of the Disciplines:

“It’s the responsibility of every Christ-follower to carve out a satisfying life under the loving rule of God, or else sin will start to look good.” (p. 80)

As we daily endeavor to do that, we might wince every once in a while, as in the random photo above. But with each day we grow together in making a home that shall continue in love and peace.

Many of you have said to me you greatly appreciate the influence Kari’s words have in your life. That’s humbling to hear, and only confirms what I’ve sensed since we began life together. Part of my role as husband and leader is to steward her gifts and cultivate her so she can give herself away. We know it is not great talents that God blesses as much as great likeness to Jesus. She no doubt has a gift for writing, but that’s energized by obedience to what He tells her. She’s captivated by His love and compelled to follow in His steps. (To the ancient mind, to worship is to obey.) Because He gave His life away, we can do likewise. Kari does that in part through her words.

I pray daily that I do not take her for granted. Your reading and learning with (and from) her is helping me steward her gifts and life calling. In the margins of our lives she has faithfully carved out a satisfying life, and the time investing in sharing with you seems to be worth it.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for responding to our great God. We’re with you on the journey.

Because of Jesus,

Jeff