So you probably noticed a theme with the last two posts that I was feeling discouraged in church-planting. Surprise! Any challenging adventure is going to be, well, challenging.
So in the midst of this, God nailed me to the wall. The truth is, we have a fabulous little church family. I love them. I’d do anything for them. They serve and love and pray and give and are team-players to the extreme. But of course it only takes one negative person, or one critical comment, or one outsider questioning your methods to make me droop my shoulders and declare the whole thing a failure.
*Sigh*
So yesterday morning I drag my body out of bed and Let In Light and read God’s Word and only a few sentences into my daily reading, this jumps out at me:
King David had been driven out by his treasonous son, Absalom. Absalom had won over the hearts of Israel in order to take away the Kingdom from his father. Absalom was not a quality individual. So David’s driven out of Judah, and a battle ensues, and Joab–David’s commander–kills Absalom, they are victorious, and they deliver the good news back to David.
Except instead of rejoicing that the Kingdom was restored, David’s devastated about his son.
Understandable.
But, Joab rebukes David, because Absalom was the enemy, the whole point was to remove him so that the rightful kingdom could be established. David had hundreds, thousands, of faithful followers who had been fighting for him and standing up for him, and now instead of rejoicing that all those people were saved, he’s sorrowful because this one person was gone. And Joab says this,
You love those who hate you and hate those who love you.
Joab says, “You have today covered with shame the faces of all your servants, who have this day saved your life … because you love those who hate you and hate those who love you. For you have made it clear today that commanders and servants are nothing to you, for today I know that if Absalom were alive and all of us were dead today, then you would be pleased.” (2 Samual 19:5-6)
You love those who hate you and hate those who love you.
In other words, “You only care about what the critics think, instead of caring what your faithful family and followers think.” Or:
You put all your emotional energy into trying to please people who cannot be pleased.
We’ve all encountered someone in our lives who just couldn’t be pleased. Who did or does not accept us or approve of us. And it’s as if that person, whoever it is (and however long ago we encountered them), sits on our shoulder, every day of our lives, and watches everything we do. And we live as if we have to please or win the approval or acceptance of that person. And instead of simply rejoicing in all the people who DO love us, approve of us, accept us, and are pleased, we focus all our energy on that one problem person.
Guess what? That’s exhausting.
Even though it’s enormously difficult, we have to flick that person off our shoulder, and focus on the blessed, supportive, loving people in our lives. Sure, we love our enemies, but we don’t let them live in our shoulder and dictate all we do. When we do that, we’re simply discounting (“covering with shame”) those faithful friends and family we have who support and rally around us.
So whoever that person is who sits on your shoulder, pray God’s richest blessings on their life, then flick them off your shoulder and live for the audience of One. Value and celebrate and appreciate the family and friends you would otherwise take for granted. Don’t give the gripers more real estate than necessary. Today, take a moment to thank and appreciate those faithful supporters who give you life and strength.
And ask the Holy Spirit to fill up your heart, mind, and shoulders so there’s no room for anyone else.
{Thanks for reading.}
14 thoughts on “Who's on your shoulder?”
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I so needed this reminder today. Thank you for being transparent and for sharing your heart.
Wow, a comment from Joelle?!! 😉 It’s such a joy to hear from you, girl! I pray you are blessed. Thanks so much for saying hello. Love ya girl!
Oh to live for an audience of One! What a beautiful, restful, peaceful, grace-filled place to reside. A place of blessed assurance! Love you Kari! 😉
Oh do I LOVE YOU! I can’t tell you enough what a GIFT you guys are to us. I think of it constantly.
So whoever that person is who sits on your shoulder, pray God’s richest blessings on their life, then flick them off your shoulder and live for the audience of One. Value and celebrate and appreciate the family and friends you would otherwise take for granted. Don’t give the gripers more real estate than necessary. Today, take a moment to thank and appreciate those faithful supporters who give you life and strength. Then let the H.S. fill you!!!! Love!
Thank you sweet Suzy. Thank you so much. I love you so and it was SUCH an unexpected treat to see you last night! Bless you, sister.
So good. Just wanted to tell you today that one of my favorite things about you is how you don’t play the blogger game. I think you know what I mean..? There is a purity and humility in your approach to sharing what God wants to say through you and I think it is precious to Him. I don’t know all the ins and outs of ‘growing your platform’ but I think its beautiful the way you have waited/are waiting for what God wants to do, in His timing. You are unusual in the noisy world of networking/linkups/self-promotion /etc. Not that relentless self-promotion is always bad; it just dilutes the message sometimes, you know?
Thanks for doing what you do!
Wow. Well, Susan, I just said to my husband, “I think I just received the kindest compliment I have ever heard.” Truly, I cannot tell you how this encourages me. Thanks for following along on this crazy, messy journey. It’s an honor to grow with you. Thank you with all my heart for taking the time today to encourage me. Much love, Kari
This was such an encouraging post and I thank you so much for writing it! I have one very small qualm, however, which is the comment about “flicking them off your shoulder.” My husband is a perfectionist. He loves me very much, but although I work very hard to meet his expectations of me, I rarely make it. He recognizes this as a falt of his and tries to find a balance in appreciating my work, but I never *feel* as though I’ve done enough and I always *feel* his expectations on my shoulder. While it’s good for me to remember who I really serve and to be thankful for all the encouraging words and support of others, it would not be appropriate for me to flick off my husband’s expectations and opinions. It would be better for me to sift through his comments and separate the truth from the lies, all the while remembering who I am in Christ. The same could be said of a boss or other person of authority.
Hi there, THanks so much for your comment. I agree with you, and I”m so sorry you are feeling this way with someone so close to you. I remember a wise, aged woman of God once describing it like this (she too experienced what you are feeling with your husband) — she said she had to hold her husband up so she could look “up” to him but really be looking “up” to Jesus, and that even though she’d be trying to honor and serve her husband, she’d really have her eyes fixed on Christ, to honor and serve Him. So that even if her husband was never pleased, she could still keep her eyes fixed on the smile of Jesus, who was so very pleased by her faith and loving effort. I pray right now that you’re encouraged today, dear one! Bless you, and thanks for journeying with us here.
Amazing Kari! It *is* exhausting to please those who can’t be pleased, sometimes I try and try and try….. At the expense of those who love me most, my family. This post was a great reminder to flick from my shoulder the critics before they weigh me down. Such a good post for this CPA mommy in the last fee days of tax season!
🙂 Amen, Lindsay! Bless you, friend!
Such great reminders. Audience of one, and focussing on the gifts of friends and family God has given us… So good. Thank you! Love ya-
Hallelujah and praise the Lord. Just pretend you’re the pastor, and I am shouting from the congregation “AMEN PREACHER” after every sentence in this blog! Kari, you nailed it. I am printing this one and keeping it forever. You amazing, wise beyond your years, girl friend of mine! Love you!