Sacred Mundane: The Blog

Last week I wrote that despite the rain there was sunshine in my heart. Today despite the sunshine, there’s a downpour in my heart. I thought I’d just write a quick, honest, real post so that you can see the good times and the bad…the authentic me. Today I was so discouraged about everything–still living here (we had decided that by June we’d have either moved out or have made a decision as to where to move…tomorrow is June 1st and we have no clue b/c we don’t know if we’ll have a job here in the fall or not…still waiting), not really having connected with anyone our age here yet, feeling a few disappointments this week over various things, not knowing what kind of job I can get in Molalla to supplement Jeff’s 1/2 time job with the church, realizing that the housing market is so bad we’re just going to take our house off the market and try to re-rent it…very minor things. Really minor and I know they’re minor, but you know it’s just one of those days where my perspective goes out the window and I feel like I want to strangle everyone in the house. In fact, I came upstairs and pulled a quilt over my head and started crying and I thought to myself of a dear girl who emailed me this week telling me how much she was ministered to through this blog and my life, etc. etc. and as I pulled the quilt over my head I thought, “Oh if only she could see me now! How encouraging is this?!” Yup. Today was that day.

So, small potatos. The regular garden variety discouragments. No cancer. No tragedy. Just a little discouragment. So I thought I’d write about it so you see the ups and downs, the faith and the faltering. Perhaps you have those days too…

I hate forwards. I’m sorry to be so blunt, but I really do. However, yesterday I actually read one sent by my step-mother-in-law and was laughing out loud. It’s called the COPING DIET:

—-
Only girlfriends can understand this one. This is a specially formulated diet designed to help women cope with the stress that builds during the day.

Breakfast
1 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
1 cup skim milk

Lunch
1 small portion lean, steamed chicken
1 cup spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 Hershey’s kiss

Afternoon Snack
The rest of the Hershey kisses in the bag
1 tub of Hagen-Daaz ice cream with chocolate chips

Dinner
4 glasses of wine (red or white)
2 loaves garlic bread
1 family size supreme pizza
3 Snickers Bars

Late Night Snack
1 whole Sarah Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)
———

How many of you have seen this progression through the day? I know I have. I’ve gained 5 lbs. since moving in with my parents. (I know that I am still very skinny; don’t worry this post is not about weight!) That’s not their fault, but what it’s shown to me is that there is a very real link between intake and result. When there are cookies in the house, I will eat many of them. When I eat many cookies, my jeans get tight. Very basic stuff. No matter what the latest fad diet book tells us, whatever we intake will have a direct effect on our bodies whether good or bad.

So I’ve been contemplating this with regard to more important things than eating and drinking. I marvel sometimes that we as Christians are capable of seeing this rather obvious link with regards to our nutrition, but fail to see the greater implications for our spiritual life. As many of you know, I feel like this year has been a crash course in God challenging my assumptions and behaviors. Why do I think the way I do? How much of my actions and thinking and beliefs is influenced by the world, by culture, by being an American, and how much is influenced by God, by His Word, by the reality of the Kingdom of Heaven.

Why do I think that it’s a big deal to not buy clothes for a year? Why do I think that it’s unacceptable to live with one’s parents? Why do I assume that we need 2 cars? Why is watching a movie the default thing to do for a date night? Why does evangelism consist of tracts and awkwardly forced conversations? Why do I feel it’s important for Jeff to have some sort of title or position instead of just “guy who does stuff” at church? Why does it matter if my toddler’s tennis shoes have a nike swoosh on them or not? Why do I feel more acceptable now that I’m a size 4 and not a size 8?

So many of my unchallenged assumptions are nothing more than American material mindsets that are found nowhere in Scripture or in the Father heart of God. So, if this is the result, what is the cause of us having the same mindset as the world? Why do we have the mind of an American more than the mind of Christ? The same reason we gain 5 lbs. after following the Coping Diet above. We don’t watch our intake.

I am amazed and saddened by how many of us want to seek God, want the mind of Christ, and yet maintain a great appetite for the things of the world. I cannot even count how many times I have heard people who love Christ employing logic and wisdom gained from Oprah or other talk show hosts. This morning I read 1 Chronicles 29 and in verse 14 David is praising God for His faithfulness, and he says “Now therefore, our God, we thank You and praise Your glorious name. But who am I, and who are my people, that we should be able to ffer so willingly as this? For all things comes from You. And of Your own we have given to You.” How’s that for counter-cultural? This is the mind and heart of God. If you tune into secular TV, magazines, anything, you will never hear “You are God’s and the right response of worship is to offer everything in your life to Him.” So how will we get this? How will this truth be rooted in our hearts at such depth that its fruit will spring out in faithfulness, love, peace, and joy in our lives? We must eat it. We must intake. We must watch what we put into my hearts and minds to ensure that we are flooded with the truth.

Unfortunately, this takes work. Ask any person who has tried to lose weight and they will tell you it takes work. The default mode is to eat junk and intake worldliness. Strenuously swimming upstream is a lot harder than rolling over and floating on your back down the river of our culture. But is it worth it? I think so! I want the mind of Christ more than anything. I want a pure mind that seeks God, that knows His heart, that thinks His thoughts after Him. My spirit wants this! But as long as we live on this earth our bodies will be enticed by the pattern of the world. Just a few weeks ago Jeff and I had a free evening, and were considering what to do. He suggested watching a TV show, since neither of us ever watch TV and it might be fun to see what all the hype is about. He thought something popular like CSI would be fun. I dragged my heels because I just don’t like watching TV in general, but I figured it’d be a good chance to snuggle, so I said ok. No kidding, no more than TWO minutes into this show, there was a flashback video scene of a girl in the middle of having sex. ARE YA KIDDING ME?! Jeff clicked off the TV and shook his head. We decided instead for our date to snuggle on the couch and pray together. It was the sweetest time! And I mean that. No we were not being pious, no we were not acting our of duty, we were engaging in some of the sweetest fellowship possible. The two of us and God. Afterwards we sat in bed and played cards. It was a great date.

I’m realizing now that this post is losing all sense of cohesiveness…it’s like watching a train wreck in slow motion. At any rate, my sister-in-law introduced me to www.adbusters.org a fun website that journals the mental environment of media and culture. Today’s fascinating post was on the terrifying culture of anorexic models and how they influence teen girls (and us grown up women!). This is a prime example though of how we are so shaped and influenced by whatever it is that we intake. Long ago I quit looking at fashion magazines and Victoria Secret catalogs because there all it does is feed my flesh’s desire for vanity. What is our intake? On what are we feeding?

Our culture would have us believe that evangelism is rude, awkward, and only for those crazies who stand on streetcorners with big signs and yell at people. I propose that evangelism is nothing more than a mind and heart filled with Christ that overflows. My mom gets her hair done often, and always shares pictures and stories with her hairdresser. This week her stylist specifically asked her about a Moms in Touch conference my mom had mentioned several months earlier. Not only had the girl remembered, she’d wanted to hear about it! My mom had an awesome opportunity to talk naturally and without apologies about her kids, Christ, and the great things she sees God doing. That is evangelism! My mom’s life is full of Christ, so when you bump into her, it simply spills over.

So, I wanted to this to be all over the road because I didn’t just want a LiveDifferent Challenge that was “quit watching Oprah” or “throw away your fashion magazines.” That’s too small. Watching our intake is so much bigger than that. Only you know what your intake is and how it’s affecting you. Only you know if you intake more of the world or more of God’s Word. Only you know the specific ways that you can say no to our American culture of feeding our flesh and say yes to the glorious and God-magnifying way of living that truly satisfies. I simply challenge you to watch your intake, and ask about everything “is this helping or hindering my walk with my Savior? Ask God, use this as an opportunity to draw near to Him and ask His opinion– “What do you think about ____, God?” Sit down and challenge your assumptions, evaluate which are from God and which are from the world. This is so big it could be the topic of an entire blog, not just one entry. But let’s start here. Let’s go on a Worldliness Diet. Let’s glut ourselves with God’s Word and starve the flesh of selfishness and materialism. Consider that your life is so incredibly short (See Life on Loan by Kris and Nikki), and while we’re here, let’s watch our intake.

Too vague? Here are three ways to enact this LiveDifferent Challenge this week:
1. Figure out how much time you spend watching TV/surfing web, etc. in one week. Spend that amount of time this week reading God’s Word instead.

2. Consider what magazines/visual stimuli you allow into your home/mind. Ask God about each one and cancel any you might have a conscience-check about.

3. Sit down and think through five general life assumptions that you life under. Write them out and evaluate whether they are true according to God. If not, cross them out and write the truth (according to scripture) down instead. Meditate this week on those truths instead.

Watch your intake! No more coping diet, ok?

What if someone told you they knew the source of all your frustration?  (You’d say, “I do too! I’m married to him/her!”) Really though, what if there were a key to unpacking and sorting through the frustration we feel in our lives?  I’m reading The Marriage Builder by Larry Crabb right now in preparation for a week-long intensive class on marital and premarital counseling.  Larry Crabb is awesome.  While other books seem to say, “Try these behavioral techniques and perhaps you may have more positive feelings toward your spouse,” Crabb says, “To heck with the behavioral techniques, the problem is sin!”  There’s more to it than that, but it’s refreshing to read a marriage counseling book by someone who recognizes that the root of the problem has much to do with the fact that I am a profoundly sinful person who will go to great lengths to protect myself from hurt, my pride from wound, and my world from discomfort.  There is hope in that because there is a remedy for sin–the grace, power, and sanctifying work of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ. Hallelujah!

But Crabb also has a keenly perceptive eye for understanding human behavior.  In his book he discusses the difference between Goals and Desires.  A goal is an objective that is under my control.  A desire is an objective that I may legitimately and fervently want, but cannot reach through my efforts alone.  Understanding the difference can be the key to understanding frustration. I suppose this is nothing more than an expansion on the Serenity Prayer: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.” What Crabb would say is that we should act on our goals and pray for our desires.  But unfortunately, we spend much of our time doing exactly the opposite.  We pray about the things we should be doing and striving for the things we should be trusting God for.  We’re all mixed up. 

So I think it is crucial that we work to establish this in our minds.  If we set goals, whether consciously or unconsciously, that are not entirely within our control, then we are setting ourselves up for frustration.  So, you might be saying, “Ok, but my frustration doesn’t stem from not meeting a goal, my frustration stems from my annoying roommate/spouse/child/co-worker/boss/friend.”  Understood.  Crabb explains that this frustration is a result of unmet objectives.  Objectives can either be goals or desires. Sometimes they are within our control, sometimes they aren’t, but we do well to be honest with ourselves and clearly identify our objectives and classify them as a Need or a Want.  Here’s where we’re caught red-handed.  We all are toddlers.  We all clench our fists and stomp our feet and demand a cookie.  And I’m not talking about material possessions (although we demand enough of that as well!)  I’m talking about relational comfort. 

All of our needs are met in Christ.  Period.  We are secure.  We are safe.  We have value.  We have dignity.  We have worth, love, comfort, and intimate friendship.  Though we may not feel these things, the truth is that all of our needs are met.  So when someone mistreats me, my objective is blocked.  I want relational bliss. I don’t want to be mistreated. This is a desire.  It’s not a goal because it’s outside my control.  It’s a desire.  A legitimate desire, but a desire at that. So when my objective is blocked, how I view that objective is the key to determining what my emotional response will be.  Once I recognize that it is a desire, my perspective will indicate whether I see this objective as a need or a want. If it’s a need, if I have an innate absolute need for people to affirm me and treat me well, then that objective blocked will be devestating.  It will lead to bitterness and frustration.  But, if I simply understand that that desire is a want, an extra, simply gravy on top of the deliciously rich meal Christ has already given me, then while I may be disappointed by someone’s mistreatment of me and might experience initial negative emotions, the result isn’t devestating and bitterness doesn’t follow.  My wants, held with an open hand, can be denied, my objectives blocked, but all my needs are met in Christ.  My identity in Him never changes.  Crabb takes this so far he applies it to affairs, betrayal, and intense marital strife.  He certainly doesn’t say it will be easy, but I agree that this is the key to being able to rise above mistreatments, responding with genuine emotions but not devestation and bitterness. 

Jeff knows this firsthand. He’s learning it.  And I’m more in love with my husband than ever by watching him walk in humility through some relational challenges in his life.  He’s kept this quote by Tim Keller at his side lately:

“Sin is the despairing refusal to find your deepest identity in your relationship and service to God. Sin is seeking to become oneself, to get an identity, apart from him…Sin is not just the doing of bad things, but the making of good things into ultimate things. It is seeking to establish a sense of self by making something else more central to your significance, purpose, and happiness than your relationship to God.”

When we understand that our identity is simply and profoundly wrapped up in the glory of Christ, other things can come and go.  My wants and desires are great, and often are placed in my heart by God, but they are not what I set my heart on reaching.  I set my heart on reaching Christ.  And God has promised that when we draw near to God He will draw near to us. That is a worthy goal.  A true goal–because no person can frustrate that goal, even when they frustrate me. God has Father-filtered everything in my life for my good.  God has promised that nothing can separate us from His love, so as we draw near to Him, there is nothing that can keep us from His love.  I don’t know if God will use me to do some really neat thing.  I don’t know if my children will grow to love Him as I pray and hope and plead with Him that they will. I don’t know if I will be healthy and wealthy and wise. But I know my Redeemer Lives.  And I think He’s what I need.

I apologize for being MIA this week.  I know I haven’t really posted since the last LiveDifferent Challenge last Friday.  A few notes about life:  I’m excited about writing for goingtoseminary.com. If you haven’t checked it out, you can humor me by going there and seeing a certain someone’s silly face. 🙂  Secondly, I was accepted as a contributing writer for an online e-zine (this is not a huge deal), where I make a teeny tiny pittance of money whenever ads are clicked surrounding articles I write (basically if people read my articles and click on ads by them I get money).  Anyway, as you all know I write because it’s impossible for me not to write–it’s in my blood.  But it’s also fun to be challenged a little to write different content for different places, possibly be published at least online, and maybe, maybe, even make $2.85 so I can buy a latte. 

So, this week has had some highlights:  Monday I splurged and bought Dutch some clearance rack swim trunks for the summer, and yesterday I got a fun surprise in the mail: a package from my sister-in-(love) containing this killer brown t-shirt that has an I, then a heart, then a recycling symbol.   SHe said it was perfect for her “crunchy sister-in-law” (in Boston people called us “crunchy” because we recycled and ate organic food.  “Are you from Vermont?” they’d ask.)  So this week has been fun.  Jeff’s been home, Dutch has been hilarious (he now says “Whoa!” all the time and picks up chairs to show how strong he is), and we’ve been reading marriage counseling books for a marital/pre-marital counseling summer intensive class we’re taking next week.  (More on that in the next post…Goals vs. Desires)

Tomorrow I have a job interview at for a Community Relations and Development job at Northwest Human Services, a non-profit in Salem.  As Jeff is working 1/2 time, it’d be great to have something else 1/2 time which would equal….yes, that’s right–a real salary!  Woohoo!  🙂  Anyway, things are great here, I wish I had a huge significant spiritual epiphany to share, but I don’t.  I’m just thankful this week for the sweet pleasures of my son saying “Mama”, sitting up in bed playing cards with my husband, a fun day with my friend Megan playing Scrabble (ask her who won), a soaking wet walk in the rain with Janae and Brendon, and some really delicious new meals from Cooking Light (Spiced Korean Beef Rolls –this from the girl who doesn’t like beef! and Thai Noodle Salad – I used chicken because my dad has declared tofu inedible).  That’s all.  It might be raining all week but there is sunshine in my heart (oh my goodness that was cheesy!).  Perhaps it has something to do with our last LiveDifferent Challenge. Could it be?  I think so…