That hidden handicap
It was just over 3 years ago we ventured into unpaid territory.
Looking back, it seems scary. I can’t believe we did it! We’d strongly sensed a call to plant a church, so we left our well-paying pastoring position, and prayed constantly for His guidance as we slowly stepped out in faith and began gathering with a handful of folks in our backyard, serving barbecued hamburgers and often singing a capella, Jeff preaching above the noise of the neighbors’ wood-chipper.
I’m not sure if they knew what they were getting into because we didn’t know what we were getting into!
But they were sweet days, even when October came and we were still gathering outside on Sunday nights. We handed out blankets to keep people warm, but slowly the earlier-setting sun left us in complete darkness by the time we sang our last song. We thought about requesting that everyone bring flashlights, but figured it was probably time to get a building instead.
October 2012 was the first month we wouldn’t receive a paycheck. At all. Yes, Jeff could have gotten another job, but for us we just kept sensing we were to put all our time and effort into this plant, and trust our Provider to provide. Thankfully, we’d already slashed our monthly budget by more than 75% during this other crazy adventure, so God had, in His providence, already prepared us for this slim-pickin’s season.
To our everlasting amazement, our no-salary stretch only lasted one month.
His faithfulness, shown through the faithfulness of His people, provided for us almost immediately. Sure, the salary was a teeny tiny one, but hey, we had food on the table!
It has been such a gift, these last three years, of truly walking by faith. God has dumped His gracious provision on us–providing a home, fabulous housemates, plenty of food, clothes when we need it, homeschool materials, really anything we could ever need.
But now as we’ve gotten more comfortable we face a future where we’ll no longer have to be skimping and penny-pinching. We haven’t increased our monthly expenditures at all, but the truth is — we have plenty.
And while it seemed scary to live on such little, it’s actually scarier to live on much more.
What do I mean?
There are a lot of ways that the kingdom of God is an upside down kingdom, but perhaps most dramatically in this way: Riches are a spiritual handicap.
Don’t worry, this isn’t a money-is-bad rant. Money isn’t bad. At all. All resources are a gift from God and the means through which He often provides and blesses.
It’s just that a cushy income is common called a spiritual danger in the Scripture.
This week my Bible study reading included Mark 10, the story of the rich young ruler and the remarks Jesus made to His disciples after the man sadly turned away from following Jesus, choosing His wealth instead. His words are startling to say the least:
“How difficult it will be for those who have wealth to enter the kingdom of God!” And the disciples were amazed at his words. But Jesus said to them again, “Children, how difficult it is to enter the kingdom of God! It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.” (v. 24-25)
The disciples were amazed at His words and so am I! Every time I read this, I squirm a little. A camel through the eye of a needle? Yikes! It’s not just that it’s a little harder to resist greed and temptation when we have worldly wealth, it’s WAY harder.
Money is the hidden handicap of the Christian life.
Again, we shouldn’t demonize money, but we must be sober-minded about the great temptation we face when a comfortable income comes our way. We must become extra vigilant to give sacrificially, evaluate our motives, and keep open-accountability with others about the way we spend our resources. In our culture we think money buys independence. Poor people have to give account of their spending because we’re suspicious, but rich people can do whatever they want because clearly they must be doing ok.
The gospel is the great equalizer. No one gets to gain independence from God or others. We are all to live in personal and financial accountability, asking the hard questions and helping each other genuinely grow in Christlikeness.
Please hear my heart: Money’s not bad. The LOVE of money is bad. Jesus says riches are deceitful and can choke out the work of God in our lives. But we don’t have to let them!
If we do find ourselves making more money, let’s be ever-aware of the temptation and fight hard to remain faithful to the kingdom of God. Let’s not set our hearts on them, let’s give freely more and more and more, let’s use the world’s resources for furthering the gospel and blessing the world Jesus came to save. Giving breaks the back of greed and leads us into joy.
I’m preaching this to myself: Thanks for listening in. 😉
{Thanks for reading.}
To do today: Win their hearts
I plunge my hands into the muddy water, winning his heart in this imaginary world of war.
“I just destroyed your aircraft carrier, Dutch. You’ll need a way better design next time.”
He looks up at me delighted, eyes dancing, sun sparkling in his blond hair. Soon, Heidi skips across the yard.
“Would you like to come to a party at my house?”
Her face is light, eyes full of anticipation. For a moment I marvel at her eager vulnerability. It is one thing to invite someone to your house for a party. That’s a risk. It is quite another to invite someone to an imaginary party.
Every time a child invites you into her imagination, she risks.
I see it most clearly in Dutch. We had settled down into Heidi’s playhouse, seated in miniature chairs sipping water-tea from plastic cups. Dutch grew quiet for a moment then looked me in the eye.
“I got a new job, down in LA.”
He says the short statement and waits for a response. It’s such a simple, mundane interaction–something most moms do every day. You play pretend, that’s what you do. But the enormity of it washes over me, as he waits for my response.
Will I take him seriously and play? Will I accept this invitation into his innermost world? In just one sentence a child may open up her heart and world to us. How do we respond?
“Oh? Down in LA? What are you doing there?”
A quick flash of joy comes across his face–and he continues in his deepest most serious voice. It’s a big job, overseeing all those aircraft carriers. Only two days off a year–Christmas and Easter. The pay is good though–$200/month.
We talk, like this, most of the afternoon. Heidi explains how her friend “lost her medical” and had to have her legs amputated. Then she had to go to DHS. (Having had Julie in our life informs their imagination in humorous ways sometimes.) Later, Dutch is a WWII veteran. He tells me detailed stories of his heroic escapades, explains the intricacies of the war when I dig for more information.
And I have to chuckle to myself, Too bad we didn’t do school today. I could almost see their little minds blossoming, opening, like little buds of creativity, connecting and exploring and risking and learning. And what an honor–a privilege–to be allowed into their innermost world of imagination.
Before Dutch was born, my sister-in-law threw me a baby shower. Each woman wrote one piece of advice on a little card. My pastor’s wife, a wise woman I’ve known 30 years, wrote:
“Win your child’s heart.”
She explained,
“Win his heart, so he will never want to disappoint you. Love is a better motivator than guilt. A desire to please you will carry him through more temptation and struggle than all the rules and right answers in the world. Win his heart early on.”
There are many ways to do this. I haven’t mastered them. But entering our children’s imaginary worlds–with enthusiasm–is one of the most powerful ways to pursue their hearts when they are young.
Few invitations are more sacred than the invitation to enter the imaginary world of a little soul.
When we enter in, we win.
Go play.
{Have a wonderful week. Thanks for reading.}
Should we pray for protection? (On over-correcting)
Life often feels like a long series of over-correcting.
Like dangerous drivers, we tend to veer from one ditch to the other, struggling to find the middle ground where we can actually gain speed and get somewhere.
Anybody else?
I see this in myself. For many years I pretty much lived in the ditch of “it’s all about embracing suffering.” I ignored healing, reward, blessing, and only focused on the parts of the scriptures (of which there are plenty!) that focused on carrying our cross, embracing persecution, and growth through suffering. That’s well and good, but you better believe if I was in a prayer meeting, and someone started praying for healing, I’d be the first to “over-correct” that by adding something like, “And Lord we just pray you’d also help this person embrace suffering, and be joyful in the midst of this, and help them have patience…”
You get the idea.
We can so funny in prayer meetings, so quick to helpfully correct each other’s prayer. *wink*
But then of course I’ve learned about healing. Say what?! Oh, Jesus healed people! Tada! This is incredible. And so this whole new world opens up to me, and I’m amazed by it, swerving hard out of that ditch. But now is the challenge of seeking to stay firm on solid ground, balanced, without falling into ditches on either side.
Thankfully, the Scriptures, read in their entirety without just picking and choosing our favorite verses, provide us with the perfect steadiness, keeping us from veering too far off either side. But one of the areas where I’ve struggled to find that middle biblical ground is in the area of protection.
Should we pray for protection?
The same way that I used to think praying for healing was “shallow” (although I would never have admitted that), I thought praying for protection seemed pretty self-centered. Paul wasn’t concerned about being shipwrecked, right? He was concerned that more and more people would know the gospel! He wasn’t consumed with his own comfort and security, he was consumed with a passion to make known the glory of God, whatever it took.
But while this is true, we always need to be on guard against that ditch.
But last week, I kept sensing an urge to pray for protection. I read up a bit, and could see that yes, so clearly, we were called to petition for ourselves and intercede for others to be protected. Psalm 91 is a clear declaration of God’s protection, so I just prayed as best as I knew how, to be protected, and that, above all, our hearts would completely trust God.
That weekend, I traveled 4.5 hours south to a retreat. All went well, and on the way home Saturday evening, I continued to thank God for His peace and confidence, and for protection.
As I traveled up I-5 going 70 mph, through a narrow part of the freeway with a concrete median on one side and cars on the other, a wheel/tire flew off an SUV in front of me, bounced up in the air, and came straight at my windshield. I didn’t even have time to think, but couldn’t swerve, so just slammed on my brakes and ducked my head. Amazingly, the tire came down instead of at my windshield, and slammed into my bumper, really the only place it could hit without causing me to crash. Part of my bumper fell off and flew down the road, the other part hung off a bit and my hood was rattled loose, but after pulling aside (shaking like a leaf!), I saw the car was completely drivable, so I continued home (praying the whole way that God would hold my hood shut!).
I praised God the whole way for prompting my heart to pray for protection, then providing the protection I so needed.
Friends, we can spend so much time trying to dissect prayer, figuring out the “right ways” to pray, which really just squanders the time we could be spending actually praying! Years ago I heard a sermon where a pastor mercilessly made fun of the (admittedly) quirky ways that people pray, and while I’m sure his intent was pure, it had such a negative effect on me.
It made me paranoid that somehow I was “doing it wrong.”
I’m finding freedom in just praying according to the scriptures, as best as I can, without swerving too far to either side, bouncing in and out of ditches, or stalling in stillness because I’m too paralyzed by wanting to “do it right.”
May you find freedom today as you pray, may you steer clear of those ditches, and gain significant ground as you interact with your Heavenly Father about all that concerns you today. He loves you so!
{Happy weekend. Thanks for reading.}
The End of Mommy-Guilt
“Dear God, please help Mommy not be sad at her retreats because she misses us.”
Oh sweetieboy.
We were sitting around the dinner table. Jeff had asked each of us to pray one thing for someone else. This was Dutch’s prayer.
The last weekend’s goodbye had been tearful. Dutch and I had held each other long in the yard. As always, I explained that I was going to teach the Bible and talk to ladies about following God.
“Mommy, do you want to go?”
I was completely honest:
“I want to go because I love God and I want to help people love God, and you get to be with Daddy and you always have fun and when I teach God’s Word I become a better Mommy. But you know what? I still get sad every single time I have to go. And I miss you so much while I’m there.”
Oh you have no idea how much Mama misses you, sweetieboy. I’ve been speaking at retreats almost his whole life–I was nursing him at my very first one. We’ve done this countless times but it’s still never easy. Eventually he cheered up and waved goodbye.
And then, days later, this prayer surfaced. And it blessed my heart because he’s beginning to see that even hard things can be good, and the truth is, as much as I am gung-ho enthusiastic about saying, Spend time with your kids, people! As much as Everything Else Really Can Wait, the truth is that unless we are careful and listen closely to God, even these sweet messages can make us slaves to Mommy-Guilt, falsely believing our days should only involve endless hours on the floor stacking blocks and giving blow-bellies.
It’s not as warm and fuzzy, but the truth is–we’re called to raise our babes and do the dishes. We’re called to snuggle and share the gospel. We’re called to read Goodnight Moon for the millionth time and, I hate to say it, some of you also have to work.
Like, at a job.
This is called reality.
And, this is also called following God. The truth is, God is the only one who gets to call the shots in our lives. We must know what we’re called to, and obey that. It will look different for different people. There are many times when I put everything aside and just play for hours with my kids. I homeschool them. I take them with me everywhere. Heidi comes to all my meetings with me. We don’t even hire babysitters, people! My whole parenting philosophy is, in a word, WITH.
But there are some times that it is in their best interest to respect Mommy and let me study God’s Word, teach a retreat, spend alone time in prayer, clean the house, give Daddy my full attention.
See, we can let this vague Mommy-guilt thing make us slaves to a child-centered existence.
We’re not called to a child-centered existence; we’re called to a Christ-centered existence. Yes, we give countless hours to our children, but they don’t run the show.
God does.
While it may be true that I’ll never regret spending time with my kids, it’s also true that people are dying without the truth of Jesus Christ and it is a disservice to our kids if we teach them that the world revolves around their soccer schedule.
The problem isn’t necessarily that we don’t spend enough time with our kids. The problem is what we’re doing instead.
I don’t want my kids to see me ignoring them because I’m shopping for shoes. Or working extra hours striving after the elusive American Dream. I don’t want them to feel Facebook is their rival for my attention. I want my kids to see that giving our lives for the sake of the gospel is the most important thing. Family time is precious. But we will not make family an idol. Even family falls under the ultimate purpose of glorifying God by enjoying Him and sharing His love with a lost world.
The only way to end Mommy-guilt once and for all is to commit afresh to a Christ-centered life, and allow Him to set the course for our days.
For the glory of God, the health of our hearts, and the good of our children. Amen.
{Do you know the forgiveness of Jesus Christ and the freedom of the gospel? If you have not yet begun a new life of faith, please contact me here. Let’s talk! Thanks for reading.}
*Originally shared Oct. 2013