When something stinks
What is that smell?
The kids and I climbed in the car for church, five minutes late as usual, and the odor was nauseating. What was that? I’d noticed a little smell the days before, but we don’t drive much, so it’d been a few days and it was most definitely worse. What could it be?
I leaned in to buckle Heid’s seatbelt and glanced over her seat into the back of the car.
No. Oh no.
A two-pound package of ground beef, wrapped in paper not plastic, was wedged in the back of the car next to a bag of giveaway toys. I could see blood had oozed out all over the carpet and soaked the bottom of the bag.
No. I wonder how long …
I thought back. I had got it from my parents’ house since they store my beef supply in their garage freezer — so it must have been …
a week. A WEEK this meat had been rotting, blood oozing down between the folded down seats, soaking the bag of toys.
This was three weeks ago — needless to say we’ve been working on it ever since.
I wish my car was the only thing that smelled. Since we’re heralding honesty around here, I had to say my life has smelled a bit as well. I kept noticing it, a little odor here and there. But this last week I found the rancid meat and could finally see how it seeped into everything around.
Pride.
Perhaps that word has lost its punch — we use it a lot. But it’s the only one that will do because it’s the one God uses and it’s the only one that truly accurately describes the rancid meat I too often discover wedged into some corner of my life, making the whole thing smell.
Yesterday I listened as Jeff counseled someone over the phone. He said this,
“We say someone hurt our “feelings” but the truth is that feelings are just feelings, they can’t be hurt. What we really mean is that someone hurt our ego. Egos can be injured … they are all the time.”
Aha. That was it. Like a glance into the backseat, I’d found my meat.
Ego. It makes everything stink. It repulses others, pushes them away, repels God, keeps at arm’s length. And, the kicker:
It taints our thanks.
Consider the proud Pharisee’s prayer in Luke 18:11:
The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’
I’ve always read this struck by His pride, of course, but never noticed how he begins his prayer:
With thanks.
The Pharisee actually uses thanksgiving as a cloak for pride. He uses words of gratitude but all he’s really doing is boasting.
True thanksgiving is always the product of humility; counterfeit thanksgiving is always the product of pride.
Pride, like rotten meat oozing everywhere, can taint our thanks and turn it into boasting.
Do you see why God hates pride? Why sin ruins everything. Why egos destroy the work of God. Why self stifles our growth and sabotages the Spirit’s labor in us?
I had smelled it for a few weeks but didn’t know exactly what it was.
Now what? Praise be to God that when we name it and ditch it, God is faithful and just to forgive us. The good news is this — this horrible discovery in the back seat of my life, so to speak, has made me soul mates with the tax collector. Without thought or intention, His prayer has been mine this week:
“But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’
Have you ever felt that way? Where the tears stream down your face and you bury your head and plead with God, “Have mercy on me, a sinner.”
I hate finding rancid meat but would rather find it and toss it then let stay and continue to stink.
Confession is just like that. See it, pick it up, oozing blood and stinking, toss it out. Spend the next few weeks with the baking soda of God’s Spirit, letting Him deodorize and make us clean and new.
And you know what? This morning I climbed in the car.
It didn’t smell at all.
When we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sin and cleanse us of all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)
That’s what I’m thankful for.
{Revisiting this story just because I love it and need it! Thank you so much for reading.}
How to keep from yelling at Ann Voskamp
{Disclaimer: I wrote this last week, in a particularly weak moment, and was going to delete it but felt that perhaps, just perhaps, it might encourage someone today. The TRUTH did get my eyes back on Jesus and put me back on the right course. And, interestingly enough, a little e-book was birthed from all this… Enjoy!}
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Some days I want to yell at Ann Voskamp. (And I know that’s not appropriate.)
“I’m sorry, How DO you write books and homeschool 6 kids and run a farm and clean your house and speak to thousands of people and blog every day AND take pictures of it all and STAY SANE???”
I really didn’t mean to raise my voice.
But some days I can’t breathe. Between parenting, moving, church-planting, pastoring, speaking, writing, blogging, homeschooling … Oh and then there’s cooking, cleaning, organizing.
And I’m supposed to answer my phone too? And check my email?
And my feedreader is full of blog posts from Mamas doing Christmas crafts with their kids.
I’m sorry, Christmas crafts?
My son’s birthday tomorrow will consist of a cheese pizza and Legos dumped on the dining room table. I dare say I probably won’t be posting pictures on Pinterest.
And every Publisher’s feedback has been the same: You need to build more of a platform. Get your name out there. Guest post. Tweet. Do giveaways.
Giveaways?
The only thing I want to giveaway right now is my to-do list. Does that count?
I was so encouraged a few weeks ago when I read one popular blogger say that she was taking a month-long break from writing in order to re-focus her heart and spend time with her kids. But I just clicked there again today and found 5 new posts since then, a completely new blog design, and a brand new book of hers released.
Really?
Does anyone rest?
*sigh* Oh friends, I hope you never feel like this but just in case you do, let’s remind ourselves of the truth, shall we?
Truth: God has given us exactly the right amount of seconds in our day to accomplish exactly the things He wants us to accomplish.
Truth: We all have different sized milkshakes, different capacities for getting things done. Comparison kills.
Truth: Haste makes waste. (Thank you, Ann!) Jesus never ran and was never in a hurry. He walked this earth with measured steps and calm intentionality.
Truth: Pride pushes and pulls us, driving us on, the cruelest task-master. But gentle grace leads the humble, the life of God the steady source of fuel.
Truth: We have plenty. Though I always feel like I fall short, God has given each one of us plenty for today. I must believe that.
The truth is, I love Ann and all the other phenomenally gifted women out there who are inspiring us with their photos, words, and crafts. And most days I’m happily inspired. But sometimes I must just admit how overwhelmed I feel and take a step back, a deep breath, and maybe a couple ibuprofen, and remind myself of the truth that sets me free.
Nothing is as important as your heart. So when it starts to turn bitter, sour, God must work His truth in there and fix your heart’s gaze back on Him. And while I’m sorry I vented those thoughts on you, sometimes we have to identify what the “yuck” is in order to let God wash it clean, amen?
Because I really don’t want to yell at Ann Voskamp. Or my husband, or my kids. None of us do, right? We want the life of God to fill us with His peace and give us grace for whatever’s on our plate.
One day–one breath–at a time, we must believe there’s plenty.
I pray this can encourage you as you finish your week. Thanks for reading.
P.S., It’s kind of funny timing … TOMORROW we’re doing a special giveaway (ha!) for my FIRST e-book! After all my whining, the timing just so happened that God would birth a book entitled, Plenty, and that it would come out the day after this post. Sometimes you just have to laugh. Stay tuned for:
