Nothing is Harder Than Doing Your Own Thing
This morning I had the luxury of sitting at Starbucks with a hot Tazo tea and my Bible. Jeff was with the Dutcher, out for a bike ride (Dutch in his little bike seat with his blue helmet is about the cutest thing in the world), and I had the rare luxury of quiet solitude. I read Proverbs 1-9, which is basically a series of contrasts between Wisdom and Folly, both personified as women. While wisdom is “life to those who find” it and gives “health to the flesh”, the way of folly has a different end: Your honor given to another, your years to the cruel one, aliens filled with your wealth, your labors go to the house of another, you mourn at last, and your flesh and your body are consumed. But “the path of the just is like the shining sun, that shines ever brighter unto the perfect day.” (Prov. 4:18, 22; 5:9-11)
Recently I talked to someone whom I love so much. She was sharing, with honest contrite humility, about the pain and grief she experiences due to the aftermath of poor choices. It does no good to look back and say, “If only I would have…” and yet the experience preaches a more powerful sermon than we’d likely hear in church. Doing our own thing is the hardest thing in th world. Sin, disobeying God, even just casually disregarding God’s ways produces more grief, heartache, and strife than any hardship we’ll ever experience in our struggle to follow God.
This week I’ve often had to pinch myself, taking inventory of my blessings. We have a maybe maybe possibility on the horizon that is the most exciting thing I can imagine. Even considering it makes me think, “Why on earth would we of all people deserve such a thing?” And we don’t deserve it, but I feel like all week God has been quietly whispering to me, “I told you I’d bless you. Just trust me.” So many times this year, when it felt like everything was going wrong and why did God hate me and want to take away everything from me, so many times I wondered, “Is this really worth it? Is it worth surrendering to God again and trusting Him?” And of course it is, even if He never blessed me with another thing in the world, of course it is worth it. But I’m reminded again, by life and by His Word, that His path is always and will always be the path of most blessing. They may be delayed (sometimes until eternity!), or hidden (we may be have to change our perspective because blessings have no dollar value), but the blessing is there, and I am reminded all over again of the loving Father Heart of God, who delights in His children and longs to see us follow His way, for His glory and for our good.
I wish I could plead with the world to understand that God’s commands are not burdensome (1 John 5:3). I wish they could understand that when he calls us to do or not to do something, it is to protect us from grief, pain, and lingering regret. God, help us to trust in Your character, to trust that Your good, and that as a loving Father You know best. Help me, help us. We don’t want to do our thing. Help us today. Amen.
LiveDifferent Challenge (22): Use Stuff, Love People; Enjoy Things, Worship God
I will not lie–I’m loving having a home. Sometimes it feels a little funny, when I pull in the driveway I still feel like I’m visiting my brother. But filled with our things, and with Jeff and Dutch, it has quickly become home to me. I have however, noticed a very subtle change during this unpack (as mentioned before, I’ve done this 8 times in our married life). I’ve noticed that stuff has become markedly more exterior than ever before. Let me explain.
I love beauty. I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that it is natural and normal to relish and enjoy the beauty in things. God does. So naturally, my goal as a wife and mother is not only to create a place of utility, with functional furniture and easily accessible dishes, but to also create a place of beauty, tranquility, and peace. I firmly believe that that is a right and worthy goal. It has actually been really fun getting this house ready because our very goal is to have the house showcase-ready for potential buyers and weekend open-houses. So it’s actually my responsibility to have the house beautiful, and is a perfect excuse to exercise my creativity in home decor. But, as I’ve unpacked and cleaned, arranged, hung pictures, fluffed pillows, folded towels, I’ve noticed that though there is certainly a joy, a very deep and profound joy, in creating this beautiful haven we now call home, it’s strangely exterior to my heart. Before, keeping and beautifying our home was very much part of me, and of course it still is to an extent, but it no longer has any bearing on who I am as a person. My house does not define me. And in that, I’m surprised by the fact that I no longer love my stuff. I don’t! I don’t love my clothes, I don’t love my furniture, and I don’t love my house! They are wonderful, beautiful, functional, useful, and I thank God each day for all of the stuff that I have that carries me through my day. I am thankful for the car that runs, the beautiful dining room table that was purchased 8 months ago for a song at a furniture sale, that Oneida dishes I found at Goodwill yesterday for 99cents. I am thankful for these things, but I don’t love them. I use them and enjoy them. I love people, and worship God.
I’d like to think that I’m just way behind the curve and the rest of the world has already mastered this concept. But sadly, I think we’re all still learning. Right now I’m studying for the upcoming retreat, exploring the final session topic: Enjoying Fulfillment: How to enjoy God’s blessing without worshipping them. Sadly, in our culture we do worship stuff. We love stuff and use people. We get married and use our spouse to provide us happiness, then when the spouse no longer fills that use and fails to make us happy, we move onto another spouse who we then use to make us happy again. We use our friends, family, co-workers. We engage in relationships and friendships so long as that person contributes to our well-being. As soon as they deplete our emotional resources or do not contribute to our happiness, we move on. We use people.
And sadly, we love things. We are notorious for the delusional belief that more stuff will make us happy. Now that we’ve moved, we were planning on taking a trip to Ikea to get inexpensive things we need for the house. Our city’s Ikea has been open for over a year, but we’ve never gone because I didn’t want to create discontentment in my heart about not having a home (like going shopping when you have no money). So we figured now we’d go and find stuff we need. But strangely, as I’ve thought this week about taking a trip there, I cannot think of any stuff that we need. (Well, we need a plastic shower curtain liner, which will run me about $1.50, and we need a little curtain rod for Dutch’s room, which is $3.99.) Besides that, I can’t for the life of me think of anything that we need. Blessed state! The mistake I (and all Americans) usually make is that we love stuff, so we love to go to stores to see what we need, because we love to see all the stuff that we supposedly need.
So, I have not arrived, but I am beginning to see a tiny hair of progress by the grace of God. The clothing fast (I’m almost at 5 months without buying clothes!), the year of living with mom and dad, the jobless state that has been our life :-), I’m beginning to see how God was slowly extracting poisonous roots of materialism from my heart. I know there are probably still some pretty stubborn ones in there, but I’ll trust God to continue to root those out.
So, where am I going with all this? I suppose I’m just challenging myself, and you if you wish, to make a conscious effort this week to simply use stuff and enjoy people. Don’t use the people in your life–love them unconditionally. Don’t love the stuff you own, use it. Enjoy the things that you have, but gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and worship Him, the one who made all things. How can we do this practically? For me this means being content with the state of our home, without looking for more things that we “need”. It means pouring my time and effort into being with people, ministering, working on my notes for the retreat, playing with Dutch, talking with Jeff. It means spending less time thinking about how much weight I’ve gained (6 lbs. since my last prenatal appointment–good grief! Ok, done thinking about it.), or how all of Dutch’s pants are too short and he looks kind of dorky.
Use and enjoy the things that you have. Love the people in your life (even the difficult ones!), and worship the God who gives us all things freely to enjoy. Worship Him alone.
Relationships Re-aligned
I almost don’t know where to start because the cup of my heart is overflowing and it won’t just pour out in a neat little spout, it’s just running out all over the place. My heart is full. I do have a migraine right now (I think we’re going to name this baby Migraina or Migraino depending upon the gender), but I’m so blessed it kind of doesn’t matter. On the one hand I will say this, moving with a toddler, while pregnant, is not advisable. 🙂 I asked Jeff last night, “Why is it that this move seems 100 times harder than any other we’ve done?” (we’ve moved 8 times in a little over 5 years). I knew it wasn’t pregnancy because we moved while I was pregnant last time. Ah! Then the light went on. Dutch! It is my 20-month old wild man who is causing the challenge! It is a blessed, hilarious, sweet, wouldn’t-trade-it-for-a-moment challenge but it is a challenge nonetheless. Last time we moved Dutch was immobile. Ah but now. Now! It is an adventure! Then little Migraina/Migraino decides to make his/her presence known, and alas, the boxes are taunting me with their still-full state.
But, I am blessed! I feel like I’ve gone to the relational chiropractor and had them aligned. Let me explain. First, my parents. If you only know me through this blog, which has only existed for a year, perhaps you don’t understand the amazing depth of love and relationship I have with my parents…because I whined so much about living there. But while it was hard to not have my own home, and hard at times to feel like I was in high school all over again, I adore, admire, and cherish my parents above all over relationships, except Jeff. They sacrifice to no end. Last week my dad fell off a ladder and badly bruised his chest. Insisting he was fine, he and Jeff moved our entire household, without any help. They carried everything–beds, couch, dressers. Then, yesterday afternoon, upon my mom’s prodding he finally went to the doctor because the pain in his ribs was still so severe. He had two broken ribs! With two broken ribs he moved our entire household! He made four trips in with his truck so that we wouldn’t have to rent a van, he drove us to our cousin’s house so we could pick up the free couch she gave us (answer to prayer–free couch!). He fixed the dresser drawer that flew off the truck and was driven over (!), and glued together Dutch’s airplane toy that was broken. His love and service to us is unending.
Then there’s my mom. My relationship with my mom is that of friendship. One of the things that was hardest for me living there was that I felt like I’d lost my friendship with my mom. Whereas before I would call her, ask advice, email her, etc. when I lived there that was strangely lost. It was the same as when two friends move in and become roommates and then realize they are no longer friends, they’re just roommates. I grieved over that when we lived there, but a wise woman assured me we’d be friends again, and even better because of the year we’d gone through sharing a kitchen (!). And it’s true. I just hung up the phone with my mom, and it’s as if our friendship has been re-aligned. Now we have the freedom to be friends again. I’m so thankful to have her back, as strange as that might sound.
And perhaps the relationship that’s most sweetly re-aligned is that of my sweet husband. (ok now the tears are coming) This might sound like an exaggeration, but I feel like we’re newlyweds again (except now with a toddler and a growing belly!). There is a sacredness about sharing every detail of life together, about forging ahead, just the two of you, sharing challenges, hopes, sorrows. It was no one’s fault, but that was missing this past year, and I was afraid we’d never get it back. This morning as he left for work, I just held him in my arms, speechless with how proud I am of him, how much I admire and love him, how thankful I am for his constancy, support, and wisdom. Last night I was struggling with something, and it was so sweet to be able to curl up next to him on the couch and just ask for his advice, to hear his wisdom, the way he can see through the drama details and see to the heart of the issue. I know this past year was soooo good for us, but I have to say I’m thankful to have our relationship re-aligned.
I do miss seeing Dutch playing outside with my dad. I miss the river, the horses, the smell of the country, the sight of Dutch curled up with my mom reading a book. But we’re headed out there this weekend, and I’ll savor those sights and smells then. Right now I’m just humbled, thankful, and blessed by my relationships re-aligned.
LiveDifferent Challenge (21): Turn up the Heat
Today it’s supposed to reach 104 degrees, so of all days this is not the time to try to convince you that Oregon is a cold state. But it is. Relationally that is. Now I love Oregon. I bleed green, I love the trees, the rolling hills, the lack of sales tax, the fact that we have mountains and oceans just a few hours apart. I love everything about Oregon, even the rain. Our little stint in California only made me realize that much more that nothing save a voice from heaven could get me to leave my beloved Pacific Northwest. I love it here.
Since I’ve lived here my whole life, I’ve become pretty familiar with the climate–I know that summer doesn’t start until the 4th of July and isn’t over until the end of September. I know that it’s always sunny over Finals week of Winter term, then rains again all of April. But it wasn’t until recently that I became more aware of the relational climate here. One of my professors moved here from Texas (since that’s where DTS is, pretty much all professors move here from Texas), and remarked how it took almost a year of adjustment to get used to the cool unfriendliness of Oregonians. What? I think of myself as a friendly person, so this caught me off guard. Are we really unfriendly? My travels have included London, Paris, and the California Bay Area, and Oregon is really friendly compared to those areas!
But then I took a trip and visited my brother and his family in Utah. I’d heard their stories–they moved there and after their first visit to church they’d had 3-4 invites over to dinner at different couple’s houses. They had neighbors bring treats over, offers to help them move in, and even had a neighbor bring over little girl hand-me-down clothes for their daughter. I thought of our church in our previous town (which was wonderful, this isn’t again that church), and realized that we were there almost two years before we were ever invited over to dinner anywhere (and that was from the pastor himself!). Then, we moved here, and Jeff and I were just marveling that we’ve been going here for almost 14 months and only once have we been invited over for dinner by someone from church, and that was from a high school friend after we’d had them over for dinner. We’ve had tons of people over to our house, so it’s not as if we’re sitting around waiting for people to befriend us… it’s just made us think.
Now perhaps you’re thinking, “Uh, if nobody invites you over there’s probably something wrong with you!” Perhaps you’re right. We’ve made plenty of connections with people, but what I’m addressing here is the fact that perhaps there is a cooler relational culture in the NW. But regardless of where you live, the fact of the matter is that the church must permeate the culture. Must. The church is not peripheral to the world, the world is peripheral to the church. No matter what the culture is like in which we live, our job, as Christians, is to rise above any cultural weaknesses and be the hands and feet of Christ to those around us.
Thinking about this, I also read a post about the Hawaiian concept of ‘Ohana (it’s a really great post), and thought more about how Hawaiians seem to understand the concept of hospitality. And we all know that the Southerners got it down. But again, it seems to me that regardless of where we live, love, service, and hospitality should mark our lives as Christians. This is to truly LiveDifferent.
So our challenge this week is to look around. Do you see someone new? Invite them over for dinner. You don’t have a nice house for entertaining? Who cares? They won’t! People are so blessed to be welcomed, no one is evaluating your house decor. Hear about someone having a baby? Take them meals. Someone moving? Help them load boxes (you can help us!) :-). Someone new move in down your street? Take them a welcome basket and let them know you’re happy they’re there. It takes so little to really bless people. I remember so clearly the little acts of love that have blessed me. When our neighbor, Tony, brings us fresh fish from his Mexico trips. When our friends from McMinnville brought us the hot meal after Dutch was born and we devoured it like wolves. When a guy from Jeff’s work, whom he hardly knew, drove an hour to come help us move. When I walk down the driveway and the neighbors wave and smile.
It might be hot right now, but I suggest that we turn up the relational heat a little and thaw out the coolness that can characterize our culture. In a country of independence, reach out and help those who need it, and receive from those who offer to help you. Invite, bless, give, help. Choose to warm up your little sphere of influence for the glory of God.