Happy Birthday, Heidi.

She looks down, shy, but I can see her smiling. I’ve just asked her a question:

“What would you like to do for your birthday?”

It crept up on us. With all the sickness a few other commitments, the day came upon me and I’d hardly had time to consider her special day. Thankfully I’d already snagged the Dora paper plates back in December when I bought the pirate ones for Dutch. I don’t shop much.

She says it quiet in her little bird-chip voice: That she’d like a Dora party, a pink cake, and chicken. Well-planned, I tell her. And as I name friends off she says no to them all.

“Only Nana, Papa & Oma?”  She nods. Only them. And I don’t even have to ask what she will wear–either baggy khaki pants and a white t-shirt (in the picture, above) or her “ball clothes”– a Seattle Seahawk sweatsuit.

My little girl has taught me oh-so-much.

~

I remember reading a prayer my mom wrote in my babybook the day I was born. She prayed that God would give her the grace to raise me in the way I should go. Not to mold me into a mini-version of her, but to cultivate me and let me be the girl God made me to be.

What a gift to have a mom like that!

And God answered that prayer. Bless her, my mom must have torn out her hair at times. I’m not much like her (but wish I were!). She chose her battles, let me wear the mis-matched clothes and let my hair go wild. As a teen, when I showed no interest in bread-baking, knitting, or sewing, she smiled and bought me the Air Jordan basketball shoes.

Oh the gift of a mom who let me be me.

And now as I can hardly breathe praying those same words — it’s terrifying to hold a little girl in your arms. To her a little girls’ life. Dutch will kick the world down and be just fine. Will I empower her to fly or will I squash her wings trying to make her what I want her to be? Or worse, trying to make her just like me.

Heidi Elizabeth Patterson, the babygirl God has given me, becomes a little girl today. A 3-year-old girl today with the biggest blue eyes and bunny-rabbit teeth and spiral curls that make me melt.

The girl who often says, “I don’t wan’ be pretty.” The girl who chooses sweatpants and scorns bows and tights. The girl who loves Legos and Startroopers. The girl were wants her hair wild and loves sweatpants … but wants those sweatpants to be pink.

I am learning, every day, who Heidi is. And oh for grace to raise her into the woman God created her to be. To help her find the song God intended her to sing. I don’t know exactly what it will be but I’m so excited to see.

And Heidi, let it be known–I’m crazy-in-love with the girl that you are. I admire you already. I love your go-after-it attitude and your positive outlook on the world. I believe you will bring JOY to the world through your life.

You’ve already brought it to mine.

Happy birthday, my sweet girl. Mama loves you.

{Thanks for reading.}