Sacred Mundane: The Blog

I had pulled the covers over my head.  It was completely irrational. And when our response to a situation is irrational, we can rest assured something is up.

Something was up.

What was wrong with me?

It’d been brewing for awhile.  I was short with the kids, irritable to my husband, and didn’t want anything to do with ministry.   Of course I kept going through the motions but inside I was felt like I was dying.  And now, a small thing had sent me into an emotional tailspin.

Something was up.

After I finally got myself together, I went downstairs–we were late to a New Year’s Eve party (Just what I felt like doing… Here’s to a New Year! I’m a disaster!), so I rushed the kids to the car and avoided looking at Jeff.  I sat in silence while he asked me a dozen questions, trying to pinpoint what could be the matter, thinking it was somehow his fault.

“It’s not your fault,” I kept saying.  I can’t tell him, I thought. It’s so stupid. I can’t tell him. I sat in silence for about 10 minutes then finally knew I had to say it so at least he’d know it wasn’t him.   Here we go…

“I…”  my voice broke and sobs came.  All the lies and hurts came rushing to the surface, I hadn’t realized their pressure until the silence, and the emotional dam, was broken.  ”…I know I’m a bad mom … Of course I don’t want to [take part in this event I’d been invited to]! I have nothing to offer. Nothing. Why on earth would someone want to hearfrom a woman who can’t even get her kids to sit still for a Christmas picture?! I already know I’m a failure….” I continued until all the junk was out.  (And there was plenty.)

He nodded, understanding. So that was it.  His face was dark and I knew what he was going to say before he said it.

“Lies.”

Calmly, evenly, and with firm resolve, Jeff began telling me the truth.  Who I was in Christ. Who He knew me to be. Truth. Truth. Truth. Like missiles launched in the battle in my heart.  Then he prayed for me.  Thankfully, the tower of lies crumbled quickly, and to my amazement, by the time we reached the party the only residue was a tear-stained face and swollen eyes.  I was so happy to have my heart cleansed and set free that I didn’t care how I looked.  But now, looking back several years later, it’s a sobering reminder of the battle that we face.

~

My thoughts were irrational. They were ridiculous. Because they were lies. But the accusations had been made. The case was built. A hundred little scenarios stacked up like evidence against me. I’d believed the lies and the verdict was clear: I’m a failure.

Have you ever heard this lie? Scripture tells us exactly where it comes from. The Father of Lies (John 8:44) and Accuser of the Brethren (Rev. 12:10) lives to whisper false accusations in our ears. And his favorite tactic is to take perfectly innocent situations and suggest to us how each circumstance proves our worthlessness.

Not invited somewhere? It’s because your kids are obnoxious and no one likes your company. A parenting book recommended to you by a friend? That’s because everyone around knows you’re such a failure as a mom. The success of a friend? See, everyone around you is flourishing while you’re failing. Satan can even turn Christmas cards into accusations! See, everyone else’s kids are perfectly behaved. You’re such a bad mom you can’t even get your kids to pose for a picture.

The whispered accusations are loud, and at times the case made against us can seem air-tight. From our perspective all the evidence points to our worthlessness.

But God.

In Zechariah chapter 3 the prophet saw a vision of Joshua the high priest standing before the LORD and Satan standing at his right hand to accuse him. But verse two tells us that the LORD said to Satan, “Rebuke you, O Satan! … Is not this a brand plucked from the fire?”

My hope and prayer is that none of you can relate to my little story above. But I have a feeling you can.  We are all vulnerable to this but this is what you must know:

You have been plucked from the fire by the Living God. He has saved you, loved you, redeemed you. He has declared you not guilty.

The truth is that you are not a failure or a mistake. The truth is that YOU are the woman chosen to be wife to your husband, to be mother to your children, to be the daughter, friend, minister—whatever you are you were chosen to be. Think about that. 

Whatever you are you were chosen to be. 

You are where you are because God has ordered your steps. And God has not destined you to failure. He has perfectly equipped you to carry out His will (2 Peter 1:3).

You and I don’t have to hide under the covers today. The truth sets us free. We must choose to listen, not to the Accuser, but to the Judge. The One who declares us righteous. The One who loved us so much He died to bring us near. We will make mistakes, but there is no mistaking the love God has for us. I pray today that this extravagant love lures you from your hiding place to face a beautiful day. Only the Truth can silence the lies.  Get with God, open His Word, receive prayer–allow the Truth to set you free.

~

What lies are you tempted to believe about yourself today?  What truth do you need to believe to silence these lies? Thanks for reading.

I thought I was the only one.

I read a study last week that found that while 91% of people feel more connected as a result of Facebook, only 29% of people reported that it made them feel happier. In fact, a vast majority of people admitted self-destructive habits including gawking over people from the past (83%) and comparing themselves to others (76%). Strangely, we love being connected to all of these people, but we aren’t any happier because of it.

We’re funny creatures, aren’t we?

Don’t worry, this isn’t a FB-bashing post. I’m on there too. Although I’ll admit I’m not often actually on there. I check in occasionally, read my brother’s kick-my-teeth-in musings on justice and the poor (which always challenge and convict me) and write back and forth a bit with you, dear sisters who travel this road of faith with me. But whenever I start scrolling down the feed, aimlessly searching for who-knows-what, I find myself sucked into the social media hole. I emerge later—too much later—feeling a little dizzy and disillusioned. And, strangely, although I’m connecting with people there, I actually feel more disconnected to the real-time 3-D life I’m living right there in the moment.

It’s not all bad. Obviously the problem is us, not social media. But it poses a problem we must deal with – how to effectively exercise discernment and discipline in our relationships when we just have so stinkin’ many of them.

Are our online relationships help or hindrance to our relationship with Christ?

Every person we interact with online is a form of relationship. Even if we only gawk at her photos or roll our eyes at her status updates. Even if we just spend an hour perusing her site because we’re so fascinated by her life (Yes, that was me on Jen Hatmaker’s site last week). Every person we interact with creates a form of relationship, which influences us at least in the moment and sometimes even more.

Some sites I visit genuinely equip me, inspire me, encourage me, and challenge me. Every time I’ve read Jamie Martin’s writing I feel more encouraged than ever to invest in my children’s education. She doesn’t discourage me or make me feel bad about myself, she challenges me with her humility and high-standards for home education.

There are others. Lacey Meyer’s photos make me want to celebrate my husband and kids. Ashley Larkin makes me want to sit quiet and see the beauty of my day. Anna Kintingh’s letter to her son had me actually laughing out loud.

Many of you have beautiful sites. The online world isn’t evil. The point of this post is this:

We must evaluate: What is the fruit of my online relationships? Is it helping or hindering? (A relationship can be a two-way interaction or simply a one-way interaction with an online in-put of any kind)

Questions to consider: After spending time with this person or on this site …

• Do I want to engage more in the nitty-gritty details of my life or do I want to escape?
• Do I feel inspired, challenged, and encouraged to live for God or distracted and dis-heartened?
• Do I feel comparison and competition as a result of our interaction or do I feel confronted, convicted, comforted, or celebrated?
• Does this person exhibit the fruit of the Spirit?

We must exercise discipline with who we allow into our homes and our hearts. Scripture says, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life” (Prov. 4:23). Your life springs from my heart. And when my heart is overwhelmed with the picture-perfect images of immaculate homes, do-everything women who apparently never melt down in a heap of tears, or catty comments that sprung up on the social media feed, it’s harder to walk in the extravagant grace of Jesus Christ and keep my eyes on the life He’s given me here.

I’m not advocating life in a bubble, but I’m encouraging all of us to be discerning women. Our hearts are our most precious possession. Guard yours fiercely. 

That said, I believe that thoughtful, intentional, strategic online inputs are absolutely helpful in this life of faith. I wouldn’t have this blog if I didn’t. I believe we can create a safe, edifying circle where we’re challenged, equipped, inspired, convicted, and encouraged to know, love, and follow Jesus Christ. Will you help me do just that? Will you engage, comment, ask questions, and give feedback? Will you challenge me privately if a post does not glorify Jesus? Will you send me a comment if you want to interact about something further? Will you ask for prayer if you are struggling? And will you evaluate all your online inputs and be mindful about which ones draw you closer to Christ?

Thanks for being thoughtful as we evaluate our online inputs. Also check out these great 12 guidelines for social networking below (included in Tim Chester’s new book, Will you be my Facebook Friend?) Thanks so much for making this place a sacred space. Thanks for being here.

~

Twelve Guidelines for Social Networking  

Tim Chester

1.      Don’t say anything online that you wouldn’t say were the people concerned in the room.

2.      Don’t say anything online that you wouldn’t share publicly with your Christian community.

3.      Ensure your online world is visible to your offline Christian community.

4.      Challenge one another if you think someone’s online self reflects a self-created identity rather than identity in Christ.

5.      Challenge one another if you think someone’s online self doesn’t match their offline self.

6.      Use social networking to enhance real world relationship not to replace them.

7.      Don’t let children have unsupervised internet access or accept as online friends people you don’t know offline.

8.      Set limits to the time you spend online and ask someone to hold you accountable to these.

9.      Set aside a day a week as a technology “Sabbath” or “fast”.

10.      Avoid alerts (emails, tweets, texts and so on) that interrupt other activities especially reading, praying, worshipping and relating.

11.      Ban mobiles from the meal table and the bedroom.

12.      Look for opportunities to replace disembodied (online or phone) communication with embodied (face-to-face) communication.

“How do you not get nervous standing in front of all those people? I’m terrified.”

It was 10pm the final night of the women’s retreat and we were perched on camp-beds, blankets wrapped around us. This dear woman sitting across from me was sensing God’s call on her life to speak and teach. She was kind, humble, smart, compassionate, and sensitive.  There was only one problem … she was scared spitless. With a sweet humility she had sought me out and asked what to do. Where to start. What had I learned in my experience speaking at retreats. And she asked the big question: “How are you not terrified?”

It was then that it dawned on me: Yes, this is the first year, of five years of speaking at retreats and conferences, where I don’t feel anxious and nervous.

Now, understand: I don’t mean that I’m just “whatever!” about it. I pray lots and get on my face lots and I fully understand that at any moment God can wipe me out off the face of the planet. He doesn’t owe me a thing. We are always to stand in a place of complete humility and utter dependence.

But here’s what I mean: I think I finally believe God loves me.

He does. He loves me. And even more, He loves every single woman who comes to one of these retreats or conferences. He loves them. He loves me. He loves you. He’s not out to pull a prank on me. He’s not building a big BOMB to drop on my head. He’s not planning to pull the carpet out from under me and make me a huge fool.

He. Loves. Me.

Yes, oftentimes things don’t go as planned. At this past conference I discovered that my last session’s notes weren’t with me! Yikes! But you know what? I sensed God saying that He allowed that to happen so I would rely more on Him and His holy Spirit, and not just find my security in my notes.

In other words, He wanted me to be confident in Him.

That’s where confidence comes from. It doesn’t come from knowing a lot of stuff or looking a certain way.  I do believe we are confident when we know we are walking in obedience to Jesus Christ and honoring Him with the way we live our everyday lives.

But, true confidence, at the core of our being, simply comes from knowing:

God loves me and isn’t out to get me.

He loves me. He isn’t planning a prank on me. He isn’t looking for ways to make me fail. He loves me.

I told her all of this. Several days later she had her first opportunity to speak. I received these words from her that day: “I DID IT!!!! … I had your words echoing through my head as I did too: “God isn’t playing some cruel joke on me to make me fail, nor will He jerk the rug out from under me.”

This truth sets us free. Our children’s most recent memory verse:

“God our Father LOOOOOOVES to bless us!” Ephesians 1:3

In other words:

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.”

Do we believe the truth of Psalm 23?

“Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life.”

He’s hunting us down to bless us. Mark Batterson explains that “follow me” is a hunting term. In other words, God is stalking us down with blessing. He’s hunting us. He’s after us. He’s chasing us around wanting to bless us and we just need to receive it! Believe it! Live in a way that opens up our lives to receive His blessing. Quit running from it and not believing it.

God our Father loves to bless us. He’s not out to get you. He loves you.

May this truth fill you with confidence this week. Thanks for reading.

I’m sitting here looking out over the Molalla River as the sun comes up. The kids are playing in the living room–Dutch is a puma and Heidi a grizzly bear. I just had a cup of the darkest coffee and one slice of bacon (is there a better breakfast imaginable??). We slipped out here yesterday and after many very busy weeks we are savoring a quiet family day unplugged. So I type this from my parents’ computer, (no wireless here) I don’t have any new photos, but I’m grateful for the frost-tipped wilderness outside and the warmth of the fire and ability to recognize that these days won’t last forever. I know God will always be good but this particular season is so sweet. Young kids, bounding, jumping, imagining. They are innocent wonders, haven’t yet learned sarcasm or cynicism. The world is still new and magical to them.  My parents are alive–and I will cherish everyday I have with them. My husband is happy. I know we have many heartaches behind us and, inevitably, before us, but this is the day that the LORD has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it.

In college I had a quote posted to my computer screen: “The time to be happy is now, the place to be happy is here.”

Now. Here.

I think of that quote often. Sure, maybe it’s juvenile. But it’s also a great reminder to me now, as a stay-at-home mom embracing the sacred mundane. We all are so prone to look ahead to someday, to look ahead to the next weekend, the next vacation, the next big break.

But the day to rejoice and be glad is today. The time to be happy is now, the place to be happy is here. So today, in this place, I’m grateful for…

• The bird-chirp voice, “Mommy, will you play with me?” I know I won’t always hear those words.
• The thunderous noise of Dutch bounding through the house–a puma, a grizzly, a jaguar.
• Waffles.
• The aroma of bacon and coffee.
• Half-and-half and how it makes the black all creamy goodness.
• A good night’s sleep.
• A warm fire.
• Hand-me-down Real Simple magazines to peruse.
• The soft fleecy inside of my sweatshirt.
• Our minimalist overnight bag–4 toothbrushes.
• My boys building me … a big red heart made of Lego bricks.
• Our dear housemate who brings grace and generosity and fresh flowers to our home.
• Connecting with so many of YOU who are beautiful, courageous, kind, generous, and seeking after God. You are a gift!
• Friends who inspire me.
• Friends who celebrate with me.
• Quiet places to listen to Him.
• Resting in His love, acceptance, grace.
• That we’re all “developing.” (Love that word, Debra.)
• Wearing a lens of HOPE as we look into the mirror and out at the world.
• Jeff jazzed as he studies God’s Word.
• That God is bigger then our foibles, failures, mis-steps, and mistakes.
• That all this stuff doesn’t depend on me.
• That He called us, you and me, before the foundation of the world.
• Secure in His grip of grace.

Happy weekend, friends! Thanks for reading.