The Problem With Beautiful
Hello again! This is Caila, stepping in for Kari while she is on vacation. You can read more about me on my blog, CailaMade. Thanks for reading!
I lay on the bed, weeping. Sobs racked throughout my body, causing me to inwardly cringe at my own weakness. My husband’s hand rubbed paths along my shoulder blades. He was understandably lost for words.
I had just returned from speaking in front of our church’s moms group. It was a simple affair. I shared some of the challenges and successes I’ve had over the past few years at becoming a better housewife. I wasn’t preaching to the masses, or running a giant crusade, or being interviewed on the Today Show. I simply stood and shared with the women of our church about an issue we all had in common. No big deal.
Except now I was sobbing my heart out on our bed, with a very bewildered husband at my side. And I was weeping over the very silliest reason of them all.
I didn’t feel beautiful.
Beauty had nothing to do with our moms’ discussion that night. It is a weakness I’ve struggled with periodically, and which rears it’s head every time I feel vulnerable.
And I know, lovely friends, I’m not alone.
Even from this distance I remember the heartbreak of that moment so clearly my eyes are actually tearing up. I feel ashamed of my raw, self-centered fears. But I’m sharing this in the hopes that another mom who is wrestling with the very same fear will feel un-alone and encouraged today. And I’m sharing because I truly believe that lies thrive in the darkness, and the moment we speak them out loud, shine the light of day on their wicked twisted untruths, they begin to lose their power.
So, here you go, Lies. I’m putting you out to die in the light. Good riddance.
We all have moments of feeling less-than. Whether you struggle with feeling hip enough, or wealthy enough, or smart enough, or young enough, or pretty enough, you can find friends here. If you struggle with chasing beauty, well you and I can hang out because I’ve got your number sister and I know how it feels.
But we’ve got a problem. The problem with “beauty” is that the definition is always changing. Not only is the definition changing, but you and I are changing. What’s beautiful today, might not be beautiful in 20 years. And we, who might be beautiful today, will not look the same in 20 years.
Meanwhile, there is something forever valuable in the true beauty of a kind and loving spirit. There is beauty in self-sacrifice, in letting God mold us over time through His Spirit, into something truly, unutterably beautiful.
And that beauty cannot fade over time. It cannot be altered by fads, and it cannot be faked by photo filters. Rather, it shines through the cracks and wrinkles of old age, it hovers peacefully around the young who have found their forgiveness and their place in Christ.
I am not beautiful because of my face. I am not beautiful because of my size, or because my jeans fit again two months after giving birth (they didn’t, by the way). I am not beautiful because of Mac makeup or Nordstrom clothes (I love both of those things). I am not beautiful because of Instagram filters, or styled photo shoots. I am not even beautiful just because my husband thinks I am, although God bless him foreverandeverandever because of it.
No, I am truly beautiful because God loved me. When he formed my body, He did not make a mistake. When he designed my life’s path, He did not rip me off. When He sent His son to die for the sins of the world, I was not excluded. I have this one beautiful chance, this life, to show that I trust Him enough to put my value completely in His hands.
Remember, sweet sister. Beautiful mamma. You do not need to do anything to be beautiful. You do not need to change yourself, beat yourself up, spend lots of money, or sweat it out, to be beautiful. Your value is already found in Him. Let Him grow a beauty out of you that can’t be stolen by years. And 30 or 40 years from now, all the young women will ask why we are so confident and happy and beautiful. And we will smile and tell them why.
*****
“Do not let your adorning be external…but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart.” 1 Peter 3:3-7
On Stickers
There are two people in my life who are always passing on to me some precious treasure or two. When they say, “I have something for you…” I smile wide in anticipation because I know it’s going to be good. One happens to be my mother-in-law. She always arrives with bags filled with wonderful and extraordinarily random items that I love. Tulip bulbs (already planted in soil inside beautiful pots (!), saran wrap, a coffee-grinder and an unusual vase that she assures I can give to Goodwill with no hard feelings. I rarely do because I love what she gives. If you ever see anything in my home that you think is lovely you can rest assured it comes from her hand. She has an eye for ordinary beauty and redemptive decorating. Taking what another tosses and creating, truly, a treasure. I love learning from her.
My other giving friend does much the same. Her gifts have included hand-me-down-still-in-perfect-condition Uggs, sourdough starter, parenting books, Chia seeds, gorgeous patio planters (with flowers in them!), and an entire basket filled with assorted tea. Tell me,what could be better?
So recently this friend opened up her purse during our 6am prayer meeting and announced to the other six of us, “I have stickers for you!”
Stickers?
My mind went straight to the Thomas the Train ones that Dutch sticks all over his face. Hmm… But she opened up a stationary box and pulled out a stack of small matte sheets of, yes, I suppose you’d call them stickers.
But they were beautiful. Vintage-inspired takes on flowers and birds. Matte, textured, think Anthropolgie. To call them “stickers” seemed offensive. They were art! I received them gladly and tucked them carefully in my Bible to await an occasion special enough to merit their use.
They soon found their use.
Prayer Cards & Scripture Memory Cards.
I’ll share more on Tuesday about my love for prayer cards and simple ways to make them work. But what has struck me recently about them is this:
Beauty fosters discipline.
I am, as you maybe be able to tell, experiencing a shackle-shaking revolution in my little heart of once again learning to embrace beauty. To love beauty. To value beauty as inherently valuable because all that is beauty points to He who is Beautiful.
Our God is Beautiful.
Perhaps it sounds overly dramatic, but it is a keen enough conviction in my heart that I even have felt led to repent of this–this departure from pursuing beauty. I had, in the past dozen years, sterilized my life in order to squeeze as much productivity out of it.
I had raped the soil of my own soul in a selfish striving to produce some supposedly spiritual product.
Fruit?
Fruit doesn’t grow from barren soil.
Fruit, real fruit, only grows from soil that is rich. And could it be that seeking beauty–as a way of seeking the reflection of our Great and Glorious God–is one of the ways that we cultivate this ground, one of the ways that we add nutrients and then watch the fruit grown, ripen …
... that a world may taste and see that the Lord is good.
So I slid those precious stickers out of my Bible and got to work on my new prayer cards. I used a smoky blue color marker for the titles and sharp black ink for the names. Then, of course, I finished them off with the beautiful stickers. They are simple, but exquisite to me. And you know what I’m finding?
Their beauty fosters discipline. I find so much delight in how beautiful my prayer cards look, I take care of them and cherish them and love to pray over them. I pull them out each morning like little treasures to behold. I touch those textured stickers, thinking of my friend (who is beauty), of this new pursuit, of cultivating rich soil, of my Great and Glorious God. My stickers are beautiful.
Just like prayer is beautiful.
My heart grieves for the years I have spent sterilizing my life so that I can produce more shriveled, dried up fruit that no one in their right mind would want to eat. One bright red, ripe, delicious juicy strawberry from the garden is worth ten tasteless ones shipped from who knows where. Perhaps our lives are a little like that. Less fruit, but better. Real. And maybe that has something to do with beauty.
Maybe it has something to do with stickers.
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Do you see Him in the details of life? He is so beautiful.
Where have you seen Him today?