What to do when you just don't care

Write about lepers.

This one item on my to-do list keeps lingering.

But see, my life is stressful. People need stuff. I get tired. Children need constant training. The house is always messy. In church-planting there is no “just do it like last time” option. There is no last time. It’s all new so it all takes energy and every decision must be thought out, prayed about, considered, weighed, because it will undoubtedly become the “last time” that becomes our default in the future.

I just get tired and I every time I look at that to-do list there’s that one item that keeps staring me down. 

Write about lepers.

I chide myself inwardly. Come on, Kari. Lepers, for crying out loud! They’re sick, they’re suffering. Jesus loves them. And you’re a GFA blogger and your assignment is to write about lepers. Now do it! 

And I close my eyes and all I can think about is all the things I need to do and how tired I am.

And this saddens me. Because the truth is, I don’t care. 

It’s a terrible and absolutely true confession:

Sometimes, I just don’t care about lepers.

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Jeff and I sat long in our kitchen the other day, talking about ministry and people and why this is all so hard and What do we do  next? And we both realized that the question isn’t What do I need to do next? The question is, Who do I need to love more? 

Love.

That’s why I’m tired and I don’t care about lepers.

Because as I sit here, right now, with tears streaming down my cheeks, I have to admit that I’m severely lacking in love.

I just don’t love people. 

Oh, I love some people. And I could name them off for you. I love them so much I’d do anything for them. But then there’s all the rest of those folk that honestly … I don’t love. Some are ladies, some are lepers, but the problem is the same:

A lack of love.

The reality is I don’t need to do much more of anything else. I just need to love more. 

How?

Part of it might be acts of service. Our hearts follow our money, so it might be going here and giving what you’d usually spend on make-up or face-wash or skincare or vitamins or medicine in a month, and give that instead to help reach lepers with the love and hope of Jesus Christ. Or, forgo spendy Valentine’s festivities and instead love by giving to the least lovable — lepers.  That’s definitely a start.  We might watch the video at the bottom of this page and look at the real people God created who are suffering. We might just honestly admit that our hearts are numb and we just don’t care and get down on our faces and ask God, 

Help me to love!

Or do all three. (I recommend this option.)

I did all three, and I have to say, all the frustration, the self-centered stress and the fatigue that comes from a faulty focus all began to melt away as God slowly started to help me love. In fact, I got way more than I bargained for — we decided to do a leprosy night with the kids, reading the stories of Naaman and of the 10 lepers, then teaching them about leprosy and showing them the video below and talking about ways we can help. Both kids eagerly gave their Christmas money to Gospel for Asia so that people could be healed! Their ready-love and enthusiasm for giving humbled me. I want an enthusiastic love like that.

Without love, we’re just a clanging gong. We’re just do-gooder religious people who go through the motions but don’t embody the supernatural love of Jesus Christ. I am confessing to you that I struggle to love. Perhaps, just perhaps, you do too.

Let’s give, let’s look, and let’s pray that God will renew in our hearts a fresh, fervent, deep love for others. For sisters and slaves, for ladies and lepers:

God, show me how to love like you have loved me. 

Thanks for reading.