The Reluctant Runner

I just got done running two miles.  I know, not a lot. But it’s a lot for me.  You see, I’m a “Runnabe”…a wannabe runner.  I like to think of myself as someone who likes to run, but the bottom line is that I like to, well, walk.  So, Jeff and I have been talking about how much we need to make it a priority to get more exercise, as “sedentary seminary” has taken its toll and we just want to be healthy and have an active lifestyle. So, he’s been riding his bike to work each day, and loving it.  And as I mentioned, he is taking the 100 push-up challenge.  This week he did 181 push-ups total.

So in the middle of this new motivation, I get a random email from my dear friend Candi (from the Road to Santa Clara) saying that they had a runner drop off their Hood-to-Coast team and she wanted me to join. (Hood-to-Coast is the largest running relay race in the world, 197 mile relay from Mt. Hood to the Oregon coast).  Ok, I will admit that I once said that I wanted to do Hood-to-Coast, but that was pre-baby when I was actually running regularly…a long time ago!  And, most people train for months and months, but the race is only 2 months from now!  So immediately my response was Absolutely No Way.  No way did I want to give up my summer to train for something that would absolutely certain to hurt…a lot.  Any amount of running that causes thigh chafing and loss of toenails does NOT sound like a fun time to me.  Plus, I don’t have that competitive edge anymore.  I am completely content these days to sit and sip iced tea while the world around me competes for the athletic prize.  But I told her I’d sleep on it and pray about it.  And I did.

And it kept nagging at me. Again and again.  And again. I hate that! I hate it when you feel like maybe God wants you to do something and so you can’t quit thinking about it and no matter how many reasons you think of against it, you still feel like it’s what you’re supposed to do.  I hate that. So I came up with a million reasons not to do it. It’s the same day as my 10-year High School reunion that I was actually really excited about attending.  I don’t have a great place to run, other than just laps up and down our driveway.  I’m breastfeeding.  And, the biggest reason: I’ve never ran a 10k in my life and this relay would basically be 3 of those in one day.  Totally out of my league.

You probably think I’m blowing this way out of proportion, but I’m telling you sometimes I get this feeling like something is a big deal, like God wants me to do something and there’s something at stake, which makes me not want to do it more than ever. So I was laying in bed one night, praying about it, and I had this picture in my mind of God dragging me by my arm like a toddler off the playground, and me shaking my fists like a spoiled brat and shouting, “But I’m not a runner! I’m not a runner!” (I know, that’s probably a symptom of some disorder).  But then I began to get this sense that God has something for me in this.  I don’t care about my mile times or proving anything or getting a t-shirt. I do care about getting to do something totally bonding with my precious friend Candi, which I think will be the highlight. But most of all, I think maybe God wants to teach me some stuff, definitely challenge me, maybe bless me. I don’t know, and I actually haven’t made my official decision yet…but I can feel my resistance starting to crumble.  I know it sounds totally dorky to say I’m running for Jesus, but that’s the only way I know how to articulate it.

So this morning I started “training” with a big whopping 2 mile run.  I am the reluctant runner, but I’m trusting there’s a reason God’s dragging me onto the track. He’s so good, so trustworthy, and I guess He’s promised to run with me, right?  I don’t know.  I’m still a little scared…