Why God Disappoints
Yesterday we saw who God disappoints: those for whom He has great plans. Today we’ll see why our God strategically disappoints us and thwarts our expectations. Take a look at John chapter 11. We know that Mary and Martha, sisters of Lazarus, are some of Jesus’ dearest friends. Lazarus is dying:
“So the two sisters sent a message to Jesus telling him, “Lord, your dear friend is very sick” (v.3)
The sisters sent to Him. Why would they send to Jesus? They expected Him to heal Lazarus. This was their expectation. Lazarus is sick. Jesus loves Lazarus. Jesus can heal. Therefore, send to Jesus and tell him so that He can come heal Lazarus. (Sound familiar? I have a problem. Jesus loves me. Jesus can fix problems. Tell Jesus my problem and expect him to fix it.)
“When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it” (v. 4)
One of the most significant lines of scripture, Jesus claims that the sickness will not result in death, but is for the purpose that God will be glorified. It’s actually safe to say that all that God does (or doesn’t do) is for this purpose. This is the overarching purpose of God. Now we don’t know whether Mary and Martha got this report. But either way, they expected Lazarus to be healed by Jesus and live. If they got the message, they would surely have that expectation, and even if they didn’t, they naturally expected Jesus to beat feet there to heal him right away. So, what does Jesus do?
“Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So, when he heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was” (v. 5-6).
Because Jesus loved Mary and Martha and Lazarus, he stayed two more days in the place where He was. Again, one of the most significant lines in Scripture. This means that Jesus deliberately let Lazarus die.God doesn’t just use disappointments for good, He disappoints us on purpose. Everything that God does is deliberate. Jesus deliberately waited two days, so that Lazarus would die. He disappointed them. He thwarted their expectations.
Why?
“Then Jesus told them plainly, “Lazarus has died, and for your sake I am glad that I was not there, so that you may believe…” (v.14-15)
God strategically disappoints us so that we will believe.
This proves that Jesus knew exactly what was happening, He knew that Lazarus was dead, and “was glad”. Why? THAT YOU MAY BELIEVE. The reason God deliberately disappoints His people? That we may believe. This means that He has an even greater purpose than raising someone from the dead. Belief is even greater than life. That doesn’t seem logical that He’d disappoint people in order to get them to believe, huh? It seems like He’d want to fulfill our every wish so that we’d believe that He’s able. But it doesn’t work like that. Romans 5:1-5 tells us that it is through trials and suffering that hope is born. It seems like it would be the opposite, but God knows how to birth true hope, which is through disappointment and thwarted expectations.
God disappoints us so that we will believe. How do you think your particular disappointment may be God’s plan at helping you believe? Let’s take this question to the Father, simmer for a bit on this and pick it up tomorrow. Thank you, dear friends, for reading.
Who God Disappoints
If God never disappoints us, but we who love and serve Him experience disappointment, then what is wrong with us? Do we not have enough faith? Are we spiritually second-class citizens? Overlooked perhaps or forgotten by the Father? Or maybe just losers?
Every wondered that?
Last week we looked at disappointment: when the road is long, when no one understands, and when you must be silent.
So does God purposefully disappoint us?
I say, yes.
It is clear from Scripture that we serve a God who strategically and purposefully disappoints us, in order to accomplish something far greater in our lives and protect us from getting on the disappointment cycle.
That’s the “bad” news. The good news is that our encountering disappointment may be the most encouraging thing we face: Because it means God has great plans.
But first we have to understand, more clearly, what disappointment is. When we understand what it is, it’s easier to see God’s kindness in the midst of it.
The definition of disappointment is simple: Thwarted expectations.
When we start looking at our disappointments in terms of thwarted expectation, we begin to make some headway in this transformation process. Keep that in mind as we look at these examples of how God strategically thwarts our expectations to serve a greater purpose.
But who does He disappoint? In our experiences with disappointment, one of the hardest things was feeling that we must be losers if we are experiencing this much disappointment. Surely, something was wrong with us. The disappointment seeps down beneath the surface and takes root, shakes the core of who you are. So who are we, you, all of us who God in His sovereignty chooses to disappoint?
God strategically disappoints those for whom He has great plans.
Can disappointment really be a sign of divine promise? Check this out…
Abraham: (Genesis 13-22): God promises that Abraham will be the father of many nations. Then what? Poor Abe can’t have kids. He’s disappointed. Expectations thwarted. Consider this timeline:
When Abraham is 75 years old the promise is given (Gen. 13:14-15 is the first place mentioned, reiterated often). At 85 years old (10 years later), Abraham takes matters into own hands with Hagar and Ishmael (Gen. 16:3). At 100 years of age the son of promise is finally born (21:5). Fifteen years after the attempt of the flesh. Twenty-five years after the initial promise. Remember when the road is long? They try to get pregnant, then spend two weeks obsessing over and hoping they’re pregnant. Then the disappointment comes, and it takes two weeks to recover and get their hopes up again and then the whole cycle starts again. Hope, disappoint, recover. Imagine this, every month, being disappointed for 25 years. You could figure that’s 300 disappointing months… 300 Disappointments. That’s a long road of thwarted expectations.
Joseph: (Gen. 37, 39-42) God shows him in a dream that his brothers will bow down to him. He winds up dumped in a pit (after barely escaping being murdered by them!) then sold as a slave to the Egyptians (v.28), is lied about so that his father thinks that he is dead, is taken into Potipher’s house where he does everything right, then is wrongly accused of trying to rape Potipher’s house, is unjustly incarcerated, then spends time in prison, helps out two of his inmates by interpreting dreams, but then is forgotten by them and left in prison for TWO whole years before Pharoah has a dream that Joseph interprets and is let out of prison. Probably about 13 years from the prophetic dream to fulfillment of that dream. Disappointed. Thwarted Expectations.
Moses: (Exodus) Moses’ heart burns with a desire to deliver his people from the unjust treatment of the Egyptians. Then what? He kills an Egyptian and there’s a warrant out for his head. He winds up tending sheep in the back of the desert for his father in law in. When God gives his promise in Exodus 3:7-10 it sounds like it would all happen in one glorious day, or week. But no, it happens through failure, complaining, much death, unbelief. When he first goes back with grand expectations, things only get worse. Pharoah increases the workload and all the people complain and grumble against him. And then they continue to complain and whine against him for more than 40 years. What he expected? Not really. Disappointed. Expectations thwarted.
David: (1 Sam. 16) Samuel the prophet anoints David as king, the Spirit of Lord comes upon Him. Onward King! Right? No. Then what? Saul tries to kill him, over and over and over and over and he spends 10-14 years living in caves in the desert, trying to escape from the hand of Saul. His wife is given to another man. Some of his actions result in the slaughter of 85 priests. At one point the Amalekites invaded and took all his and his men’s wives and children and all that they had. What happened to King of Israel? He is nothing but a homeless man on the run, hated, having lost everything, and still hunted to be killed by Saul. Do you think this was what he expected? No. Disappointed. Expectations thwarted.
Disciples: The disciples know that God will send a Messiah who will come and save the world. Then Jesus comes, who neither fights nor takes over anything, but is a lowly servant and calls them to a lowly servant life. Then he does the unthinkable and goes and gets himself killed without even putting up a fight-what a tragic end! Imagine this moment. They have left everything. They have left their jobs, some have left their families, possessions, status, everything, to follow his man who claims that He is a king and will be the deliverer of Israel. They obviously figured there was so gain to be had. And then, to end it all, their Savior is dead. It’s all over. No revolution. No overthrowing the Roman government. Nothing. It was all for naught. Disappointment. Expectations thwarted.
Do you see a pattern? Strategic Disappointment. Intentionally thwarted expectations. And these are God’s spiritual giants, heroes of the faith. Ordinary people for whom God had extraordinary plans.
Just like you.
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Take a quick look around the landscape of your life. Do you see any disappointment, any thwarted expectations? God might just be at work, and yours might be a life for whom God has great plans.
I pray God gives you a glimpse of His great purpose today, His special hand on your life. Thank you for reading.
Disappointment: When you must be silent
“Light griefs are loquacious, but the great are dumb.”
-Seneca
Often the hardest thing to say is nothing. Sometimes we are silent because the grief itself is so great. Other times we are silent because we must be, which makes a small grief great.
This week we looked at disappointments that simply last a long time, we looked at disappointments that don’t appear to be disappointments, or at least that others do not understand.
Our third and final difficult disappointment from the life of Hannah would be:
3. Those that we must bear in silence (1 Sam. 1:13).
From our narrative here, we just see this one verse of silence:
“As she continued praying before the LORD, Eli (the priest) observed her mouth. Hannah was speaking in her heart; only her lips moved, and her voice was not heard” 1 Sam. 1:13).
Of course her voice was not heard, because this was a very personal, very private issue. There’s no way she could bear her soul out loud, in front of a male priest, about her reproductive issues and the jealousy issues between her and her husband’s mistress. And, since she shared her husband and her home with another woman, she probably had to keep quiet about it at home too. Consider that they probably all lived together! It’s not like she could confide to Peninah or her husband about the problem–they were the problem.
Some of the hardest disappointments are those which we simply cannot talk about. This can be especially difficult in ministry, or I’m sure for those who with very public vocations. Or even just a particular trial or disappointment which is personal in nature. How many women do I know who have suffered silently through the horrible disappointment of a husband who dabbles in pornography? Yes, they may be able to confide in one person, but for the most part the trial must be borne silently. That is right and appropriate, but nonetheless terribly difficult.
Whenever my kids get scratches and scrapes they immediately come to me. They point out the owie, get the kiss and a band-aid, and are on their way. So often we just wish we could run to someone and show them our owie, get a kiss and a bandaid and we’d be ok, but sometimes our owies must be kept private, and that silent suffering can often be the worst kind.
Thankfully we have a friend who is closer than a brother, amen? Someone to whom we must confide, must pour out our hearts, someone with whom ALL of our secrets are perfectly safe. It is altogether appropriate to blab all your garbage to Him. He can take it. He wants to take it.
“Pour out your heart to him.” Psalm 62:8
If you are in the middle of a disappointment that you must bear in silence, I pray God encourages you with this today. Yes, this is one of the most difficult forms of disappointment–yes. And yes, your dear Father intends for you to pour out all that disappointment at the safety of His feet. All your secrets are safe with Him.
Bless you, bless you, bless you, for reading. I am pleading with God to encourage you today. I love you for reading and seeking Him. Have a beautiful day.
Disappointment: When no one understands
“What on earth do you have to be sad about?”
“What’s wrong with you?”
“What’s your deal?”
Yesterday we looked at disappointments that simply last a long time. Today Hannah will show us another type of difficult disappointment. I hope and pray you’ve never experienced it, but chances are you have.
2. Those that don’t appear to be disappointments, or at least that others do not understand (1 Sam. 1:8).
Check out 1 Samuel 1:8: Interestingly, God used this verse in my life When God Broke My Heart in a completely opposite way than He showed me this time. Isn’t it crazy how that happens? This time I saw Elkanah’s words in a whole new way:
A human way.
Consider what we talked about yesterday, Hannah cannot have children, and has endured years of torment because of Elkanah’s other wife Peninah. She is not just devastated because of being barren but tormented because of this other horrible women who provokes her year after year. Only a woman can understand how horrible this must have been–no one knows how to hurt women like other women, amen? I know when I’m in the midst of disappointment, I turn to my dear husband for comfort and encouragement. So in the midst of Hannah’s disappointment, how does her husband respond?
“And Elkanah, her husband, said to her, “Hannah, why do you weep? And why do you not eat? And why is your heart sad? Am I not more to you than ten sons?” (1 Sam. 1:8)
And right now I want to throw my shoe at him.
I have absolutely never seen this verse before in this light and now I want to strangle Elkanah with my shoestring. Am I not more to you than ten sons?? Well, Elkanah, not sure how to put this nicely … NO you’re not. Because in this society bearing children was everything, and bearing sons was everything, and here this polygymous man must have seen the torment that was going on in his home, and yet he doesn’t understand Hannah’s sorrow. He doesn’t get it. Why are you sad?
Translated to our day:
What on earth do you have to be sad about?
What’s wrong with you?
What’s your deal?
How comforting is that? How encouraging? How cherished does that make you feel? Yeah, same here. Not at all.
Sometimes the most difficult disappointments are the ones that others simply do not understand.
This was why my particularly difficult period of disappointment came while we lived with my parents. God was stripping me away of everything–in my heart. I felt like I was dying. But on the outside it didn’t make any sense. Everyone just always thought how lucky we were to have such nice parents that let us live with them (and we DO–I adore them, the whole world knows that). But the disappointment I was feeling was so internal and nobody seemed to understand. Though certainly no one meant to, I felt a constant What’s the big deal?
Have you ever been there? Ever struggled through a disappointment that didn’t translate to those around? Or, sadly, has the one closest to you, perhaps even your spouse, looked at you and said, “Come on! What’s the big deal? What do you have to be sad about?”
Thankfully, I have never, ever, ever, had my husband treat me like that. But sweet friends, I know so many of you have. And I pray that this simple message can help you know–the stuff you feel is hard … it IS hard. Sometimes the greatest gift can simply be another person listening and saying, “Wow. Yeah, that would be hard for me too.”
And the greatest gift is that that other person is Christ Himself:
“This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses…” Heb. 4:15
He understands when no one else does. I pray this translates to your heart today. Thanks for reading.
Disappointment: When the road is long
Last week a friend called. “I’m weary,” were her words.
And with good reason. She is in a long trial. Not a life-threatening one like Shawna, but a long one nonetheless. A situation filled with disappointment, ambiguity, uncertainty, and most of all–length of time.
I’d like to take a few weeks and talk about disappointment. Not because I love the topic, but because God is reminding me afresh that how we engage with the inevitable disappointments in our lives with determine whether we live a life experiencing the fullness and abundance of fulfillment, or whether we live a life characterized by defeat, pessimism, and cynicism.
I’m specifying disappointment as opposed to suffering because while suffering is real, on a daily basis we are more likely to deal with disappointment than true suffering.
We’re going to face disappointment, and face it often, so we better figure out what to do with it. Amen?
As we begin our discussion, I’d like to point out three specific types of disappointment that can be especially difficult, as seen in the life of Hannah in 1 Samuel 1. The first?
1. Those which simply last a long time.
I’ve shared before that for a season of 50 months, God had Jeff and I in a season of disappointment. It was like He just had a hundred creative ways to show us what disappointment felt like. We had a lot of chance to study it because were starting straight at it all the time! Thankfully, we never faced a life-threatening disease or any of those kind of devastations, but it was a steady stream of disappointment. Again and again and again.
Have you ever been there?
Hannah was there. Hannah was married to Elkanah, who also had a second wife Peninah. Peninah had children, and Hannah had none. Sadly, in that patriarchal society, women were only valued for their ability to produce offspring–namely, sons. Even today in the middle east, a woman’s value can be simply reduced down to the number of sons that she has. You know what that makes Hannah? A zero. Without sons, Hannah is a zero. But that’s not all of her disappointment. So not only does Hannah have to suffer through having her husband married to another woman who bears sons while Hannah is barren, but this other woman torments her and provokes her because of her inability to bear children. Consider how this would have been a disappointment every single month. Some of you have gone through the struggle of infertility and know exactly how the cycle of disappointment feels. Every single month, hoping for conception, then getting disappointed again. Every single month. For how long?
“So it went on year by year.” (1 Sam 1:7)
Years.
A long bout with disappointment isn’t just about one bum deal. It’s that the days turn into weeks turn into months turn into years and the string of disappointments wear down our souls. John Piper says that
perhaps the most trying circumstances are simply those that last a long time. A quick and painful blow can often be endured, while the gnawing ache of disappointment wears us down to the core.
Have you ever been there? Even a small disappointment, when dealt over and over and over, can wear down your soul until it’s raw. A spouse always responding sarcastically, a relative always pushing a certain button, a vicious cycle of getting your hopes up and having them dashes yet again. Even the teeny hope/disappointment cycle of trying to sell our house has had me feeling raw at times.
No matter how small the disappointment, it can add up when you give it long enough.
If you find yourself relating to this, I have great news. God can transform our disappointment. His greater purpose for us is not disappointment, but fulfillment. Will you stick with me the next few weeks as we journey along this road, I believe God has some wonderful nuggets in store. In the meantime, His words:
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint. Is. 40:28-31
Need prayer? Shoot me a line. Thanks, as always, for reading.