Sacred Mundane: The Blog

I had the best birthday ever…which totally caught me off guard.  You see, I have to admit that for some reason I always find myself feeling a little depressed at birthday time, and when it’s over, even if it was a fun time, I always end up feeling sad.  So this year, I started praying beforehand, because I could already sense the “downness” creeping in.  For a lot of people birthdays are no big deal, no cause for celebration, just another day. Well in our wonderful family growing up, birthdays were a time for celebration!  Not that it was about gifts, but my parents always let me have a party with my little girlfriends, and when I got older we always did a big family birthday party with my grandparents and Auntie Linda and “the boys”…so I have memories of being a little princess wearing a jeweled crown surrounded by my favorite people in the world.  No wonder adult birthdays are a little depressing, huh?  Anyway, it wasn’t even that I wanted a jeweled crown (ok maybe I wanted it a little), but it just always seemed like birthdays were frustrating becuase of the expectations. 

The same is true of any other big day that you plan to be perfect.  My friend and I have been reflecting on this because whenever we plan a big day as a family–hubby, baby, and us, we get all excited and pack up the diaper bag and head out into the world, and then what happens?  We get in a fight with our spouse, the baby’s poop blows up up to his shoulders, and it rains the whole time we’re at the zoo.  Or, the whole day turns out “ok” but just without any fireworks and we come home exhausted with a vague sense that it wasn’t a whole lot better than a normal day at home.  So, contemplating all this, I started praying a few days before my birthday that God would make the day not be about me.  Jeff was going to be gone from 7am-6pm at class all day, so I knew I’d be at home without a car, and it was supposed to rain and be cold.  And, I decided that was going to be just fine.  I began to see the parallels of our expectations about “big days” and our expectations about life.  I do the same thing with life.  I begin to envision what I hope for something, and next thing I know it builds an expectation about it, and so when that thing doesn’t happen exactly as I envisioned it, I’m disappointed.  So instead, recognizing this was a metaphor for my life, I began praying for expectancy without expectation (this is not original to me, Paul Young coined this phrase in The Shack).  Expectancy without expectation means that we have the same eager anticipation of blessing, but our eyes are focused on God instead of the circumstance. With expectation, we fix our eyes on a future event, envisioning what it will look like. WIth expectancy, we fix our eyes on Christ, envisioning His perfect  character, recognizing that whatever comes from His hand will be good.  Beautiful transformation! 

So, I must say, I was stunned by my birthday.  I’ve never, in my life, received so many calls from friends–friends who I don’t think have ever called me on my birthday (ok, I think facebook helped too).  My husband was the first to wish me a special day, then later when I came down for breakfast I had a rose waiting from my dad.  My dear friend Janae took me to Starbucks and the outlet mall and since I’m not buying clothes for myself, I used some of my birthday money to buy Jeff clothes–and it was way more fun than getting stuff for me!  Even though I forgot the stroller and my wild boy was terrorizing Banana Republic, she helped me corral him, and even played hide-and-seek in the khakis while I purchased Jeff’s clothes.  That’s a friend!  She wrote me a card that practically brought me to tears and even gave me some sassy summer pants since, as she said, “no girl can go a year without clothes” :-). Dutch and I went on an adventure to the Dollar Store to get cups and pitchers for Jeff’s 30th bday party.  My in-laws called and sang to me, then after a delicious lunch at home, Dutch fell right asleep and I had the whole sweet afternoon alone in blessed silence to write and read to my heart’s content.  Then my parents and I drove into portland to meet up with Jeff after his class and Dad treated us to an amazing dinner at Newport Seafood Grill where I totally splurged and had tiger prawns (yum!). Yes, Dutch had some colorful moments such as throwing his magna doodle across the table, but all in all it was so sweet.  Dad even secretly told the waiter about my bday and he surprised me with a heavenly chocolate souffle with whipped cream and candle.  I swear I could feel a jeweled crown materializing on my head. 🙂

Afterwards, Jeff and I decided that Dutch’s bedtime was invalid for the day, and we strolled leisurely through mall 205, getting Dutch a bike helmet and basil for my herb garden, and then Jeff took me to goodwill and said that since goodwill was my one allowance for special occasions in my clothes fast, his present to me was him buying few a few things for me and letting me pick them out.  So, hopefully ya’ll don’t feel like I cheated.  I got 4 shirts and a skirt from goodwill for a total of $35, which was my birthday present. 

So, not that you were dying for a play-by-play of my birthday, but I share that with you because I want to somehow convey the sweet love of God.  He treated me like a princess, and yet He also taught me how to take my eyes off myself, my expectations, my envisioning of the future, and to look to Him, the Giver of all good gifts, the one who knows exactly how to fill and satisfy every crevice of our hearts.  He is so good.  The lines have fallen to me in pleasent places (ps 16:6), I am so thankful.  And my prayer is to look to God with expectancy without expectation for the road ahead.  I have no idea what this 29th year holds, but I know Who holds it.  

I know not all of you are obsessive writers like me. You all are probably able to function somewhat normally, going through the day responding to circumstances without sudden flashes of supposed inspiration which sends you rushing up the stairs two-by-two to grab your laptop. You can probably watch movies without jumping up and frantically groping in the dark for a pen so you can scratch “fight for milk” on a napkin. You might even be able to look away from the computer screen when your spouse slides into bed next to you. It must be nice.

As for me, I love to write. So for my birthday my mother-in-law (a brilliant writer) got me a book called Writing on Both Sides of the Brain by Henriette Anne Klauser. The gist of the book is brilliant–she explains that basically all of our dread of writing stems from the fact that we are taught to write and edit simultaneously, rather than letting ourselves loose with words without worry for conventions, then going back later to edit and rework. (My problem is actually that I never, ever, go back to edit. My writing is plenty free, but could use some editing!)

But what is true of writing is also true of life. How many of us are terrified to actually risk doing something because we are afraid we won’t do it just right? She tells a fabulous story about a little boy who wants to write a story about a mouse and a motorcyle but he doesn’t know how to spell motorcycle, so he writes a story about a mouse and bike, but somehow when he’s done it wasn’t quite the same story he had in his heart. Sad! But so true. He was afraid of seeing his teacher’s red marks slashed across his paper, and was too insecure to ask how to spell the word. So he produced a less work, and in essence wasn’t true to what was in his heart.

I live like this! Ugh. How often do we feel that stirring in our hearts to do something, but we procrastinate or hesitate because we’re afraid how it will all come out. Klauser tells a story of a woman who decided that whenever a new opportunity came up, whether to learn how to change the oil in her car or to learn to dance the salsa, she would pretend that she was 8-years-old. Rather than fearing looking dumb, she insisted that kids were allowed to learn new things without fear or failure, so she would too. With the adventurous courage of an 8-year-old she would tackle the latest feat.

Finally, Klauser explained that brilliant Russian pianist Franzk Liszt produced not only Tarantella, Don Juan Fantasy, and Liebestraum (I am so ignorant I’ve never heard of these), but also more than 700 works, most of which were “uneven in quality, superficially composed or down-right dull.” The point? Even the greatest writers and composers spend the majority of their time writing…well…trash. Can you allow yourself to writer trash? Can you allow yourself to try something and do it poorly? Can you allow yourself to write for the world to see knowing that misplaced modifiers and dangling participles may be there as well? Yes, there’s a time for editing, but I dare say we live our lives doing a little too much editing and not enough time creating…or living. Be willing to write some trash. Leave the editing for later.

I will never cease to be amazed at how God orchestrates our lives so profoundly so that every little thing corresponds to what He’s teaching us. After contemplating competition all week, and after writing the LiveDifferent Challenge (read first), Jeff had an assignment he had to do prior to his Communications class, he had to watch a movie off a list of certain movies and do an exercise following. Well we will be busy Saturday and Sunday nights and his class starts on Monday…so even though I was falling asleep at 7pm and begging to just fall asleep when Dutch went to bed, it is now 11pm and guess what I’m doing? I’m writing because I have to…because I watched Cinderella Man. Wow. Could any movie better address these issues?! (I suggest renting it, but know that the boxing is brutal, so be ready to close your eyes)

Set in the Great Depression, I was brought to tears before the boxing even began. Realizing what people suffered through, and do continue to suffer through, always puts things in perspective. Oh Father, please help our hearts not be calloused to the suffering around us. As a Thinker who hates to cry, it’s easy to insulate myself from such suffering…I don’t like to bleed, but I’m asking God to make my heart bleed for people.

But the part that applies to our ongoing discussion about competition is this: James Braddock first fights for fun and for fame. Then the Crash happens, and four years into the Great Depression, he breaks his hand, he’s lost the electricity, and his family is in danger. So, he goes to work, doing grueling back-breaking labor with a broken hand. Later, when he has a rare chance to be let back in the ring, Braddock is a new man. He fights like a new man–with a passion and zeal that is new. Where before he had no “left”, he now can now dominate with a left hook. His trainer asks him what the difference is, he simply says, “On the docks I had to use my left hand.” On the docks. In the lowest point, the deepest suffering, when he was forced to work this labor to get milk for the kids, he developed the strength that turned around his career. How’s that for life application?! Oh Lord, give us that perspective!

But the real deal is this: When Braddock gets back in shape and begins to fight again, he’s in a press conference and a reporter asks him, “So why are you so much better now? What are you fighting for?” Braddock looks him in the eye and says, “Milk. I fight for milk.” Braddock knew what it was like to watch his children go hungry, and during the points in the fighting when he almost blacks out, he sees visions of his children, huddled in their home with no electricity. He visits “Hooverville”, where thousands of homeless people congregated in Central Park, NYC. He sees death, violence, panic, poverty, hunger. He fights for them. He fights to give them hope.

So I bring this all in because here is an example of a man fighting for good. For the survival of his children. I would say that for us, 9 times out of 10 our competition is probably prideful. We want to be the best, get the prize, win the argument. That, I maintain, is fleshly. But I’m adding the Part 2 to the LiveDifferent Challenge because “Be a Loser”, though an important part of the LiveDifferent equation, is only one half. Don’t just be a loser, be a loser to self, then fight with every ounce of your being for what is right. FIght for your marriage–Braddock’s wife’s commitment to him is an entire blog entry in itself so I’ll save it. Fight for your kids. Fight for justice. Fight for the unborn. Fight for the gospel. Not in an unchanneled, meaningless, vengeful sort of way, but in a faith-filled response to God’s Grace. Ask God what your cause is, even if it’s just something small like overcoming a bad habit in your life. Whatever it is, fight for it. Compete for it. Compete for something bigger than yourself. Even if it’s only milk.

So, yes, I am still on my “Is Competition Godly” kick? The one thing I love is that it certainly sparks discussion! Wow! People have opinions about this one! In fact, I posted the question on Facebook and was amazed when an awesome pastor friend of ours told me that this was the very topic of his Master’s Thesis in seminary! I guess it really matters!

Also, thank you to those of you who commented…I love that! I love getting feedback and hearing your thoughts. My sister-in-law is “foruming” on her blog right now and I love it because it’s so good to hear things from other people’s perspectives. But…it’s very rare to be able to dialog about things without getting…you guessed it(!)…competitive. I think that’s why it’s hard to discuss ideas without getting fired up because we have this gnawing thing inside us that doesn’t want to be wrong. Ugh! In fact, I had written a comment on her blog and then someone else kind of pointed out that my reasoning wasn’t so good (and she was right!). In my little heart, guess what? I got defensive inside! 🙂 I realized, Whoa Kari, you have a competitive little heart! So I stepped away from it and prayed and was then able to think clearly and not be so petty and then could go back in and discuss more with the goal of understanding more than being understood or of being right. It’s tricky, but what it reminded me was that first and foremost, if we’re going to discuss whether competition is godly, we must first acknowledge that we are all competitive. We all have this gnawing desire to be right. And I can guarantee you that that is nothing more than our selfish flesh. Some of this competition stuff is a no-brainer: The gnawing desire to always be right is pride. Pride = sin.

So, this is my best understanding of competition. Three Types of Competition: Selfish, Godly, and Neutral.

Selfish Competition is the opposite of Love: 1 Corinthians 13 tells us what love is. I LOVE the version in the Message (click to read it). Competition for the sake of self is the opposite of this. For example, Competition loves self more than others because it wants to win, Competition wants what it doesn’t have (lust for winning), Competition struts (watch the NBA), Competition has a swelled head (trash talking), Competition is “me first”, Competition keeps score, Competition revels when others grovel, Competition isn’t concerned for truth as much as concerned for self, Competition doesn’t put up with losing, Competition looks for faults in others, Competition nurses wounds over past losses. Competition is an unholy preoccupation with self.

Godly Competition is a wrestling against the forces of evil for the sake of Truth, Righteousness, Justice, Peace, etc.: So this morning as I was thinking and praying about this and this verse came to mind: Ephesians 6:12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Wrestling is warfare (and the context of this verse). Warfare is nothing more than competition! We are called to competition. We are called to compete, viciously, passionately, for the sake of truth, love, righteousness, justice. So when I see injustice, I am called to compete for justice. When I see sin, I am called to compete for righteousness. The goal is never self, the goal is to always be for the Kingdom of God to be furthered through the spread of the gospel, the proclamation of Truth, and the advocating of peace and justice. I compete for the gospel for the glory of God! WOOHOO! That’s awesome! Take your competitive drive and apply it to THIS! You got some spark? Get passionate for the glory of God!

Neutral Competition: This is the one that’s tricky, but someone said, perhaps there might be a neutral competition that is possible. I agree that just because competition produces a godly end does not mean that it is godly! We hopefully aren’t pragmatic if we’re Christians (although we all tend to be). So just because some abuse brings about events that lead to counseling that leads to a person coming to know Christ, that doesn’t mean that the abuse was godly. God takes all things and uses them for good (Hallelujah!), but what we’re trying to discover is that is competition in and of itself ever godly. We see above that yes it is. So, what about the stuff like sports and Scrabble? It sure is fun! I think that there is a neutral competition where two or more parties agree together that they will engage in a recreational game for a purpose such as building a relationship, getting exercise, or relieving stress (all good things!). This certainly isn’t always explicitly spoken, but using my example of Jeff and I playing cards in bed or my family playing pictionary at Thanksgiving, it is an unspoken agreement that we are playing for the sake of spending time together, and that the goal is relationship rather than selfish gain.

So, since this competition is nuetral, it therefore falls into the category of Romans 14: 14-23 (click to read). Basically, the rule would be the rule of love. Engage in competition as long as you do so out of faith, for the good of you and those around you, and not for selfish motivers. We’re free in that way, but our freedom is not a freedom to please ourselves but to please bless each other. And this is where individual personality/preference/position comes in. Some people are just more comfortable with competition than others. Some are able to easily engage in friendly games without it being selfish or uncomfortable. Others aren’t comfortable with it. Sometimes the difference has to do with our childhood or some experience that has made us more sensitive to it. That’s why we must just understand that it is neutral and that the point is the agreement that we are using competition as a neutral means of acheiving a positive end: relationship, exercise, stress relief (or other). Running a race as a fundraiser for cancer. Meeting up with a friend to run together in the mornings so you can challenge each other to get off the couch and get exercise. Playing Scrabble to engage in relationship (and better your brain!). Working hard in school for the sake of learning as much as you can or for earning scholarships (I’m all about secular scholarships paying for seminary!).

It’s about our Hearts. But here’s the thing, and I just gotta be real honest here. How many of us engage in competition with very pure motives? And even if we do, how often does our flesh get in there and next thing we know we are smiling but inside we have claws and fangs. I don’t feel this way with games, but I get this way with ideas, thoughts, opinions. All of a sudden, when I think I’m having a calm, loving discussion about something, I find this little monster growling inside me and realize my selfish competition, that drive to be right has set in. And I’m a Christian! What is a little scary to me is looking around and realizing what we’ve done with this neutral competition. Take professional sports for example. Neutral competition. A competition taken on by two parties who agree to engage in a sport for the purpose of exercise, stress relief, fun. And now we are crazy. We spend billions of dollars making idols out of people who have a talent for throwing around an orange ball. We value people based not on their status as human beings, but on their ability to win, succeed, achieve. It’s survival of the fittest. I know I’m probably biting off too much here, but will you just think about it with me for a little bit? Think about this competition. Just a few days ago I got my grades from seminary. I never used to pay attention but a few weeks ago I heard someone talking about their classrank. I had forgotten about class rank, but I found myself checking my grades online to see where I ranked. Now why would I do that? Yup. Competition. I recently attended my awesome friend Megan’s graduation who graduated law school with honors. Guess what thought went through my mind? It’d be fun if I graduated with honors at my graduation. What was that? A pure heart that just wants to learn as much as she can in seminary so she can honor God and serve the Lord? Nope. A competitive heart. Yes, it might drive me to excellence, but God doesn’t care about “excellence”, He cares about the heart.

I don’t want to go into specifics but God is challenging Jeff and me in this right now. We’re very eager for a certain situation, and yet we sense God telling us that we should give up our competition for this thing so that another brother may have an opportunity. That is, we sense that in order to compete for justice, godliness, and righteousness, we are to not compete on a human level. Backwards? Yeah. Profitable? Not in the here and now, but I know that nothing feels better than being right with God. We compete for His fame, His glory, His name. (Disclaimer: this is an unsual circumstance. Of course if you are interviewing for a job you greatly desire, do all you can to demonstrate the excellence to qualify for that job. But your goal is excellence and trust in God, not competition against others.)

So, I’m realizing I could write for weeks on this topic. Let’s end here. I know there are some loose ends, but will you just commit with me to think about this? Let’s examine our lives and see the areas where we are selfishly competitive. It’s not that our passion and zeal for competition is wrong, it’s just misplaced. Pleaes don’t hear that if you are a naturally competitive person that that is wrong. Not at all! Praise God for motivated, competitive, passionate people. There the ones who change the world! But let’s ask God to open our eyes to ways that we might let neutral competition become selfish. AnNd let’s engage in Godly Competition for the glory of God, for justice, truth, righteousness, and mercy. Talk about living different! Our entire country is based on celebrating competition. I’d say that’s living different! So the challenge this week is to be a loser. Not that you do poor work or become lazy, but that you are willing to lose something–simply saying “you’re right, I was wrong” or choosing not to strive for vain glory or selfish success, or something as simple as NOT competing with the world but competing for God. Pick 3 areas where you can see subtle (or blatant!) selfish competition, and commit to God to not compete any longer. The things of this world are passing away. Lose your life, compete for something eternal. Fight, strive, train, wrestle, compete for the glory of God. This won’t win you any medals, but you’ll have a joy and satisfaction of knowing that there is nothing you could ever to do add to your worth. It’s only found in Christ.