The secret to seeing God move: I don't know.
I can almost hear the conversation:
“So…how long are we going to be here?”
“I don’t know.”
“You think maybe a day, two days, a month, a year?”
“I don’t know.”
“Where are we going next?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, when will we settle down and stay?”
“When we get to where we’re supposed to go.”
“And where’s that?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never been there.”
“Awesome.”
This is how I imagine the conversations between the several-million Israelites and Moses, their leader.
Every conversation went something along the lines of the people asking what they were doing or when they were leaving or how long the journey would be or where they were going.
And Moses saying, again: “I don’t know.”
See, God clearly called Moses. I mean, He gave him a burning bush for crying out loud! This was a very clear calling.
But it wasn’t very detailed. Check it out:
“I have come down to deliver them out of the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of a land to a good and broad land, a land flowing with milk and honey … Come, I will send you to Pharoah that you may bring my people, the children of Israel, out of Egypt.” Exodus 3:8,10
I can only imagine my own response: Ok, got it. Let me just make sure I’m understanding: You want me to bring your people to a “good land” that flows with milk and honey. Where exactly is this place? Can I get the coordinates of this location? Is there a timeframe on this? Are we thinking this deliverance is going to take 10 hours, 10 days, 10 years? Any clues? Do you have the schedule for me, a clear map so I can plan our rest stops and let everyone know what to expect? I’d like to be able to clearly communicate with the people so they know the plan.
Silence.
No map. No schedule. No coordinates. No agenda. God’s leading through Moses went like this:
“At the command of the Lord the people of Israel set out, and at the command of the Lord they camped.As long as the cloud rested over the tabernacle, they remained in camp. Even when the cloud continued over the tabernacle many days, the people of Israel kept the charge of the Lord and did not set out. Sometimes the cloud was a few days over the tabernacle, and according to the command of the Lord they remained in camp; then according to the command of the Lord they set out. And sometimes the cloud remained from evening until morning. And when the cloud lifted in the morning, they set out, or if it continued for a day and a night, when the cloud lifted they set out. Whether it was two days, or a month, or a longer time, that the cloud continued over the tabernacle, abiding there, the people of Israel remained in camp and did not set out, but when it lifted they set out. At the command of the Lord they camped, and at the command of the Lord they set out. They kept the charge of the Lord, at the command of the Lord by Moses.”
I have a whole new level of respect for Moses’ leadership.
This kind of leadership is sitnkin’ hard. Our world tells us that leaders need to have a clear plan, a clear vision; they need to know exactly what to do and where to go in order to inspire confidence in their people. And because of that, as Christian leaders we can often spend the majority of our time constructing our own maps, agendas and schedules instead of teaching people to watch for and wait on the Lord.
Can I just be honest and say it’s easier to make our own map than it is to wait on the Lord?
In our RENEW church-planting adventure it’s as if God only gives us about a 2-inch level of visibility at all times. He gives the exact next steps, one at a time, but nothing further. No map. No schedule. No agenda. When the cloud moves, we move. And I’ve been cool with that–that’s been common practice in our lives as a family.
But it’s a whole new ballgame when you’re leading a whole bunch of other people in the same way!
It’s hard when your kids, your family, your spouse, your friends, whoever it is you are responsible for, look to you and ask: “So what’s next? When do we leave? Where are we going? What’s the plan?”
Its takes transparency and courage to look them in the eyes and readily admit:
“I don’t know. I’ve never been this way before. We just need to watch and wait for God for our next steps. Will you keep an eye out for Him with me?”
And here’s the thing: When we spend our time constructing our own agendas, plans, and maps, it leads people to rely on us. It sets their eyes on us. And if we live according to the world’s values, that’s exactly what they want. In our world system leaders want followers to look to them. But in God’s kingdom, we want people to look to God. We don’t want them to rely on us. We want them to keep their eyes peeled for God’s movement. We want them to know that when He moves, we move. We want them to see right through us and learn themselves to trust and wait on God alone.
Easier said than done.
Whether you lead one small child or a three million adults, you do lead someone. And we have a choice whether we will construct our own plans to appease those around us and make them feel falsely secure, OR whether we will admit that we don’t know the way, but invite them together with you to watch and wait on God alone.
As we embrace transparency with courage we will all learn to watch and wait for the LORD …
And we will see Him move.
~
{Revisiting this truth–I need this constant reminder! Waiting on Him, with you. Thanks for reading.}
What we gain when we give up
“Do you wish your prayers to fly towards God? Give it two wings: Fasting and almsgiving.”
-Augustine of Hippo
As I type these words I am nearing the end of day 3 without food. Or juice. Or ANYTHING for crying out loud! (Sorry, that was my flesh speaking. Ignore her.) I recognize that lots of people fast this long, and much longer, and don’t whine about it. But I wanted to write to you now, before it’s over, because it’s all too easy to finish, eat a big meal, feel great, and then reflect back and say, “Oh that was so wonderful. I loved every minute of it!” Kind of like once childbirth is all over you look back and say that labor pain wasn’t that bad.
Don’t ever believe people who say that. They are crazy. Labor pain is always bad.
And fasting food is always hard. Don’t believe people who say it’s not. 😉 Lest we have some silly notion of prolonged fasting being fun, let me remind you of the headaches, nausea, lightheadedness, fatigue, constantly feeling cold, irritability, inability to focus, just to name a few. God created us to need food, so when we don’t have it, we feel it!
But is it worth it? Oh my. Beyond worth it. Just as labor is nothing compared to the joy of a new life, fasting-discomfort is nothing compared to the joy of new spiritual vitality. And while this post certainly isn’t a definitive guide to benefits of fasting, this is what I gained by giving up.
1. Increased hunger for God.
During this fast I felt such spiritual hunger and desperation for Him and the burning away of the dross of my complacency, comfort-addictions, and pride. Dozens of times a day our minds meander to many different things to fill our emptiness, and food tops the list. So during fasting, we have countless opportunities to turn that hunger to God.
Nothing enables us to understand His upside-down kingdom more than practicing upside-down living. Get hungry to be satisfied. Get empty in order to fill. Give away in order to gain. Humble yourself to be exalted. Lose life to find it. All the kingdom principles are exactly opposite of our natural inclination. Embracing weakness in order to experience power is the the way of the Kingdom.
2. Power in intercession.
Of course I cannot see into the spiritual realm, but I will say that during the time devoted to intercession, I knew these prayers were effective. The hunger fueled my fervor in prayer, and the lack of meal-prep gave me several more hours each day that were free to spend truly seeking Him. Certainly fasting is not some sort of magic genie-in-a-bottle deal where you use fasting to twist God’s arm and make Him what you want. Exactly the opposite.
Through the weakness of fasting you surrender more completely to God’s leading, God’s will, and feel the desperation that characterizes effective prayer. Scripture talks several times about our obedience and abiding in Christ being connected to answered prayer (1 John 3:22, Psalm 66:18, John 15:7, John 15:16). As Augustine said above, “”Do you wish your prayers to fly towards God? Give it two wings: Fasting and almsgiving.”
And speaking of almsgiving…
3. Solidarity with the poor.
I would lie in bed at night and feel SO hungry! And of course what filled my mind was that millions of mamas feel that way every single night, sacrificing their own food so their children won’t starve, or sadly falling asleep knowing their babies are hungry as well. Tears filled my eyes as I couldn’t help but praying for them. Of course I was praying! I felt just the tiniest (tiniest!) bit of what they feel. And I had the knowledge that this feeling would soon be over. They have no such privilege. Fasting enables us to identify with those we are praying for, and stand in solidarity with them.
And of course this type of identification with them leads to increased generosity. We ended our fast by together, as a family, by making a contribution for hungry children through World Vision. We had an increased love and compassion for them because of identifying (in the tiniest bit!) with them. (More on this in Chris Seay’s book here.)
Lastly, I found that THIS BOOK became my daily food, along with the Bible. It is a powerful explanation at New Testament fasting and pushes us beyond narrow legalistic views into freedom, power, joy, and worship. Throughout the day, over and over, I found myself turning to this book. A must-read for anyone attempting a fast. (It’s a FREE pdf download here!)
Although it’s the last thing we naturally want to do, I pray for all of us, for a supernatural desire to embrace the upside down way of the kingdom.
To discover all that we gain when we give up.
{Thanks for reading.}
My Quandaries {What to do when you don't know what to do}
“Some people are more sure of everything than I am of anything.”
Robert Rubin, former US Secretary of the Treasury
Quandary #1: They crawl in early.
Really early. I don’t know how their internal clocks know it, but sometime between when I wake up and when they should wake up, they shuffle, sleepy-eyed, into my bed and curl up under the heavy warmth of our comforter. They sleep, doze, or just watch me read my Bible, pray, and write.
And I, wanting to do do the right thing, ask myself every morning: Should I be letting them do this?
I do, of course, believe children should have boundaries. We have plenty of structure in our days. But so many advise that children should stay in their rooms until a certain time in the morning, and while I think this is a fabulous idea, I just can’t make myself implement it.
The truth is, these early morning snuggles are sacred to me. Sure, it interrupts my writing a little. But I always remind myself that this post was written with Heidi on my lap, and this post after sacrificing my alone time in order to snuggle away her fears.
My point: Parenting principles sometimes don’t apply.
Because children are people. And we are in relationship. And while there some hard and fast rules from our Heavenly Father, aside from that He deals with each of us differently. He gives different convictions, different freedoms. He, the perfect parent relates to us not on the basis of rules but the basis of relationship.
And that’s why parenting is so messy. Why right now my bed is messy because two monkeys are in it as I type these words. And that’s ok with me. Today I’m saying yes to messy.
And speaking of messy…
Quandary #2: He hates spelling.
His handwriting is so messy. Despite the fact that he can read adult encyclopedias and chapter books and is excelling in so many subjects, he detests spelling and handwriting and everyday the stress rises when we get to that blasted red workbook and he struggles and I struggle and all too often we end with him discouraged and me fit to be tied.
Do I keep pushing him? Do I try something else? Do I say to heck with it, he’s only in 1st grade?
One phenomenal book says one thing, another phenomenal book says something different altogether. I agonize over it, like every mom has at one point or another. And so I choose, again, to fall back on relationship. To my relationship with God. To prayer and fasting and seeking my Father to ask Him what He’d want for my son. And we pray to God together so he can see: When we don’t know what to do, we throw ourselves into the lap of God, and trust in His loving care and guidance.
And I scrap spelling for now.
Quandary #3: Do I take a day away each week for writing and speaking prep, believing that is best, or give all my time entirely to my children and trust God that the early morning margins will suffice for study?
There is no right answer etched in stone. And although I don’t sense a clear answer in prayer, I lean one way in my heart, and it takes a scary leap of faith to erase that slot from my schedule and trust that these dark early mornings will multiply miraculously and give me just the time I need …
I leap. And guess what?
He provides abundantly.
What’s the point of sharing my personal quandaries here? Surely you don’t care about the minutiae of my life. I share because we ALL have quandaries. Areas of indecision. And often I look around, and think along with Rubin, “Some people are more sure of everything than I am of anything!”
And so I look at these little quandaries and they teach me this, when faced with indecision:
1. Let relationship be our guide.
2. Seek God’s wisdom through prayer and His Word (and sometimes fasting).
3. Leap out in faith.
And over all of this, let us not be afraid to admit our indecision. Our quandaries. Nowhere in Scripture are we called to have all the answers. God alone is wise. Let’s live small, ok with our indecision, and trust His loving leadership to guide our steps.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.” Prov. 3:5-6
{Thanks for reading.}
*Thank you, sweet Lacey Meyers, for capturing these photos. You are such a gift to me!
Just Enough For Today
I still remember the day my dad firmly said it: “Kari, don’t ever worry about money.”
He wasn’t making a promise of his personal funding, but he had watched my anxiety over the years and finally stepped in. It was a loving rebuke. I received it.
That year, 2008, many things turned around and one of them was that–with a resolve as firm as his rebuke, I quit worrying about money. Budget, yes; steward wisely, yes; but worry, no. I was convicted of my tendency to look ahead in fear, and by a generous work of God’s Spirit, that fear is gone.
But there are plenty of other things to take its place.
It was no coincidence that we were fasting when I read Exodus 16 the other day, when the children of Israel complain to Moses,
“You have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger!” (v.3)
Funny how UN-critical you become of the Israelites when you’re really, really hungry. Instead of wagging a finger, as I usually do, my only thought was, “Yeah, you know what? I can totally understand this complaint!”
Funny how physically identifying with others changes our perspective.
And God Himself proves compassionate to their plight as well. He doesn’t rebuke them (yet) but rather sends daily provision in the form of manna, to be collected each day, just as much as they needed for that day. They were strictly forbidden to gather more and store it up.
Just enough for the day.
And all over again this timeless truth pierced my heart with power of God’s kind conviction.
You only need just enough for today.
Because while I don’t dwell on tomorrow’s money anymore, there’s plenty about tomorrow I do dwell on. Mostly teaching notes, retreat prep, the capacity to handle the flood of responsibilities that inevitably come each day. When deadlines loom and projects stack and emails sit unread for way too long.
And while I can honestly say I am disciplined to be with my kids during the day and I don’t physically pull away to tackle those tasks, they hover there in the back of my mind.
Do you have something hovering in the back of your mind? I’m pretty sure we all do.
Whether it’s a task, a fear, a need, whatever, when tomorrow hovers in my head, it always silently steals the slightest bit of my joy and attention and affection.
It slowly lures me away from entering into the joy, the peace, the glory of each day.
God’s command was clear: Gather enough for today.
My Father (the Heavenly One) firmly said it this week as well. It was kind but firm. A rebuke to be sure: Kari, don’t ever worry about ____________. I will always provide for you.
Jesus taught us the same thing: “Give us this day our daily bread.”
Just enough for today.
Just enough money. Just enough food. Just enough energy. Just enough wisdom. Just enough creativity and inspiration.
Gather just enough for today. There will be more for tomorrow. Let that something hovering go, give over tomorrow to Him, and gladly receive this day and the just enough it brings.
{Trusting Him for tomorrow, with you. Happy Monday and thanks so much for reading.}