Book Review: Preschool-Wise

I have yet to find a Bible verse that specifies exactly how long one should breast-feed or whether infants should share sleep with their parents.  But, oh how thankful I am for helpful and wise resources which steer us clueless parents in the direction of peace, order, and joy.  The Babywise series is just one of these blessed resources.

I do not mean to exaggerate when I share this story, but it was all but a divine encounter when I discovered the original Babywise book. When Jeff and I were first married (and clueless to the ways of child-rearing might I add), we occasionally babysat for a few other couples so they could have a night out. (They seemed inordinately grateful for this and now I understand why!).  During one of these late nights at a house, while the children slept, I discovered Babywise on a bookshelf. It called to me.  I read most of it sitting there in the dark and was hooked.  When we discovered Dutch was on the way we bought a copy and I read it, re-read it, underlined and dog-eared it, and kept it by my bed for reference when I wanted to throw in the towel.

The gist of it, as most of you know, is that most children thrive on a routine–in a world that is brand new and unpredictable and out of control, it is comforting for children to have a predictable and calming routine that brings peace and order as they learn to make sense of a new world.  Along with that, training children to put themselves to sleep develops good sleep habits which literally benefit them the rest of their lives.

The next book in the series, Toddler-wise, goes over basics of early-discipline, teaching children how to feed themselves, etc.

Somehow I’d missed the fact that there was a Preschool-Wise book as well.  Again, I’m not meaning to exaggerate but it was an answer to prayer. We were doing well but Dutch was having a difficult month in November and I was feeling again exasperated and discouraged.  During one of our routine trips to the library, I was perusing the parenting section and TaDa! there it was.  I came home and about fell out of my chair as it addressed perfectly everything we were experiencing with Dutch. Bottom line? I had still been parenting in a toddler-style when Dutch is almost 4 years old and needing the bar raised. So after this lengthy introduction, let me share a few words about Preschool-Wise.

• Moral Education the Key to all Learning: Of the four areas of development (physical, emotional, intellectual, and moral), it is absolutely critical that moral training be the bedrock foundation for the other three. We all know this is true, right? It doesn’t matter if I raise a genius–if he is selfish, lying, brat there is no hope.  Scriptures tell us that he who does not obey will die (that’s the Dutch-memory-verse version of Prov. 19:16), so it matters not how smart out kids are if they cannot obey.  This is most clear in the area of self-control. If a child can learn self-control then he will have the discipline to learn anything.  This is so encouraging! It helps us focus our training on just those few things that will then enable our children to excel in other areas.  As a result of this we have primarily focused on self-control as our learning goal this past month.
• Choice Addiction: Another great parenting/education book is Parenting with Love & Logic.  It emphasizes the importance of giving children controlled choices.  It’s a fabulous book, but sometimes as parents we can get so focused on choices that we unwittingly turn our children into Choice Addicts. Meaning, they are so used to always having several choices, at every turn, that when faced with a situation where they are given a simple command and no choice, they balk at it and rebel.  I too saw this some in Dutch.  Yes, he would use a polite voice and be respectful in his many requests and preferences, but I could see an underlying attitude that assumed he would always get what he wanted.  This breeds a heart of entitlement, consumerism, and preference-driven lifestyle.  To my surprise, he actually responds well now that I have given him more direction and fewer choices.  Then, as he grows in maturity he will be allowed more choices. As my friend Heather put it, children should be allowed choices once they are ok not having them. Well said. When children demonstrate an ability to obey cheerfully and right away, the privilege of choice will be a delight to bestow.
• Laws of Correction: Authors Ezzo and Bucknam suggest four laws of correction: 1) Distinguish between childishness and defiance. This one I’d been familiar with but it was a great reminder.  2) All correction must promote learning.  This was really helpful because, like I said, I think I was still using toddler-parenting methods when Dutch was ready for a step up. The authors encourage constant instruction and teaching when correcting. At this age, a child is old enough to learn why something is wrong. When disciplining, our correction will twice as effective if we are diligent to help explain why a behavior is wrong or inappropriate.  I’ve found that while a toddler’s most frequent word may be “no” the preschooler’s most frequent word is “why?”  So tell them why!  3) Make any punishment fit the crime.  Making discipline appropriate for the misconduct will help solidify the learning process. 4) An offense against a person or property requires an apology.  This too is ingrained in our minds at home, but it was a great reminder about the difference between saying “sorry” for an accident and asking for forgiveness when something was intentionally done wrong.  Oh what a favor we do our children when we teach them how to quickly confess and ask forgiveness! Their spouses will thank us down the road. 🙂
• Great Practical Tips on Chores, Sitting Still, Whining, and Toys. What I love about this book is how practical it is.  I HAVE to have practical suggestions or I’ll be lost.  They give great ideas on chore charts (and what chores are appropriate for 3 and 4 year-olds) and how to teach children to sit still (Dutch sits with us in “big church” now so we are working on this every weekend). Especially helpful for this time of year was the appendix on recommended toys that promote learning, creativity, and development.  I was pretty excited to see Legos and play-doh topped the list since that’s what our kids are getting under the tree.

So if you have little ones, I’d whole-heartedly recommend Preschool-wise.  And if you don’t, remember how Jeff and I used to offer to babysit for young couples with kids?  Isn’t that a neat idea? 🙂