When your motives are misunderstood …
I can see in my children’s eyes when I’ve mis-judged their actions. Just today I was in the kitchen and called Heidi in to me as I had heard her being rude to Dutch. She dawdled (was not obeying) and I thought I overheard Dutch say, “You’re getting a spank!” In my mind this was taunting her and if he rejoices over another’s discipline he gets to share in the same discipline. So I called him in as well.
As soon as I told him the charge I could see it in his eyes. Panic. Hurt. True, honest confusion and panic. His lip quivered.
“Mommy, I didn’t! I wasn’t! I was warning her that if she didn’t obey you she would get a spank! I was helping her!” And I know my boy and the look in his eyes–he was telling the truth. I apologized for mis-judging him and let him go. Surely there are plenty of occasions where his actions and motives are wrong, but this was not one.
The hurt in his eyes stuck with me because I’ve known that same feeling. We all have. I remember the Coffee Shop incident from Santa Clara, and the words, “Well, since your heart’s not in it…” I remember what it’s like to have someone judge the condition of your heart and be painfully amiss. I know the feeling of someone questioning your ministry and realizing, with some shock and not a little hurt — that they actually think you have the wrong motives.
And, sadly, I’m sure that I have misjudged others’ motives at times.
We are such a fallen lot, aren’t we?
Those of us still limping through a people-pleasing addiction can find this misjudgment crippling. But there’s someone inspiring who didn’t let it get him down at all. And we are wise to write our troubles in dust and our blessings in marble. Instead of nursing the wound of misjudgment, let it slip off and move forward in courage.
Like David.
Do you remember when Goliath defied the army of God? Do you remember how everyone was scared to death? Well David had been tending sheep but his dad, Jesse, had commanded him to take provisions for his brothers who were in the army camp. So he obeyed His father and did it. When he arrived, Goliath was breathing his threats, and David inquired about who would fight him and what would be done for the man who did. And, it seems, as God was putting it in his heart to fight this battle, check out the encouragement he receives from his older brother, Eliab:
“And Eliab’s anger was kindled against David, and he said, ‘Why have you come down? And with whom have you left those few sheep in the wilderness? I know your presumption and the evil of our heart, for you have come down to see the battle.'” (1 Sam 17:28)
Ouch. Talk about mis-judged motives. David was simply obeying his father and then obeying his God.
But what does David do? Does he pout, all upset about being mis-judged? Nope. He does simply say, “What have I done?” and then…
“He turned away from him toward another…” (v. 29)
He just turned away. He let it go. He turned to someone else. He knew that THAT was not the battle to fight.
There were bigger battles to fight.
Too often, sweet friends, we (I) can get so hurt and bent out of shape over the Eliab-remarks and we forget the fact that there’s a way bigger battle going on. The battle for souls, for the gospel, for lives. Will we stay distracted and wounded by the misjudgment or will we move on to pursue the Kingdom of God?
Can you hear my heart? It does hurt to be misjudged, but we can move on to greater things. Remember what the real battle is.
By God’s grace, victory can be ours.
{Praying for the grace for you to overlook an offense today …Thank you so much for reading!}
Savoring these short days that feel so long.
I just tip-toed out of Heidi’s room, her sleeping soundly, my heart full.
After five years of diligently following the “let-your-children-fall-asleep-on-their-own” rule, I have just now indulged in a precious afternoon ritual: I lay down next to Heidi as she falls asleep. Yes, she knows how to go to sleep on her own and does so at night, but I recently realized I probably only have months left in the days of napping and since she has never known alone-time with Mommy (as Dutch did when he was an only child) I go ahead and let her “keep me” in bed.
(Every night in bed she wraps her arms around my neck and says, “I’m gon’ keep you forevah!”)
So now, at nap, she curls up under her quilt, puts her right thumb in her mouth and wraps her left arm around my neck. I nuzzle my face down into her neck, her curls against my cheek, and inhale her apple-sweetness and thank God for my girl.
These have become some of our sweetest times.
It’s probably only 10-minutes that I’m there, but it’s become the sweetest time of prayer, of savoring these short days of motherhood that sometimes feel so long. Yes, our days feel long sometimes. But I will blink and she’ll be gone. Driving. Married. I will blink, I know, and I’ll wish I’d held her longer.
I’m oh-so-glad for the fall-asleep-on-their-own method. I’m thankful for consistent discipline, for helpful parenting books and blogs. And today I’m thankful that when we establish consistency it makes it that much sweeter when we throw it all to the wind and fall asleep together.
We wouldn’t know grace if there hadn’t been the law.
The Father ran to His prodigal son because it wasn’t time for a spank, it was time for extravagant love, displayed through a hug, a coat, a party.
Do I throw enough parties for my kids? Celebrate them? Run to them?
Be sure to pepper our days with wild undeserved grace?
And I don’t mean stuff, I mean the wild grace of our presence. The grace of falling asleep in her arms, of an hour spent repairing a Lego Starfighter so Jedi Dutch can fly again?
I’m learning.
{How can you show extravagant grace by giving your presence to someone today? Perhaps the person who least deserves it is the best place to start. 🙂 Thanks for reading…}
Week's end with thanks
- Weekend retreat with college girls … reminds me of sweet old Real Life days.
- Being with AJ again.
- Three kids hunched over the Lego Star Wars book.
- Heidi, “Where’s my padawan?”
- A printer that works.
- So many sunny days!
- Roaring fire.
- Wearing Jeff’s slippers.
- Finding a new pair of jeans in my closet, bought years ago, tags still on. Better than shopping!
- Janelle Furman’s servant heart!
- My retreat-buddy Heidi!
- Warming shoes by the fire.
- 9 quarts of homemade chicken stock delivered to my doorstep!
- Friends.
- Precious new life.
- Our monthly multi-stop shopping trip with both kids and they were awesome!
- Food swamps with a friend.
- Danielle’s cookies still warm.
- Five kids gathered round the pirate movie.
- Sitting in the kitchen with a cup of hot tea.
- Sun going down, God’s faithfulness in another day.
- The gift of a treadmill!!
- Reminiscing.
- Spice bottles.
- Wide-mouth quart canning jars.
- Roasted beets and yams.
- That we finally finished the lentil soup. We ate it for a week. Enough!
- Making the rare treat (in our minimal-grain, minimal-dairy house) of fettucini alfredo made from scratch. YUM!
- Sneaking bites of Jeff’s.
- Jeff coming home early to read Prince Caspian to the kids before returning to an evening meeting.
- Aslan.
#3 Establish a Morning Routine {52bites}
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Confession: I had planned to do Family Mission Statements this week, but you know what? I’m driving to Yachats as we speak to teach a women’s retreat (and taking Heidi with me, prayers please!) and I’ve spent every spare minute this week preparing and haven’t had time to write a stinkin’ mission statement! Just trying to survive here! 🙂
So … first things first. Before we can have the time on our hands to write a mission statement let’s get our time under control, especially those first precious moments of each day. Some of you remember we did this last fall, but I really need a refresher and–I’d venture to guess–you do too. Shall we?
#3 Establish your 5-part morning routine.
Our beloved Tsh explains:
A methodical morning routine is a great way to treat yourself to a little soul care. Instead of starting your day by responding to the stimulus around you, you’re proactively creating the day you want to have. When you wake up and do the most essential things first, you get a good start to your day. Your mind is better focused on the rest of your day’s tasks. And you’ll do a better job taking care of the people you love most. In short, you’re on top of things. Treat yourself to a little order and sanity before the chaos of life begins.
I like this. I especially like this because it became a sudden challenge for me when we moved into our new (old) house. Back at our old place each kid had a room and it was a very big house so I had plenty of space for quiet in the morning. Now, they share a room (read: Get up early) right next to ours (and right next to everything) and their room is freezing cold so they crawl in bed with me and snuggle early in the morning. No problem there, I love it. But that’s not alone time.
*Sigh.
I do love our new place but I’ll admit, the morning routine is a LOT harder in close quarters. If I get up and move around they do too. 🙂 So I’m including here the 5-things I already have established and then how I’m setting myself up for success. (Because I haven’t been.)
From last time, I will say that listing out my five things helped me see that the most important thing for me was not letting the outside world into my world until I’d already nourished my body and soul. (Read: no email!) I look at it as the five things that fill my cup each morning. These are things that FILL, not drain. There will be plenty of draining that happens all day, we need to start being FILLED!
Here are some ways you might choose to fill your cup: Take a shower, pray, read your Bible, drink a glass of water, journal, stretch, exercise, listen to a particular song, go for a walk, make your bed, take vitamins, sit outside with a cup of coffee. Pick five and fill on up!
There’s no perfect morning routine, and I don’t share my routine because it needs to be yours. If you really cannot think in the morning perhaps you do your Bible study later in the day but just take 5 minutes to get on your knees and thank Him for life? Or perhaps you listen to the Bible on audio while you’re still in bed? Do what fills your cup. This is my cup, and I’d love to hear about yours — perhaps we can inspire one another and live our days brim full. {Thanks for reading…}
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The five ways I fill my cup each morning…
1. Get face-down and thank God for the gift of another day of life. (This is such a good reminder because too often now the kids are up so I just hop out of bed and start meeting needs. Committing afresh to this beloved habit!)
2. Make coffee or tea 
3. Quiet time, Bible study, prayer
4. Exercise (a run or work-out video) … yeah so (confession) this hasn’t happened recently since our house sold (in September…), BUT I’m slated to run a half-marathon in a few months and a dear soul just gave us a treadmill so I’m inserting this back in!
5. Shower
(Now that we’re in closer quarters I’m aiming to have 1,2,3 done by 7am when the kids usually rise, and I’ll do those in my bed so the kids can snuggle next to me if they happen to wake early. That way I can exercise and shower while they’re playing quietly and be ready for breakfast at 8. Again…it’s a whole new ballgame in this new place, but we’ll do our best!)
Q: What are your 5 things? Thanks for journeying with me here!