LiveDifferent Challenge (29): Prepare to Die
I know, this sounds morbid. It’s late and I’m exhausted so this will be short. As you know, our church has done a One Month to Live series, looking at life from the perspective of knowing your time on earth is short. I haven’t read the book so can’t recommend it, but the perspective has been great. Then, tonight I read my friend Caila’s blog, and she too was asking the question, “What would you do if you have one month to live?” It’s a fabulous question. My answer, though I wish were more spiritual, went something like this:
Hold my son so close I could taste his breath and kiss his cheeks and never let go. I would stay up all night, every night, writing him letters for him to read throughout his life, and telling him how enormously proud I am of him. I would video myself singing to him and telling him how much I love him so he could know my voice and know how in love with him I am. I would spend the rest of my hours praying for his precious little life to be lived for God.
Then I would lie in my husband’s arms and smell his chest and watch our son sleep. I would tell him a million times over how his undying love has changed my life. While he slept I would write him a hundred letters to read later… Ok, crying too hard to continue.
Right after Duch was born, I did just that. I wrote two long letters, one to Jeff and one to Dutch, to read only in the event that I’m no longer here. I wept as I wrote them (I’m weeping now) because the thought of my son growing up without knowing my love is too much for me to even comprehend. But I’m so glad I wrote them, because at least I know that no matter what, I’ve said what I know I want to say. I’ve even told Jeff I want the song, “In Christ Alone” played at my memorial. I know those are small things, but more than my life being something big, I just want it to be real. I just want those very closest to me to see Christ burning in my life more than anything else.
So though it’s not a fun topic, our challenge this week is to prepare to die. Just give it some thought. What is unfinished that needs to be taken care of? Who is there you need to forgive, or ask forgiveness of? Do you need to write a letter to someone, or tell your spouse how blessed you truly are? Do you need to invest in your child more than invest in the stock market? Which needs more attention, the crumbs at your feet or the spouse at your side? Does anything need to change? Lord, show us.
Better to go to the house of mourning Than to go to the house of feasting, For that is the end of all men; And the living will take it to heart. Ecc. 7:2
Let’s take it to heart.
Great is Our God.
I feel like for the past few weeks blogging has been a challenge, because there is so much I want to write about, but can’t yet. And I will still wait to share details until certain people have been able to share certain things, but I’d happily email with you if you’re interested!
As any of you who have followed this blog, or our lives, know, we’ve had a few disappointments in the past few years, related to ministry. We’ve both sensed God’s call on Jeff’s life to be a pastor, that He’s called us to serve Him full-time in vocational ministry, and yet the 4 1/2 year “shelved” period has been long, at least for us it has felt long. The San Jose experience, though God’s grace shown through it and has taught more than any other life lesson, still haunted us. We didn’t realize it until this past week. We were basically offered the job of Jeff’s dreams, I’ll tell you that much. I was so overwhelmed with joy I was weeping. It was like everything God had hard-wired into Jeff was wrapped up in this opportunity, and it also had glorious implications for me as well. Then due to really simple circumstances, we had to wait 2 weeks for it to be official (for us to find out the details). Again, due to simple circumstances, we didn’t hear anything for a little while, and both Jeff and I thought of the worst. By the time we had our meeting yesterday Jeff and I were both convinced that the whole thing would fall apart, they would back out, and since we’d gone ahead and closed the door on the other opportunities in our life, we would be flat on our backs again, with nothing…just like in San Jose.
I didn’t really make the connection until Jeff called his dear friend Adam and shared his anxiety with him. Adam said, “Bro, you know they’re not going to back out. The San Jose thing has really wounded you, hasn’t it?” At the same time I had emailed my mom and asked her to pray for us as we both felt so vulnerable and anxious, afraid they would back out at the last minute, or only pay us a pittance which we’d be unable to live on. She wrote back, “It’s startling to see how much San Jose has scarred you.” I sat and stared at those words realizing she was right. So Jeff and I began to pray. We know a cautious heart was wise, not taking anything for granted, not assuming anything, and not having expectations. But we also know God did not want us to be in a place of constant fear, dreading that any future ministry employer would use us or turn on us or back out on us at any moment’s notice. After spending time on our knees, we came to the place where we could say, “Even if that happens again, we’ll be ok. Even if God makes us re-live our hurt from San Jose, we’ll be ok, because God is faithful. He is our hope, our provider, our sustainer.” Even writing those words brings tears to my eyes now…as I look at the rest of the story.
Suffice it to say, our experience yesterday was as if God took every single hurtful thing we’d ever experienced from our ministry disappointments … and reversed it. Through the generosity, love, care, attention, and support of those we are partnering with, we were left in absolute awe of God. Truly above and beyond anything we could have ever imagined.
This morning as I opened up my Bible for my quiet time, I knew it was no accident. As I read through the book of Joel, that classic passage, spoken to the children of Israel, became new for me in a whole new way, showing me the heart of my loving Father. It was if God were saying
“So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locusts has eaten, the crawling locust, the consuming locust, my great army which I sent among you. You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord your God, who has dealt wondrously with you.” (Joel 2:25-26)
Tears streamed down my face as I read. This is my God. My good God. Yes, I know there are more trying times ahead, probably more trying than I can even imagine. But right now, at this moment, looking over the past 4 1/2 years, I can only say that God is so good. I will share more details in the next few weeks, but for right now, I just had to share my joy with you. We turn our eyes to God and praise Him, for He is holy, He is worthy, He is good. His ways are perfect. His love beyond our comprehension. Great is our God.
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Jeff has shared more on this (with more detail) from his perspective. Check out his thoughts…
Parenting with Love and Logic
Right now I’m finishing up a book called Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay. I feel like I have an amazing privilege in that I’m currenting taking a class on Biblical Perspectives of Family Ministry. Well, we spend the majority talking about marriage and parenting…uh yes please! These books are underlined, highlighted, and dog-eared not because I’m hoping to get a really good grade on the final. I’m right in the thick of the battle! With an almost-two-year-old who daily pushes the limits, I’ve found the information we’ve encountered invaluable to say the least.
(The other excellent book, called The Family: A Christian Perspective on the Contemporary Home, by Drs. Jack and Judith Balswick, who both teach at Fuller Theological Seminary, is probably the best overview of biblical family perspectives that I’ve read (although that’s not saying much, I haven’t read a ton). I will review that book once I finish. It’s more of a book on theory, however, comparing and contrasting secular theories with biblical perspectives. More on that later.)
Parenting with Love and Logic is all about teaching children responsibility through choices. They assert that “beginning at about 9 months of age with very simple choices — the parent must make a gentle, gradual transition to allowing their children the privilege of solving their own problems.” One thing that both family books have emphasized is that kids develop their self-image based on what they think their parents think of them. In essence, they think, “I don’t become what you think I can, and I don’t become what I think I can. I become what I think you think I can.” By allowing our children to make choices, we are in essence empowering them and communicating that we think they are capable of making successful decisions on their own.
The idea of choice has stuck out to me for awhile. Our dear friends Adam and Grace Poole, probably more than any other phrase, say to their children, “Son, make a good choice” (they have 4 boys under the age of 5). They are always emphasizing that their children, at each moment, have a choice to make, that they are not victims, and that they as parents are giving their children the freedom to make that choice.
What Fay and Cline would say is that by allowing the children to choose, and therefore to fail at times, we let the natural consequences teach the lesson, rather than our annoying nagging voice. At times, artificial consequences may have to be created if a certain behavior doesn’t have immediate consequences, but as much as possible, they suggest parents provide controlled choices, and let the consequences speak for themselves. It sounds a bit fishy huh? I mean how can that really work? They then go on to provide 41 real life scenarios, ranging in age from 11 months to 18 years, and give examples of how to put this principle into practice. I’m already finding myself thinking through how I talk to Dutch, giving him opportunities rather than barking orders. Obviously at his age the choices are still pretty limited (yogurt or banana, which book to read, which toy to take to the park, play nicely with us or play by himself in his room).
The thing that strikes me as so powerful about this concept is that this is how our Heavenly Father parents us. Who is a better example of loving perfect parenting than our Father? He does not force us to obey. He doesn’t even outrightly punish us. He let’ the natural consequences of our actions (and the hindrance to fellowship with Him), drive us back to obedience. It is through the painful consequences of our actions that we see the error of our ways. Yes, He reveals His will to us through His Word, the same way that we as parents reveal our will to our children, through expressing (not nagging) what the best choice would be. But does he turn the hammer into a noodle right before we smash our finger? No, he let’s us smash our finger. He does step in occasionally, as He sees fit in His infinite wisdom, to protect us from harm, but in the everyday things of life He lets the natural laws of nature run their course.
This is connected to so much more than parenting. I just graded 25 Theology papers on “How can a good God allow so much evil in the world?” Theodicies abound, but the parenting principle above really sums up the answer. True choice necessitates the possibility of evil. It is not evil in itself, but it requires an alternative to what is good. By allowing evil, God is acting as a good parent, allowing the natural consequences of our actions to draw us to Him. Yes, it’s not that simple … but it almost is.
So, I’d recommend Parenting with Love and Logic. It’s available at most libraries, so go check it out. Although, I’m not telling you to…the choice is yours.
A Million Little Things
Tonight at church Pastor Joel finished his One Month to Live series talking about Leaving Boldly. The gist of it was understanding the kind of legacy we leave when we pass into eternity.
At one point he flashed different pictures of well-known people on the screen. Oprah, Jerry Springer, Michael Jordan, OJ Simpson, Britney Spears, Abraham Lincoln, Richard Nixon, Bill Gates, Billy Graham, Michael Jackson. In an instant one’s mind associates that person with something–excellence, hard work, faithfulness, scandal, crime, drugs, or just waste. It is scary how easily we are “known for” one thing or another.
But tonight as I got ready for bed what struck me was that the enormity of such a thing as a legacy is really just determined by a million little things. Michael Jordan’s legacy of basketball excellence didn’t come through one huge decision or act of bravery, it came through a million little choices, to work hard, defeat the odds, persevere. Mother Teresa, as Joel pointed out, didn’t decide one day that she wanted to earn the Nobel Peace Prize, she got up every morning, prayed for an hour, read her Bible, and then loved on lepers and AIDS victims each day, made small choices and the occasional big one, to do little things each day to make a difference.
The legacy I leave is decided in the small stuff. The way I spend my discretionary income and time, the way I treat the cashier at the store, the way I respond when Dutch throws a fit, the way I do or don’t turn to God when I’m discouraged. The choice comes in getting up every day and deciding, “Will I live for my pleasure and comfort or will I live for the Kingdom of God, something far greater, which outlasts anything on earth?” How I answer that question, a million times a day, will determine my legacy.
Lastly, Joel pointed out how no one has to teach us to procrastinate. We do that pretty naturally. But the best time to live not for ourselves but for God’s glory, is now. The best time to deny my own selfish desires for gain and temporary pleasure is now. The best time to seek God’s heart is now. Nothing poured out at His feet is wasted.
So tonight I’m just praying for God’s grace to follow Him in the million little things each day. Father help my heart, my attitude, the details of life, to shine for You. Help my life to display Your greatness, for others to see. May my legacy be You, God. For Your sake. Amen.