Sacred Mundane: The Blog

Ok, so three quick successive posts on margin is really not going to work.  This concept is so much more huge than I thought…we’re going to take the next four LiveDifferent Challenges to tackle it.  It’s so exciting! I would still really suggest buying the book.  Trying to sum it up in a brief blog entry is daunting…but we’ll try.

So, Wednesday we talked about the fact that we have reached an all-time high point for depression, anxiety, suicide, stress, burn-out, abuse, and divorce.  While life-expectancy is at an all-time high, perhaps quality of life, that is happiness and contentment, is at an all time low.  Something is wrong. As I suggested last time, perhaps it is that we have reached a limit and we’re in desperate need of margin.

Margin is defined as the space between your load and your limit. On a piece of paper, the margin is the white space between the written words and the edge of the page.  As a grader in seminary, let me tell you that my #1 pet peeve in grading is opening a paper and seeing that the student has done one of three things:  used size 10 font instead of 12, snuck in 1.75 line space instead of double, or changed the margins ever so slightly so the words creep over dangerously close to the edge of the page. They might think I don’t notice…but after reading 25 of them, I notice!  And far from being impressed by their covert ways, I am annoyed because what this tells me is that they were incapable of completing the assignment in the given space.  So, they have to cheat by doctoring margins.  That bugs me.  I have been known to write across the top of the page, “Ah!  Give me some white space!”

So we have done this with our lives. In the name of diligence, we have clicked on those margins and dragged them closer and closer to the edge of the page, instead of simply acknowledging the appropriate boundaries necessary for mental, emotional, physical, financial, and spiritual health, and respecting those boundaries.  Instead we have arrogantly assumed that the rules of margin aren’t for us, and we’ve packed our lives to the point of breakdown.

If you’re not convinced that this is an epidemic, check out these stats from the doctor who authored the book:  “Adjusting for population growth, ten times as many people in Western nations today suffer from unipolar depression, or unremitting bad feelings, without a specific cause, then did half a century ago.  Americans and Europeans have ever more of everything except happiness.”  In one morning, nine of the eleven patients this doctor saw where on antidepressents.  We are truly living in a “deteriorating psychic environment.” He observes that “millions of suburbanites seem to find that ‘the good life’ is only endurable under sedation.”

Not only are we sad, we we are overfed, under-exercised, sleep-deprived as well.  We are in more debt than ever before.  We have less leisure time, even though it was predicted in the early 20th century that by this time we would be down to a 2-3 day workweek because we could produce all that we “need” withing that amount of time. Ha!  Whoever predicted that took no classes in human behavior.  We don’t work for our needs. Instead, the workweek has risen rapidly over the past 20 years:  “The average work year for prime-age working couples has increased by nearly 700 hours in the last two decades.”  Exhaustion, burn-out, stress, and mental breakdown have become the norm.

So, what better way to LiveDifferent than to Get Marginalized and introduce some sanity into our lives?  God is the one who created the Sabbath, He’s the one who set up the delicate balance of work, stress, rest.  Let’s say no to the rat race of always wanting more, and say yes to God, who wants health, wholeness, and vitality for us!  We will examine four areas: Margin in Emotional Energy, Margin in Physical Energy, Margin in Time, and Margin in Finances.  I really feel as I’m reading this book that it is a profound secret I want to share.  Again, I’d love to encourage you, if you can, to read the book yourself.  It’s counter-cultural to say the least.

So, tomorrow tune in for Get Marginalized in our Emotional Energy!  I’m off for a bike ride in the sunshine with my son…

These LiveDifferent Challenges are starting to take over my life.  In a good way! What I mean is, I feel like each week something starts brewing in my mind and I can’t wait until Friday.  So whenever this happens I figured I will just start tossing out ideas, so I can get feedback from ya’ll before the official Challenge on Fridays.

So the last few nights in bed my dear husband has been been unable to contain himself while reading and started reading aloud exerpts to me from this book.  Well, since when I’m writing I am completely in the right-mind creative zone, I am absolutely incapable of pausing or even entertaining the smallest consideration of another thought at those times.  So, dear Jeff reads an amazing quote by William Wilberforce, and I completely ignore him.  Last night he was reading a quote about limits, and he finished by “reading”: “And there is always such and such a limit for humans, as in the limit of my wife’s patience when I am reading to her while she’s trying to write.” That got a smile out of me and I did pause long enough to thank him for his sensitivity.

But today, after writing my Much Ado About Nothing post, which you yawned through, I looked around for something to stimulate my sluggish mind and saw the book that my husband has been raving about: Margin. (BUY IT HERE)  A little reluctantly, I picked it up, made myself a big mug of green tea, and settled into the LazyBoy and began to read.  Whoa! No wonder Jeff was overcome with wanting to read aloud to me!

I will likely post 3 entries about this topic, concluding on Friday with the official LiveDifferent Challenge.  The book, written by Medical Doctor Richard A. Swenson, is divided into three sections: The Problem, the Prescription, and the Prognosis.  The Problem is Pain.  We are experiencing the pain of progress at an exponential rate.  Simply glancing through the appendix of this book reveals that life is coming at us in exponential proportions.  Population, Mail, Health Care Costs, Home Prices, Volume of Advertising, Number of Prisoners, Life Expectancy, Bankruptcies, Federal Debt, and Number of International Telephone Calls are ALL increasing exponentially.  And with this increase comes an increase in pain.  We are seeing divorce, depression, anxiety, debt, crime, alcoholism, drugs, suicide, all climb to epidemic levels.  So if we have bigger houses, more cars, higher salaries, and more exotic vacations, why are more people than ever choosing to end their life or escape through drugs, illegal or prescribed?

Progress, Swenson insists, is not evil, but we must realize that somewhere, in the midst of all of this progress and increase, there is a limit.  While athletic records are being constantly broken, there are limits.  A man may run the mile faster than ever before, but there will be a limit.  A man cannot run the mile in one second, nor in one minute, so there will be a limit.  For 2000 years, the slowly climbing linear progression of change has meant that the danger of exceeding limits was still far off. But today, look around at the foreclosure signs and tell me that perhaps we’ve failed to recognize our limits.

WHen we fail to recognize limits we overload.  What is obvious in physical overload is not so obvious in the performance, emotional, and mental realm. We would never try to crowd 3 cars into a 2-car garage.  I don’t pour two cups of milk into my 8 oz. measuring cup. Physical limits are obvious.  But we have a harder time recognizing limits in the performance and emotional and mental realm.  Where is the limit of too many friends? Too many commitments?  Too much work? Too many emotional draining relationships?  We are not unlimited in our resources, even if we do have streams of living water flowing through our lives.  We are not God.

Lately, I’ve been lifting weights.  I have always had 5 lbs. hand weights, and I love them. But after having them for several years now, I’ve noticed that with curls and chest press, I really needed to use 8lb. weights in order to overload my muscles and help them become stronger.  However, there is a limit.  I don’t want huge muscles.  I want to be fit and in shape, but body building is not my goal. So, there will a limit that I put on how heavy of weight I will use and how much I will lift weights.  In my workout video, the instructor says at one point “You are unlimited in your potential.”  I always kind of shake my head at that point. Uh, that’s not true, Gari Love.  I cannot lift up our car.  I cannot bench press my husband.  So, there is a limit to my potential and acknowledgment of that limit is the key to mental health.  “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” is not an invitation to embrace absurdity.

So, I guess I’ll leave you with this for now.  Step one, we recognize that there is a problem.  We need more than a one-week vacation to Hawaii to deal with the stress and pain of life.  With ever increasing frequency, people are snapping, resorting to drugs, divorce, drinking, debt, death…because we’ve embraced “progress” and forfeited our souls.  What needs to change?  We need a little margin.

I’m going to practice what I preach and write some trash…because this afternoon I am just so tired, and cold, so I don’t feel like doing much other than pulling the blanket a little closer up to my neck and sinking down a little lower in the couch while Dutch takes his nap.  So, I’m writing just to write. My brain feels like mud today. Not much creativity.  The gerbil in my mind has ceased running and is now lying down on his wheel with his little gerbil arms and legs hanging over the sides.

Maybe I’m tired because I’ve actually begun, yes, exercising again.  Sedentary Seminary has taken its toll and both Jeff and I are ready for some fitness.  I started running (ok, jogging) a couple weeks ago, just a couple miles a couple days a week, and Jeff has been doing awesome riding his new bike, the “second car.”  He’s ridden it in all week this week to church for work–that’s 16 miles a day!  Woohoo Jeff! Jeff has also accepted the online Hundred Pushup Challenge.  So this morning after my run (that sounds so much cooler than “jog” even though I’m certain no one watching would ever qualify it as running), I collapsed on the couch and read my Bible while Jeff did his push-ups.  Way to go, hon!  He is LOVING riding his bike–he’s always wanted a new bike, and it’s so fun to see him get so excited about more than an hour of grueling exercise each day.

Nothing much on other fronts.  We’re trying to eat healthier, which lasts until after dinner when the dessert demon calls my name and insists that ice cream and cookies are absolutely necessary.  Dutch is now in love with graham crackers and makes his pitiful little “please” sign rapidly with desperation in his eyes as he points up to the cupboard.  He’s now feeding himself, which is great.  We spend lots of time sitting down at the river, letting him throw rocks, hundreds and hundreds of rocks into the water.   I’m LOVING summer, and thankful that Jeff is only working 1/2 time, so it makes for sweet mornings and afternoons together.  Last night he and Dutch watched the NBA finals so I had some sweet time alone to…well, I actually cleaned the closet. But that’s fun for me!

Ok, this post receives the all-time award for most-boring, nothing-of-significance blog entry.  Things are really great, my brain is just tired.  God is good.  If any of you have inspiration for the LiveDifferent Challenge this week, I’d love to hear it.  Actually, I do have an idea rolling around (slowly) in my mind…Increasing Margins. Hmm.  Think about it…

Have you ever been the recipient of a pat answer?  Or, perhaps far more convicting is the question, Have you ever given a pat answer?  What exactly is one, anyway?  How do we know if we’re giving one?  This past week something got me thinking about pat answers and why we all hate them but why we all give them. 

A dear friend of mine has confided in me about the dumb things people do when others are grieving.  For example, hopefully by now we know that the proper response to someone who’s had a miscarriage is NOT, Well, you’ll have another baby!  When someone loses a loved one, please don’t pat them on the shoulder and say, They’re in a better place.  Duh!  Both of those things are obviously true (probably), but the problem is not the validity of the statement, it’s the lack of concern.  When we were little and would stub our toe or bump our head, my PE teacher dad would say, “It’ll feel better when the pain goes away.”  That’s fine with the stubbed toe, but some of us unfortunately find ourselves in essence seeing a hurting person and saying, “It’ll feel better when the pain goes away.” 

What’s always been tough for me is that so often Scripture can be used as a pat answer.  “All things work for good!” is the classic example.  “God’s ways are not our ways!”  we might offer with a smile.  So what do we do?  Scripture is the best counsel, the very best thing to share with someone who is hurting, but the key is how we share it.  Basically, Scripture becomes a pat answer when it is shared before the recipient has been heard, loved, empathized with, and prepared to receive the verse.  If we’ve not loved, listened, empathized, and been sensitive to where the hurting person is, we’ll likely find ourselves giving pat answers.

So, when someone is struggling with forgiveness, with bitterness, with a gnawing pain that’s been growing for years, we err if we say, You just need more of Jesus!  Yes, of course that is true, but our job is to listen, our job is to love, our job is to care.  The greatest way to communicate love and care is to listen.  Listen long, listen well. Listen without countering, without offering advice.  That’s how we become catalysts for God’s supernatural work of grace to take place in another’s life. But first we must care.  If we do not care, we would do well to step back and ask God to change our hearts.  A lack of love should be pretty serious warning sign to us that we need a dose of God’s grace! 

I wish I could go around to every person who I’ve ever given a pat answer to, and ask for forgiveness.  I know we’ve all done it, and will all do it again at some point, but I pray that God would make us people who love enough to listen, to care enough to waste time with someone’s pain, to let the blood splash over onto our own garments, to let the wounds begin to ache as our own.  I think maybe that’s the first step in the cure for the pat answer.